Wizardly Adventures on Magic Online, Vol. 1

By Bryce Paradis
03/30/2005

7:27 MarshallR: why do you insit on being an @ss?
7:28 forreste: i feel the innate need to punish the ignorant
7:28 MarshallR: you can do that elsewhere
7:28 forreste: not without getting up
7:29 MarshallR: and so that makes him deserve to wait?
7:30 forreste: i thought i just covered that
7:31 MarshallR: see you in hell

Back in the day when me and Forrest were (younger) kids, we kept a chat log filled with some of the less flattering moments in E-league history. It was nothing less than a work of art, and I will never forgive Forrest for losing it. So years later, when I started playing Magic again and decided that, in order not to suck completely, I would have to give this Magic Online thing a go, it only seemed only natural to start the log again.

I've come to find that many MTGOers are people who think often but very often have little to think about, a habit which provides them with the personalities of ADHD schoolchildren. Oddly enough, I seem to fit right in. Perfectly. "A ringleader of ADHD schoolchildren". And so it has been, with unending satisfaction, that I have spent the last year provoking, harassing, and channeling some of the most profound idiocy found in the wizardly world into this log, which I have arranged for your viewing pleasure.

5:29 The Bryce: If Canada passes the gay marriage law and you've lived with the same male roomate for a few years, does that guy become your common-law spouse?
2:27 RaphaelbrazilianSP: the 1500´s ppl
2:27 RaphaelbrazilianSP: the talkers ! the pros!
2:27 pyso_yoshisorc: i actually know a pro player in real life
2:27 UndyinggodxXx: my opponent is trying to use the 10 minute trick on me
2:27 blackbelt183: trying?
2:27 RaphaelbrazilianSP: 10 minute trick?

2:27 The Bryce: Asparagus?
2:27 Ranger7: opponent?
2:27 blackbelt183: lol
2:27 pyso_yoshisorc: mmm asparagus
2:28 UndyinggodxXx: i hate asparagus
2:28 blackbelt183: wat do pple have against asparagus?
2:28 Fallen13: hate the stuff
2:28 FancyPeanut: Stinky pee greens
2:28 Fallen13: its horrible
2:28 Fallen13: give me celery any day
2:28 blackbelt183: i raise it.. then when the asparagus reeches a certain age they must be milked.. then have to kill them for other meet projects
2:29 blackbelt183: *products
2:29 FancyPeanut: meat?
2:29 Fallen13: lol
2:29 FancyPeanut: :)
2:29 FancyPeanut: I prefer nuts
2:29 blackbelt183: im a vegetarian and im making fun of u pples lifestyle.. lol
2:29 FancyPeanut: Peanuts cashews macademian
2:29 FancyPeanut: mmm
2:29 blackbelt183: i thought that was obvious?

12:20 Carotis: mother, may I?
12:20 AtkinP has submitted a deck.
12:20 Carotis: gl {s}
12:20 Mother.may.i: no you may not
12:20 Mother.may.i: {s}
12:20 Carotis: bwaaaaah! but I WANT to!
12:20 Mother.may.i: go to your room RIGHT NOW
12:21 Mother.may.i: and PUT DOWN THOSE MAGIC CARDS

4:27 swanp plays Pearl Shard
~
4:27 swanp plays Thunderstaff
~
4:28 swanp plays Sun Droplet
4:28 Turn 9: The Bryce.
4:28 The Bryce: See, bitter people like me exist because of awful people like you ;/
4:28 swanp: i go to church every week
4:28 The Bryce: ? =/

~ auction ~
9:08 VaporOps is selling Cyber - 2 tix / min - real girls, live, 24/7!
~ chat ~
9:08 HawkOfDeath: hello
9:08 HawkOfDeath: ill take 10 mins
9:08 VaporOps: 20 tix
9:09 HawkOfDeath: humm
9:09 HawkOfDeath: i usualy pay AFTER i get the call {y}
9:10 VaporOps: nope
9:11 HawkOfDeath: then that

8:13 Draccon136 plays Slagwurm Armor
8:13 Draccon136: p|-|
8:13 Draccon136: 34r
8:13 Draccon136: 73|-| 1337 slagwurm
~
8:15 Draccon136: note that I actually have a respectable rating
8:16 The Bryce plays Granite Shard
8:16 Turn 5: Draccon136.
8:16 Draccon136 plays Mountain
8:16 Draccon136 plays Myr Prototype
8:16 The Bryce: I'll do my best to fix that =(
~
8:18 Draccon136: eat this!
8:18 The Bryce: !
8:18 Draccon136: !
8:18 The Bryce: !!
8:18 Draccon136: !!!
8:18 Draccon136 plays Arcbound Stinger
8:18 The Bryce: =(:<[)-|-<
8:19 Draccon136: hitler?
8:19 The Bryce: no
~
8:20 Draccon136 plays Myr Moonvessel
~
8:21 Draccon136: dumb vessel
8:21 Draccon136 plays Fists of the Anvil targeting Disciple of the Vault.
8:21 Draccon136: die
8:21 The Bryce: No!
~
8:22 Draccon136 plays Omega Myr.
8:22 The Bryce: That's the last straw
~
8:23 Draccon136: be ready to wait the full 3 minutes for sideboarding
8:23 The Bryce: kk
~
8:23 The Bryce plays Irradiate targeting Omega Myr.
8:23 Draccon136 plays triggered ability from Disciple of the Vault targeting The Bryce.
8:23 Draccon136: hah
8:23 The Bryce plays Swamp.
8:23 Draccon136: disciple in the face
~
8:24 Draccon136: gg
8:24 The Bryce: gg
8:24 Draccon136: in the loosest possible sense
~ sideboarding ~
8:26 Draccon136: color switch?
8:27 Draccon136: you can't switch colors when you're playing all of them
8:27 Draccon136: -_-
~ game 2 ~
8:29 Turn 3: Draccon136.
8:29 Draccon136 discards Fists of the Anvil.
8:29 Turn 4: The Bryce.
8:29 Draccon136: of these 45 cards, only 17 are lands
~
8:32 Draccon136: hey I have a favor to ask
8:32 The Bryce: Sure
8:32 Draccon136: is there any way you could like...not kill me until I draw a swamp?
8:32 Draccon136: I wanna do something funny
8:32 Draccon136: if you think this deck can actually beat you, then you have learned nothing
8:32 The Bryce: I suppose I can indulge you
8:32 Draccon136: thanks
~
8:34 Draccon136: okay...what card do you think is on top of my library?
8:34 Draccon136: what's the best card I could possibly have in my hand?
8:34 Draccon136: the only card that could save me
8:35 Draccon136: got any ideas?
8:35 The Bryce: At this point
8:35 The Bryce: Not a clue =/
8:35 Draccon136 plays Spoils of the Vault.
8:35 The Bryce: Nothing can save you after you've cast spoils of the vault
8:35 The Bryce: Not even God himself =/
8:36 Draccon136:
8:47 Draccon136: hmm...
8:47 Draccon136 chooses Arcbound Ravager.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Machinate.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Elf Replica.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Synod Sanctum.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Island.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Stalking Stones.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Roar of the Kha.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Island.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Golem-Skin Gauntlets.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Ur-Golem's Eye.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Arcbound Stinger.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Neurok Prodigy.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Swamp.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Plains.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Drooling Ogre.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Drooling Ogre.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Slagwurm Armor.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Swamp.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Island.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Predator's Strike.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Titanium Golem.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Machinate.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Island.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Myr Prototype.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Omega Myr.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Annul.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Island.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Island.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Mountain.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Island.
8:47 Draccon136 reveals Myr Moonvessel.
~ chat ~
8:38 Draccon136: it turns out I didn't have a ravager{f}
8:38 The Bryce: No sir!

12:12 VaporOps: btw, tech: if you concede the game with a winning goblin archeologist flip on the stack before hitting ok, it forces a draw
12:13 VaporOps: Because I did it after my opponent wrecked my sun standard and enforcer!
12:13 VaporOps: I haven't retested it, so be warned =/
12:13 VaporOps: of course, I conceeded
12:13 VaporOps: then I lost the next game
12:14 VaporOps: And won the next two!
12:14 VaporOps: And he was mad =/

12:26 tobad4ya: when i try to buy something from the onliner store i get this message
12:26 tobad4ya: You have selected a credit card type that is not supported at this time. Currently we support the following card types: Visa, MasterCard and American Express.
12:26 tobad4ya: and i selected american express??
12:27 The Bryce: Post your credit card number in the room and we can all check to see if it works~
12:27 Xyclonide: ha
12:27 tobad4ya: ok sure its 5347 712344 59824 can you check?
12:27 Xyclonide: okay you better be joking
12:27 tobad4ya: hehe jk
12:27 Xyclonide: thank you
12:27 Xyclonide: ha
12:27 The Bryce: Maybe my local card dealership will accept it
12:28 Adept_Ultimus smacks tobad
12:28 Xyclonide: ha
12:28 tobad4ya: but seriously anybody know what its about?
12:28 MagicSweet: 15 ppl just had heartattacks.......
12:28 Problematic: did you try it again?
12:28 Xyclonide: Bryce is a bad person

3:21 The Bryce plays activated ability from Fireshrieker targeting Cosmic Larva

3:23 Nitrate: GO NEW BRUNSWICK
3:32 The Bryce: Wtf is a "new brunswick?"
3:32 Nitrate: a place in canada
3:32 The Bryce: Wierd =/
3:32 The Bryce: Is it better than the old brunswick?
3:32 Nitrate: It probably isn't.

2:55 Aaron_Mac_Donald plays Dismantle targeting Darksteel Ingot.
2:58 Aaron_Mac_Donald: i thought i got the ingot????
2:58 Aaron_Mac_Donald: did i stuff it up??
3:04 Aaron_Mac_Donald plays Echoing Ruin targeting Darksteel Ingot.
3:05 Aaron_Mac_Donald: ok i see now

12:21 harkanis: DONT TRADE WITH "Scammer" HE WILL TAKE YOUR $
12:21 machoj1: well his name is "scammer"?

1:26 forreste: {G}{G}lucksack2k4.
1:26 Cube: is that english?
1:26 forreste: well, if you count abbreviations, slang, and symbols, then yes
1:27 Cube: i don't speak nerd
1:27 forreste: regardless of lanugage, its meaning is fairly clear :D

11:03 Magpies: whatever
11:04 Magpies: YOU GOT ME
11:04 Magpies: NICE PLAYSKILL
11:04 The Bryce: To zero and everything
11:04 The Bryce: {G}{G}
11:04 Magpies: DRAW INTO FIVE LANDS AFTER TURN 5
11:04 Magpies: CLEARLY
11:04 Magpies: Nice one lander
11:04 Magpies: you are too skilled for words
11:05 The Bryce: Would a skill diagram work better?
11:05 Magpies: brb
11:05 Magpies has lost the connection.

7:07 Dan18724 plays Infused Arrows (with Sunburst 3).
7:07 The Bryce: Enough already =/
7:07 Turn 6: The Bryce.
7:08 Dan18724: enough already?
7:08 Dan18724: wtf
7:08 The Bryce: wtfwtf
7:08 Dan18724: stfu
7:08 The Bryce: omgpwn
7:08 The Bryce: Uptight much? =/
7:08 Dan18724: Enough already
7:09 The Bryce plays Thoughtcast.
~
7:12 The Bryce plays Blinding Beam targeting Tyrranax, Skyhunter Prowler, and Dan18724.
7:12 Turn 9: Dan18724.
7:12 Dan18724: slowrolling me
7:13 Dan18724: you
7:13 Dan18724: go ing kill yourself
7:13 Dan18724: you sic k
7:13 Dan18724: you
7:13 Dan18724: mother er
7:13 The Bryce: You might think I'm smiling on the inside
7:13 The Bryce: But you may be pleased to know that I am smiling on the outside as well
7:14 Dan18724 plays Plains.
7:14 Dan18724 plays Fangren Hunter.
7:15 Dan18724: green ing sucks in draft, you're ing lucky blue was open for you
7:15 Dan18724: you stupid
7:15 Dan18724: you ing suck d*ck

4:19 MizgiT: And WTF does No Quaids mean?
4:20 The Bryce: There is No Quaid
4:20 MizgiT: I didnt even realize I joined
4:21 The Bryce: Quaid~
4:21 MizgiT: I read that
4:21 MizgiT: is it like There is no Spoon?
4:22 The Bryce: No
4:22 The Bryce: He will come and speak to your mother
4:23 The Bryce: Then he will start the reactor
4:24 MizgiT: I am so confused
4:24 The Bryce: Oh yes you are

11:31 Drinker of life: ...maybe his adept powers have been suspended or somthing
11:31 Drinker of life: that would be funny
11:32 lunar4lyfe: Wrath of Adept : Mute all players in a chat room.
11:32 Aelis: i admire roy... so many babies in the room tonite....
11:33 Drinker of life: I'm not a baby
11:33 Adept_Royassin: Thanks for the vote of confidence. It's not often I see something I haven't seen before, though {s}
11:33 Drinker of life: lol
11:33 Foil: I dont know many babies that are hung like me
11:34 Stephen Alexander: Anybody ever hot and cold at the same time?
11:34 lunar4lyfe: lol its called a fever
11:34 Stephen Alexander: lol, nono.. I am fine... I always get cold and hot at the same time.. no headache or anything like that
11:34 The Bryce: Watch out, or foil will slap you around with his obviously tremendous d*ck
11:34 Stephen Alexander: That word isnt blocked out?
11:34 Stephen Alexander: lol
11:35 The Bryce: It must be at least the size of a small club
11:35 Foil: your mom tell you everything?
11:36 Stephen Alexander: Blah blah blah
11:37 The Bryce: Clearly, this strapping lad, so bold as to talk up his genital wealth while cracking jokes about one's mother, is a king amongst men
11:37 Stephen Alexander: lol
11:37 The Bryce: I am humbled by your powers of speach, sir
11:37 Drinker of life: The Bryce, clearly is the adept
11:37 Drinker of life: lol
11:37 The Bryce: Have you considered running for presidency?
[MUTED - explicit content]

4:43 Turn 1: glitchmethod.
4:43 glitchmethod requests an undo.
4:43 glitchmethod requests an undo.
4:43 glitchmethod: can i play my land please
4:43 glitchmethod: i messed up with the mouse
4:43 The Bryce: I can't do anything about it
4:43 glitchmethod requests an undo.
4:43 glitchmethod discards Mountain.
4:43 Turn 2: The Bryce.
4:43 glitchmethod: can you just pass turn?
4:43 The Bryce plays Plains.
4:43 The Bryce plays Grimclaw Bats.
4:43 The Bryce: Hell no~

2:21 dot.iLL: i think magic is 90% luck
2:21 dot.iLL: such bs this place is
2:21 dot.iLL: gjhnkerhngklsda;mv.sngm
2:21 dot.iLL: wemvlkxcnvkoernsd;nfv;w
2:21 dot.iLL: VNSDIKVNMSADKVPMSADKV
2:24 The Bryce: You're bad
2:24 The Bryce: Because you don't know why you're losing
2:25 The Bryce: Same as every other scrub =/
2:29 hothalfjap: hahaha, so harsh
2:29 hothalfjap: but yet so true

2:22 The Bryce: Luckily, my first round oponent is 1492, and has just cast goblin striker
2:22 The Bryce: And I am about to arrest his nim abomination
2:22 The Bryce: Which, frankly, makes me feel good about myself
2:22 The Bryce: 2:27 Nailo plays Consume Spirit targeting Nim Abomination. (X is 4).
2:30 The Bryce: triple molten rain double chittering rat is not to be laughed at =/
2:30 The Bryce: he's accidenly assembled some kind of synergistic deck
2:30 The Bryce: oh god, the 1492 is going to stomp me

12:56 The Bryce joined the game.
(draw offered)
12:57 lightmgl92085: do u live in fl?
12:57 The Bryce: no
12:57 lightmgl92085: oh ok
12:57 lightmgl92085: sorry id rather play..but if it goe to game 3 ill split
~
12:59 VaporOps: did you name yourself after your zip code?
12:59 lightmgl92085: no
12:59 lightmgl92085: hehe
12:59 VaporOps: so what part of 92085 = wont split with a player 200x better than you?
1:00 lightmgl92085: hes better then me
1:00 lightmgl92085: oh i didnt know that
1:00 VaporOps: well after all of his PT's, i think you would know who he is
1:00 lightmgl92085: whos that
1:00 VaporOps: considering he just t8'd worlds, and t4'd the last one
1:00 VaporOps: murray evans
1:00 lightmgl92085: oh
1:00 lightmgl92085: thats cool
1:01 VaporOps: but what isnt cool is not splitting.
1:01 lightmgl92085: eh
1:01 VaporOps: what are you from canada eh?
1:01 lightmgl92085: ill prolly los eand he will earn an extra 2 packs
1:02 lightmgl92085: but ill do what i want
1:02 lightmgl92085: so thanks anyway tho :)
1:02 VaporOps: well what would you want to do if you had a homosexual impulse?
1:02 lightmgl92085: prolyy suck a d*ck
1:03 VaporOps: sounds like youve thought this one out pretty well
1:03 VaporOps: sounds like its probably happened
1:03 lightmgl92085: just once when i was really durnk
1:05 VaporOps: did you enjoy it?
1:05 lightmgl92085: not relaly
1:05 lightmgl92085: is this going anywhere
1:05 lightmgl92085: im gettingb ored
1:05 lightmgl92085: :(
1:05 VaporOps: well do you live in fl?
1:05 lightmgl92085: mhm
1:06 VaporOps: a/s/l?
1:07 Sorry, recipient has ignored your message.
~
1:09 SkyInTheSea: it can go as far as you want it, and by far, i mean deep
1:10 Sorry, recipient has ignored your message.
10:34 B l i z z a r d: what is the prize usually for winning a draft?
10:34 Adept_Royassin: Prizes for 8 player draft events are 4-3-2-2 in boosters (4 boosters for first place, 3 for second place, and 2 for
third and fourth places), or 8-4, and 8 player constructed is 5-4-2-2.
10:35 The Bryce: The prize for being 1624 is a swift kick in the ~
10:35 arwido: What do you get for 1594?

10:00 steenberge: hi
10:00 steenberge: we going to battle or what?

10:44 The Bryce: Every time you join the 8-4 queue and drop 3 seconds later god kills a kitten
10:44 TheEvilCliff: lol
10:44 The Bryce: Think of the kittens
10:45 Adept_Royassin: Oops, yeah, I was wrong {y}
10:45 Adept_Royassin: Delayed response
10:45 TheEvilCliff: I hate kittens anyway
10:45 The Bryce: Who hates kittens? =/
10:45 RazorWire: god?
10:45 The Bryce: No no, that's just what god does
10:46 RazorWire: god does differently than he believes?
10:46 The Bryce: Part of the "working in mysterious ways" clause is that you can kill anything you want for any reason
10:46 The Bryce: And you get to be a wise old god for doing it
10:47 The Bryce: Seriously, I look at this queue history and I see 15 dead kittens
10:48 RazorWire: does god eat them or something?
10:48 The Bryce: Nah, that'd be cruel
10:48 The Bryce: He has em hit by cars
10:48 RazorWire: wasteful otherwise
10:49 Existant: lol
10:49 RazorWire: god should eat what he kills
10:49 The Bryce: People included?
10:49 RazorWire: of course
10:49 Existant: I would feel bad for the kitten god made me run over, doesnt god care how i feel?
10:49 The Bryce: Hmm
10:49 The Bryce: I wonder what kind of sauce would go best with baby
10:50 draztik_spaztikal: grey poupon
10:50 RazorWire: mayonaisse
10:50 The Bryce: I'm thinking that since baby would be a soft meat you'd want some kind of cream sauce
10:50 draztik_spaztikal: ranch is good on everything
10:50 Existant: Buffalo Sauce
10:50 draztik_spaztikal: but baby might taste like chicken, just like everything else
10:51 jcokn: tsatziki
10:51 draztik_spaztikal: wasabi
10:51 Existant: thats why i say buff sauce
10:51 The Bryce: What about fetus? What would you cook that in?
10:51 RazorWire: snake tastes like chicken because reptiles and birds are the same animal category
10:51 jcokn: the meat will be uber tender though...
10:51 jcokn: Fetus = amazing in stew.
10:51 Existant: yuk
10:52 The Bryce: New all-time low!
10:52 draztik_spaztikal: why not just dip your baby in blended fetus?
10:52 RazorWire: if you eat all the babies, what will be left for god to eat?
10:52 draztik_spaztikal: good enough sauce?
10:52 draztik_spaztikal: well you are what you eat.... so there'd be plenty of babies
10:53 Existant: eat all you want, we'll make more

5:46 RoaringLava: how can u join clans
5:46 forreste: no quaids.
5:46 RoaringLava: what
5:46 forreste: no quaids.
5:46 RoaringLava: what dose that mean
5:47 forreste: simply that there are no quaids
5:47 RoaringLava: mean
5:47 DevilMan77: the opposite of quaids.
5:47 DevilMan77: no quaids
5:47 RoaringLava: what is quaids
5:47 RoaringLava: u mean ads
5:47 forreste: quaid does not exist, therefore there are no quaids
5:48 RoaringLava: what ever
5:48 forreste: exactly
5:48 RoaringLava: just how do u get into a clan
5:48 forreste: no quaids
5:48 RoaringLava: not u
5:48 RoaringLava: how can u join clans
5:48 forreste: quaids?
5:48 forreste: no
5:48 forreste: no quaids
5:48 RoaringLava: how can u join clans
5:48 RoaringLava: how can u join clans
5:48 forreste: no quaids at all
5:48 RoaringLava: how can u join clans
5:48 RoaringLava: how can u join clans
5:48 RoaringLava: how can u join clans
5:49 forreste: sorry, theres just no quaids
5:50 forreste: 0_o

3:20 TerryHOTG plays Chromatic Sphere.
3:20 Turn 5: VaporOps.
3:20 VaporOps:
3:20 TerryHOTG: ur expiry date will be today
3:20 VaporOps: Oh god =(
~
3:22 VaporOps: Well, I topdecked too well to make it fancy =/
3:22 TerryHOTG: if u win, just because topdeck,but not ur skill
3:22 TerryHOTG: just kill me,don't waste our time
3:22 VaporOps: Is english your first language?
3:22 TerryHOTG: why ask?
3:22 VaporOps: You're really bad at it =/
3:22 TerryHOTG: f u

10:18 KING_of_VERONA: go away
10:19 The Bryce: But I prefer to stay
10:19 KING_of_VERONA: go away
10:19 The Bryce: What a rude thing, you so frequently say
10:19 KING_of_VERONA: go away..your sell spam sux
10:19 The Bryce: Well excuse me, I prefer the bux
10:20 KING_of_VERONA: go away with your crap prices everyone sells for that or less
10:21 The Bryce: Oddly enough, I'm making progress
10:21 KING_of_VERONA: yeahhhhhhhh all day people spam this 10:47 KakashiX selling mmdf {1}{3} why would they buy your crap
10:21 The Bryce: Quiet now, you'll give me a bad rap
10:21 KING_of_VERONA: spam in market....not in auciton
10:22 The Bryce: Why, when I'm between bids, it's not an option
10:24 KING_of_VERONA: *yawn* thats weak
10:25 The Bryce: Put me on ignore, or turn a cheek
10:25 KING_of_VERONA: k, your lame
10:25 The Bryce: Really? I kind of enjoy the game
10:26 KING_of_VERONA: die
10:26 The Bryce: You wont make friends if you never try?
10:26 KING_of_VERONA: shut up
10:26 The Bryce: An angry life is a half-empty cup
10:27 KING_of_VERONA:
10:27 The Bryce:
10:27 KING_of_VERONA: youa re the most annoying person Ive ever met
10:27 KING_of_VERONA: I really hate you
10:27 The Bryce: Another victory for nonsense!