Magic is a sick game. I wasn't going to write this week, but since the announcement of this week's Casual Challenge, my head's been slowly ticking. I'm on my last week as an intern in a wonderful place, and I was going to make the most out of it: No Magic for this week. Until I read an article on Monday which dared us to break Inner Sanctum. We haven't been sleeping well since then.

Damn Bad Rareses! We hates them!

Anyway, since I can't get my mind off of a crap rare deck, I might as well write it down. Worse still, I've decided to try building a deck using only bad rares, so I've been having a psychic vortex as of late. Bear with me, please.

Inner Sanctum
At the low cost of killing you in four turns (you may forfeit to pay the cost and let it go, but that's hardly the point), this clunker protects your creatures from damage. A powerful effect, no doubt, and one that can easily be abused. We're thinking global damage here. Unfortunately, the "global damage" rares actually tend to be quite good... so we're left with stuff like Inferno, Last Laugh, Ashen Firebeast, Thunder Dragon, and Magma Giant. (And don't underestimate Last Laugh - The Ferrett) Most of these hurt you, too, so maybe some protection would be nice. Which leads us to...

Glacial Chasm*
Another four-turn clock. Why not just use Solitary Confinement? Because anyone can set up a Confinement lock. Just find a steady stream of cards and you're set. But a doubled life loss every turn? Not so manageable. Worse, you can't offset it with damage prevention - only lifegain.

(Okay, you could bounce it repeatedly at the end of your opponent's turn and then replay it, but that leaves you vulnerable to instant-speed damage, ties up your mana, eventually leaves you landless, and is generally boring. It could be a backup plan, though.)

Oh, and you can't attack, so winning that way is going to be hard times.

At this point, I'm figuring out that basing a deck around two cards that kill you in four turns individually (and three turns when played together) would be a bad idea. The theme may be Bad Rares, but let's not push it. I'm also hooked on the Chasm, so I'll just drop Inner Sanctum.

So how do you offset the growing life loss? Repeatable life gain could be a way, but will only delay the inevitable sacrifice of the deck's cornerstone. Unless it grows with it...

Transcendence
It seems ideal at first... but even assuming no interference from your opponent, if you drop it on the third Chasm turn (at which point you're at eight life, and about to lose another eight the next turn) it doesn't even help - since the life loss comes first, and by the time you'd gain life you're dead. Drop it earlier, and the first burst of lifegain puts you over twenty, so you're dead, too. We need something else...

Nefarious Lich
Transcendence was worded the way it was specifically to prevent it from interacting in a horribly broken way with this... But Glacial Chasm is actually the missing link between them. You don't take damage, so you don't have to remove cards from your graveyard. But the cumulative upkeep causes you to lose life, so you get to draw the cards. So when all is said and done, we have this card:

Transcendent Lich of Glacial Brokenness
3WWWBBBB
Enchantment Land
You cannot attack.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you.
If you would gain life, draw that many cards instead.

Cumulative upkeep - Draw 4 cards
If this leaves play, you die a horrible death.

With the combo assembled, we won't die to damage. We also won't be attacking for the win, so offensive creatures are out. So far so good, right?

Well, actually, once we get to zero life we can't pay for the Chasm any more, even with Transcendence keeping you alive. And with lifegain being inevitably traded for cards, you'll get there eventually. So the combo doesn't work - at least, not for long!

April Fools! Oh, that was last week? Sorry...

Now, seriously, I only thought of this when I had my article almost finished. I also couldn't find a way to dig myself out of it except for Power Conduit - but Peter Jahn beat me to it more than a year ago, so there's no point in doing that. So I was going to quit.

But, alas, I found replacements that kept the spirit of the deck. I decided to submit this part of the article anyway since I'd already had written it, and also because it teaches two important lessons: the pitfalls of working with complicated cards (you have to go through every detail), and how finding one thing that doesn't work can lead you to another one that does.

The new combo has one major advantage - it only takes two cards. It's also much less color-intensive. It lacks the explosiveness of the first one, though, and you're going to have to work to gain life. Without further ado, I present:

Lich + Delaying Shield.

The original Lich performs the same functions of the new one and it keeps you alive at zero life, so we don't need Transcendence anymore.

Delaying Shield is an awful, awful card. Unless you want to keep your mana tied up while your opponent builds up his resources and eventually overwhelms you, all it does is filter damage into life loss. However, since Lich triggers on the former but not the latter, that's exactly what we need!

Lich Shield
3WBBBB
Enchantment
As this comes into play, your life total becomes 0.
You don't lose the game for having 0 or less life.
Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you.
If you would gain life, draw that many cards instead.

We need some reliable lifegain to abuse this.

Delusions of Mediocrity
I feel sorry for this card. I'm guessing it was created to be a better Illusions of Grandeur... and it is, I guess. At least it's going to stick around unless the opponent does something about it. Unfortunately, Donate came one set later and made its big brother a star. In this deck, however, we're already counting on our opponent not having enchantment removal (and we can't afford the upkeep), so a ten-life burst can buy some time while trying to assemble the combo. Once that's taken care of, it draws ten cards - and all that for four mana. Fact or Fiction, eat your heart out!

Convalescent Care
This one also can help you survive an search before assembling the combo - but it won't do it for long. Afterwards, though, it's a steady four cards each turn.

Note that you have no option on whether or not to draw the cards, so we run the risk of being decked. I have that covered, too.

Parallel Thoughts
Just what the doctor ordered: a crap rare tutor that also keeps us from being decked. You see, you may choose to put the top card of the pile in your hand, even if the pile has no cards left. Perfect.

With all that card drawing and no mana tricks, we are also going to be discarding a lot, so if we're going to take advantage of all those cards we better do something about it.

Anvil of Bogardan
This isn't exactly a bad rare - but it's not a good one either, so we're okay. Now we can keep all those cards in hand, and if we play it early it even helps searching for the pieces. And if it eventually comes down to it, we can also double the speed at which the opponent is decked.

At this point we have a lot of possibilities to kill the opponent. Burn, Drain Life effects, decking... The coolest way, in my opinion, would have to take advantage of having an enormous hand. Stormbind can do that - but that's hardly a bad card, and it would be slow. Jushi Apprentice is a faster option, but it's a creature. We're already praying that our opponent has no enchantment removal, so we are not going to expect him not to have removal for our win condition. So I choose...

Bulwark
Sure, it takes a turn to work, but if your opponent has enchantment removal you're dead anyway. Dealing around twenty-plus damage with this? Now that's winning in style.

We still have a few slots left, so maybe we can focus on surviving the early game and searching for the combo...

Loxodon Peacekeeper
We are almost sure to have less life than the opponent early on, so this makes a good blocker. Better yet, once the combo is out it's guaranteed (unless he's playing some sort of stupid deck with cards like ours), so he can even become a beater!

Clearwater Goblet
We're playing four colors and the only black card costs BBBB, so this should give some decent life and card-drawing.

Wild Research
This deck's a rainbow, so this won't hurt. Some more crap tutoring is always helpful.

We're almost done; only the land is missing. I guess with this messed-up color ratio, Crap Rare week won't be hitting on the lands. We need a high land count because with no mana acceleration or fixing, we can't afford mana screw.

4 Lich
4 Delaying Shield
4 Delusions of Mediocrity
2 Convalescent Care
3 Parallel Thoughts
4 Anvil of Bogardan
2 Bulwark
4 Loxodon Peacekeeper
4 Clearwater Goblet
3 Wild Research

4 City of Brass
4 Grand Coliseum
4 Gemstone Mine
4 Reflecting Pool
4 Tarnished Citadel (okay, I couldn't resist)
6 Plains

That's it, I guess. When you have a deck that kills with Bulwark and has Anvil of Bogardan and Parallel Thoughts as a backup plan, you know you're in good shape. Now go ahead and hide the enchantment removal from your friends. They'll never see it coming...

* - I don't care what anyone says, this card is a rare. R&D just didn't know it back then, but it's complicated and unique enough to be a rare if released today.