Please hold while we load your cart...
The gods of Magic are a humorous lot, and this Release Event proved it.
Check out my Guildpact Release cardpool. As you will see, it is decent. A skilled Limited player might even be happy with this pool (one tournament pack of Ravnica, three boosters of Guildpact).
Anyone familiar with my first article will see the eerie coincidence of my cardpool.
Around the release of Ravnica, I invented (in the Mike Flores sense of the word) a Standard Reanimator deck that included, amongst others, Grozoth, Nullstone Gargoyle, Vigor Mortis, and Compulsive Research. In fact, I wrote about it. You can imagine my shock and surprise when I opened my Ravnica Tournament pack on February 2nd and saw not only Grozoth, but Nullstone Gargoyle as my rares. As I flipped through the rest of the pack, Vigor Mortis showed up, followed by Compulsive Research. It was a Sealed Deck made in Caldwell heaven.
All I could ask was, "What, no Blazing Archon?"
WTF, people? No Limited player with a half a brain in their head would even attempt this garbage, so I don't recommend the following:
I carried this pile of debris all the way to the top.
Before I continue, let's see what is wrong with this deck (other than the lack of seriousness).
First off, though it won be a couple games, I would have traded out Selesnya Guildmage with one Izzet Guildmage. It sat in my hand twice, uncastable. Second, Strands of Undeath should have been a Drowned Rusalka, perhaps, to discard Grozoth/Gargoyle, or it could have been Wight, or Blind Hunter... I guess I was laughing too much to make a proper deck, but for Christ's sake, it was a Release Tournament. I decided to get stupid, and for some unknown reason, it paid off. Sure, I could have gone Gruul, it had good creatures. I could have splashed Golgari, since Black had excellent removal. But no, I went four-color, based solely on the retarded inclination that Yore-Tiller Nephilim would be crazy if it got to roll. And by Christ, it worked.
I basically took the four colors of Yore-Tiller, W/U/B/R, and took the best cards from those colors and assembled this mess.
Before the Van Der Snoot Reanimator caught on in Casual Rooms, I always got off of the "WTF LOL" reactions from opponents when I started discarding Grozoth and friends into the graveyard. My first round opponent, playing a "Proper Limited Deck" which included Rumbling Slum, Loxodon Hierarch and several huge Bloodthirst creatures, actually gave me a disgusted look when I Research-ed it into my yard.
"Why are you running that thing?" He looked at me like I was covered in pig feces.
Next turn, I hard-cast my Yore-Tiller and his face dropped.
God, I love Grozoth. Heckle me not, I love that asinine card.
Next turn, it punched him in the twinkie for the win. Thanks, Yore-Tiller!
Mail me your Grozoths and I'll sign 'em.
He won the next game by rightfully beating me up with Slum and the Bloodthirst Gang. He kicked my ass like he was meant to.
The final game saw Nullstone Gargoyle ruin his tricks, while Faith Fetters pinned his Slum to the mat and Trumpeter did the rest. Five turns, later the game was over.
This continued throughout the day, all the way up until the last match, where I faced the Gruul player from round 1 again (I was his only loss). I asked if he wanted to draw and split, and he had no problem with that. I honestly believe I had nothing but rancidly good luck all day, and I wasn't going to push it.
"You would have won," I told him.
"No, you would have won," he replied.
I did lose one match, round 3, I believe, to some kid who had less than a full clue on what in the Sam Snoot he was doing. The first game I kept a 1-lander (but both Signets) and drew six consecutive non-lands until I scooped. The second game I wiped him off the face of the earth. The final game he just outright beat me. He just drew the better stuff. I shook his hand, wished him luck and went on with life.
I have to thank my friend Box, who paid my entry fee, gave me a ride and bought me breakfast.
Poor Box built a powerful four-color deck packing such weaponry as Burning-Tree Shaman, Wurmweaver Coil, Svogthos, Disembowel, Putrefy, Mortify, and Lightning Helix and still managed to drop early after Top 8ing a few weeks ago at the Ravnica Prerelease.
While I once again brush Snoot and Pepper to the backseat, I want to discuss Ravnica Block. Yeah, it's not block season. No, Dissension isn't out yet. I know all this, so bite your tongue. You can find endless Type 2 articles on any site and any messageboard. I'm no one to take Sealed advice from. I know what you know. But Block is an undiscovered paradise, and I'd like to get a head start on this format.
White/Black is insane. Absolutely. So powerful, in fact, that you can go bald W/B, no splashes, and still have an extremely powerful machine.
I threw out a crude block of wood in my last article called 3-Color Helldozer Control. While it absolutely dominated most decks, it still had serious issues. Color-screw (read: no Green sources of mana in opening hand) was by far its worst enemy. Lacking gas is another. I carved and tweaked until it was unrecognizable. It became a mish-mash of cards that was high on diversity and low on consistency. I even did what I said I wouldn't: splash Blue for Dimir Guildmage. This made the color issues more than a "once in awhile" problem. That is unacceptable in a control build.
Here is the block of wood, now a more sculpted work of art:
| Black/White Revisited Featured by Caldwell Van Der Snoot on 2006-02-19 (Ravnica Block) | ||
Artifacts 4 Orzhov Signet Creatures 3 Angel of Despair 4 Blind Hunter 3 Helldozer 4 Shrieking Grotesque Enchantments 3 Debtors' Knell 4 Faith's Fetters |
Instants 4 Mortify Legendary Creatures 4 Ghost Council of Orzhova Sorceries 4 Castigate Basic Lands 6 Plains 7 Swamp Lands 4 Godless Shrine 4 Orzhov Basilica 2 Orzhova, the Church of Deals | 4 Order of the Stars 4 Orzhov Pontiff 4 Culling Sun 3 Nightmare Void |
 |
 | |
| Download this deck in Apprentice format! |
Download this deck in Magic Online Text format! | |
Instead of drawing the useless Farseek and Civic Wayfinder late-game, Castigate and Signet now fill that slot. It still has no early-game whatsoever. I've lost Putrefy, but gained Faith's Fetters. Blind Hunter, which is one of the most important commons in the set, fights beside the flying Ravenous Rats, Shrieking Grotesque. Ghost Council is too good not to run four-of, and the rest is untouched. The tricks, ideas and synergies are obvious.
Castigate has been, so far, really, really good. Nailing Grave-Shell Scarab and other cards of relevance with this is very nice. Scarab has more fuel than Ghost Council, and when these two square off it's nothing but a lot of stall. You can't Mortify a Scarab, nor Fetter it (unless they screw up), but Helldozer blocks it and that's important.
Sideboard: Order of the Stars is there strictly for Gruul. Holding back a Slum with this fart is Snoot. Pontiff took the place of Rolling Spoil as the token slayer, and it works wonders. Nightmare Void and Culling Sun are obvious choices.
Here are some Block cards worth thinking about:
Absolver Thrull: Sideboard only - let's see how enchantment-heavy this format becomes.
Abyssal Nocturnus: Good synergy with Grotesque, but not enough consistent discard to abuse. Nightmare Void is this card's best friend.
Blazing Archon: Grotesque - Knell combo. Probably not.
Blood Funnel: OMFG HE'S SO STUPID: But wait - sacrificing Blind Hunter for a 4th turn Knell is good, right? Something to think about. In Casual.
Conjurer's Ban: Sideboard only. 100% metagame card.
Cremate: Mirror Knell matchup, the Dredge mechanic, Firemane Angel, etc. Sideboard only.
Daggerclaw Imp: Nothing really wrong with this guy, there's just better.
Darkblast: Nothing to sneeze at, but Pontiff does this (twice, to their whole team) without wasting draw steps.
Douse in Gloom: Fits the theme, but does nothing to */3 and up. There's just better out there.
Flickerform: Angel of Despair, Blind Hunter tricks, iffy.
Ghostway: I would try no more than two, and this is a better choice than Flickerform.
Keening Banshee: Why not? If there were room, I would run this or Souls of the Faultless.
Last Gasp: See Douse in Gloom.
Leave no Trace: Sideboard only.
Leyline of the Void: Goes against everything this deck wants to achieve in the late game. This is tech versus us, though.
Moonlight Bargain: With all the lifegain in this deck, this is actually a viable option as much-needed gas.
Mourning Thrull: Too small.
Necroplasm: Another good option. Grotesque is the only creature you run that is counterproductive to this, so it would make a good sideboard creature.
Pillory of the Sleepless: I really, really want room for this card. If Ghost Council weren't so creature-hungry, I would definitely maindeck this. I still might.
Orzhov Guildmage: I like the Grizzly Bear quality of the Guildmages, and this deck does need a better mana curve. I just can't find room.
Seed Spark: The only sure-fire way to destroy Artifacts in the colors of White and Black, and another metagame call.
Shred Memory: This is only good versus late-game Dredge, and with Knell, you want them to have good creatures to revive.
Skeletal Vampire: Neat card, but I'd rather run Dozer in the six-slot
Souls of the Faultless: This was decked in my early testing. It's really, really good, but I ran out of room.
Stinkweed Imp: Another viable option to use in the place of Grotesque, and great synergy with Knell using Dredge.
Suppression Field: Not with Ghost Council. It's hard enough waiting until turn 5 to cast him as it is. I'm not waiting until the eighth.
Teysa, Orzhov Scion: Look, a girl in the artwork. The kids might like this, but it's just not Snootworthy.
Woebringer Demon: This might actually be worth a "what the hell" one-slot sideboard card to mise with Knell.
This knife is becoming sharper with each match played. The late-game this deck possesses is nothing less than a rocket launcher. It's a slow deck, but then again, B-1 Bombers never needed to whisk around like F-16s. This is why I can't find room for Pillory of the Sleepless: It would grind the matches to a dead halt. You need to be able to win twice in fifty minutes, and this can't happen with some garbage “extreme prison” strategy.
I would like to end this article with a frank discussion regarding Nephilim.
You see, I am highly, make that highly offended by the Nephilim cycle. Will someone please explain to me why these creature's aren't 4/4s? I am so angry by the narrow Nephilim asses that I could rip out my own tongue. For Christ's sakes, I have to invest half my deck in color fixing in order to summon the fallen offspring begat by the unholy union between the sons of Jehovah and the women born of mortal man, and all I get are creatures so fragile that a godforsaken Guildmage kills most of them? Wrong!
I demand an official response from Wizard's top brass. Nothing less than a face-to-face with the CEO of Hasbro will suffice. I want Rosewater in the room, too.
Just kidding, Abe Sargent.
Here's a fun block deck for you folks who still choose to speak of the Nephilim.
| Abe Sargent.dec Featured by Caldwell Van Der Snoot on 2006-02-19 (Ravnica Block) | ||
Artifacts 4 Terrarion Creatures 4 Civic Wayfinder 2 Dune-Brood Nephilim 3 Glint-Eye Nephilim 3 Ink-Treader Nephilim 2 Witch-Maw Nephilim 4 Yore-Tiller Nephilim |
Instants 4 Electrolyze 4 Mortify 4 Putrefy Sorceries 4 Farseek Basic Lands 10 Forest 3 Island 3 Mountain 3 Plains 3 Swamp | Stats: Average mana: 1.93 Average creature mana cost: 3.78 Average creature power: 2.17 Average creature toughness: 2.17 Deck Composition: Basic Lands: 36.67% Creatures: 30.00% Instants: 20.00% Artifacts: 6.67% Sorceries: 6.67% |
 |
 | |
| Download this deck in Apprentice format! |
Download this deck in Magic Online Text format! | |
That's about as straightforward as it gets. Stupid, fairly fast, and filled to the brim with Nephilim. The twelve instants will clear the path for your team to punch through and are also highly abusive when bounced off of Ink-Treader (imagine Electrolyze hitting a dozen Saproling tokens). Of all the Nephilim, Dune-Brood is probably the coolest. I can't wait to see how Magic Online illustrates the Sand tokens. /nerd
Yore-Tiller is the only Nephilim four-of, because he will bring back dead creatures from the graveyard.
I consider this pile the Thinking Man's Bringer Deck. How many of you made the Bringer Deck? Fun times, right? They were also 5/5 cold killers with Trample that did half-broken things at your upkeep. The Nephilim, though, must be protected, which sucks. You can't just draw two extra cards, swing! You have decisions to make. "Should I start tapping lands and discarding to make Glint-Eye bigger, or cast spells to increase Witch-Maw's power and toughness? Should I play Ink-Treader and fire off a Putrefy, or should I cast Yore-Tiller to try and get back my Dune-Brood?" Those of you who like casual chess decks should love this steaming turd.
That is all - Snoot, out.
Next week I will teach you how to completely screw up in Magic Online Sealed League.
Nephilim S. Shah Nephilim
The undefeated decks from Dortmund have come in, and the lessons are clearer than ever: make the wrong choices about your mana base, and you lose. Thus, this... 
Welcome to the fourth week anniversary of our weekly dosage of all thing casual. One of the charges I was given with this column by my esteemed editor was to... 
In case you’ve been hiding under a rock for the last few weeks, welcome to what is quite possibly the hardest Limited format we’ve ever... 
