Hola, amigos! What's going on? I know it's been a real long time since I rapped at ya - but your old friend Adam has been up to his shoulders in work. Yeah, I know it sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the man off your back, if you know what I mean. And I'm sure you do.

Seriously, though, let me take the stocking cap off and refocus my eyes... This past season just wasn't doing it for me. I've said it once, and I'll say it a million times: Sealed deck just isn't fun a lot of the time. Don't get me wrong; I've kept up with all things Magic. From Trey to Nick to Osyp, yes, I'm an informed kind of guy.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about it and before I start talking about anything having to do with my tournament report, I'm going to get off on a little rant that is sure to alienate great factions of people and piss people I've never even met before off. But so what? If I can't speak my mind here, where can I? So here we go...

Osyp Lebedowicz is a better Magic player than I am. No arguments there. The fact that he made Top 8 two years ago at the Block Constructed PT and won this one is a true testament of his success. He hasn't been doing it long enough to be considered one of the greats, but if he keeps going like he's going, I wouldn't be surprised if he was known as one of the top players ever.

But - and there had to be a but - I keep reading that Osyp writes the best tournament reports around, and that just doesn't jive with me. I think part of the problem is that I think his tournament reports are supposed to be funny, and well... I just don't see a lot of the humor in them. I've been accused of not having a sense of humor sometimes, and I know I'm guilty of it, but I like a lot of Magic humor. I read MiseTings, I read the humor articles on StarCityGames.com from time to time. Two of my favorite things ever written about Magic are"The Redemption Report" and"The Secret of Drew Tucker." But let me give you an excerpt from"The Black Perspective: GP Boston Report."

Round 3: Susy Albright

This was Susy's first tournament, she was twelve and started playing Pokemon and Yu-gi-oh before making the transition to Magic. Suzy also had multiple sclerosis, so she was forced to play the match from her wheelchair. Her parents were there, as were her two brothers and baby sister. They were all there to watch her play her first match of sanctioned Magic.

You've got to be kidding me!

Oh well. I was there to win, so I tried to stay focused and shuffled up for game 1. I present my deck and she simply cuts it. I inform her that she has to actually shuffle it because it's part of the new floor rules that helps prevent cheating. Her hands were too small to riffle the deck, so she has to pile shuffle it. When she finishes up, she looks up at me and says:

"Excuse me, but I think there are only 39 cards here."

CRAP!!!

This little rat bastard is playing for keeps. Turns out she was right; there were only 39 cards! I must've dropped one in playtesting and not noticed. Her dad calls a judge over and I get a game loss. I replace the missing Island and get ready for game 2.

Like I said before... I'm probably missing the boat here. Lots of other people keep saying he's funny, and I'm sure there are many of you who are now rolling around on the floor in side-splitting laughter. I wish I understood the joke though. Concocting a tale about a girl with multiple sclerosis who comes to her first Magic tournament, only to rules-lawyer an unsuspecting Osyp? I don't know...

All right; enough ranting about that. Let's rant about the last PTQ season now: Onslaught/Legions Sealed Deck. Before I get into it, though, I think it's pretty funny how Wizards basically made the statement"Blue is going to be the worst color now. Really! We mean it this time! That Fact or Fiction thing was just a test to see if you're all on your toes. And you were! Good job. But now we're going to print stuff like Crafty Pathmage, Ixidor's Will, and Sea's Claim!"

And the funny part was that most pros agreed that the best color combination at PT Chicago was Blue/Red. Yep, those same pesky islands that were supposed to go away somehow ended up on top. Just goes to show that you can never keep a good blue mage down. Even if it means making them have to play green.

But let's shift to Sealed... The three strong colors are red, black, and green. And while it's now very possible to run decks that only have a touch of red, black, or green in draft, it's still pretty tough to do it in Sealed. I did some test runs with the Apprentice Sealed Deck Generator, and while it doesn't replicate the print runs, the decks I created were a combination of green, red and black over 90% of the time.

I also watched some Sealed deck action happen at Neutral Ground on several occasions. I'd watch as players built their decks and debated about cards and all that... But the fact remained: Most of the time, it was a sea of red, black, and green. And it just seemed kinda lame. Four spells, eighteen men. Guys like Timberwatch Elf and Sparksmith are even more insane when Wizards rotates out two packs of cards with lots of removal and rotates in two packs where there are only two common ways to remove them.

Don't get me wrong; I really like Limited. In fact, this is actually going to turn into a Limited tournament report as soon as I get into it. But I figured instead of not having much fun and waking up early going to PTQs, I'll save my strength for the ever-draining Team Sealed season, providing I get another teammate.

So what have I been doing with my time? Testing for Regionals, for one. I'll go into greater detail when I write my report for Regionals, of course... But needless to say, there have been some good anecdotes to relate. As of now, I'm being honest when I say I have no idea what I'm going to play, or what anybody should play. Everything I play looks great one day and awful the next. There doesn't seem to be a best deck; only good decks.

And being as I don't have anything profound to say about that, I think I'll dive into the part where I tell you what I did the day before the tournament. It's that time.

To tell you the truth, though, not much happened. I went over to someone's house that I didn't know very well, and hung out with some people I knew only slightly better than that. We had some overpriced Thai food and watched Rushmore. I'd seen it several times before, but Wes Anderson does not disappoint.

And that was about it. How boring.

Oh I know! I can tell you about the bus ride I took that was really random... I'm not a frequent bus traveler, but seeing as how I had to go about twenty-five blocks, and I didn't feel like taking the 4 5 6 two-stops, I decided to take the bus. No problem. So I walk up Third Avenue a few blocks from my office and jumped on the M101 as it's pulling away. It's seven or eight already and the bus is far from being crowded.

I walk about halfway down the bus and sit down. Just as my butt hit the seat, however, I hear"Adam! Adam!" from behind me. I looked over at this woman, probably in her mid-30s, with really crazy brown hair who seemed to know me and was motioning me over to sit.

The woman said"It's Lisa! Hey, what's up!" And I responded,"Oh, hi! How are you doing," while thinking that I haven't the slightest idea who this woman is. She kind of looked like the secretary at a place I used to intern at in Murray Hill, but her name was something like Anat and she spoke with a thick Israeli accent. But I pretended like I knew who she was and listened to what she had to say.

Apparently, Lisa works in the same building as I do, a mere two floors above me. She got back from flying to LA and Denver for business and was going to San Francisco in a week or two. I was genuinely happy for her, and grateful that I was now getting off the bus at 61st Street, as I didn't know how much longer I could keep up the facade.

Walking toward the East River on that cool night, I though to myself that I should be a character in Seinfeld or something. But if it were to be fleshed out into a thirty-minute TV show, she would have had to make plans with me at some restaurant on the Upper East Side and I would have had to debate it with my bald friend, my crazy friend, and... Elaine.

Honestly, though, I couldn't keep my mind off of drafting the reject rares all night. All week, in fact. It's truly a cool format. I'm not a big fan of casual Magic formats in general, but reject rare draft always attracts a bunch of good players so that it stays competitive.

I've played this format several times before, and I've gained somewhat of an understanding of it. Here are a few of the good ones.

Sean McKeown loved (or still loves) Witch Hunter. He has donated many to Neutral Ground, and they always end up in packs.

Someone loved (or loves) Memory Jar. The last reject rare draft I did had a Memory Jar in every pack. It was kind of silly. And while this draft wasn't that absurd, there were still a good number going through.

Aggressively-costed creatures are at a premium. Being that these are reject rares - namely, the rares that people donate to the store for raffle tickets - they're going to be either not quite good enough for constructed cards, or real stinkers. In most cases, though, they're just very expensive to cast. Nineteen or twenty lands in a forty-card deck is about right.

Silly combos work. The format is slow enough where you can somewhat reliably bank on them. I've seen Charisma on a Pirate Ship, and Embargo Donated, as well as Equipoise and Sands of Time resolve, and Tombstone Stairwell hit play with Grim Feast.

There's more mass removal than you think, as every set has at least one Wrath of God (or Wrath-esque) effect, from Mogg Infestation to March of Souls to Planar Despair.

So with all that in mind, I was ready. The last one of these I did, I drafted a blue/black deck that splashed for Reckless Abandon. It was really good, so when I saw an early Dark Hatchling, I got the funny idea that I should do it again. I also picked up a Chainer, Dementia Master and a Barrin's Spite. The road more traveled is a good one.

Pack two I had a really hard decision: Dominating Licid or Nightscape Master? They both can dominate a game and are really good. After a lot of thought, I took the Licid. It comes down one turn faster and can cause awful headaches for my opponent. The Master just keeps a guy in hand for two mana, and with the way my deck looked like it'd be going, that was a bad thing.

It started to get more redundant, though, with another Chainer and another Dark Hatchling. I picked up some Reckless Assaults along the way and was feeling the vibe of months past.

I got some more expensive spells, along with a Withering Wisps in the third pack. It's a good card, as long as I remember to announce that all my swamps are snow-covered. Heh.

Here's what I played:
Withering Wisps
Spelljack
Gangrenous Goliath
(Alistair) Bomb Squad
2x Chainer, Dementia Master
2x Reckless Assault
2x Amugaba
Barrin's Codex
2x Dark Hatching
2x Barrin's Spite
Lava Tubes (Holy Pikula!)
Death Pit Offering
Traveling Plague
Heightened Awareness
Dominating Licid
Ixidor, Reality Sculptor
19 land

Sideboard:
Benthic Behemoth
Reckless Assault (I guess I overvalue it)
Sunscape Master
Selfless Exorcist
Goblin Pyromancer
Wild Research
2x Planeswalker's Mirth
Kavu Monarch
Earnest Fellowship
Tombfire
Storage Matrix
Gerrard's Battle Cry
Transcendence
Mudhole
Worry Beads
False Dawn
Overburden
Cover of Darkness
Cultural Exchange
Bend or Break
Winter's Chill
Darkest Hour
Task Mage Assembly

I guess this is why it's called Reject Rare Draft.

Yes, this is a twenty-land format. Half spells, half land. Easy math. Noticing anything missing though? I do; it's any resemblance to a decent deck. Sigh. I played a few test games against Zev, and got smashed a lot. He had a DPO as well, but followed it up with Monkey Cage and other assorted nonsense.

R1 - Machist Quintana
I had no idea who this guy was, so before the round started I called out his name. No answer. Since the tables aren't numbered for smaller events, I was on my own, so I went to the netgames area and called more for him. No answer. The people I asked didn't seem to know who he was, either. A pity. Finally, I ask some guy who this Machist character is, and he says he thinks it's the kid sitting next to him. The kid looked up and I asked if he was Machist. He said"it's pronounced mah-CHEEZ-tay," a far cry from the"MAH-chist" that I was saying. Sigh.

G1 - He didn't get the memo that this is a twenty-land format. Or maybe he did get the memo, but had lands of every color in a sixty-three card deck. He played a Mercadian Lift, though, and winched a Dralnu's Pet into play. Dark Hatchling ate it, and I won. Go figure.

G2 - He plays a turn 2 Lord of Atlantis, which is actually a really good beater against my deck since the average mana cost of my spells is about eleven... But I had the Dominating Licid to take care of it. He then cast Hint of Insanity on me, and it actually got both my Dark Hatchlings. How embarrassing! Hint of Insanity is bad enough in regular formats, but in one where almost everybody's deck (everybody's deck but mine, of course) is Highlander, it's awful. Yet it wrecked me. It didn't really matter though, as he played Shifty Doppelganger and that was the end of his attack.

1-0
2-0

So it was like having a first-round bye, only my tiebreakers are awful. Not a problem.

R2 - Max Tietze
G1 - I stalled on three lands and didn't have any morph creatures to play.

G2 - My Ixidor trades with his Pirate Ship, and he puts out Derelor and Blind Seer. Barrin's Spite buys me some time to build up Barrin's Codex. I eventually ditch the Codex and play Dominating Licid. It controls the board for awhile. Then the fun play happened.

He attacks with his Derelor, and I have the Licid fall off whatever guy it was on and tapped it to take the Derelor. In response, he Spinal Embraces it and takes my Chainer. The Derelor hits me and the Licid died. We weren't sure what happened to Chainer, but it ended up coming back on my team. I'm not sure if I explained this right, or if it was the right ruling or not. Either way, it didn't matter, as he played Barrin's Spite the next turn anyway.

1-1
0-2

R3 - Steve Sadin
G1 - I stalled on three land again. A pity! Only seventeen left in the deck. His team of Blood Hound, Tsabo's Assassin, and Otarian Juggernaut was really janky, but it worked.

G2 - Reckless Assault kill his Thunderscape Master, and two Dark Hatchlings killed his random large creatures and gave me a clock. He didn't do anything of note the next turn, and I sat back on Spelljack until he played Aku Djinn, which became mine, and got a scoop.

G3 - He plays Blood Hound, Subterranean Spirit, and Thunderscape Master. I use Reckless Assault on the Hound, but he plays Fervent Charge and smashed my head. Spirit kept the Licid in my hand, and his Aku Djinn finished me before I had a chance. Owie.

1-2
1-2

Things are already looking pretty grim. Not that I expected much from my piece of crap deck, but I was giving it the old college try.

R4 - Paul Allison
I even got paired up to add insult to injury. Paul is always good at formats like this, too, which is bad for me.

G1 - His Whirlpool Warrior made his hand better. My hand was really slow; go figure. I play the Goliath, but he plays his own Bomb Squad to hopefully buy some time and kill my men. I had to tap my Lava Tubes to play Reckless Assault so I could kill his Bomb Squad. This set me back a bit, and he played Pearl Dragon and Shaman En-Kor. All of a sudden, my life is difficult.

Lancer kills the dragon - but he has a Sunscape Master, which is keeping my Licid in my hand. Paul peels Karmic Guide to get his Pearl Dragon back, and though I have another Lancer, I can't deal with the pro-black and die to it.

G2 - He starts out with Whirlpool Warrior again, and then a Dragon. I cast Barrin's Spite, and he returns the Dragon. He plays it again, and I use Lancer on it, and then play Goliath. He plays Bomb Squad, but I clear it and some other random guy of his with Withering Wisps. I play Chainer, and attack with the Goliath. He casts Eye for an Eye on it, and it wrecks me. All of a sudden, I can't use Chainer, and he's a bad Hill Giant. It didn't matter of course, because at the end of the next turn, he casts Miraculous Recovery (which is, actually, an uncommon) and gets back the dragon to kill me. Ah well.

1-3
1-2

Paul went on to bigger and better things - like the top eight - but I came to play. And play I will!

R5 - Herman Lee
G1 - As the Beastie Boys said, or at least sampled,"Oh yes indeed, it's fun time." My deck actually worked this time. I played a turn 4 Death Pit Offering, and nearly did a cartwheel, I was so happy. Bomb Squad, Dominating Licid, and Chainer followed, and were very large. He played a Major Teroh and killed the Chainer, but the Licid went on to make his life difficult. I stole his Tek and it became a 6/4 first-striking flier. Pretty good. Amugaba sealed it.

G2 - Dominating Licid came to play and stalled his board. I took a guy and cast Death Pit Offering. It's a pretty bad way to kill a creature, but it worked. Amugaba came around again, but he has a Metathran Aerostat to hopefully buy some time. He then plays his own Amugaba (!) and Cultural Exchanges his Aerostat for my Amugaba. I Barrin's Spite his team, fly in for some damage, and use Withering Wisps for the win. Go team.

2-3
2-0

After that, the deck promptly hit the trashcan.

I watched Zev draft an awful deck in the top eight and lose to Vince, I think.

In the raffle, I won a half-box of draft sets, a bunch of netgame time I've been trying to sell, and free entry to the next one of these. So I'll probably be there. And hopefully drafting a decent deck this time around.

Extra Section On Team Limited
I was going to write an article about the Team Sealed deck thing I did, but it turned out pretty poorly. It's not nearly good enough to warrant an article, so I'll summarize.

My team was Zev, Mikey P, and me. The team was called Mikey P's Coattails, which was about right. We made one insane deck, one decent deck, and one crap deck. I got the crap deck, and went 0 for the day with it. Zev went the day for 0 with his though - and that left Mikey P to win a lot. He did, and we made top four. Zev's deck had three Stoic Champions, a bunch of other good soldiers including Whipcorder, and other cool stuff. Mike had some fat, and a couple removal spells. I had a bunch of very small men, a Goblin Goon, and some 187 morph guys. Only once on the day did I win a roll, but the first game of every match that I played first, I won.

Notes on the sealed portion:

• You better have a lot of good, cheap removal to play red/black. I didn't.
• Goblin Goon is really good when he gets to attack. Though my one misplay on the day was not casting a guy before attacking, and having Vitality Charm make an insect to keep the Goon home.
• Losing to Insurrection two games in a row sucks.
• Losing to Battlefield Medic two games in a row is just sad.
• Having random 3/3s trump almost your entire team is sad too.

Against Jon Sonne, he played a turn 2 Sparksmith the first game and won. Game two, I played a turn 2 Sparksmith and won. Game three, he played a turn 2 Sparksmith and won.

In retrospect, we may have screwed the decks up. The red wasn't that good, and it's possible we should have split green. We rebuilt the decks, but they didn't really look better. It's hard to say.

Due to a bunch of luck though, we got to draft in the top four. The draft went pretty well, with the exception of their second Onslaught packs. Yan, their middle player, got two Lavamancer's Skills, and Cash and Abdalla picked up good cards too. Things didn't look good all of a sudden.

In the end, Zev's matchup looked good, and Mike's looked bad. They thought that my matchup looked good, but I was skeptical.

I had U/W control, with some decent defensive creatures like two Deftblade Elites and some other stuff, but he had a lot of huge men. Game one I won an epic struggle, with me somehow willing him not to alpha strike and getting enough mana to play Crowd Favorites, untap, tap his team, and Choking Tethers for the win.

Second game I stalled, and he flipped something like Towering Baloth for the win. Third game I drew all land, two spells, and two cycling cards. It sucked. Oh well.

We got some packs out of it.

So what's the moral of the story? Everybody takes lumps. Even me. Especially me. I've been testing my butt off for Regionals, though, and with a little luck, I'll actually go. I'll most likely write about it afterwards, hopefully in a timely manner.

Also, I want to play in the Team Sealed PTQs, but don't have a team or a car. Funny, that. Give me an email if you're interested. Good times will follow.

Props:

• Wizards - For printing so many crappy rares, thus enabling the Reject Rare Format
• Zev and Mikey P - playing and putting up with me for a whole tournament
• Tomi Walamies - Preach on!
• My new apartment - Because it rules
• My new couch - Ditto
• Me - Finishing this report. I've done too many"half reports"

Slops:

• Me - Of course, for winning two matches in the twelve that I wrote about
• Everyone who kicks my ass for dissenting on the matter of Osyp - It's a writer's job to stir the muck, right? Right? Ow.
• SOG - 0-3 8^(
• Whatever - 0-3 8^( Seems I can't win much of anything these days.

Adam Rubens
backseat @ NOSPAMtacologic.com delete the NOSPAM of course
Currently idle as Tacologic on Magic Online