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Since the 18th of September, when three players were handed five year suspensions for the infraction of Fraudulent Tournament Reports (including Theron Martin of Metagame Madness fame), I have noticed a considerable confusion over what exactly"Fraudulent Tournament Reports" are.
In an effort to clear up the bedlam, I did some digging and found the following buried deep within the 2000 - 2001 Penalty Guidelines.
But before we begin, I wanted to include a quick advance review of this article from the Anti-LOL-man himself, John Friggin Rizzo:
There are very few things that I read that are worthy of a legitimate"LOL!" This is one of them. And a"heh" and"ROFL" too. Perhaps, and I say this with much sorrow in my heart, a"LMAO" as well.
On with the ruling:
163. Fraudulent Tourney Reportz
Definition:
A player intentionally submitz fake tourney reportz to any publicationz anywarez on the netz.
Example:
(A) A player reportz fake playz, situationz, game statez or anything elze fake in a publication such as Sideboard, Mindripper or that second-rate Starzity thing.
(B) A player makez it generally known to his peepz that he creamed hiz opponent, when in fact he did not, or otherwize blamez hiz lack of mad skillz on mana screw, mana flood or that hiz opponent outzmarted him and backshuffled his stacked deck.
Philosophy:
We figure Judgez, and in particular Head Judgez, have nothin better to do when they're not judging, and decided they could spend their otherwize wazted time checking every friggin' tourney report put 'out there' and compare it with what actually went down in their tournamentz. Thiz should really weed out the hardcore criminalz and rezult in a sanitized bunch of scared rabbitz for playaz. Freedom of zpeech? Bah!
Punishment for Fraudulent Tourney Reportz
All Levels
Cancellation of reimburzement for their reportz. Hit the offender in wallet: we all know Internet Writers are money-hungry swine.
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Note: Because of the implications of this penalty, I highly recommend all those reading this article tell all of their friends about it (especially those that write about Magic), lest they too run afoul of the DCI and its really big hammer.
I have it on good authority that Bennie Smith is now denying any involvement with the fake (some might say fraudulent) tournament report that was printed on this very site not too long ago.
I've also heard rumors that next the DCI will be focusing on all those that say anything negative about them in their articles. Sites that harbor these offenders will be considered equal to those offenders and the DCI will wage war on them also.
You know this means Risso is next.
Scott English
