Brad Swipes Left: First of all this card is a lieutenant, which reminds of my favorite card from last season: Thalia's Lieutenant. Now I did play that card with Collected Company as I tend to shy away from linear aggressive strategies, and Legion Lieutenant looks like a linear card, but I'm not down for that. My aggressive decks have to have a little more pizzazz.
If ever there was a world where Vampires ruled Standard, I'd imagine it would involve Oketra's Monument and Ixalan's Binding, as those are some of the best cards a white aggressive deck could play. I just can't imagine a Vampire-themed deck needed a lord effect to make them playable. Even though lords can be good, they tend to come with at least one more ability. Legion Lieutenant does not.
The best thing about this card is its flavor text, and if the Twilight vampires acted a little more like the Ixalan ones, I would have invested in the director's cuts.
Todd Swipes Right: Like any lord before it, Legion Lieutenant is a card with a lot of potential, but is only as good as the cards around it. And since Vampires are traditionally good at creating a lot of tokens, I think this card could be insanely good. While probably not as powerful as something like Imperious Perfect, which could take over a game by itself, Vampires already has enough "engine" cards to make Legion Lieutenant worthwhile.
This could be the card that actually puts Vampires into the spotlight as a tribe. And with this guy by my side, we can do anything.
Brad Swipes Right: This is a beautifully-made Magic card. I can't think of anything about it that I dislike. The ability is powerful but expensive. It takes a total of eight mana to have any impact on the game. Then it can't be abused too much since it transforms into a land once you've activated it three times. This creates tension in gameplay from both sides.
The player controlling Profane Procession may want to hold out for a better target before transforming it, and the person playing against the enchantment may want to hold onto their best threat. When's the right time to transform it and start playing the exiled goodies? How can I find a path to victory against this card?
Most good cards make the games feel shorter as they take the game over almost immediately. Profane Procession will slow down some games as both players execute a much-forgotten trait in Magic: patience.
Todd Swipes Right: I like all the things going on here. As I wrote about in my article last week , Profane Procession is a lot like Legacy Weapon, except with a significantly cheaper (and less awkward) mana investment. Plus, after it flips, you get to start casting the creatures you removed. While I don't think this card will be tearing up the tournament scene anytime soon, I do love the design and power level. I'm hoping to be surprised by just how good this card is.
And damn does this card have a sweet little backside on it.
Brad Swipes Right If Profane Procession is the dating phase, then Tomb of the Dusk Rose is when the long-term relationship begins. All that complex decision-making is over. Now it's just time to settle in and make all the easy decisions like, "What should we watch on Netflix?" or "What should we watch next on "Netflix?"
On top of all that easy decision-making Tomb of the Dusk Rose provides, it also goes along with the golden rule of every long-term relationship which is "What's yours is mine." After all, there's no better feeling than winning an argument using their own words against them.
Todd Swipes Right: So we hit it off.
Brad Swipes Left: No, no, no, and no. Storm Fleet Sprinter will order for you, not use the menu, and ask to speak to the chef about perfecting their recipes. It's all about Storm Fleet Sprinter. Every year a new three mana Izzet uncommon gets previewed, and every year that Phoenix is unplayable.
Oh shoot, I'm mixing metapoors.
What is it about people's love for Izzet creatures like this? There's no way this card sees Constructed play, and yes it will be decent in Limited but only if Izzet is a good color combination. I guess it's a Pirate so there's that, but whatever. Unblockable is stupid, Pirates are stupid, and showing a date pictures of that time you "ran on water" is stupid.
"If you slow down, you sink, that's my motto."
Todd Swipes Left: Wow, it's a cool gimmick. I just don't think cards like this are playable in Standard. The only reason Invisible Stalker was ever remotely good was because it also had hexproof. And don't get me wrong: I don't want cards with hexproof running rampant again. I just think that unblockable is a weird gimmick that doesn't really mean much of anything anymore.
Now, if it had some sort of "Ophidian" ability, then we could keep talking…
Keep walking, dude.
Brad Swipes Right: One of my hard fast rules of dating is to never be with someone who doesn't have friends. There's most likely a reason for this, and giving them the benefit of the doubt tends to bite you harder than a Wasteland Viper bloodrushing a Polukranos, World Eater.
Another rule I've learned the hard way was to not date someone who refers to strangers as prey while putting stickers on them. Seriously, why mark everyone for death? Jim from Accounting did nothing to you! But what do I know? Maybe Tetzimoc, Primal Death has a gentle soul behind those cold dead eyes and underneath its blood-drenched quills.
I expect this card to see Standard play, but I'm unsure where exactly. It seems like a wonderful midrange finisher as its best built for when games stagnate. I don't see it being a finisher for a control deck since there's much better options out there.
Todd Swipes Right : I'm all about this big boy. If you want to see it in action, check out our VS video from last week . Long story short, this card is insanely powerful, but I'm not sure if it can withstand the onslaught of Energy in its current form. Everything replaces itself. You can't really kill The Scarab God. And worst of all, Whirler Virtuoso still leaves behind a bunch of fliers that you might not be able to race.
As a fun card in formats like Commander, Tetzimoc, Primal Death will easily be able to find a home. In Standard, some things will have to change, but I think the overall power level is there.
I'd let this tall drink of water slide into my DMs.
Brad Swipes Left: In person, this will look nothing like it does on the internet. First of all, who wants to play an edict effect in a deck that is trying to rush to ten permanents? Either you can deal with their creatures or you can't. If you can't, they're only losing the worst ones, which weren't the problem anyway. If you're not trying to get the city's blessing, then do you really think this card is going to work out for you? Again, you'll only get their worst creature. There's not much more to say. Edict effects are bad unless they can kill planeswalkers.
Todd Swipes Left: Spells that require ascend just aren't that good unless their effect is already worthwhile. We've had a lot of three-mana spells that are edict type effects in Standard over the last few years, and the only one that saw a lot of play was To the Slaughter, and that was because it could hit planeswalkers.
Now, if you have the city's blessing, Vona's Hunger could be sweet. The problem is that hitting ten permanents in the same deck that wants to play a lot of removal won't be that easy. The only deck I could see wanting this card is B/W Vampires, because you make so many tokens, but even then I think you'd just want to make more tokens.
Brad Swipes Left: Clearly a bot account. They didn't even take the time to make this thing look real. Seriously, did a random card generator make it or something?
Rivals of Ixalan had to have been made in the spring since this thing is clearly an April Fool's Joke they forgot to take out of the file. The only time "can't attack or block" should find its way onto a card is on a white enchantment, because we all know that's the color where flavorful design goes to die.
Todd Swipes Left : Wayward Swordtooth. Wayyyyyward Sword....tooth. What are you even doing here? You should be seeing play in an explore deck, but you're a Dinosaur. And yet here you are, coming at me like you want something. Well, I got some bad news for ya. I don't wantcha. I don't need ya. And I don't want nothin' to do withcha.
On the plus side, this card is a mythic rare, which means it's probably better than it looks. My guess is that it was changed a lot in development, and somewhere it got nerfed so hard that it ended up completely missing the mark. The only reason cards like Courser of Kruphix or Oracle of Mul Daya were playable was because they could play lands from the top of their library. With Wayward Swordtooth, you need to have a bunch of extra lands in your hand to accelerate with. And, in order to get full value, you'll need some type of card that allows you to draw a lot of excess lands.
Brad Swipes Right: A head to nurture, a head to listen, and a head to... heat things up. What more could you ask for?
Zacama, Primal Calamity seems like a lot of work initially, but well worth it once summoned. Especially on Ixalan where planeswalkers can't seem to get off the plane while mana sinks can't find a way onto it. I'm fairly certain you won't want to be bringing Zacama, Primal Calamity with you to your local game store, but you will enjoy leaving with one. That means I think this card is clearly only Limited playable and won't see the light of day in 60-card formats. You probably already knew that though.
Todd Super Likes: Good gravy.
I want...all of this...all the time. I want to untap my lands and blow stuff up. I want a 9/9 for eight with a million abilities. I'm liking everything I see here. I'm getting excited just thinking about Zacama. Will I take Zacama, Primal Calamity to a few tournaments? Probably. Do I think I'd marry Zacama, Primal Calamity? Probably not. But we can have a fun few years before I move on to another format.