Annoying Cards? There are tons of annoying cards. There are cards that are annoying to kill (Blinking Spirit, Morphling, Psychatog), cards that are annoying to play against (Mindslaver, Platinum Angel, Balance), and then there are cards that "test your skill."
Every year, thousands and thousands of players fall victim to these types of cards as they jump out of the packs and laugh in your face. They go by names like Trash for Treasure, or Eater of Days - but these are only two in the vast legions of crap rares and bad cards. When The Ferrett mentioned annoying cards, I knew that it was these little guys that I was going to be talking about; forget the other views of annoying, it's about time these little buggers got the spotlight and pointed out for the annoyances they have become.
Granted, people wouldn't just want someone to complain about these cards and reason why they're bad - its kind of obvious - so I plan to give you three decks that try to take advantage out of these three atrocious crap cards in order to compensate those of you have gotten any of them. (I'm also trying to spur interest in the zany deck builders out there to buy these cards via StarcityGames.com.)
(Hint hint hint - The Ferrett)
Tempting Wurm
Ah, nothing like a 5/5 green creature with a drawback. There is one problem with Tempting Wurm, though - unlike Emperor Crocodile, Blastoderm, Jade Leech, and, Iwamori of the Open Fist, Tempting Wurm is completely unplayable.
The others all have draw backs, dying if they're alone, fading, paying more for spells, and your opponent getting one creature - but those are all acceptable drawbacks. Tempting Wurm gives you a disadvantage if played too soon - namely, you will lose unless your opponent only has instants and sorceries in hand.
Tempting Wurm unlocks all sorts of brokenness, like free creatures, artifacts, and enchantments with the addition of extra land; the only problem is that this brokenness applies to your enemies. Hunted Wumpus and Iwamori both supply your opponent with a free creature, but it's only one creature; Tempting Wurm is the equivalent of "I concede" if you're not careful.
With all these factors going against the Wurm, how do you build a deck for it to fit in? This actually is kind of easy; there are only two options. The first option is to play a large amount of discard. Of course, this has the flaw of adding too much black to fill the deck - and then why not just play better black creatures like Hypnotic Specter?
The second option, and the one I will peruse, is to make it a waste for your opponents to play all the cards in their hand. For example, let's say that I play a Tempting Wurm; my opponents all play out most of their hands and bash each other, thankful that I played the Wurm. When my next turn rolls around, I play Akroma's Vengeance. All of a sudden, your little Wurm has become a decoy to eliminate your opponents' newly developed board position and put you ahead on cards. If you really want, you can lay down a Nevinyrral's Disk, Planar Collapse, or Oblivion Stone and then play the Wurm to have an opponent really question if they want to play anything. Also, you can mix strategies two and three by using cards like Death Cloud and Pernicious Deed to give your opponents hell. Two examples of such decks are:
Tempting Wurm, Take 1
Lands (24)
4 Windswept Heath
8 Forest
8 Plains
4 Savannah
Creatures (20)
4 Sakura-Tribe Elder
4 Eternal Dragon
4 Tempting Wurm
2 Viridian Zealot
2 Solemn Simulacrum
2 Genesis
2 Eternal Witness
Spells (16)
4 Akroma's Vengeance
4 Nevinyrral's Disk
4 Wrath of God
4 Wayfarer's Bauble
Tempting Wurm, Take 2
Lands (24)
1 Volrath's Stronghold
4 Bayou
7 Swamp
4 Llanowar Wastes
2 Tainted Wood
6 Forest
Creatures (21)
4 Tempting Wurm
1 Viridian Zealot
1 Genesis
4 Sakura-Tribe Elder
4 Birds of Paradise
2 Ravenous Baloth
2 Eternal Witness
3 Spiritmonger
1 Thrull Surgeon
Spells (14)
4 Pernicious Deed
3 Vampiric Tutor
1 Buried Alive
3 Duress
3 Nevinyrral's Disk
The main objective of both decks is to control the board using your creatures and Wrath effects. Tempting Wurm serves as a beater, an inducer of overcommitment by your opponent, or (if your opponents are paranoid enough) a 5/5 beater with no drawback at all. The first deck boasts white's arsenal of Wrath Effects and big creatures along with other controlling elements. The second deck uses both black's discard and targeted removal to try to strip their hands before you cast anything. In both cases, you try to dismantle your opponent's board position - and both decks have recurring threats using Genesis, Eternal Dragon, Eternal Witness, and Volrath's Stronghold.
One down, two to go.
Leveler
Once again there is another crap creature - but this time it's much worse. Leveler reads, "You lose the game next turn." If you don't have any way to compensate for being a library-less player, than you can't play the card.
Now, I like cheap, big creatures - but I thanked God every time I opened a Mirrodin booster pack without this monster (though Loxodon Peacekeeper isn't a piece of gold, either).
Leveler does have its uses, though. One thing you can do with Leveler is Fling it as soon as you cast it and hope that you never get to the next draw phase. Another idea are the Words of... enchantments from Onslaught, or Odyssey's Obstinate Familiar to prevent you from being decked.
Perhaps the two most frequent ideas to use Leveler are Endless Whispers and Shared Fate, the Whispers allowing you to deck your opponent while the Fate gives you the opportunity to use your opponent's deck instead of your own. While these two last ideas are the best, I think I'm going for originality by going with the Pandemonium/Fling Deck.
Flinging Crap
Land (24)
16 Mountains
4 Great Furnace
4 Darksteel Citadel
Creatures (21)
4 Leveler
4 Arc-Slogger
4 Atog
4 Spitfire Handler
1 Crag Saurian
2 Obstinate Familiar
1 Lithophage
1 Eater of Days
Spells (15)
3 Pandemonium
4 Fling
4 Chrome Mox
2 Lighting Greaves
2 Seething Song
The main object of the deck is to beat down your opponent (yes, you wouldn't use a deck like this in multiplayer) with creatures and then attack with a hasted Leveler, which you could also Fling or use Pandemonium. As a backup plan, I included two Obstinate Familiars - not only because they prevent you from drawing, but because they too are considered crap rares. Aside from Leveler, you have several other big bad rares (literally) as big creatures to Pandemonize or Fling. Arc-Slogger is an interesting inclusion shows you just how concerned you really are with keeping your deck intact. The deck isn't exactly a tournament winner, it is mainly fun.
With two down that means there is only one more card left.
Mudhole
Ah - one of the worst cards ever. Mudhole practically does nothing, as removing lands from a graveyard really doesn't do anything to help you win. There are many cards better than Mudhole, you at least have a chance of attacking and killing with the two aforementioned rares, Mudhole doesn't even give you that luxury.
So what is Mudhole useful for? I'm glad you asked. Mudhole prevents lands from a graveyard from coming back if a recursion effect is played. For example, if you play a few cards that destroy both your opponent's and your own mana base such as Raze, Crack the Earth, or Tremble, and then play Planar Birth, you can Mudhole your opponent and give them no benefit. Also, if you float enough mana, a similar feat may be accomplished through Armageddon, Second Sunrise, and Mudhole.
If you want Mudhole to help you win, you can use Mishra's Ankh or Zo-Zu and nail your own graveyard before you return everything. Also, you can use Mudhole to remove lands that you sacrificed to Need for Speed to keep your hasted Gorilla Titans big.
(And we all thought that Mudhole was only useful if you had Collector Protector!)
Mudhole, What Your Opponent Will Be In
Lands (22)
14 Mountain
8 Plains
Creatures (9)
1 Zo-Zu the Punisher
1 Lithophage
4 Goblin Legionnaire
3 Flowstone Charger
Spells (28)
4 Mudhole
4 Planar Birth
3 Crack the Earth
4 Tremble
3 Talisman of Impulse
2 Talisman of Unity
3 Chrome Mox
1 Crucible of the Worlds
2 Armageddon
3 Goblin Trenches
The deck's main goal is to ruin your opponents' mana base while you beat down with your little guys. Then you recover your mana base and prevent the opponent from getting their lands back using Mudhole, or you kill them using Zo-Zu, the Punisher. The deck is essentially a land denial deck that rubs in the fact your getting compensation for destroying your own lands while your opponent isn't (not all that fun to play against).
I would also like to give an honorable mention to Skullclamp and Arcbound Ravager, due to the fact they are banned in Standard and anyone who only plays Standard would now be displeased to open a pack containing one of the two.
(Not true - Skullclamp is still one of the most popular cards in casual games - The Ferrett)
But I have deceived you...there exists a worse card than Mudhole...
Pale Moon
Pale Moon is truly is worthless and is a waste of cardboard. I mentioned that Mudhole doesn't do practically anything... But notice the word "practically." At least Mudhole does something.
But Pale Moon doesn't cantrip, it doesn't destroy anything, and there are no cards that it can be really used with. It also hoses something in one of the worst ways possible: a temporary effect. There is nothing wrong with blue cards that temporarily deal with problems; bounce can be good to delay creatures and set your opponent back turns, but Pale Moon tries to hose lands - and nonbasic ones at that. It does a horrible job and only can really be played effectively when a Mana Short could be played - and why not just play Mana Short?
Pale Moon even lets your opponents tap the land for mana - just not colored mana. Pale Moon is the most annoying card, since I can't really think of a deck that would actually make it worthwhile - making it the most annoying card to pull in a booster pack ever.
I hope you all enjoyed my article. Until next time, try and figure out what to do with your bad rares.
Matthew Lubich
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