Big Beats II: The Wrath Of Beastis

By Erik Berg
03/14/2000

My youngest cat is just like Deranged Hermit, but instead of squirrels, she is the master of birds. She watches them, calls to them, and generally just acts crazy when she perches on the window ledge to tend her flock. And yes, her name is Beastis (pronounced bEAStiss). It's a long story that no one cares about, a la Grandpa Simpson (by the way, notice the number of Simpsons references in Magic writing these days? Scary…)

Continuing in the addled tradition of my previous beatdown articles, I present to you an aggressive Squirrel Prison deck. The real difficulties Squirrel Prison encounters are instant Red removal, Massacre, Perish, and counter decks. Everything else is pretty easy to tap with a frozen squirrel. Wait, Massacre, Perish, combined with discard and instant removal is pretty bad. Maybe Beastis should just send her minions and make it mono-blue, as Horseshoe Crab and Morphling are a lot better against Red and Black. So here we go:

4 Seal of Removal
3 Trickster Mage
4 Daze
4 Accumulated Knowledge
4 Counterspell
4 Horseshoe Crab
4 Thwart
2 Masticore
4 Opposition
3 Morphling
4 Rishadan Port
4 Faerie Conclave
16 Islands

Here's where the deck shines:
Sideboard:
3 Rescind
2 Dominate
2 Mana Short
4 Annul
4 Submerge

Now these choices are based on an expected metagame of the following:

Tier 1: Sabre Bargain, Stompy, Blackjack Opposition/Replenish, Ponza, Black Control

Tier 1.5: Rebels, Wildfire, Tinker, Suicide Black, Gobbo/SethBurn (regardless of Price's performance), Squirrel Prison, Metalworker Black

*For those unfamiliar with some of the decktypes named, check out Meridian Magic, a highly complementary site to StarCityCCG.com.

Now for the analysis. Trickster Mage and Rishadan Port are there to harass when you don't have Opposition. Seal of Removal and Daze can save your creatures or keep the opponent from reaching their critical mass of threats. Thwart and Accumulated Knowledge are cheap for what they do, and can help feed a Masticore or Trickster Mage in a pinch. Submerge is a Timewalk (and it can be used on your own creatures, in case), while the Dominate is good against man-lands and slow opponents. Mana Short, Annul and Rescind are for the sundry stuff that makes Blue mages cringe: Combo, Worship, another Blue deck. Though this deck hasn't received enough testing yet, the Island bounce counters and Seal of Removal go a long way in making Crab/Opposition a viable deck. Wait, that deck had no squirrels, nor any Beastis!

Here is a more traditional design with a more defensive posture:

2 Elvish Lyrist
4 Birds of Paradise
4 Llanowar Elves
2 Priest of Titiania
4 Vine Trellis
4 Yavimaya Granger
2 Skyshroud Poacher
2 Masticore
4 Deranged Hermit
1 Rhox
4 Opposition
2 Stroke of Genius
1 Worldly Tutor
1 Crop Rotation
3 Gaea's Cradle
2 Treetop Villages
2 Dust Bowl
10 Forest
6 Island

SB:
2 Elvish Lyrist
3 Uktabi Orangutan
3 Douse
4 Thran Lens
3 Compost

Just keep you opponents tied up and frustrated, either with killing your elves, tapping them out, or with dealing with an army of weenies. Beastis just toys with the cockroaches she catches, batting them around until she daintily nibbles them down. This deck is probably best at Stroking out any non-Thwart/non-Mana Short playing opponent. Skyshroud Poacher searches for… Deranged Hermit? One turn of search puts five more mana into play and nine points of power on the table. This deck only really fears Red, Black and Accelerated Blue. Rebel Assault is kind of a draw between them drawing enough Disenchants and Reverent Mantras, as you can out develop them in both creatures and mana. This is the deck that you will most likely end up Stroking out. Hopefully the Sideboard, Rhox and Trellis can deal with Red, while Black with Massacre can only be dealt with by Compost. Just hope that they can't get off a Perish before you drop the Lens. Damn pitch spells.

And now for a short aside.

Lin Sivvi, Defiant rebel is obscene. Tom Guevin is right when he says that Lin Sivvi decks will dominate the upcoming PTQ NeMasquesis season. Anti-rebel decks can't cut it, just as anti-Tinker/Academy, anti-High Tide, and anti-Donate decks haven't cut it. Play the best deck if you want to win. If you play a deck that beats the best deck 70% of the time, but can't manage 50% versus the rest of the field, you might as well play the best deck and know the mirror match better. History has shown time and again that the“anti-best deck” decks can't win consistently, and squeak in just a few top 8's, much less cinching the spot. During Black Summer, Necro Tech was nowhere near as refined as during Regionals last year, and yet Necro made up nearly 50% of the winners brackets at both of those times. No cards are good enough to be“anti-broken deck” and still be good versus the whole field; otherwise they would make the best deck themselves! Without further ado, here is the techiest Rebel Academy deck I have come up with at this point. Lin Sivvi should be a $12 card pretty soon. The main deck will beat any other deck that can't kill all four Lin Sivvi's before they activate through the 4 Reverent Mantra's. The mirror match has 12-15 cards to side in, possible replacing some with Seal of Cleansing to kill the opposing Lenses. The Story Circle is for utility, which the deck may not even need, just replacing them with more anti-Rebel cards. Just get down Lin Sivvi first and go to town. Cho-Manno's Blessing doesn't work in the mirror, and you don't need against the rest of the field.

4 Ramosian Sergeant
4 Ramosian Lieutenant
2 Defiant Falcon
4 Lin Sivvi, Defiant Hero
3 Lawbringer
3 Lightbringer
4 Disenchant
4 Distorting Lens
4 Reverent Mantra
4 Arrest
4 Dust Bowl
2 Rishadan Port
2 Kor Haven
16 Plains