The Foily Five - A Tribute To That Bald Guy
It all started one day when a gamer disappeared into the wilderness of the north. He said he had to go; it was out of his hands. But we never expected what happened next - the man lost his love of the game, or at least he decided to turn the other way. He fell out of touch with his boys back home, even though we missed him. He was never very good at the game he loved, but he was so integral to it that he couldn't see his own importance. And now he's back... Or maybe not.
That man is none other that:
Flash forward to a few months after Rizzo's proverbial quitting of the game. After he went out like a light bulb, imploring his peeps not to bitch about it. CMU Magic continued as it always has and probably always will. Recently there has been a departure at the O... Something just wasn't quite the same. It started as far back as when Forsythe left and was only magnified when Rizzo took the foily grail up north. CMU Magic had started to become stagnant; there was no fun in it. We drafted, and drafted, and drafted... To the point where I could actually write a good draft article again (but I won't... Probably). We have had an influx of new blood at CMU, especially with some of the younger promising players in Pittsburgh finally getting into college in the past year. Still, even though we could run two simultaneous drafts every Tuesday, the group started to lack the luster that we were barely holding onto just eight months before.
I would blame the bizzach of Rizzach, but he already knows that I am the root of everything that goes wrong; and I quote from his article the other day:
Please keep in mind that everything that will ever or has ever gone wrong in life is his fault."
Back to the story. I was hanging out with Paul Sottosanti one day and he showed me that he was working on his very own version of the Foily Five. We both expressed out sorry that it had to leave the city along with Rizzo.
For those of you who have never read a Rizzo article and don't know what"five" is - or foils, for that matter - here is the explanation you have been waiting for.
First of all, Foily Five is not really like regular five. It is more like a large jumble of random foils thrown together in a monstrous stack... Hopefully with enough foil lands to keep everyone out of the mana screw phase of the game. Usually three to five people grab a portion of the stack and start playing... Not always at the same time. I know I have entered my share of Foily Five games a few turns into the race. In general, the format is in no way shape or form balanced, and it is very luck based. However, it is the most fun a dude can have outside of a drive-in theatre.
...and maybe an airport - if you are lucky.
One thing is fore sure - people play Foily Five because it is fun. One thing that really enhances the game is the great sharpie work on the cards. Whether it is just a signature or a jive saying - you know that you will be in for a good chuckle at least one per game. If you are doing some particularly jive beats or getting wrecked like Rizz himself, then you better pick up that Sharpie and get to work brother, because you must carry on the tradition of capturing those good times on the foily goodness itself.
Wow, I just used 'himself' and 'itself' in the same sentence... It must be a tribute.
Anyhow, a few examples of gems from the Foily Five:
Oh wait - how did I get pictures of these cards? Well that is the rest of the story! After the conversation with Paul (okay, a few weeks after; I'm lazy) I email the Riz at his old addy, hoping that he wither still uses it or at least gets his email forwarded to who-knows-where.
Here is my email with Riz's reply. If you can't figure out who is who, try harder.
> Hey Riz, where's the love?
Love is everywhere, dawg. Even in Maine, kinda.
> I know you quit and all, but you don't have to be a stranger!
Yes I do! Ok, maybe not.
> We figured, if you aren't going to use your cards, WE SHOULD! So why doesn't a > brother send his Foily Five down to the Burgh so many good times can be had in the
> name of JFR.
You f kers. Heh. I heard you quit and opened up some deli or something. But if you still play, and you probably will as long as they keep printing cards that cost 8 to do 4 damage (Or cards that end in"kin."), then cool.
> What do you say? I might even write an article about it.
One condition - as a loan. See, there's a method to my madness, and having peeps sign my cards is just that. So, if you and the boys can tell a brother that you'll play with them for a while then send em back like in say, six months, then cool. If not, then I'll have to come beat all yer asses twice. Oh, and you gotta sign em too.
> Ship the goods to:
> Nate Heiss
> 947 Mirror St
> Pgh PA 15217
> We promise not to change a card ;)
Heh, there's even a foil Millikin. Life is good. If the above rules and encumbrances (heh) are agreeable, then drop me a line and I'll get em out.
Have a day that may or may not be nice. By the way, States is coming up, and yep, Johnny gotta itch. All I'm saying.
-johnny gotta itch
Apparently Johnny scratched his itch, so to speak, since he played at States. Glad to see you back - now I hope you stay.
At any rate, many weeks later I receive an ominous package addressed to"Nathan Peter David Heiss"... And none of those are my middle name. Only one man could send such a package.
When said package was busted, we found many things... Most of which were foily. Actually, all of it was foily. And there was a lot of it. 1700 foils easily.
Oh, that - and the best letter ever. I took a poor scan of it so you could get the same fuzzy feeling we got - okay, so it's not fuzzy, but it is thusly funny.
There you have it. The Foily Five returns to Pittsburgh (and any Pro Tours/PTQs that I will thusly attend) so that good times will be had by all in the name of JFR. I will be sending back the goods on Cinco de Mayo - but before then, I want a lot of people to have a lot of fun with the cards so that when they get shipped back to rapmasta RIZ, he won't be able to help himself from coming back to the game full throttle.
If you would like to put your own contribution to the"have a lot of fun while Rizzo frowns up north" project, find a foil, break out a sharpie and do your worst to that bad boy... Then send it up to me at the address in the copied email above. I will add it to the Foily Five and good times will be had. Rizzo may have sent me almost two thousand foils, but I plan to send even more back.
Spread the lovin'. Get that man back in our game for good.
This is just a tribute - but there is no way it will ever be nine pages long.