I realized something last weekend. It wasn't the type of earthshattering revelation that's likely to change my life. It's not even likely to change the way I play Magic or design decks. In fact, it was basically only a revelation to me, I'm pretty sure everyone else was already aware of it and was only pretending to be ignorant to spare my feelings. What did I discover, you ask?

I'm not Sol Malka.

If you're a football fan, you're familiar with the phenomenon of a 330 pound lineman scooping up a fumble in the gigantic taped paws which pass for his hands and suddenly the world he knows changes. Once upon a time this gigantic man was a child, alternately ridiculed as a freak or feared by 'normal' sized children. So the oversized child took up sports, and discovered that in football freakish size and strength were rewarded. His childhood loneliness began to disappear as he became a member of the team, and he began focusing his efforts on the good of the group rather than himself alone.

But still, even within this group there are social strata, positions which are more desirable than others and which afford more respect and glory to the holders. The so-called 'skill' positions, quarterback, running back, etc. are usually held by normal or nearly normal sized individuals, a fact which doesn't escape our 330 pound lineman above. He discovers that despite the constant hours of training and honing his natural abilities, regardless of how much time and effort he devotes to his craft, the nomenclature of the sport defines the normal sized individuals as 'skill' players, while he is merely a lineman.

It is no wonder then that, when he spots the elusive football, the Holy Grail of the sport, bouncing about on the turf his first impulse is to grab it and run. 'I'm a running back,' he thinks to himself, clutching the ball firmly as he darts toward the end zone, nimbly evading the clumsy opposing linemen. This illusion is fine, up until the point that one of those unskilled opposing players actually catches him, when it becomes glaringly obvious to him and everyone watching that despite the countless hours of practice, and despite his highly trained body and enormous amounts of talent, he is possessed of a highly specialized skill and he is most definately NOT a running back.

Likewise, I'm not Sol Malka.

I made a Rec-Squee deck for the Extended tournament at Pappy's last week because it seemed too broken to resist. And it most definitely is broken, a very powerful combo that when played correctly is very abusable. In fact, after an afternoon of playing the deck I have to say it felt a hell of a lot like self abuse. I've never felt quite so embarrassed and so much like I was masturbating with Magic cards as I did whenever I said 'Survival Squee into X.' I had to wash my hands after the tournament. Twice.

So I most definitely did NOT play it at the Q in Boston. There might be women there, and having just watched There's Something About Mary again, I realized there isn't much more embarrassing than being caught in the act by a woman.

So I played a deck that I'm much more familiar with, and one I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen playing in public. I'll give you a hint. The first four cards I put in my deck when I was building it were Boomerangs.

Come on, guess. Rick Saunooke knew instantly, and while there are others that can guess from that, I'll give you another hint. The next four cards were Wastelands.

You've gotta know by now.

What's Going On?

4 Manta Riders
4 Tidal Warriors
4 Merfolk Traders
4 Lord of Atlantis
2 Suckass Firewalker
3 Masticore

4 Counterspell
1 Misdirection
4 FoW

4 Boomerang
4 Curiousity

4 Wasteland
18 Easter (Snowcovered) Island

So now I've gotten to the part of the article where I divulge a few useful tidbits on how to play Fish, and how and why it's different than playing beatdown in any other color. Of course, you'd probably be a lot more interested if I prefaced this with 'so I went 6-0-1 in the swiss and then swept the final 8', but unfortunately I went 4-3 in the swiss rounds of the Q and missed final 8 by about 40 slots. However, I'm going to assume you're at least mildly interested in learning how to play Fish and I'm going to continue anyway.

When making a beatdown deck, the first thing that must be considered is what you're going to do on the first turn. If you're playing with Red, Black or Green cards at least some of the time the answer is 'play a 2+ Power creature and start serving'. Blue is a little different, so let's take a quick overview of the goals and methods of the various colors.

Red. Mmm. Mao...ntin. Red beatdown decks emphasize overpowered early creatures to reduce an opponents life total. Flexible burn spells clear the way for the early creatures until the opponent is within 'burn range,' a life total loosely defined as 'any number below 20.'

Black. Again, overpowered early creatures are key. Super speed in the form of Dark Ritual is another important asset of this color, and cheap discard provides the disruption.

Green. THE color of overpowered early creatures. Green's disruption is basically in the form of life loss; if your life total is 0 or less, you've been adequately disrupted.

White. The answer color. Disenchant, Swords to Plowshares, Armageddon. White has an answer for everything, and a plethora of quality two casting cost creatures that make up for it's lack of beatdown in the 1cc slot.

Blue. No early beatdown, but blue has access to what is probably the best disruption of all - a bunch of cards that say 'Counter target spell'. So how best to combine the reactive nature of counterspells with the active elements of beatdown?

Well, clearly it is still important to start the game strongly and play out early threats. Most fish decks I have seen make the mistake of overusing permission. Counterspells without creature pressure aren't likely to win many games for Merfolk. Eventually you'll run out of permission and your opponents life total will still be too high to allow you to finish the game soon. My deck has sixteen creatures costing one or two mana and 21 creatures total, making for many strong early plays. Xavier Gonzalez's finals deck from Grand Prix Madrid has fourteen 1-2cc guys and his deck has 21 creatures as well, so it was only slightly less aggressive.

In my opinion, Boomerang is another oft overlooked card that's essential to making a good Merfolk deck. Because the early creature plays aren't nearly as powerful as most other colors, and because the disruption available only works on spells as they're being cast, it's likely that some annoying and undesirable permanents will make their way onto the other players side of the table. Boomerang is one of the few ways to deal with permanents, albeit temporarily. Consider also this example of strong play on the part of a Merfolk deck vs. a Sliver deck. Going first, natch.

Island, Manta Rider.
Tundra, go.
Island, Boomerang Tundra, attack.
Tundra, discard, go.
Wasteland Tundra, Curiosity. FoW by Sliver, met by FoW from Fish. Attack, draw a card.
Win.

BOOM-erang, baby.

Fish also has some amazing Sideboard stuff vs. a lot of the current Extended decks. Annuls and Back to Basics, naturally, and there's a lot to be said for Hydroblast. It's also a pretty good idea to have a couple Temporal Adepts in the side vs. control decks, and if anyone can come up with something good vs. White Weenie, PLEASE tell me. In all the games I've ever played vs. WW with Fish, I've never strung two wins together.

So Jamie came over to fix my computer and he read this. "It's pretty good," he said, "up until the part where you start talking about Magic. Who wants to read about that crap?'

I wonder.

Alan Webster
Famous guy