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[You are about to witness an important and intimate conversation.
Gathered in a tiny office room setting, sitting on cheap foldable chairs arranged in a small circle, sit five different personas. Coffee and doughnuts are arranged on a plastic table off to one side, along with a few stacks of Magic cards.
Legacy, Standard, Modern, Magic Arena, and Magic Online have gathered for group therapy.]
LEGACY: Hello, everyone, and thank you all for coming. My name is Legacy, and it's been 245 days since my last ban. You're all looking good and I hope that you're feeling good too.
I know we've all made a lot of progress this past year and I wanted to use this time together to share how we're all feeling right now, how you've felt this past year, and where you want to be next year.
MODERN: Pfft, I can't believe I show up to this…can you hurry up? Some of us have places to be, since people actually play our formats.
LEGACY: Ahem, as I was saying… I want us to be able to share our repressed and suppressed emotions in a safe, understanding place with one another. We can all grasp the challenges we all face. That means no Judgment… and please keep the Torment to a minimum so we can all succeed on our Odyssey. Would anyone like to start?
STANDARD: Umm, actually, I have a lot to get off my chest…
LEGACY: ...Actually, I'll just go first to kick things off, since I have seniority and you all need guidance anyway.
I've had my ups and downs, but overall it's been a good year for Legacy. I was afraid banning Sensei's Divining Top might disrupt my metagame, but I feel I came away the better for it and I'm still a strong, healthy format with plenty of fans. Miracles even managed to survive and adapt. People are even playing Search for Azcanta now! What a time to be alive.
For the New Year, I'm hoping to be less Reserved. I have a List of ways, to start doing so but I need to start letting go and embracing the new while still retaining what makes me special.
Ultimately I plan on continuing to do what I do best as a format. I have a defined metagame, a dedicated playerbase, and challenging gameplay. I feel comfortable in my own sleeves. Thank you all for listening. Standard, do you want to share next?
STANDARD: Okay. Thanks, Legacy. Hi, everyone. I'm Standard and it's been 195 days since my last ban.
This therapy has been really helpful as I've gone through some tough times this last year. I've taken some heavy flak just for pushing my boundaries with overpowered cards. It's great having you all for support when it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, especially when I make a tiny mistake every now and then. I get a lot of hate sometimes, and I'm just trying to do my best. Basically the past year has been rough and I'm just looking to move beyond it and look towards a bright future.
I've got Dominaria to look forward too. We all do. I'm hopeful.
I've been trying to recite a mantra and visualize what I want in the New Year. It goes like this: "This year I will be healthy. I will have fun new sets with interesting mechanics, balanced metagames, and most importantly no bans. Oh, and if all that falls through, just any new deck that can compete with Energy decks. Please."
Overall, I think I've set realistic goals and I'm coping well. I'm ready to be back on top again.
MODERN: Pfft, yeah, right.
LEGACY: Modern, it's your turn to share. You have the floor.
MODERN: Yeah, yeah, fine. I'm Modern and it's been 350 days since my last ban. Almost a whole year. Wow, I'm doing much better than youm Standard and Legacy, go Figure of Destiny. Actually, now that I think about it, there isn't really anything wrong with me at all. Next!
LEGACY: Modern, you're in Arcane Denial. We all have issues to overcome.
MODERN: Hmm, I guess you could say my biggest problem is that I'm too popular? I have trouble keeping track of all the interesting different decks in my metagame.
STANDARD: Oh, please, this is the most ridiculous narcissism I've seen. You're more broken than a one-mana 13/13. You really think you'll last one month into 2018 without a ban?