The aim of this article is to present my own personal opinion on this week's theme: annoying cards in Magic. As a casual player who usually confines himself to free-for-all multiplayer, my experience will not reflect that of the average Magic player. Too bad.

A card may be powerful, game-ending, or even apocalyptic - but it can still be fun. On the opposite side, a North Star will hardly swing any games, but few people will consider it annoying. I chose cards based on their ability to turn an otherwise pleasant memorable game evening into a mindless bore. These cards are not game-enders, but game-killers.

I excluded the two UN- expansions (Unglued and Unhinged). Although they have their share of annoying cards (like Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire), these are not the real McCoy. UN-cards are meant to be taken with a pinch of salt (and the occasional shake of nutmeg).

Before starting on the main course, first a card which merely inspires pity rather than true irritation.

The Pity: Rohgahh of Kher Keep.

Impact:
Desperate attempts to make a card mechanic cool and flavorful pushed it over the boundaries of "bad" and into "downright ugly."

Analogous Cards:
Sorrow's Path, Ice Cauldron, Snowfall.

Why:
What was probably supposed to be an attempt to create a fearsome Über-Kobold legend turned out so bad that this card is a serious contender for worst Magic creature ever. At six mana for a 5/5, he seems useful at first - but why is there the double-black mana in the casting cost when all kobolds are pure red? Suddenly, your kobold deck needs some heavy black infusion.

But don't forget your red mana - because Mr. Rohgahh needs three of those every upkeep! If you can't pay, he doesn't have the decency to fill up your graveyard. He merely taps himself, and all of your Kobold minions leave you.

No need to pack multiple copies; as a legendary creature, you can't hope for the cumulative benefits you can get with Goblin King or other decent race lords. And don't even expect him to pump all of your kobolds. No, sir. Only Kobolds of Kher Keep get preferential treatment; the Crimson Kobolds and Crookshank Kobolds already gave up on him.

Verdict:
If you absolutely want to play Kobolds, get four copies of Coat of Arms.

The Argument: Lifeline

Impact:
A whole evening of arguing what the card actually is supposed to do.

Analogous Cards:
Wall of Junk (yes, it's a wall), Palinchron (no, the lands only untap when you cast it, not when it comes into play), Time Vault (actually, you need to put time counters on it).

Why:
Call me old-fashioned, but a game of Magic should be a good time for everyone and not a battlefield of errata, updates, and Oracle rewordings. A card should do what it should do.

That's why I like Lightning Bolt. No confusion possible.

Lifeline, however, brings so many rules issues and misinterpretations with it that it's no longer fit to play. In a casual multiplayer situation, these sorts of cards cause head-splitting discussions because there is always some player who is either:

1) The guy who's forever stuck in the Magic of the Legends era, blissfully unaware of The Oracle. He plays the cards as he reads them, and he reads them poorly.

2) The rules lawyer who knows every single pedantic update on the latest possible change to the stack-timing of priority-wielding state-based effects.

3) The opportunist, who firmly believes the card does what is currently most advantageous to his gameplay.

The net result is that you spend the evening debating all the possible interpretations of a semicolon. Joy.

Verdict:
Either agree up-front what the card does or use Lightning Bolt. Lots of Lightning Bolts.

Chance: Planar Chaos

Impact:
Life, the universe, and everything in a coin flip.

Analogous Cards:
Amulet of Quoz, Chance Encounter, Game of Chaos.

Why:
What is the point of spending days perfecting some intriguing original and surprising deck if the game is decided by the whim of coin flip?

Yes, Magic is a game of chance. The cards in your deck and in your opponents' decks are ordered randomly. But that is still different of having the outcome of that one spell that will either spell doom or victory for you depend on the flip of a coin.

Planar Chaos takes the crown of his kinfolk, since it affects every single spell played. One can't even reliably Disenchant this puppy. So the game bogs down to everyone holding back and passing his turn, hoping it will solve itself.

Hmmm. Endless turns of "draw, go." That's my idea of fun.

Verdict:
100% percent chance of flipping other players off.

Bookkeeping: Chaos Moon

Impact:
Trigger-happy repetitive tasks for the whole table.

Analogous Cards:
Chaos Lord, Faces of the Past, Liability.

Why:
This entry is about frustrating triggers. Some cards trigger on very common events (like drawing a card, cards coming into play, cards going to the graveyard, or the beginning of the turn).

They're nothing dramatic, but this leads to the all-common event that halfway through the game, suddenly the player with the Soul Warden remembers he should have about ten extra life, the player with the Sadistic Glee suddenly needs a new bag of counters and the Verdant Force guy realizes he hasn't added a token since at least five rounds ago. All this takes the flow out of the game...

That's mildly vexing, but not annoying. For true irritation, put a Chaos Moon into play. Now you can count every single permanent during every single upkeep in order to evaluate a moderately interesting effect. Time will crawl as you will do this over and over again.

Verdict:
Forget red. Play Mirari's Wake. Avoid Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

No: Stasis

Impact:
No mana, no merry.

Analogous Cards:
Limited Resources, Winter Orb, Rising Waters.

Why:
Simply put: people want to play their deck. Usually people don't mind losing a game, as long as there was a game. If you lost a game where a triple-Control Magiced Darksteel Colossus had to break through the ranks of a horde of squirrels, then you had a game. If you spent forty turns looking at your tapped land before running out of cards, you wasted your time.

Any card that denies their opponents the chance to actually play deserves the rating truly annoying. And Stasis is the pinnacle of this strategy. Playing against a Stasis deck is also very predictable: either the lock comes down and the card-gazing tedium begins, or the combo sputters and the deck gets rolled over. Not a very interactive strategy, since a Stasis-player basically ignores his opponent and only focuses on achieving complete shutdown.

In short: predictable, dull, and utterly annoying.

Verdict:
Most annoying card ever. Shred on sight.