Magic articles suck.

Really. And not just the stereotypical"I mize against some scrubby kid" tournament reports that people have repeatedly complained about, either. Here's a deck that I've played a game or two with, and why I think it's good. Here are some cards you can buy from us. Here's an article that's funny because I wrote the word"poop." Here are my top ten card picks from the forthcoming set, Urza's Jolly Funbag. Here's a wad of earwax I found on the end of a Q-Tip, and how it applies to Magic theory.

Good grief, there are better things to read on the wall of the men's room than there are about Magic - and at least in the bathroom, something useful can be accomplished while reading.

It's not only the subject of the articles that's painful. The real problem is that there just aren't very many good Magic writers. There are certainly plenty of good players and good deckbuilders; it would be foolish to claim otherwise. However, being a good player has little, if anything, to do with being a good writer. And when there's a dearth of even adequate writers, content providers like websites and magazines still have to publish something. So that's what we get - something.

And that's simply not good enough. Better to see a day go by without a bunch of execrable writing than waste an hour or more reading it. I've lost count of the number of times I've been sitting in my comfy chair, wondering what on earth the author was thinking when the article was written.

Should consistent perfection be the goal? Well, yes... But that's a rather ridiculous standard to hold people to. Is there any writer whose work is completely without fault? For every The Shining, it seems there must be a Gerald's Game. That's not the essence of this complaint. The complaint is that so many articles are so awful. Bland writing styles, condescending attitudes, and awkward sentences are just some of the problems that constantly crop up. Yes, writing is a process, and it's something that takes effort - to be a better writer, one must write, write, write. That does not, however, mean publish, publish, publish. If I can find one article a day that doesn't make me cringe, it's a good day. Maybe I have high standards, but surely there's better to be had than what I've been reading.

Think first, then write.

Let's go over that one more time: Think first, then write. Is what I have to say worth reading? Am I contributing anything to someone who reads this, even if it's just entertainment? (And if I'm writing a humorous article, is it actually funny?) Can the world exist without this nugget of knowledge? Do I actually know what I'm talking about? Is this something everyone already knows, or is it a new idea? What am I bringing to the community? If someone else wrote this piece, would I want to spend my time reading it?

Think about the answers to these questions before sharing. Please.

So, of course, some genius is thinking right now,"You think you can do better, punk? Prove it." Maybe. No. I do believe I can write more coherent, interesting articles than I find in my day-to-day browsing... Though I'll grant that I have no real evidence to back up that opinion. The problem is that I rarely have enough to say to fill up an article, so, well... I don't say it. It's not my intention to subject everyone else to whatever random thoughts I have during any particular week. Thus, the world is spared from my musings on inane rogue deck #47-Q (sekrit code name: Dirt Floor). I'm not a Featured Writer for StarCity, and I don't really have the desire to be one. I know my limitations; I know I can't regularly churn out worthwhile content.

And that's where part of the problem lies, especially with regard to Featured Writers. (See, it's an important title if the words are capitalized.) They have moved from writing whenever they find something new or interesting to say to having to produce on a regular basis. Some people can handle that sort of pressure; many cannot. The ego boost is nice, as is the name recognition... But what happens when nothing's going on, Magic-wise? Or work, school, or a significant other takes up too much spare time? Or there's a full week of must-see TV? Guess it's time to make something up and give it a catchy title, no? Dig out the card bo - wait, scratch that. Crank up Apprentice, build a quick deck, deal a couple of sample hands, and come up with a reasonable explanation as to why Dirty Wererat is excellent maindeck material. Toss in a catchy quote or two, sprinkle lightly with lingo, and presto! InstaMagic article, now part of this delicious breakfast.

Here's a hint: If a deadline is near, and there's nothing to say, don't say it. Take a break. I'll get by without the gift of your wisdom for a week.

I, I, I. Me, me, me. Wow, I must be pretty self centered. Where do I get the nerve to write something like this, what with being some no-name scrub whose DCI rating is barely higher than the average person's weight in kilograms? Haven't I noticed that this diatribe doesn't even seem to meet all of my own stated criteria for worthwhile articles? Am I so arrogant as to think that I should be the one to determine what's good and what isn't? Blah blah blah.

Here, skip to the end: It really doesn't matter who I am. What matters is that the Magic community deserves better content, online and in print, than it's currently getting - and if no one says anything, nothing can be expected to change.

cwp
The C is for"surly."