Well, I'm in a weird position for once. Mageta just beat up Crovax for dissing his chain, Nether Spirit is asleep, Volrath is off trying to take over the closet, Squee is sleeping off his"indulgences" from last night, and the rest of my collection is off betting on horse races. Without any distractions could it be that - gasp - I can actually write something fairly serious? Well wrap me up and call me Susie (don't even think about it), I guess I can!

Anybody who knows anything about philosophy is aware of a little idea called the social contract. It was developed in parts; Thomas Hobbes and John Locke each contributed to it, as did the famous philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, although Locke really did most of the work.

Hey, wake up, come on! All it takes is a sentence of history and some of you are snoring already. Sheesh.

All right, screw history - so what's the point of this article?

Patience, young grasshopper, I'm getting to that; now where was I? Ah yes, social contract. In a very small nutshell, it's the idea that humans can do whatever they freaking heck they want in nature. But, in the course of going about their merry way, some people will exercise their right to do whatever they want by beating some poor fools senseless, robbing people blind, or trying to print really bad knock-offs of Pokemon (the horror, the horror). The philosophy of social contract is basically that people enter into a social contract in order to be member of a society and to be protected from weird Pokemon-wielding sickos... But did I mention there's a price tag attached? When someone enters into society, they give up some of their rights and agree to live by the rules of the society. In exchange, society makes sure no one gets hurt and upholds peoples' right to life, liberty, and property.*

So what the (insert your own expletive here) does that have to do with Magic? Plenty. Everybody in Magic is part of a social contract. Everybody...

Let's start small; take the relationship between the old hand and his younguns. No, I'm not talking about demented Magic-playing grandpas and the little kids they whoop-up on, but rather about those players who have lots of experience and their relationship to their multiplayer/playtesting/whatever-it-is-you-call-them-these-days groups (Example: Alongi and his multiplayer crew). Within these groups there are the awesome players, and then there are the rest of us schmoes.

That's is a huge example of a magical social contract right there. Anyone see how social contract applies? Well in case you don't, here's the situation: The normal player joins the"society" and gives up some of his/her/its rights. You think I'm on crack? Think about it. When you're part of the group, you have to conform to certain rules. You can't pee on the carpet (unless you want to die), you can't play abusive combo decks (unless you want to die), you have to agree to a meeting spot (unless you don't want to play), you can't play white lifegain (unless you want to die or have the Ferrett rip out your spleen), and you can't go around buck naked (unless you want to die). (Or you're winning in"Survivor" -- The Ferrett) So you give up those rights, and in exchange you get a society that protects you; groups tend to look down on people who play"sure-win combo" decks or other kinds of super decks. Groups tend to frown upon members stealing each other's cards. Members tend to frown on random nakedness. But groups also help you grow and become a better player, and it also protects your basic rights to survive past turn two (life), play whatever deck you want within the limits of your group (liberty), and not have your cards stolen (property). Hey, if you're especially lucky, your group even provides free snacks.

All that for the measly price of a few rights you didn't need anyway - not too bad a deal at all.

Need another example? Take shop owners. When you walk into their store you give up the right to sell cards to others. You give up the right to step over the line and be obnoxious to other players.** You lose the right to cheat in the store's tournaments (unless very you're smart). You lose the right to rip up - I mean redecorate - the store. And of course, if you're not wearing a shirt, you will be booted.*** But what do you get in return? Well, from this special not-so-limited time contract, you get to hang out with other Magic players (life). You receive protection from cheaters (life). You get tournaments (liberty). You get a place to buy your cards (liberty). Plus, if you sign up any time, you not only get protected from cheaters and the assurance that anyone caught trying to steal your cards will be dealt with by the full force of the law - but as an added bonus, after the shop owner turns around you can"accidentally" duct tape the would-be thief to a wall and draw funny pictures on his face (Property).

Then of course there's the ultimate example of social contract in Magic: the DCI/Wizards and the players. It's pretty straightforward; the players give up their rights to money and cheating or being unsportsmanlike in exchange for a variety of things. We get new high-quality products every month. We get official Pro Tours and Championships. We get enough foil cardboard to permanently blind somebody. Heck, we even get random promo cards, all provided by our friends at Wizards and our friendly neighborhood dealer - I mean shop owner - for the price of $3.29 and some consumer loyalty. We players also get protected from other players trying to abuse us, we get a ranking system, we get impartial judges, we get quality pro events, and of course we get protected from the evil illegitimate love children of R&D like Dark Ritual, and, um, Yawgmoth's Bargain; or the record holder for fastest banning, Memory Jar; or even - dare I mention that most cursed of cards? TOLARIAN ACADEMY! The ex-scourge of Extended and Type II. Not a bad deal, if you ask me.

We have to pay money to get cards anyway, so who cares if some of our hard earned $3.29 goes to pay the Head Judge and his posse? The game's better because of it.

Of course, in all of this I forgot to mention one important aspect of social contract: It seems that our good buddy Locke added a simple yet powerful idea at the end of his book; it's the idea that justified the horrors of the French Revolution in the French mind, and the idea that fueled our own American revolution!

The idea is simply this... If the society fails to uphold its end of the social contract, then the people have the right to any type of revolution necessary to replace the society. Anyone catch my drift? It's simple; everyone involved has been doing an outstanding job keeping Magic going smoothly. (Well, except for that sordid Urza's something or other incident at R&D, anyway.) But remember that it's possible - although I doubt it - that the DCI might forget its noble purpose, or that shop owners might start gouging players with cards that are worth nowhere near what they're sold for. Or even that Wizards' new masters at Hasbro could forget how much the players matter to Magic and do something stupid.

I'm not saying that Magic players should have a bloody revolution, but we should always be ready to make our voices heard over at Wizards.

So what was the point of this article, anyway? To be ready to tell Wizards or your local shop owner when they screw up? No, not really. The point of this article was just to help all three of you who are reading this to know that we Magic players have it made. We have an awesome society that makes sure everyone has a good time in the game.

I don't know; maybe I'm just a bit too philosophical this week, but we should all be grateful that our great game has formed the bonds of society. As long as everyone does their part, that Magical Social Contract will continue - and despite some slight exceptions, we should all be relatively safe from cheating, gouging, stealing, and all those other parts of the dark side of man.

Oh and one last thing: Long Live the King (and screw you Pokemon, you're going down+)!

-Israel Marques, II
-Proud part of the Magical Social Contract

* - Sound familiar? Guess who our old buddy, Thomas Jefferson, ripped some of the ideas for the Declaration of Independence off from?

** - Penalty for that around here is being put into a potato sack and beaten with a rubber hose.

*** - I've always wondered one thing. The signs on most stores say shoes and shirt required. My question is if I'm wearing a shirt and shoes, but no pants, do I get service?

+ - Couldn't resist.