Welcome back to another installment of the only article series dedicated to loving those cards that nobody seems to use. Entailed here are some of the best cards that you simply aren’t using. Of course, I have to say that, because it makes the article better. In fact, some of you probably aren’t playing with these cards, but I suspect that a few of you are. Still, most of you aren’t, so start!
Today I’ll count down our newest entrants to the Underused Hall of Fame. Why keep talking? Let’s get cracking!
Black:
5. Mind Twist (Rare, 4th) – Many of you are probably shaking your heads right now at the Mind Twist. Sure, it gets plenty of Vintage play. However, this is an article for casual players, and they simply don’t play the Mind Twist that much. Which makes me wonder, what are they playing? What discard is better? (Answer: none). This is the perfect card for your Megrim decks.
4. Torture (Common, Homelands) – Man, I love Torture! I am really into Torture, and I’m not sure why others haven’t found the joys of Torture yet. Why are you folks not Torturing creatures on a nightly basis? You can Torture squirrels or Bunnies (Un- sets are probably needed there, because Kizzerdrix looks like he’ll Torture back), or dwarves, who probably like it too much. You can even Torture your balls, like Phantasmal Sphere or Shield Sphere.
3. Painful Memories (Uncommon, Mirage) – Did my use of Torture above bring about Painful Memories? Have no fear, for our third ranked card on the chart today only is Painful for other people, and not for your own head. Painful Memories joins cards like Time Ebb and Fallow Earth as a modern day Time Walk. Use Painful Memories in your decks, and make yourself the only happy face at the table.
2. Dark Ritual (Common, Masques) – Seriously, where did Dark Ritual go? They took it out of the set, and it’s like it disappeared from the decks of casual players as well. Out of sight should not equal out of mind when it comes to building tasty decks. Tons of decks can use and abuse Dark Ritual, and they are languishing around kitchen tables everywhere right now. Dig them out and throw them in!
1. Cemetery Gate (Common, Masques) – Quick, count the number of straight Black cards (not multi-colored) with Protection from Black. There are three: Minion of Leshrac, Spirit of the Night, and Cemetery Gate. Cemetery Gate is the only one that’s cheap. Why is this a great deal? Pestilence and various effects have existed in Black for ages. Previously, players combined Protection from Black creatures, usually in White, with Pestilence to create tons of goodness. With Cemetery Gate, however, there’s no need to dilute your evil deck with pretty flowers. Just throw in a Gate and keep Pestilencing away.
Blue:
5. Dissipate (Uncommon, Mirage) – Sure, Forbid is probably better, and Hinder is a fine choice too. However, for my money, Dissipate is still the best three-mana counter in the game for casual play. Buyback on Forbid is so costly that is sucks in casual. Counterspells aren’t that great to begin with in multiplayer… add in discarding two cards and you have a recipe for suck. However, Dissipate has many uses. Stop that flashback spell from being reused. Keep Genesis away from any graveyard. Help your own Living Death by blasting away creatures as you counter them. Oh yes, the Dissipate is almighty.
4. Erosion (Common, The Dark) – I know that a lot of people think that Erosion is nothing more than a super-expensive mana destruction spell in the wrong color. Those people are flat out wrong. Erosion is in the perfect color. We need to reevaluate some of our old thoughts from yesteryear in the light of new ways of playing the game. Blue is the color of Propaganda, Psychic Venom, Rising Waters, Power Leak, Errant Minion, Pendrell Mists, and much, much more. Surely, in all of that, you can find a way to use Erosion?
3. Mana Vortex (Uncommon, The Dark) – Mana Vortex has the distinction of being my second favorite piece of art from Magic’s early days (Sea King’s Blessing is my absolute fave). Mana Vortex fits with all of the cards mentioned above in the Erosion category. It’s a great card that nobody ever expects from Blue. Make them expect it.
2. Serendib Efreet (Uncommon, Arabian Nights) – This card doesn’t get near the play that it used to. It still retains some financial value, despite not being seen much. This is the king of cheap Blue flyers and you absolutely have to grab some for your decks and play with them. They are simply amazing Blue cards.
1. Mind Bomb (Uncommon, The Dark) – I love challenging cards like Mind Bomb. There are so many ways to abuse this card. In multiplayer, against bad players, drop a Bomb and watch these players discard instead of taking damage – it’s an amazing sight. Remember to never lord it over them, because then they might change. Just laugh internally. Also, encourage them to discard by really thinking about whether or not you want to take Bomb damage. I like to discard three, choosing my three cards, then looking around, scratching my head, then saying, “Nah, I just don’t have what it takes to go without these cards. My deck isn’t good enough for me to discard this early.” Works every time.
Green:
5. Crumble (Uncommon, Antiquities) – Do you dislike artifacts? Umezawa’s Jitte got you down? Just use one of the cheapest, most reliable ways of popping that artifact and then move on. Don’t waste your time playing Naturalize when you can Crumble a turn earlier. Crumbling is great on the first turn against artifact lands or other artifact mana. Use it on Ivory Towers, Black Vises, and more. Crumble can take these out, when Naturalize allows an extra turn for your opponent to use these cards. Crumble trumps Naturalize.
4. Cockatrice (Rare, Original Set) – I love playing with my Cockatrice. It’s such a lovely sight! Oh my Cockatrice, how I love thee. It’s great defense against flyers, and a flyer to boot in a color that doesn’t often have them (except for entry number 2, above, of course.) The only thing that saddens me is when someone attacks, and then Twiddles my Cockatrice so that I can’t use it. To block.
3. Arboria (Uncommon, Legends): Here is an old trick that is usually only played by players from the old days of Magic. Arboria is a great enchantment, but it is one of those Legends cards that have languished in obscurity. To be fair, many of the old Legends cards are simply not that good when compared to the cards of today. Arboria does not share such misery, however, because it is quite a good number.
Arboria’s language has been cleaned up a bit in the Oracle. Simply put, if you didn’t put a card into play or play a card (on your turn), then you cannot be attacked. As such, Arboria works very well with cards like Vedalken Orrery and Winding Canyons that put cards into play on other turns. Likewise, a deck that makes creatures by, say, a permanent like Mobilization or Kjeldoran Outpost, will rarely be able to be attacked. Note that the Arboria works both ways, so you may want methods other than attacking to win the game. Direct damage comes to mind. Or, play a creature token deck with token generators that uses Epic Struggle to win. Arboria is so good, in part because it is so unexpected. Pull it off against your casual playgroup and see how they react to the card then!
2. Serendib Efreet (Rare, Revised) – This card doesn’t get near the play that it used to. It still retains some financial value, despite not being seen much. This is the king of cheap Green flyers, and you absolutely have to grab some for your decks and play with them. They are simply amazing Green cards.
1. Sakura-Tribe Elder (Common, Champions of Kamigawa) – Sure, it might see some play in Block and Type 2, but seriously… how often are you seeing the Elder Snake in casual games? If you are me, then the only time you see them is when you are playing them yourself. Of course, if you were me, you wouldn’t be reading this article, because you would have written it. Unless you wanted to make sure that Craig or The Ferrett didn’t edit anything. There’s nothing worse than when an editor edits out a nifty phrase that you really liked. Or when they stick their damn parentheses into your articles and [I do nothing of the sort! – Craig] ruin your pacing.
RED:
In honor of RED’s over-aggressiveness, I am going to use all caps to refer to it for the rest of the article. After all, that’s why I love RED. I’m thinking of doing the same thing with GRUUL.
5. Shivan Dragon (Rare, The Original but Never King) – Despite the cool factor of Big Daddy, it’s rarely ever gotten play worthy of its status as king of the RED creatures. A lot more people like wussy little dorks like Jackal Pup. Jackal Pup? If you play Jackal Pup over Big Daddy, then you are not a good player. Puppies or Big Ass Dragons? That’s a question only a woman could get wrong.
4. Lava Burst (Common, Ice Age) – By far the best X spell ever printed. Lava Burst also features art by my favorite artist of all time. I used to have a Tom W. collection, but I lost it after I moved to a new apartment. I love his watercolors. In my opinion, the only two artists from the first few sets that could even carry Tom’s jock were Quinton Hoover and Drew Tucker. Drew Tucker got a lot of criticism, but he was a real artist. His Necrite picture doesn’t show anything specific, but you get a great feel for what is happening. I love a vague Tucker picture over anything else. Watercolors like these three are missing from Magic today. That, and the occasional abstract picture like the Tucker of old used to illustrate.
3. Goblin Balloon Brigade (Uncommon, Set the First) – Goblin Balloon Brigade, or GBB, (which is also my nickname for Goblin Bombardment), is a great card that didn’t get played much even when it was new. I won my first tournament (an Alpha Gauntlet of Might was the prize) on the back of, among other things, Goblin Balloon Brigade. I love GBB, because it has the potential to fly over people, which is a rare quality in RED (well, people think that its rare in RED, but, in fact, the first set had the following RED flyers: Roc of Kher Ridges, Shivan Dragon, Granite Gargoyle, Dragon Whelp, and GBB. Compare that to the original Blue contingent; Mahamoti Djinn, Wall of Air, Phantom Monster, Air Elemental, and Phantasmal Forces. Each had five flyers, and all were rares and uncommons, but the Blue contingent including a crappy Wall and a bad Phantasmal Forces, while the RED contingent were all playable. Essentially, RED began as a better flyer than Blue.)
With all of these modern day Goblin decks running crap like Raging Goblin, I have to wonder why they don’t consider the GBB instead. It’s great for casual play.
2. Lightning Bolt (Common, Aleph) – If you are playing RED and you aren’t playing Lightning Bolt, then your deck sucks. Lightning Bolt is to RED like Counterspell is to Blue, or Swords to Plowshares is to White. Incinerate? Shock? Scorching Lava? Volcanic Hammer? You are a bad player… throw some Bolts in there, for goodness sake! This is casual Magic, so you don’t need to abide by janky Type 2 rules: remove those offensive Hammers and put in some real burn – Lightning style.
1. Char (Rare, Ravnica) – Char is one of the best burn spells ever printed, way better than other burn like Urza’s Rage, Psionic Blast, or Volley of Boulders. Char joins other tasty sounding names, like Singe or Sear or Lightly Broiled. Yum! Really, shouldn’t White or Green be the color of tasty names? Why does RED get things that make my mouth water? How do you like your steak? Charred, please. Just how I like my Melokus.
White:
5. Swords to Plowshares (Uncommon, The First Sizzle) – Swords to Plowshares is like the Lightning Bolt of White. If you are playing White, then you must be playing with STP. Swords has been referred to as the best creature removal spell ever printed. I’m just saying that it has been referred to as such, even if it is false. Wrath of God is the best creature removal spell. If you combine all of the creatures that have been destroyed over the entire history of Magic games, I guarantee that more creatures have died to Wraths than anything else. Swords to Plowshares is a very distant second fiddle. I’m just saying.
4. Moat (Rare, Legends) – Have you ever played a Moat in multiplayer? It’s much nicer than, say, The Abyss. Playing The Abyss turns you into public enemy number #0.5 (I was going to something higher than #1, but I think I missed the joke there.) The Abyss equals swift death for you. On the other hand, Moat just stops certain creatures from attacking. Lots of people like it when you play a Moat, if they are getting beat on by another player at the table. If random RED Boy over in the corner is going all Rodney King on some scrubby Blue player in another corner, that scrubby Blue player is going to love your Moat, and may even help to protect it with countermagic and whatnot. Moat is like a politically viable The Abyss. Playing The Abyss might earn you the ire of the aforementioned Blue player who just played his Morphling. Well, actually he can make Morphling untargettable, but you know what I am saying.
3. Aysen Bureaucrats (Common, Homelands) – I love these little guys. In a world dominated by soldiers, dragons, angels, vampires, shapeshifters, big snarly beasts, and undead, (and NOT merfolk, apparently, who’ve disappeared into the mists of time), I love that a few Bureaucrats can occasionally dominate a table. They have a “tap creature” ability… only unlike other creatures, their ability is free of mana. They can simply tap to tap a creature with a power of two or less. They can tap bears in the early game and lockdown utility creatures later. For example, Daring Apprentice requires a tap and sacrifice, but if they keep getting tapped by ye olde Bureaucrats, then Mr. Apprentice won’t be able to protect her master. I think there may have been a gender problem there.
Bureaucrats. They crack me up.
2. Truce (Uncommon, Homelands) or Temporary Truce (Rare, Portal I) – Truce is a classic underused card. Just like our number one card in Blue is a real skill tester at the multiplayer table, so is Truce. It’s laughable to play Truce and watch as people actually gain life instead of drawing cards. I mean, I’d understand if they were playing against an Underworld Dreams deck or something, but otherwise, sheesh. Temporary Truce, from Portal, does the same thing as Truce only it costs one less mana, making it a much better card.
1. Akroma, Angel of Wrath (Rare, Legions) – No legend is played less than Akroma, yet no legend deserves more play than her highness. Akroma is the Goddess of All Things Casual and Multiplayer. She rules this world from on high, occasionally deigning to come down from her perch. You must play her more often. Why? See number five above here in the White section of the article.
Other:
5. Fire/Ice (Uncommon, Apocalypse) – The only reason this doesn’t chart higher is because it gets some play, although it’s in Vintage and nothing real or anything. I figure its high time that I gave Fire/Ice its due, since it’s never really been a tournament card outside of Rakso’s Keeper-fest. Fire/Ice is dandy, and I’m glad they decided to combine the chocolate flavor of Fire with the minty fresh taste of Ice in order to give us the Chocolate Mint stylings of Electrolyze.
4. Strip Mine (Common AND Uncommon, Antiquities) – Interesting for more reasons than the fact that Strip Mine is one of the few cards ever printed to have two different commonalities in the same set, The Mine of Stripping has quite a lot of uses. It’s great against so many different land-based threats, as well as a few not-so-land-based threats as well. There’s nothing like taking out a Forest and preventing someone from paying the upkeep for their Force of Nature. Besides, casual players don’t mind land destruction. They like it almost as much as countermagic.
3. Lotus Guardian (Rare, Invasion) – Lotus Vale is a great card. Lotus Petal is an overvalued common. Black Lotus is worth my entire monthly salary. Blacker Lotus is worth a bit more than that. Lotus Blossom was already inducted into my Underused Hall of Fame. Gilded Lotus was an overhyped card. That leaves the black sheep of the family, Lotus Guardian, without a mention at all. I love 4/4 flyers, and I’m sure you do too. What’s amazing about the Lotus Guardian is that not only its it a 4/4 beater, but it also taps for a mana of any color, thus fixing any and all mana problems that you might have. Lotus Guardian = awesome!
2. Sol Ring (Uncommon, And One Ring to Bind Them) – Swords to Plowshares is the White Staple. Lightning Bolt is the RED staple. Sol Ring is simply the staple. Every deck ever conceived by man should include four of these bad boys. I’ve never even seen a deck with more than one! This card is way too good to just occasionally splash.
1. Sol’Kanar the F***ing Swamp King (Rare But in Chronicles so not That Rare, Best Legend Ever) – How did you lose to Tolsimir Wolfblood in the Wizards janky tournament of legends? (Which was massively flawed, FYI. The rankings were horrible. Further proof that the Wizards hiring practice of employing pro players creates flawed information about the casual community. Anybody who ranks Kokusho, the Broken Star that low simply does not understand the casual game at all.) You are too good to be a first round bust. A 5/5 for five mana? Great abilities? Richard-Kane-Ferguson art? There’s no way you should have lost to Tolsimir “New Elf on the Block” Wolfblood. If you read my column and you voted for Tolsimir, then step right up for your spanking.
Spankings await!
Until Later,
Abe Sargent
