The Mono-Green Deck That Wasn't
My Deck In Action:
A ten-second play, by Andrew Lubich
(First few turns of a recent game I played)
Me: I'll attack with my Troll Ascetic.
Todd: I'll take three...
(A few turns latter)
Todd: I hate Tangle Wire in mono-green decks.
Me: (snickers) Well, then you shouldn't have killed all of my creatures.
(A few turns after that)
Todd: You [expletive deleted]! Why the [expletive deleted] did you have to [expletive deleted] play that [expletive deleted] card?
Me: Sorry, man, but the rules say -
Todd: [expletive deleted] the rules - I'm going to kill you!
Todd was playing a Black/White control deck, and I was playing my special pain-in-the-ass deck. Now what sort of mono-green deck could I be playing that would overpower a deck that was almost entirely made of creature kill?
A deck that wasn't mono-green, of course!
Go Ahead And Punch Me.Dec
4 Tendo Ice Bridge
2 Treetop Village
4 Utopia Tree/Birds of Paradise
4 Troll Ascetic
3 Eternal Witness
4 Druid Lyrist
4 Ravenous Baloth
2 Elven Warhounds
4 Instill Energy
2 Tangle Wire
This ends up being one of those "painful to play" decks because your opponent is never going to be your friend - and if they are your friend, you will be punched in the face for the very thought of using Stasis in a deck.
The deck is incredibly fun to play, though. I can't tell you how many times someone went from sneering, "Oh, you're playing a mono green deck?" to suddenly cursing and ranting at me how unfair it was that I just crapped out Stasis from nowhere.
How The Deck Works, For Those Of You Who Dare To Run It:
It disguises itself as a green beat down deck, but once you have a Stasis, an Instill Energy, and a Utopia Tree/Birds of Paradise do the following. Play Instill Energy on either the Tree or the Bird, then play Stasis. Use the Bird or the Tree to pay the upkeep cost.
The lock is still vulnerable, however, and if your opponent starts to accumulate untapped land then lay down a Tangle Wire. After a while, you will eventually draw another Instill Energy, enchant a creature that can attack for damage, and beat them to death.
For those of you still brave enough to play this deck, here are some tips on playing it:
Wear A Catcher's Mask.
The reason for this is twofold: One, you want some protection, and two, it helps hide your identity. This item can also be replaced by a combination of any of the following: A ski mask, a cup, thick pants, a fake ID, bribe money, and - my personal favorite - a consolation prize, such as a magazine of your favorite pictures of Angelina Jolie.
Play It As A Green Beatdown Deck.
Do not lay Stasis or Instill Energy too early. You can actually win with green beatdown sometimes, so keep your secret hidden until you have to unmorph it into the Stasis monster it really is.
This point should actually be number one - because if you don't have fun with the deck, then why are you playing it? Having fun with this deck usually includes evil laughter, the Stasis combo, cursing from your opponent, and usually a concession on the opponent's side.
Genesis and Eternal Witness help recover dead parts of the combo - so if you lose them early on, all is not lost.
Letting a Stasis hit the yard isn't so bad if you know your opponent isn't going to kill you if you turn off the lock. This tactic is most helpful when you want to play some Witness recursion.
The Druid Lyrists are in the deck to let you nuke Stasis during an opponent's end step in order to set up an alpha strike.
In order to get Genesis in your graveyard, discard him under the Stasis lock.
If you actually want to kill someone pretty fast, enchant an Elven Warhounds with a Rancor.
Now unless you like getting hurt (or the guys you play with hit like sissies), then I would suggest the reading the following articles instead for your practical jokes.
And always remember: One man's pain leads to another man's evil laughter.