"Mit kersek, en itt? Azt mondjok, hogy a hires lakem lefogta a ferjemet en meg lecsaptam a fejet. De nem igaz, en artatlan vagyok. Nem tudom mert mondja Uncle Sam hogy en tettem. probaltam a rendorsegen megmayarazni de nem ertettek meg..."

The above quote is in Hungarian, and I've not the slightest clue what it means. It's from the musical Chicago, which I've never seen. All I know is that it's from a song called Cell Block Tango. Frankly, I don't care to know any more than that. But I needed a lead-in for this column, and it just so happens that I'm a few days away from flying to Illinois for one of the biggest events of the Magic calendar year: US Nationals.

There's a reasonably wide range of events I've never worked at. I've done a few Pro Tours, and a Grand Prix here and there, and any number of Pro Tour Qualifiers. This will be my fourth US Nats. I've never done a GP outside the US (unless you count , but who would?), or a European Pro Tour (fingers crossed for Berlin, though), or another country's National Championship, so take it with a grain of salt, but to my mind Nats is second only to Worlds for the full Magic tournament experience.

There are several reasons that I'd rank US Nats ahead of a typical Pro Tour. It's a longer event, at four days to the PT's three. There's more of a spectator-participant crowd, like Worlds, with a buzzing, busy, full weekend of public events, including the Vintage Championships. There's a heavy-hitting staff of over fifty judges. And there's the traditional Greatest Game of the Year, which is pretty much the greatest ga... right, I'm sure you get it.

The only thing that it lacks is the international crowd. We'll have a few out-of-town judges joining us—L4 Adam Cetnerowski from Poland, Puerto Rico's L2 Francisco Iramain, maybe a few others—and there may well be some players who didn't have English as their first language, but it's far from the melting pot that is international Magic. That's pretty much the only downside, though.

I'm taking a full week for this event, which is only about a day longer than the absolute minimum for someone coming from the West Coast. Here's what my week looks like, with some projection:

Tuesday: Fly in, lamenting the fact that one can't even get frickin' airline food on flights any more. Thankfully, I've got a direct flight. Hasbro Travel's usually pretty good about that. Meet up with my old friend Owen; a rare opportunity to catch him at home. Owen's an indie-rock musician who spends a good portion of his life on tour, particularly since he had a minor radio hit in New Zealand. I don't plan on spending a lot of time thinking about Magic. That's okay. It's a long event. I've got to pace myself.

Wednesday: Morning and midday, I'm hoping for an Owen-tour of Chicago. I've been through this town a few times, but this will be my longest stay. I think the El is charming; I'm a sucker for public transit (ask Sheldon Menery about that sometime). At some point, I'll find the event hotel. I take an odd pleasure in arriving at events and seeing Magic players, both strangers and friends, drifting into the gravitational pull of a tournament. It's like walking into the middle of a silent movie. If Osyp or Zadjner are there, not so silent. But at any rate, you can read the excitement of the tournament, of seeing friends from far away, of wondering where you'll find the cards to finish your deck, of wondering whose hotel room floor you'll be crashing...

Wednesday night, Sheldon Menery, Toby Elliott, and I have reservations at Alinea. I'm not going to elaborate on what this meal is all about (hoping to maybe get an old-school-Sheldon Feature Friday out of it) but we've all signed on for the 26-course "Grand Tour" tasting menu. I'm running about a 250-per-day calorie deficit to prepare for it. We'll probably find some EDH action afterwards, if it's not too late and we've emerged from our food comas.

Thursday: Thursday is the traditional Nats kickoff, with all-day Grinders (single-elimination qualifier events). It's also the first half of the North American Judge Conference, which is a fancy way of saying that we're having a lot of seminars (I'm not sure if we'll have any non-USian North American judges...). I'll be presenting a seminar based loosely on last month's Bearing Bad News FF. As for every day of this event, I (along with Adam, my co-representative of the L4 crew) am officially a "float", which means finding where I'm most needed, taking lots of notes on judges who standout (for better or worse) and tackling a few sekrit L4 assignments (don't ask). Thursday night may find me at an EDH table.

Friday: Float! This begins the period of two days of knowing I've got a lot to do, but not really knowing when any of it will happen. There are L3 interviews, scheduled chats with other judges, and generally trying to be omnisciently helpful. I will also be trying to realize my post-Hollywood goal of finding a group of judges I've never met to have lunch with. If you fit that description, and you're working at Nats, feel free to invite yourself to join me. Friday night will mark a novel experience for me: my first high-level judge dinner. These are working dinners where DCI staff and L4/L5 judges meet to discuss areas of policy that are under active review or revision. Hasbro picks up the bill, so it's an easy sell for me. Afterwards, I'll probably watch an EDH game and call it a night.

Saturday: The schedule says I must float, so float I will. I'll float like a right foot in British Columbia. Google that if it doesn't make sense. Actually, you probably don't want to do that. I hear the pizza in Chicago is worth experiencing, so this might be pizza day. And a fine day not to think about those feet. I believe that the Greatest Game of the Year will be competing for my entertainment dollars, and that's not a tough sell. Post-GGotY... EDH?

Sunday: "And we'll all float on alright / Alrighty we'll all float on / Alright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy / We'll all float on alright". I used to see Modest Mouse a lot (both at shows and just around town) back in the day in Olympia. Doesn't happen so much these days, since they reached the level of this-minivan-ad-has-a-Modest-Mouse-sountrack. Sunday will feature more judge seminars and some video production work to help share judging techniques and processes with judges who aren't able to attend events like this. In the evening, the judges will gather for the traditional judge dinner, which is invariably a lot of fun, if, at times, a little like having dinner at the end of a jet runway. Afterwards, my crystal ball predicts EDH and possibly some rather loose drafts with random WotC staff and coverage team members.

Monday: All I've got for Monday is: fly home, write some reviews. I can guarantee you this: I will be far more tired than I was as the start of my 'vacation'. Fortunately for me, I'm only working half-time at my job next month, so recovery should be swift.

That's all for this week. Next time, I'll be talking about the 2008 Magic Hall of Fame balloting. Until then, keep shufflin'.