Rules Tip of the Day: The Internet is awesome and very often hilarious, sometime unintentionally.

Q: Hello! I am tired this afternoon. I am nice girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at Girlname@somespammyscam.info only, because I am using my friend's email to write this. Would you mind if I share some of my pictures with you?

A: Uh, sure.

(Apart from the email address, yes, I did receive that question. This email address receives a lot of spam. Did I say a lot? I meant ginormous boatloads of spam. Thankfully, a spam filter that was recommended by a reader takes care of 99% of it. On average, I receive about 25 actual emails with questions each day. However, that's gone up to about 35 per day in the last few weeks. In contrast to those 'real' emails, I get about 125 pieces of spam a day.)

Q: I have an assault charge on my record and right before my 3yrs probation was up, I was taken it for a domestic violence charge two months before my probation ended. What are the chances of getting at least one charge off my record through expungement?

A: Expunge can only target a nonblack, nonartifact creature; it cannot target criminal charges. Keep in mind that you can cycle it.

(As some of you may know, I do occasionally receive questions like the one above, where someone asks for actual legal advice. I have no idea why people do not see the starcitygames.com after the @ in the email address, or how they get this particular address in the first place. This question above is real, though the answer is not. I replied in a much more helpful manner, where I told this person that perhaps he was sending this question to the wrong place.)

Q: My opponent attacks me with a Knight of Meadowgrain. I block with an Elvish Handservant. After blockers are declared, I play Fistful of Force, targeting my Handservant. What happens?

A: Assuming that nothing else is played, then the only thing on the stack is the Fistful of Force. After both of you pass priority without doing anything, the Fistful of Force will resolve. When it does, your Elvish Handservant will get +2/+2. Then you and your opponent will clash by revealing the top card of your library. If you reveal a card with a converted mana cost higher than the one revealed by your opponent, you will win the clash. If you win the clash, your Handservant will get trample and an additional +2/+2. Let's assume you do not win the clash. Then, because your opponent is the active player, he will decide whether he wants the revealed card to remain on top of his library or be put on the bottom. After he does so, you will make the same decision as to where you want this card to be: on the top or bottom of your library. All of this happens as Fistful of Force resolves, and no one will receive priority to play any additional spells or abilities during the resolution of this spell. After Fistful of Force resolves, your opponent will receive priority, as he is the active player. If both you and he pass priority without doing anything, the game will advance on to the next step: the combat damage step.

Normally in this step, all creatures in combat assign their combat damage, but because there is a creature with first strike involved, only it will assign damage at this time. When first strike damage does go on the stack, the Knight will assign two points of damage to the blocking Handservant. After this damage has been assigned, your opponent will receive priority again. If both he and you pass priority, then this first strike combat damage will resolve. When it does, the Handservant will be dealt two points of damage. At this point, state-based effects are checked. However, as this is not lethal damage for the Handservant—it got pumped by the Fistful of Force in the last paragraph—it will remain in play and assign its combat damage. But before we get to that, we have to deal with the Knight's lifelink trigger.

After state-based effects are checked following first strike combat damage being dealt, the lifelink triggered ability from the Knight will go on the stack. After it is put on the stack, the active player will receive priority first. If both he and you pass priority, then this ability will resolve and he will gain two life. After this triggered ability resolves, your opponent will gain priority again, as he is the active player. If both he and you pass priority without doing anything, the game will move to the normal combat damage step.

When the normal combat damage step begins, those creatures in combat that did not assign combat damage in the first strike damage step and those with double strike will assign combat damage equal to their power to the creatures they are blocked by or blocking. The only creature that fits this description is the Elvish Handservant, so it will assign its four points of combat damage to the attacking Knight of Meadowgrain. After this damage has been assigned, your opponent will receive priority to play spells and abilities. If he does nothing, passes to you, and you do nothing and pass as well, then the normal combat damage will resolve. When it does four points of damage will be dealt to the Knight. Immediately after this combat damage resolves, state-based effects will be checked. When this happens, the Knight will go to the graveyard, as it has received lethal damage.

(OK, I admit it, I completely made this question up. But I did so for two reasons. The first is that I thought it'd be funny to explain, in excruciating detail, what happens in a simple interaction like this. In a real game, both players would deal with this by having the attacking player gain two life and put his Knight in the graveyard. Elapsed time... about 3 seconds. But to actually work it out, and explain everything that happens here, takes a several minutes. The other reason is that while this is the April Fools column, I did want at least a bit of actual rules involved.)