In the never-ending matchup of rock, paper, scissors, it is said that he who comes to the battle with a hand grenade shall be the victor. Well, I may not have found a hand grenade... But this is at least an M-80. In four local tournaments with participants ranging in skill from random scrubs to a few PTQ multiple-Top Eighters and a Pro Tour semi-regular, I have taken this deck to a combined record of 11-3-2 (not including intentional draws):

4x Chilling Apparition
4x Chimeric Idol
4x Thrashing Wumpus
3x Evil Eye of Orms-by-Gore
4x Addle
2x Coercion
4x Terror
4x Snuff Out
3x Tsabo's Decree
17x Swamp
4x Rishadan Port
3x Dust Bowl
4x Dark Ritual

Sideboard:
4x Stromgald Cabal
4x Scandalmonger
4x Perish
2x Urborg Skeleton
1x Tsabo's Decree

I know what you're thinking - this deck is a pile! And I'll agree with you; on paper it looks that way. It's just a bunch of fair to middling creatures, bad discard spells, and removal. If you're looking for an easy deck, steer clear here, since there are some difficult decisions to be made. But it does stand a good chance against everything out there.

A short card-by card breakdown:

Chilling Apparition - Great turn 1 Ritual play against U/W. Against Fires, regenerators are golden.

Chimeric Idol - The most efficient creature in the deck and essential against things like Story Circle and Light of Day. Can be a pain when you need to keep regeneration mana open, but having him sit back on defense isn't all bad.

Thrashing Wumpus - Probably the best aggressive Black creature available in T2. Great against Rebels, even if it's as a one-time effect with multiple Crusades out. Also puts a fast clock against U/W and U/B.

Evil Eye - It blocks Blastoderm. What more do you want? Yes, he can halt your Idol assault if you're in beatdown mode, but his advantages outweigh his drawbacks.

Addle - This is the one you have to think about. Yes, it will come up empty sometimes (with great reward must come great risk), but when it doesn't you'll snag great cards like Blastoderm, Saproling Burst, Wrath of God, Story Circle, and Parallax Wave. Against Fires, almost always call Green unless you have some reason to call another color (like if you know they have a Ghitu Fire in hand). Against U/W, you'll want to usually call White because Counters are easier to play around than Wrath - but this one is very situation dependent.

Coercion - These were Stupors, but I found myself liking Stupor less and less because it never grabbed the right card. This always grabs the right card.

Terror - The best spot removal in T2. The only problems are Black creatures (but who plays those?) and Idols.

Snuff Out - It took me a while to decide between this and Vendetta. Vendetta is better for weenies and this is better for fatties. I figured the way this deck matches up against Fires, it's better to wait for the Jade Leeches and Dragons than hit the Birds and Elves.

Tsabo's Decree - Not just good against Rebels, it's a great answer to a couple of the deck's biggest problems: Blastoderm and Saproling Burst, as well as Black creatures.

Rishadan Port, Dust Bowl - Still amazing. Tsabo's Crappy Little Web doesn't make them bad - just not broken. It can be played around and these cards are still good. Teferi's Response can be a pain... But it, too, can be worked around.

Stromgald Cabal - The deck's #1 hate for U/W. If this guy gets on the table in that matchup, save him for Wrath at all costs. It's very tempting to counter that Absorb or Dismantling Blow - but if that will give them 2WW available during their next main phase, DON'T DO IT. With this guy on the table, you have the advantage; without him, they do. Even if they get to eight mana and Wrath twice, that usually "shoots their wad," and the threat you've been keeping in your hand comes through for the kill. He's also good against G/W and Rebels. And he can be Ritualed out on turn 1!

Scandalmonger - The deck's #2 hate against U/W. Also works against U/B. This guy can remove all the card advantage those Fact or Fiction decks work so hard for in just one or two turns. There is a danger of them ripping your last two cards away and then casting a topdecked Wrath (once again, great reward, great risk), but with all the "must counters" you have after sideboarding, you should be able to control the tempo of the game enough that that doesn't happen.

Perish - More ways to deal with Blastoderm, plus it wipes out their mana men. And with all your good blockers, the Fires player will often overcommit, making this a wrecking ball.

Urborg Skeleton - Since they don't play Trample, Regenerators are amazing against Fires. As long as you save a kill spell for the Dragon, this guy is Will-o-the-Wisp.

Now how to the matchups look?

Fires - The maindeck is tuned to beat Fires with Apparition, Evil Eye, and eleven critter kill spells. After the first match, you bring in four Perish and two Urborg Skeletons from the sideboard. I usually take out Thrashing Wumpus because it's effectively replaced by Perish. For the other two, I usually take out Coercion because the Fires deck tends to run a small hand. Most of these games start with you taking some damage early and having to make costly trades before you stabilize and win with Evil Eye. The only real problem with this deck is the guys who run eight or more burn spells, which let their beating sticks get past your regenerators.

Rebels - This is a pretty crushing matchup. Before sideboarding you have Wumpus, Decree, and lots of critter kill. After the side, you have the fourth Decree and the Stromgald Cabals. I usually take out the slow Evil Eye and the Coercions, but have also taken out Chilling Apparition. With all the hate, it usually doesn't matter much. The only thing you have to really watch for is Armageddon.

U/W - Game 1, this is pretty tough, but not unbeatable. The key is to keep the tempo and attack from all sides...their hand, their land, their life, and their creatures. Your eleven critter kill spells are very good against Mageta, Blinding Angel, and even Jeweled Spirit, which are usually their only win conditions. You can start out fast and go beatdown - and if that peters out, you can hold on to critter kill spells. After sideboarding, the matchup shifts much more into your favor, with four Stromgald Cabal and four Scandalmongers. Depending on the deck, I'll take out Terror, Snuff Out, Tsabo's Decree, and some discard... But always take out Evil Eye against anyone who may be playing Bribery. This deck just can't deal with a rebellious Evil Eye backed up by counterspells. The great thing about this matchup is even if they do get one of their nasty defensive enchantments you can't deal with (Story Circle, Light of Day, Teferi's Moat), your critter kill can still usually carry you to victory. Remember, they go through their library a lot quicker than you do.

W/G - Armageddon is again a concern, but when you pull in 4 Stromgald Cabal and 4 Perish, these games are usually a cakewalk.

Blue Skies - Another matchup where eight spot removal is golden. There aren't really any sideboard cards slotted for this matchup, but then again it's not really necessary.

Nether-Go - The recursive Nether Spirit is a pain, but even worse are the versions that run Evil Eye. Scandalmonger can be good against both, and you can play out all the critters you have without fear of Wrath, but you still really need to control the tempo.

MachineHead - Between recursive threats, black creatures, and burn, this is probably this deck's worst matchup... But it's so bad against the rest of the field that it shouldn't matter. If this is big in your local metagame, you could try Cremate, but you're probably better off playing a different deck.

For more info on this deck, including tournament reports of it in action, check out my website at http://www.iserv.net/~jdweldy/shelteredvalley/shelteredvalley.htm.

John Weldy