"Step inside, Hello! We've the most amazing show,
You'll enjoy it all, we know, step inside, step inside…."
-ELP, Karn Evil 9, 1^st Impression, Part 1

First, I would like to thank Tony Boydell for choosing two of my comments to reprint in his recent question game. It was a thrill to see my name in print. Second, regarding one of my answers to that question game, I am not anti-gay - I was simply trying to make a reference to Monty Python's"Bruces" Aussie philosopher sketch ("No Pooftahs!") Sorry if it came across otherwise. I actually have quite a few friends who are dinner-mashers. Third, a belated"thank you" to all the authors here on StarCity, who make all our days brighter with your articles. While you may not inspire all of us to greatness – witness this article – you do inspire us to try. Or not, as Rizzo might say. That said, here's the short tale of my Odyssey Prerelease tournament experience from this past weekend, after a few words of background history.

I've been playing Magic since Fourth Edition and Fallen Empires, really getting into it about the time Homelands was released. I couldn't get enough of Homelands. At lunchtime, I'd walk from my job to the neighboring strip-mall's hobby store and buy"just a few more packs." Boxes worth of packs later, I still hadn't opened a Sengir Autocrat. (I eventually had to trade for one.)

I organized an all-commons league for my friends, buying the commons from a friend who was even more heavily into Magic than I was. As organizer, I never cheated to win, but I was much more emotionally invested in the game than my friends were; they were still playing AD&D and other RPGs. Naturally, my enthusiasm for the game paid off, and I won regularly. Naturally, the game got old to my friends as a result. Even the free snacks and sodas couldn't get a crowd to my apartment on Sunday afternoons, and within a year, the league folded. My favorite combo of Pestilence + Cemetery Gate will always hold a special place in my heart.

One marriage and one-point-five kids later, I rarely get an opportunity to play Magic at all, much less go to a prerelease tournament. At a fairly recent (two or three years ago) prerelease tourney here in Atlanta, I arrived at 8:30, and we'd only played one round by four in the afternoon! I don't have that sort of time to waste! So, with a sour taste for organized Magic in my mouth, I stopped putting forth the effort to attend prerelease tourneys.

Moving to our current house, I found a sports card shop just around the corner. The store also offered Magic cards and had some tables set up for game play. I have attended perhaps half a dozen events there in the intervening eighteen months, most of which started relatively on time, and most of which were fun, and a good use of my time. Recently I had the good fortune to meet Sol Malka there. He proved to be a classy fellow – after drubbing me kindly yet firmly with a white controllish/stall deck, he was enough of a gentleman to deconstruct my deck and comment on my choices - again, kindly. (As it happens, I was about three cards short of what I should have had to build a deck from. Perhaps not coincidentally, it was my first time in a booster draft, and I would not be surprised if there wasn't some shady activity at my draft table that I was too busy and naïve to catch.) Meeting a Pro made the game somehow more real for me, and definitely lent weight and credence to a pastime which none of my friends seem to much understand or care about.

But I ramble; I apologize. Any readers who didn't skip to the end of the article after my mention of Homelands, take heart - for the tournament report is almost at hand!

Last Friday I called The War Room to ask about the prerelease schedule. I was thrilled to hear they'd be running a flight at midnight Friday! I also learned of the Saturday and Sunday flights. After discussion with my wonderful wife, we agreed that the Midnight flight wasn't as great a deal as it first sounded. While it is true I'd minimize the time I was away from my wife and son, I'd be doing so at the expense of sleep, and would therefore be a zombie on Saturday - as good as not being there (worse, if you consider I get grumpy when I'm sleep-deprived.) So we decided I'd go to the Sunday flight at noon.

I was excited about the prospect of playing again! I read the MTGnews spoiler, and got the following impressions: White (again) seemed to get the"best of the best," to my dismay (I am no fan of playing white). Red seemed to get better-than-average stuff, considering recent expansions, which thrilled me, since I tend to go for the simple stuff, and burn is about as basic as it gets. I was (and am) a bit iffy about black's depth, green looked decent, and blue, well... Blue is for poofters. (Er, I meant to say,"blue is not a color I normally choose to play.") Thus mentally pseudoprepared, I set off to make the important preparations – snacks to take to the tourney! Like many a fan, and many a Magic player, I'm overweight. It's a lifelong struggle for me. Though I am off afresh on another dance with Weight Watchers, I chose to get quite the selection of portable snacking edibles, as well as a YooHoo ("Shake! It's Great!") to wash it down with. (Aside: Sol, fried food is NOT"ass," but I agree it's not a wise choice around Magic cards, due to grease's penetrative nature. Anyone want to trade for an oil-spotted 7^th edition Serra Angel?) A few more minutes got me my dice and scratch pads, as well as my El Lameo trade binder, and I was on my way.

I arrived at The War Room a few minutes before noon, and saw a small crowd outside the locked door. The staff was only a few minutes late (amazing, since they'd been up since Friday). We entered and paid. As I entered, I saw a sign that asked players not to bring in outside food and drink, but to support the establishment by buying goodies on-site. Me being the Poster-boy of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder* that I am, I immediately turned in my bagful (oh, about three or four pounds worth) of goodies to the first judge I saw (i.e., he was wearing a black-and-white DCI golf shirt). I told him it was my first time in the store, I'd seen the sign, and I wanted to comply, and wouldn't the tourney staff enjoy these? He looked a bit surprised, but accepted the gift, and I departed hungrier yet lighter, and with a clean conscience. (Plus, I had a loss at weigh-in this week! Yay!)

Someone asked if I had anything to trade, and when I said,"Yes, but not a lot of good stuff," he replied,"Savage!" It was the first time I'd heard that word spoken in that context. Considering the source, a teenaged chap, it seemed appropriate, if perhaps the teeniest bit cutesy. He confirmed with a few quick flips that I didn't really have much worth trading for, but he showed class in replying,"That's okay - it's always fun to look!" I think most of the adults of tomorrow may turn out okay after all. Deck registration followed soon afterwards.

Here's what I played, as best as I can reconstruct it:

Halberdier
Thermal Blast
Scorching Missile
Mad Dog
Flame Burst
3 Ember Beast
Afflict
Dirty Wererat
2 Frightcrawler
2 Zombie Cannibal
Muscle Burst
Krosan Archer
Woodland Druid
Chatter of the Squirrel
2 Nantuko Disciple
6 Forest, Mountain, Swamp

(Yes, I know two colors and a splash beats three colors. But I didn't get manascrewed a single time the whole day, either.)

Here's what I didn't play:

In-colors:
Pardic Swordsmith
Earth Rift
2 Price of Glory
Magma Vein
Mudhole
Impulsive Maneuvers
Rites of Spring
Cartographer
Simplify (sided in against a problematic enchantment, I forget which one)
Diligent Farmhand
Sylvan Might
Nantuko Elder
Diabolic Tutor
Execute (sided in against white decks, duh)
Malevolent Awakening
Face of Fear
Mind Burst
Morbid Hunger
Innocent Blood
Filthy Cur
2 Ghastly Demise (I wrongly felt the limitation to be prohibitive)
Zombie Assassin
Lithatog
Sandstone Deadfall (I felt another creature would be better – WRONG!)
Bog Wreckage
Ravaged Highlands

Out-colors:
Aven Flock
Beloved Chaplain
Dedicated Martyr
Devoted Caretaker
Earnest Fellowship
Embolden
2 Kirtar's Desire
Pilgrim of Justice
Pilgrim of Virtue
Ray of Distortion
2 Shelter
Soulcatcher
Æther Burst
Aven Fisher
Careful Study
Cephalid Looter
Escape Artist
Patron Wizard
Phantom Whelp
Predict
Syncopate
Thought Eater
Touch of Invisibility
Words of Wisdom
Cephalid Coliseum

Round 1

I suffered against a W/G deck, whose protection from colors and damage prevention proved too much for me. I did have enough wits about me to sideboard in Simplify during the second game, against Squirrel Nest. Still, I lost in two straight games. My opponent was polite, deferential, funny, and a great sport (sorry - I'm no good at names, and I wasn't taking notes.) We used almost all the available time.

0-1, 0-2

Round 2

I played a young teen (or sub-teen?) with a U/G/R deck. The first game, my speedy creatures never got challenged due to a poor draw on his part. Game two I felt in good control of, and played a Flame Burst for what I thought was the win, when my opponent said,"No way, that's not game, I was at five life, not two." I was keeping track of both our scores via pad and paper, and he was keeping track of his own score only, via dice. Yet I elected not to push the point, to play it out and allowed as how either of us could have made the mistake. He promptly bounced several of my creatures and played out some green megafat, and I took the game loss. After the game, I politely asked him to keep track of his life with pencil and paper, which he quickly agreed to do. He mulliganed down to five cards, and I took the game easily. I did learn from him the value of Flashback, as his many red burn spells seemed to be always readily at hand. Having to play three games, instead of the expected two, we used nearly all the allotted time.

1-1, 2-3

I was needing blood sugar by then (it was about 3 p.m.), so I bought a Super Slim Jim (Go Macho!) and a Rice Krispies Treat. Yes, I had second thoughts about my honesty in turning in my treats earlier. What the heck, ain't no step for a steppah (from a Powerpuff Girls episode – pretty much all my slang now comes from Dexter's Lab, PPG, Scooby-Doo, TeleTubbies, with an occasional promo line from the WWF thrown in – how has your two-year old child affected your life?)

Round 3

Another older guy (in his twenties, I'd guess, though at forty, my eyesight isn't what it used to be, sonny), polite, efficient, friendly, meticulous. I think he played W/G, and used some of the same damage prevention tricks as my first opponent did. He was a gracious winner, and did me the courtesy of deconstructing my deck after two relatively quick games. He was kind enough not to say I'd made huge construction errors, but did have a stack of five or six cards he urged me to find room for.

By that time, I heard the loons calling, though, and I knew it was a good time for me to go. (Actually, I heard the suburban whine of lawnmowers, trimmers, and kids' electric cars - but hey, it's Alpharetta, not Lake Wobegon.) I said goodbye to TO Anthony Edwards, telling him I had a great time, and congratulated him on the birth of his ten-week old daughter. Though obviously tired from a long weekend, he seemed to perk up a moment, and asked if I'd be at future tournaments. I told him the free time was hard to come by, as every parent knows, but I'd do my best.

So I didn't win it all. I probably came in maybe forty-fifth out of fifty. Hell, maybe I came in dead last and just don't know it. Regardless, it was refreshing to find that we do still have tourneys that are run on time and efficiently. It was fun to play against generally honest players. It was nice to see a competent, helpful, friendly staff, whether administrator or judge. As I slide inarguably into middle age, it's nice to know it's still possible to"hang" with the kids, as they say on the street, if only a few times a year, yo.

Woooord.

John Cochrane
-The Beastly Poet

* - My wife's a psychologist, and says, that while I'm not strictly OCD, I exhibit some of the characteristics. She's promised not to commit me involuntarily, though. At least not until the mortgage is paid off….