First up, lets spend ten seconds with Jamie Wakefield! (From a brief correspondence a few days ago.)

Jamie:

Just wondering if it's time for a quarterly update on everyone's favorite writer... :-)

- Sean

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Sean:

Still alive.

Not playing magic again yet, sorry. :-)

Still sacrificing way to much sleep to play AC (Asheron's Call is the game's name. Deranged Dad.)

Exhausted as I type this.

I hear Invasion is pretty good. That true?

Later,

- Jamie C. Wakefield
- Druss

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There. Now you've all received a brief Jamie Wakefield fix, which will have to do for now!

I was hit on today. By a pretty blonde. Dressed to the hilt. Let me set the scenario up.

It was Friday night, and I was on the way home from a tournament at Wizards. Went 1-3. Lost two matches 1-2, so my results could've been much different.

Another player recognized me from my online writing. Funny thing was, he recognized my name, Sean Ponce, and not my Deranged Dad tag. Thought it would've happened the opposite.

Anyway, I'm on the way home, and I'm waiting at a stoplight. Cars are slowly moving up. (Can someone please explain to he how cars can continue to move up in line when the light is red?)

So I edge up a bit, then stop, since the light is still red, when I'm suddenly jerked in my seat.

My body flies forward, with only my firm grip on the steering wheel saving me from total destruction. (Well, maybe I'm exaggerating slightly.)

Crash. Boom. You get the message. Oh, crap, I thought. I was already tired and had to face a full day's work starting 7 a.m. Saturday morning. There's no way I need this sh** this late at night. Plus the fact that I may be forced to miss the beginning of Stargate on Showtime. :-(

At least the air bag didn't deploy. Had it done so, I was sure one of the below would've happened:

A. The air bag would've shattered my glasses, driving shards into my brain and blinding me permanently.
B. The air bag would've shattered my glasses, driving slivers into my eyes and paralyzing me for all of eternity.
C. The air bag would've shattered my glasses, forcing a rather thick piece of glass into my skull, killing me on the spot.
Or...
D. All of the above, in the order they were written!

I glance in the rear view mirror, and see the car pulling to my drivers door side. I'm thinking they are going to jet off into the sunset, leaving me with a broken car, hundreds of dollars in repair bills, and probably a sore back or neck the next day from the collision.

I turn and stare at a lovely face. Blonde hair, straight and silky looking. Shining brightly in the glow of the street's overhead lights combining with the pale glow of the moon.

"Why don't we pull over into the mall's parking lot?" she immediately said.

No nonsense here. A take-charge girl - or woman. Take your pick. I have no idea what is politically correct in this day and era.

I follow her and we park shortly thereafter. We both get out and I get another look at her. Pretty. Very pretty. Nice figure in a tight-fitting Friday night outfit.

She draws closer, and I can smell a heavenly perfume. We go to the back of my car and check out the damage. Would you believe it? Nothing. Not a single scratch. And she had hit me pretty hard as far as I was concerned.

Standing so closely, a thought flashed through my mind. Sorry to say, I thought of fondling her. Then I would sheepishly smile and say, "Sorry, but I thought it was the least I deserved for getting hit."

Of course I did no such thing. Thoughts like this flash through everyone's mind. At least I think so. Please forgive me if they don't.

Are you telling me you wouldn't at least think of picking up a million dollars if you saw the bills sitting on a bench? Not to say you would; but that thought, and thoughts like mine, must go through most people's minds. (Or maybe only Deranged minds?)

It's not like it was even a lustful thought. More along the lines of, "Oh, look how silly my mind is working right now!" Inside I smiled, while maintaining a calm and collected facade on the outside.

Deranged Dad... cool dude.

Anyway, she patted my shoulder, we both walked to our cars, and I wished her a nice weekend.

Yeah, I know, you're probably shouting about now. How about some Magic?? (Actually, I'm shouting for some beefcake description to give equal time to the ladies, but that's just me - The Ferrett)

Okay. A couple of months ago on, I think, WotC's site, I noticed a match in play-by-play form. That's pretty new and unique concerning Magic. Of course, coming from a chess background, going over games, annotated or not, is very pleasurable and also a nice way to learn.

So I'm going to present a game my daughter and I played a few days ago. Not an entire match, because I'm not sure that would be enjoyable, so I don't want to overload you, but a single game.

The setting. Game 3. I'd won game one in five turns, while she won game two by Armageddoning and sitting back while I went eight turns in a row without drawing a land.

Here are the decks.

Me:

4x Jackal Pup
4x Mogg Fanatic
4x Mogg Flunkies
3x Fireslinger
4x Ball Lightning
1x Viashino Sandstalker
4x Shock
4x Incinerate
2x Hammer of Bogardan
4x Fireblast
4x Cursed Scroll
18x Mountains
4x Wasteland

And Melissa's deck:

2x Nomads en-Kor
4x Soul Warden
4x Warrior en-Kor
4x White Knight
4x Soltari Monk
2x Bottle Gnomes
4x Soltari Priest
1x Soltari Visionary
4x Paladin En-Vec
2x Disenchant
3x Spirit Link
2x Tithe
1x Cursed Scroll
3x Empyrial Armor
2x Armageddon
1x Cataclysm
17x Plains

Hers may look familiar to some. It's a near copy of Brian Hacker's 7th place deck in the 1998 World Championships. A deck Hacker built specifically against Sligh. Obviously not good for me.

My opening hand: 3 mountains, 1 Wasteland, 1 Pup, 1 Incinerate and 1 Scroll.
Melissa's hand - Disenchant, Cataclysm, Soltari Monk and Priest, Spirit link and two plains.

As I lost the last game, I lead off with mountain, Jackal Pup.

She plays plains.

Second turn: Attack for two with Pup, mountain and Scroll. Melissa plays plains, Soltari Priest.

Third turn: Mountain, Ball Lightning, attack for eight, putting her at ten. Her turn plains, double Spirit Link on the Priest!! Attack for two, putting me at eighteen, and gaining four life, putting her at fourteen.

Fourth turn: Play Wasteland and Flunkies. Attack for two and Incinerate her for three, putting her at nine.

Melissa plays plains, finally Disenchants my Scroll, a turn before I was going to erase that stupid Priest. She attacked for two, putting me at sixteen and her at thirteen, and played a Soltari Monk.

Looks like she is stabilizing, but like the lucky scrub I am, on my fifth turn I top deck another Cursed Scroll! I immediately play it, tap three and name the sole mountain in my hand and blow away that annoying shadow dude with two - not one but two - Spirit Links enchanting it. That must've hurt!

I then attack for five with Pup and my loyal Flunkies.

Her turn she played a plains and attacked for two with her Soltari Monk. She brings out a Paladin En-Vec but I don't think it matters much at this point.

Sixth turn: During my upkeep I use the Scroll to send the Paladin back to wherever slain knights go. I then attack again for five, putting her at eight.

Melissa brings out a White Knight and attacks for two with her Monk, bringing me down to twelve.

Seventh and last turn: I Scroll the White Knight and my forces sweep past her ineffectual shadow soldier, taking Melissa to three.

Seeing the bloody red writing on the wall, Melissa resigns.

Hope you enjoyed this slightly annotated game!

One last note. Frankly, I don't like following the pack. Of course, going off on my own course often causes me trouble. A bit after Masticore made the scene, I had tried it, but had dropped the beast after seeing how he kind of made games boring, caused less interaction, and was too powerful.

I made a decision not to play with the 'Core and traded the six copies I had collected.

Now I've made another earthshaking decision. Drum roll please...

I've decided not to play with Rishadan Ports, not because they are too powerful, but solely because every damned person on Earth is playing with them.

So no more Ports for me. I'm replacing them with my four Dust Bowls. Anti-Port technology, if you will.

(Another factor was the Anti-Port cards in Invasion, which may also force me to drop my Dust Bowls.)

I had also considered Tangle Wire, but realized that not everyone is playing with that powerhouse as it doesn't fit in all types of decks. So my Wires stay!

Later,

Sean Erik Ponce
Deranged Dad