Speeding Up The Loss: Building Decks That Suck
Don't try this out in public; This Deck may cause you humiliation beyond your ability to cope with it.
A beginner's tale, or How to Lose Quickly: Fast efficient Losing, Streamlining the Losing Process, a step-by-step guide.
"Make sure you play the deck against your boyfriend who has more experience. Also make sure he is playing a deck that doesn't suck."
- Denise Hinton.
Key elements in building"Decks that Suck," as laid out by Denise Hinton:
- Pick"pretty cards" only. Avoid icky looking creatures with big numbers on them.
- Make sure you choose cards that you don't quite understand. This way your"sucky deck building" can enhance your"sucky deck playing."
- Include lots of counterspells, but only five or so Islands in your 65-card deck.
- Only use a single copy of each spell. Diversify!
- Make sure you build your deck on the living room floor. That way when your dog (or other pet) walks all over your cards and mixes them up you can spend even more time building your"deck that sucks"!
- Only use common creatures and spells; those rare cards are just way too valuable to actually play with.
- If you are having trouble picking sideboard cards, then just include all your choices; that way if you lose game one and it was really close, then you can switch from Deck 1 to Deck 2 and insure a quick and efficient defeat.
The following deck does not necessarily follow all the guidelines above; however, this deck consists only of Invasion white commons. The other land colors are there to help with the apprentice's ability and to boost Strength of Unity. I built this deck to play against my girlfriend Denise Hinton, who I am trying to teach to play Magic, and it uses all the cards she has that I have given her, so they are mostly commons with a few uncommons. I am not a very good teacher and am playing too seriously, being more of the Villainous Schoolmaster than I should be. So I apologize for that, Denise.
Jack's sucky deck
It was fun to put together and when I showed it to some of my buds calling it my mono-white domain deck, they thought it was pretty funny.
Enjoy building"Decks that Suck!" I hope to see any of you at a tournament some time, proudly playing a Sucking Deck.