I've never been a big fan of theme decks. If the theme is outlandish enough, I'll be interested, but "Cat Evening" and "Sexy Cardboard Women Unchained Night" at the game shop just aren't my cup of tea. This doesn't mean that I don't have respect for theme deck builders though. Sure, there may only be 22 Cats in Magic (Okay, Okay. 23, including Wirecat.), but at least, they're scattered throughout a lot of sets. Not like Chimera or Slivers. But hey, that's just me. Maybe, it comes from my fear of roleplaying games, from my dread of sitting at the kitchen table someday, using Goblins and Merfolk to recreate the fall of the Bastille. Again. You may be different though. And if you are, you probably adore Fallen Empires.

Of all the sets in Magic, including Homelands, Fallen Empires is the most plot-dependent. You can't turn around without bumping into some Major Battle that Changed Life As We Know It. Still, as with Homelands, the world of Fallen Empries seems small and accessible. If Lonely Planet wrote about it, it wouldn't get a guidebook of its own; it would be crammed into the Insignificant Countries of Eastern Europe volume. This article, however, is special. This article will explore Fallen Empires leisurely. And God willing, it will completely ignore Homarids and the set's awful G*blins. A little warning, however, before starting: As with all the articles in this series, the decklists contained within this one are not intended to be particularly good; they're designed to expose you to as many interesting cards as possible. Although the world might be a better place if Thallid didn't exist, Magic would be a poorer game.

First up is White. Fallen Empires' White focuses on the Icatians, a kindly folk who like nothing better than to sit back and drink a pint of Real Ale before going out to make money and slaughter G*blins. Some Icatians, though, are extremely religious and, following the dictates of the ex-priest, Farrel, believe that making money is evil because time spent making money could be better spent slaughtering G*blins and swamp-dwellers. Although the swamp-dwellers are eventually killed off, in the end, the Icatian civilization is destroyed by attacking Orcs and G*blins. Most of the storyline can be fleshed out with the following deck:

Team 1: The Icatians!
4 Icatian Infantry
4 Icatian Javelineers
4 Icatian Moneychanger
4 Icatian Priest
4 Reciprocate
4 Aeolipile
4 Order of Leitbur
4 Farrel's Zealot
2 Hand of Justice
3 Icatian Town

23 Plains

Note the pseudo-combo of Hand of Justice and Icatian Town; unfortunately, neither card is exactly cock of the walk on its own. Icatian Javelineers is simply fantastic, but never drop it on Turn 1 when you could cast Icatian Moneychanger instead. This isn't because Icatian Moneychanger is any good but because it's even more terrible than normal when played late. Aeolipile, incidentally, is still one of the game's best colorless sources of direct damage.

And what about Black? Well, my friend, if you like your Black like my Uncle Toby Shandy likes his coffee (really, really black), then, Fallen Empires' Black is the Black for you. You see, many years ago, this really evil philosopher/wizard/guy did lots of naughty stuff, and now, he's worshipped as a god by the Order of the Ebon Hand. This Order has decided to breed Thrulls as servants. All well and good, you might think, but alas, poor Yorick(!), the Thrulls rebel, and the Order of the Ebon hand is defeated by the Order of Leitbur.

Team 2: The Thrulls!
4 Blood Pet
4 Lose Hope
4 Basal Thrull
4 Hymn to Tourach
4 Order of the Ebon Hand
4 Thrull Surgeon
2 Armor Thrull
2 Mindstab Thrull
3 Necrite
1 Breeding Pit
1 Derelor
2 Thrull Champion
1 Ebon Praetor

24 Swamp

Thrulls don't mind making the ultimate sacrifice, even if it's to a maniac with weirdo houseguests. This deck eats up mana like an elephant snuffs peanuts, but when it gets going, it's cruel enough. The upkeep on Breeding Pit may be harder to deal with than you think, and the only good card in the deck is Order of the Ebon Hand. I wouldn't bother at all if it weren't for the fact that Thrulls make for great monarchists in the Bastille.

Fallen Empires is a mixed bag so far as Green is concerned. Its creatures are incredibly synergistic in theory, but on the board, they make less of a difference than Ralph Nader. Be that is it may, Mercadian Masques Block is a surprisingly helpful addition. The Green Fallen Empires storyline is a tad difficult to make out from the cards since most of them are too complex to have space for flavor text, but the gist of it is that the Elves, lacking food, start to cultivate Fungus and that the Fungus, lacking food, develop a taste for Elves. Sounds like the whole Thrull thing all over again, doesn't it?

Team 3: The Thallids!
2 Elvish Scout
2 Fyndhorn Elves
4 Llanowar Elves
4 Thallid
4 Elvish Farmer
4 Fungal Bloom
1 Night Soil
2 Spore Flower
1 Spore Cloud
3 Thallid Devourer
4 Thorn Thallid
1 Saproling Symbiosis
2 Saproling Burst
2 Feral Thallid
1 Verdeloth, the Ancient

23 Forest

At first glance, this deck is filled with pointless cards. At second glance, nothing changes. Nonetheless, cards like Fungal Bloom really blossom in multiples. With three Fungal Blooms in play, you'll never be attacked again, and even a single Fungal Bloom plus Spore Flower, plus four mana a turn will give you limitless Fog. When Saproling Burst's tokens start weakening, you can sacrifice them to Elvish Farmer (stunningly illustrated by Richard Kane-Ferguson). The deck is still terrible, but if you play it against a deck with Breeding Pit or Icatian Moneychangers, you just might stand a chance.

I hope you've enjoyed this "Fallen Empires Theme Deck Night Article" because I will never again write about a Fallen Empires theme deck. There. It's on the record.

Skål!
-Adam Grydehøj
frunco1@hotmail.com