Remember, I'm not only a Magic writer, but I'm also a player.

I haven't felt like one lately, as the only three sanctioned events I've played in all year have been two Extended PTQs, a Masques Block PTQ, and...

The West Virginia State Championships.

Side Clarification Posing As a Side Rant: Yes, West Virginia is in fact, a state, and not, say, Roanoke, Western Virginia.

The downside is that I spend a lot of time speculating and not down in the trenches swinging bayonettes myself. The upside is that when the opportunity finally presents itself for me to play, I obsess like a madman for weeks and get myself prepped as much as humanly (or sometimes inhumanly, given my fits of insomnia) possible.

If my sadistic streak ever takes complete hold of me for a few hours, I might subject you to The Jarrell School of Magic (it's probably more like a juvenile hall than a school), but one of the most important rules is:

If there's a good black deck, I'll play it.

At 1998 State Championships, I played Suicide Black (with the anti-tech of no Duresses; don't ask, I overlooked them at the time), went 4-2, missed top 8 by a point. In 1999, I played the traditional Control Black deck (less Tutors, and no maindeck silver bullets like Flores Black / Finkel Black / Napster / Whatever The Hell It Is This Week), went 5-1-1, made top 8 as the 6th seed and finished 7th.

And this year, I played:

3cZombieHammer
Particular deck design by Carl Jarrell
with input and sideboard tech by Jeff Curry

3x Pyre Zombie
3x Blazing Specter
4x Chimeric Idol (The Ninja Turtles: Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michaelangelo ... if I could only get that one dude from that website to paint the Turtles over the turtles... there's an idea for any of you to steal :P)
1x Thrashing Wumpus
4x Vampiric Tutor
4x Dark Ritual
4x Void
4x Addle
2x Hammer of Bogardan
4x Seal of Fire
2x Vendetta

12x Swamp
4x Urborg Volcano
2x Shivan Oasis (you'll see)
2x Karplusan Forest (see above)
4x Mountain
1x Rath's Edge

Sideboard:
4x Tranquility
3x Stromgald Cabal
2x Flashfires
4x Perish
2x Scandalmonger

First, the maindeck. Even though I named my version ZombieHammer, make no mistakes: More often than not this isn't a Pyre Zombie deck, it's a Void deck. At times, Void might as well read, "Remove target player from the game." This deck is configured to let you Aggro-Void on the third turn often (Addle sets it up beautifully), and if you know the field, you can Void someone right out of the game.

Addle is just infinitely better than Ravenous Rats at the moment. Any one shot discard that gives your opponent a choice is just plain BAD with Pyre Zombie and Nether Spirit running around. It sets up Aggro-Voids, and is very good for one of the reasons that Void is good: If you know the field, Addle can grab you the card you want instead of you just getting a peek at the opponent's hand (which isn't completely bad, but still...).

The Tech: Jeff Curry, the 1999 WV Champion, gave me a hell of an idea by running four R/G lands and bringing in Tranquility for the sideboard. This is one of those ideas that is so good you wonder why the hell it wasn't more obvious to you to begin with. And I'll go ahead and tell all of you now: R/B is an excellent deck, but DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER RUNNING IT WITHOUT GREEN SPLASH. Chill ends your game, Story Circle: Red is a bastard (and when playing white they have Disenchants and Seals for your Idols), and Light of Day reduces you to win with Pyre Zombie and/or Hammer (and if they play Light of Day, they'll also play the Circle). I might've gone overboard with four Tranquilities, but it was so huge so many times during the day I can't even begin to explain.

Scandalmonger is my other techy card. My maindeck is obviously good against control: Zombie and Hammer usually win by themselves. Chill shuts down Specters (to a point), though. But I've sided these in against control in place of some of my red cards, and I'll also say that I haven't lost a game when they've hit the board. Counterspell decks obviously can't use the symmetry of the card, since they would have to tap mana on their turn, which is A Bad Thing. Swinging for three and causing them to lose one or two cards a turn is too much for a lot of decks to handle.

Onward: 82 people in attendance (who said there'd be a bad turnout?), seven of the most Amazing Rounds of Swiss Ever Played (a lot of people missed you, Guptil).

Round One: Paul Fisher, playing G/W RebelDerm

Did I mention that even though it looks good on paper, my deck is generally bad against Rebels? At least mono-white Chain Rebels; playtesting against the aforementioned State Champ, I won maybe two out of thirty games. (Admittedly, my deck was like three to five cards different from the decklist I gave you, but it still wasn't good.)

First game, he gets off to a semi-quick start: I see Palaces and green mana, but all he plays is Rebels and Waves. I pick a lot of the early ones off, but Wave protects enough of them, I don't draw the cards when I needed to, and I run out of answers without dealing him a point of damage.

I side in one Flashfires (don't know how good they'll be, so just one), three Cabals, one Perish (I didn't see 'Derm, but he HAS to be there).

Second game is more reasonable. I second-turn Specter and start swinging. A Cabal owns Waves and any recruiters that I don't draw a Seal or Vendetta for, and the Specter and Donatello finish the job.

Third game I make a huge (although obvious) play: I have an active Cabal out. On his turn, he drops a 'Derm with two cards left in his hand. End of his turn, I Tutor for Void (my foil one, of course), untap, draw, cast Void for four. I kill his 'Derm, sure... and the two cards in hand? Another 'Derm and a Wave. Mind Twist and Diabolic Edict is pretty good, I think. With the active Cabal and him drawing one card each turn, Pyre Zombie starts doing his thing for the win. 2-1, 1-0 overall.

Round Two: Ben Abramowitz, playing mono-white Rebel Chain

I think I mentioned this is bad for me for some reason. At one point in testing I had three Forced Marches, but I figured this was going to be bad for me in general; might as well just build a strong deck against everyone else and just take my chances here.

First game is generally uneventful and similar to what happened in round one in the first game: I remove a lot of threats, but I can't remove enough and I eventually get overwhelmed.

In come two Flashfires, three Cabals, and two Tranquilities.

Second game I get a Cabal out real quick, and Void a lot of his threats away. I took a lot of early damage but I stopped at seven, and was eventually able to win after Flashfires wiped the board. I think Raphael and a Zombie did the work.

Third game: *ahem*

The end of this game was surrounded by a proverbial cloud of controversy. I said immediately afterwards that the round was over, and I wasn't going to talk about it the rest of the time. I will say that the first part of the controversy involved me reaching for my Cabal when I was at one life and realizing I was almost a complete idiot just in the nick of time. As for the rest, I'll say this: I don't like winning like that any more than you enjoyed losing like that. Sorry, I don't know what else to say.

I will also say this: I was incredibly lucky just to even fight my way back into the game, as I drew NO red mana until the turn I was going to die... then topdecked a mountain, cast Flashfires to stop the extra recruit I couldn't block (Lin-Sivvi and Nightwind Glider attacked), leaving him with two Ports. Next turn I untap, fail to draw the Amazing Void For three, but I do off Lin-Sivvi and then Ritual enough mana to Rath's Edge the Glider to clear his side. Wumpus was huge also.

2-1, 2-0 overall

Round 3: George Fama, playing U/W control

Ben Visnic (more on him later) was playing about two seats down from me and George was a friend of his - so Ben, after watching me play round one and decktalking with me for most of the day before and after, tells George that he's going to get rolled, that my deck is good. George thanks him for his vote of confidence. I grin and shrug it off.

He plays an island, and I see why my deck is good against his. I Addle him on turn 2, naming blue, and I see some land, a Blinding Angel, a Dominate, a Misdirection (he could've, but not much point), and take the Dominate. Fourth turn I aggro-Void him for five, and he Misdirects it so he doesn't lose his Angel. It got Vendetta'd when he played it anyway, he didn't draw enough counterspells, and Michaelangelo does the rest.

Second game he drops first turn Soothsaying and starts Soothing like a madman, but apparently he can't find anything. I get two Turtles early and start up the clock. He taps out what blue he has with the Towers to play Story Circle. End of turn I Tutor for Tranquility, wipe the board, serve for six again. He drops Air Elemental, which buys him a few turns. I draw Void and Void for five... which gets countered. He plays another Circle, I play another Tranquility. I Addle for blue to draw counters; there are none, so I pull another Dominate, kill the Elemental, and serve for six a few times. Heroes in a half shell, turtle power.

2-0, 3-0 overall

Round four: Ron Rowan, playing B/U Merfolk with Wumpus

I found out after the match that Ron has only been playing for six months. For him to have a pretty damn solid deck and to be 3-0 after 3 is just freakin' (this is a family web site, I think) incredible. I can't conceive doing that well after *I* had played for six months. I still have bad flashbacks about my first tournament.

Unfortunately, he gets land-screwed both games, so the round is not nearly as freakin' incredible. Mike Long gets killed a few times along with some other Merfolk and I win first game; second game he draws about three land over the course of ten turns, Addle kills anything he would have a remote chance of playing, and I wreck him like he's not even sitting there. Sorry, man.

2-0, 4-0 overall

Round 5, Ben Visnic, playing More Aggro R/B

Ben, one of his friends (sorry, memory bad) and I had been chatting and chainsmoking like it was our damned jobs in between rounds all day, and we had talked about how we SO didn't want to play each other. The mirror match is so DUMB: 1) Who gets Wumpus first; 2) Who draws an answer to other player's Wumpus; 3) Total topdecking race. We can't even really Aggro-Void each other, having to play it in the more traditional controlling way.

We groan at the match-up sheet and to beat it all, we get deckchecked, giving us even more time to discuss the meaning of life, various conspiracy theories involving Tina Yothers from Family Ties, and whether or not we should avoid a completely mindless game and roll the dice on an ID this early. I agree that if I win first game, I will still offer the ID... if he wins, it's totally up to him.

Am I too nice?

First game I get a fourth-turn Wumpus with a Tutor, which makes his Apparitions and Specters bad. Once I Vendetta a Skizzik and get back ahead in life afterwards, I start Thrashing for two on my turn, serve for three, then Thrash for two on his turn - and things end in a hurry.

We talk, he sits in his chair and contemplates for a moment, then offers his hand. I go ahead and take it. We play a second game for S&G, he draws two lands and third-turn Wumpus smashes him again.

Once again, am I too nice? I just really didn't want to risk a loss when the game is TOTALLY a coin-toss. Who's to say he doesn't draw multiple Skizziks and/or quick Apparitions and wreck ME two games straight? One win and either of us is still in.

0-0-3, 4-0-1 overall

Casey Kearns, G/W BlastoGeddon

First game of this matchup is always rough for me, and this is no different. He goes first-turn Bird; I go second turn Addle for White and pull a 'Geddon (see what I mean about Addle?). I kill off his early mana producers , but Idol and some other stuff gets me after an Armageddon, and I can only chump block so many times.

I get third-turn Cabal second game, but he manages to topdeck a fourth mana source and drop a Wave before the Cabal goes active, and it gets Waved. He doesn't draw much more pressure; I remember Tutoring for a Perish, removing some other stuff, and winning at seven life.

Third game is one of the most incredible games I've ever played in my life. The pressure is on me, and if I lose here I absolutely have to win the last round to get in (in my mind; I'd much prefer 5-0-1 than 4-1-1, naturally). I'm able to Void and Perish a lot of stuff away after getting beatdown early, and an active Cabal keeps me in the game (after I Tranquilitied a Wave, which brought a Cabal back into play). Eventually I get beat down to around three life when I completely stabilize. He has no threats on board; he topdecks a 'Geddon, I counter and go to two life. He is at fourteen life. I have two Tutors, which are absolutely dead cards now, and three swamps in hand. I have to counter a Wave and go to one. Now I can't even counter anything, and if he draws any threat whatsoever I have to just pray to topdeck removal since I can't fetch it. I start serving with CABALS for four. He draws nothing, go. I draw nothing, serve for four. He draws NOTHING, go. I SERVE WITH CABALS for four - he's at two! He draws, taps four, plays Blastoderm, says go; I mumble a profanity-laced prayer to myself, untap, serve for four - he can only block one Cabal and I win.

Stromgald.... Cabal.... Beatdown. Oh. My. God.

2-1, 5-0-1 overall

Round 7: Jeff Curry, playing My Own Personal Hell (mine, not his)

We agree to intentionally draw, but not before he jerks my chain a little bit.

5-0-2 overall

I go into the top 8 as the fourth seed overall.

Brian Hildreth, G/W BlastoGeddon with Armors, Titans, and Sterling Groves

As I mentioned above, G/W is generally bad for me first game, and this is no exception. I see early mana creatures and expect the traditional, but then there's stuff like Sterling Grove. Cool. I Addle one Armadillo Cloak away, Void away a 'Derm on the board and a Wave in his hand, then fizzle the other Armadillo Cloak by Vendetta-ing his River Boa in response. However, he runs me out of answers and I get beat down after the Groves find Waves to keep anything bad from happening to him.

Second game is just disappointing. I get a second-turn Cabal, but I draw the right answers to the wrong threats. (Two Perishes in hand when I'm staring down a Longbow Archer and a Chimeric Idol.) I get beat down quick, stabilize briefly, then the game ends up with him with a Longbow Archer and a kickered Titan on the board, and me with two turns to draw something. I don't draw the Amazing "Void for two" or a Tutor to go get the Amazing "Void For 2," and I waste a Perish on the one Titan - but I'm at two life anyway, so it doesn't matter.

0-2, 5-1-2 overall

Overall, I was definitely happy to have top eighted in WV for two years in a row... I think it validated me as a player (even though I'm still not happy with a couple of things I did - the key to me becoming a great player instead of the pretty good player that I think I am is completely eliminating some errors I make). However, I wanted more this time around, and I honestly felt I had the deck to at least get me to the finals. I didn't even mention all of the Tranquilities I made on the day that saved me.

Oh, and Ben (First Seed) Visnic won the whole kit and kaboodle. If my R/B couldn't make it, at least it made me feel better to know that another came through. It clearly was a great metagame call to play those colors (although, of course, the field was Randomville U.S.A. as far as EVERYTHING you could possibly expect). Unfortunately, he had to beat Jeff Curry in the finals. My Tranquility tech was totally borrowed, and it was HUGE, and I thank you, Jeff, for the playtesting and the hell of an idea for the green splash.

Those Who Are Worthy of Praise:
-PES for being automatic as far as running a quality event (one should expect no less; these guys and gal rock);
-Jeff Curry for the playtesting, the Tranquility tech, and for a great run as 1999 West Virginia Champion;
-John "Wandering Mage" Giroir for loaning me the majority of the power cards I needed for the deck (many of which people were scrambling for, like Specter, Void, and Zombie) and for making top 4 as well, and everyone who filled the deck out for me by giving or loaning me stuff, THANK YOU TOO. I'm nothing without the cards to play the deck, and I owe y'all;
-All my opponents who were cool to talk with and play against. And I apologize once again for the second round. *shrug* But that's over.
-Everyone in our "Red/Black Unholy Alliance", including our new Champ Ben Visnic (you still fear my deck though, Ben!).
-All 82 participants for showing up - and proving everyone who thought that the event could possibly lose money DEAD WRONG.

Those Who Are Subject to Ridicule and Shame:
-The custodial engineer who, in his supreme wisdom, decided to lock the bathroom doors after round 7. Didn't you see all the soda bottles everywhere, man?
-Me, for cruising through the Swiss, then being a Bad Player and not drawing what I need to get the job done in the top 8. Praise to Brian Hildreth, though; solid deck concept.

Hope this was informative and entertaining, and I shall return later in the week with the second part of How I Would Mangle Seventh Edition, Were Wizards Stupid Enough to Replace Bill Rose With Myself.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house,

Carl J.
CarlJ@carlsmail.com
The Artist Formerly Known As The King Of Greyhounds