Clergy. Yum. In honor of this article, I decided to make a list of the top 5 coolest clergy:

5. Aaron - Man, how cool would it be to wear one of those twelve stone tablets? For all you non-religious types, Aaron was the first cleric in the Bible. He got this really cool breast plate/silver bib that had twelve precious stones on it, and made him not die when he was in the presence of God. That would be like, target creature gets +4/+4, First Strike, Protection from God.

4. St. Caius - Otherwise known as Pope Gaius. Pope Gaaaius. No, really, this is a real Pope. He was in charge from 283-296 A.D.

3. Stephen of Cloyes - You probably wouldn't know who he is, because I had to go look up his name for the article. This is the dude who started the Children's Crusade. Yea, the one that ended with a few thousand European children sold into slavery by Turkish slave traders.

Turkish slave traders... Now those priest scandals don't sound so bad, do they?

2. Atharvans - This isn't a person, it's a group. Turns out that the Atharvans are"priests of fire... a prototype of the priest, who produced Agni, fire by friction..."

To translate: Indian pyromaniacs, second only to Shiva, these dudes would light things on fire to give offering to the Hindu gods. Light anything on fire. Hell yea!

1. Rabbi Bob - My Rabbi. He came dressed up as a PDA to Purim. He plays the banjo. You gotta respect that.

Now that you children are actually excited to be playing with priests, let's get started.

This deck is a blast to play. For starters, I don't think there is any other deck out there that allows you to sacrifice your own creatures in so many ways. Then, it allows you to summon venerable arch-demons through human sacrifice - another popular choice, I hear. Top this off with some of the sexiest Angels around and a full platter of the best removal OnBC has to offer, and you have a delicious deck.

Plus, it's a Cleric deck. That's got to win you some brownie points with God, neh? Trust me: if you play this deck in your next OnBC tournament, God will not show you his Wrath. Because...

God is On Our Side!

Spells
4x Smother
4x Shared Triumph
3x Wing Shards
2x Oversold Cemetery

Clerics
4x Cabal Archon
4x Weathered Wayfarer
4x Rotlung Reanimator
4x Dark Supplicant
3x Edgewalker

Power
4x Exalted Angel
1x Scion of Darkness

Land
12x Plains
9x Swamp
1x Barren Moor
1x Starlit Sanctum

Sideboard
4x Silver Knight
4x Cruel Revival
3x Akroma's Vengeance
3x Wipe Clean

Card-by-Card Analysis:

Weathered Wayfarer:
This useful sucker serves many purposes. Firstly, he is a 1/1 for W. Secondly, he allows us to run twenty-three lands instead of twenty-four, because the Wayfarer can keep us out of mana screw. Thirdly, in case of emergency, he reads,"BW: Search you library for a Barren Moor, put it into your graveyard, and draw a card." Sources in the Vatican tell me that he is part of a conspiracy to summon the devil by turn 2, going swamp-Dark-Supplicant-plains-Weathered Wayfarer-Dark Supplicant-tap-sacrifice-Scion of Darkness, and good game.

Dark Supplicant:
Now, I don't know about you guys, but the Dark Arts have always appealed to me. Here is your chance: Let that Avatar rip! If you draw a Dark Supplicant and a Swamp in your opening hand, the potential exists for some truly broken openings (swinging for six on turn 3, nabbing an Eternal Dragon, and bringing your opponent to 3 on turn 4 is always fun). As with all sacrificial costs, remember to get the most out of your creatures before you sacrifice them. This means attacking or blocking with the Clerics, damage on the stack, sacrifice. Also, just because you can fetch a Scion of Darkness doesn't mean you have to; sometimes, a swarm of clerics can be more effective than a single, removable creature.

Rotlung Reanimator:
The bread and butter of this deck. This makes all your creatures so annoying... Anything that lives twice is twice as good. Since most of your creatures are going to be sacrificed at one point during the game, think of it as ripping off somebody's life insurance company.

Which reminds me... where did I put that ACME Brake Disabler? Oh, Mother! I finished fixing your car...

Cabal Archon:
The second way you can sacrifice creatures, and yet another notch on the list of 2/2s for three. His ability, however, is quite powerful and usually game-ending. If you do not use the Supplicant combo, you will usually have enough clerics around to end the game rather quickly once you have dropped your opponent below ten life.

Edgewalker:
Yet another 2/2 for three. Clerics is just loaded with these treats.

Edgewalker only got into the deck because the ability he comes with is good enough to warrant the overpricing of his body. The ability to shrug off a W or B from any cleric is quite powerful. It can be useful on turn 3 to cast an Edgewalker plus a 1cc cleric. Usually, however, you will simply cast this turn 3, and follow it up with two three casting-cost clerics. This helps tremendously in offsetting the disadvantage of having so many three-mana creatures (Even though it's a three-mana creature....)

Exalted Angel:
Ah, everyone's favorite angel. This hottie is our late game; if you don't get a scion out, your first priority should be getting an Angel online. Plus, after sideboarding, the presence of the Exalted Angels and Silver Knights creates an almost mono white control situation that Goblins can't deal with. There's not really much I can say about this card that someone else has not.

Scion of Darkness:
My favorite avatar by far. There is something incredibly fun - and, goshdarnit, evil - in sacrificing three of your creatures in order to summon a demon. And boy, what a demon it is! As a 6/6 trampler, it can overrun anything that will be summoned in the first four or five turns of the game. Since the Scion often goes active turn 3 or 4, this means that for those two turns, your opponent is either going to lose twelve life, or he is going to loose slightly less life, and give you whatever creatures he uses to chump block this efficient recycling engine.

Many other cleric decks run more than one Scion; I don't, because you do not need more than one in play at any given time, and the things are too bulky to hold in your hand, especially with their high cycling cost.

Smother:
Yep.

Wing Shards:
The best option available for dealing with the fatties, and the ultimate counter to Goblin Warchief. This deck utilizes it even better than Mono White Control, because it has the option of smothering something and then casting Wing Shards, almost always wiping out an entire offense.

Still, I never really got the flavor behind this card... What the hell is the bird doing? Shattering at someone? Is it blasting the opposing creature with feathers? I mean,"No, please don't feather me... stop, stop, it tickles... the tickling, it drives me insane, I can't go on... the feathers, it's like a storm of them, why won't they get out of my teeth... must, sacrifice something... something attacking..."

Shared Triumph:
Bigger Clerics are better clerics. Nothing is more annoying than 3/3 Rotlung Reanimators turn 3... nothing except three 3/3 Zombies and a Scion of Darkness attacking turn 4. Coupled with the deck's extreme need for two-drops, this enchantment is entirely necessary. Another fun trick to use: Name Angel. It is surprising how much better a four-turn Exalted Angel clock is.

Oversold Cemetery
Well, since we are going to be sacrificing so many things anyway, why not get something out of it? Our late game win condition: Recycling a Rotlung Reanimator for two Drain Life damage per turn. That and Exalted Angel, of course. It can also be used for simple card advantage, or for getting that Exalted Angel back into play. This is another much-needed two-drop.

Plains and Swamps
I chose this mix of land, and a heavy amount of basic land, because the deck needs a lot of colored mana early. Even though there are more black spells in the deck, it turns out that there is the same number of colored mana symbols (twenty-one each; I counted). But since you only need one black mana at any given time, yet you usually need two white mana for an angel or a wing shards, not to mention the Silver Knights off the sideboard, the white mana became a priority.

Starlit Sanctum:
The third and final way to sacrifice our clerics. Included only for the benefit of being fetched by Weathered Wayfarer. I would include more, but it does not produce colored mana. On occasion, this card can finish games.

Barren Moor:
Also included solely for the benefit of Weathered Wayfarer. See that card for an explanation.

Cruel Revival:
The big Smother. This card is useful against any deck that has big creatures, such as Veggies. Overpriced, but unfortunately it is what we have to work with, so deal with it. Occasionally you will nab a Reanimator with it; congratulate yourself if you do.

Akroma's Vengeance:
Mass removal. In a format dominated by creatures, a way to reset those creatures is good. Add to this the fact that the"reset" often leaves you with four or five zombies lying around, and you have a winner. The only reason it's not in the main is that holding it early on in place of a cleric can be a terrible tempo loss for the deck. If you sideboard it in, try not to cast Oversold Cemetery turn 2, because you won't generally need it till later. Unfortunately, Akroma, unlike God, is not on our side, so her Wrath can reach us. Funny that this is the only spell we have to deal with her, beyond blocking her with three Exalted Angels...

Wipe Clean:
I like to think of deck/color hosers and their hosies as a predator-prey model. When Wizards released Stabilizer into the environment, the number of predators skyrocketed. Since this happened, the prey, Astral Slide, died off. Of course, without enough food, the predators started dying off, and thus, Stabilizer is being removed from many sideboards. This cycle will repeat endlessly, and you will have to judge your own metagame to decide weather or not to include Stabilizer.

If you don't, use Wipe Clean. It is still good against Astral Slide, but it is much better against other, less important enchantments that can still prove to be a pain.

Matchups:

Goblins:
2-8 Pre-Sideboarding/10-6 Post-Sideboarding

This is probably one of the deck's worst matchups pre-sideboard. Goblins has swarms, burn, card-advantageous removal, and even reusable removal. They use this removal to prevent you from getting the Scion in play, and to just clear the board of your creatures before swinging in with much beats. Simply put, they are too fast and too destructive for clerics to deal with.

Sideboarding improves the matchup tremendously, A single Silver Knight can cost a goblin deck turns of tempo, and repeatedly force bad trades, and these alone are enough to turn many games in your favor. A fourth Wing Shards doesn't hurt against all those haste creatures, either. Basically, if you can do any of these, you win:

• If you can flip over an Exalted Angel turn 4, you win.
• If you can get a Scion of Darkness turn 3, you win.
• If you can play a Silver Knight turn 2, you win.
• If you can Wing Shards a Goblin Warchief driven attack, you win.
• If you can cast Smother and Wing Shards in the same attack phase, you win.
• If you resolve Akroma's Vengeance on a full table, you win.

So see if you can arrange any of the above situations. It pays off.

Generally, if one of the above does not happen, you lose. But on occasion, you can lay a few Shared Triumphs, a Rotlung, and simply be big. Just remember that you can sac things to your Archon, and that keeps you alive. Bring in the extra Wing Shards and the Silver Knights.

Also, remember that Goblins sometimes just... Win. Don't be disappointed. It's designed to do that.

Mono White Control:
3-6 Pre-Sideboarding/4-9 Post-Sideboarding
Bad matchup. MWC does what it is meant to do: Control the living daylights out of our creatures. Since we can only win with creatures, and we are not particularly fast about it, they have a tremendous advantage. Basically, we can win on occasion, but usually their much sexier creatures out maneuver ours left and right. Bring in the extra Wing Shard and the heavy removal for their creatures, and make sure to gather up your Clerics for prayers before heading into battle.

And people, remember the Wing Shards! Play around it! You have no excuse to be casting spells before your combat phase. Don't! If you must play a Rotlung, better only attack with one creature, so you don't get hurt by the Storm.

G/X Vegetation:
5/4 Pre-Sideboarding/8-4 Post-Sideboarding
This is actually a strange form of combo vs. combo. You have a single card, Dark Supplicant, that is incredibly powerful. They have a single card, Explosive Vegetation, that is also extremely powerful. If you draw a Dark Supplicant in your opening hand and they don't Vegetate, you will generally win. If, however, they draw their Vegetation and you don't draw your Supplicant, they will generally win. If both of you draw your card, or both of you do not, Clerics has the advantage, because of the beating nature of its creatures. It sort of like playing MWC without as much control, and a more powerful win condition. So sideboard the same way, and hope for the best.

Beasts:
3-6 Pre-Sideboarding/5-8 Post-Sideboarding
This is a hard matchup. They have a strong early game, and powerful mid game, and great removal. This become a lot better after sideboarding, when you can take out some of their creatures, but Contested Cliffs rips us apart just as badly as any other deck. Sideboard in all the removal you can muster, and be prepared for a long, drawn out stalling game. Once again, you want to get a Scion early, and if you do, you can often win. Watch out for the Carbonize. Try to leave mana open to sacrifice your Rotlung Reanimator before it gets removed.

Astral Slide:
1-4 Pre-Sideboarding/2-8 Post-Sideboarding
A very, very bad matchup. However, as I say above, you want to rely on your knowledge of the metagame. If slide is coming back if force, be ready with the Stabilizers. Other than that, you just want to pray for the best, and exchange the Smothers for Revivals.

Zombies:
3-4 Pre-Sideboarding/5-5 Post Sideboarding
As far as I can tell, this is an even match. My number might be a little twisted, because I used my version of Zombies, a version that uses Patriarch's Bidding. Since we have our own Zombies, and Rotlung Reanimator, a lot of their tricks do not work against us. Still, Zombies is a very consistent deck, so make sure they don't pull any tricks on you. Try to keep mana open to Wing Shards turn four after they lay a Warchief and attack, often wiping out their entire force. Remember, this is a black and white deck. Black and white. Don't succumb to the Darkness!

Elves:
4-3 Pre-Sideboarding/6-2 Post-Sideboarding
One of the most fun matchups you will ever play. Both decks are filled with fun combos and tricks, and everyone generally has a good time. Since you have better removal than they do, you generally have the advantage. Nothing, I insist, Nothing is as fun as taking a Timberwatch Elf away from an elves player and then beating him for major damage from his own elves. Try to enjoy these kind of matchups, this is what makes Magic the great game it is. No sideboarding is really necessary; I think the elves players got themselves into more trouble than was worth by sideboarding.

A Conclusion, perhaps?
Now, I know the numbers you see here are not that promising. This deck does not truly have any great matchups, and has a quite a few bad ones. However, notice that in none of the records did I ever lose every game. This is because the deck has one of the most explosive starts of any deck in block or even standard. Now, I know that I would not play this deck in a major tournament, because I only play consistent decks, but I know that if a few people do, one of them is going to top 8. Why? Because this deck can simply win. If you pull any of the broken cards/ and combos on people in a good situation, you can simply overpower them entirely. This is not just a fluke of luck. The deck has the potential to win in every situation. Take advantage of this.

Behind the Deck with Shlomi G: The making of"God is On Our Side!"

(Yes, my middle name starts with a G. No, I won't tell you what it is)

I decided to play a cleric deck after I got pwned by some n00b using a very low-quality version of Clerics (he ran Akroma's Devoted in it, and no removal...) after he pulled a turn 2 Scion on my ass two games in a row. This led me to think that the deck had potential. So I took a look at my virtual pile of Onslaught Block cards in Apprentice, and started thinking how to build the deck.

The first thing I did was take a look at all the clerics. When looking at creatures, one should judge them by their power-to-toughness ratio first, and their abilities second. Rule of thumb: If it has less power than its casting cost, and is does not have a powerful ability, the card is not good. However, most things need an ability even then. Abilities are what make cards like Wild Mongrel better than Grizzly Bears. This was my list:

• Withered Wretch
• Whipgrass Entangler
• Planar Guide
• Noble Templar
• Foothill Guide
• Edgewalker
• Doubtless One
• Daru Spiritualist
• Daru Sanctifier
• Cabal Archon
• Akroma's Devoted
• Weathered Wayfarer
• Rotlung Reanimator
• Dark Supplicant
• Doomed Necromancer

From this list, I proceeded to throw out the chaff. Akroma's Devoted is cute, but not good enough in a deck with almost no tapping clerics. Daru Spiritualist breaks the rules... He is a 1/1 for 2 and his ability blows. Noble Templar is a land cycler, and seemed a useful one, but when I saw that I would want to spend the early turns playing cheap clerics, I decided against including him - because if he was not cycled early he was merely an overpriced creature. Daru Sanctifier is good, but is only sideboard material. Likewise, Foothill and Planar Guide would only be useful in certain matchups. Thus, my list was reduced to:

• Withered Wretch
• Whipgrass Entangler
• Edgewalker
• Cabal Archon
• Rotlung Reanimator
• Weathered Wayfarer
• Dark Supplicant

Sideboard:
Planar Guide
Foothill Guide
Daru Sanctifier

Looking at this, I realized that it would be rather easy to simply make the deck mono black, and drop the white clerics. However, I also knew that Clerics were simply not as good as Zombies, and a mono-black cleric deck would end up being a shafted form of Zombies. So I looked at white and what it offered.

Here is a rule for all of you aspiring OnBC deck builders: If you are playing white, play Exalted Angels. Play four of them. Yes, they are that good. Yes, they are that sexy. I also knew white would provide me with such spells as Akroma's Vengeance, Wing Shards, and Pacifism. Since the deck would automatically be running Smother (it was black... the four-of rule applies here as well. If you are playing black, run four Smothers.) I thought that Wing Shards would be an excellent addition to my removal and destruction repertoire.

Having experimented with Mono White Control, I knew I could borrow their Eternal Dragons and Silver Knights. Around this time, one of my friends had pointed out to me that though Foothill Guide had protection from Goblins, he most certainly did not have protection from red. Or shocks. Or Gempalm Incinerators, for that matter (even though they are goblins). So I thought to myself: Well, we have already decided against land cycling, and we need some anti-goblin tech, so let's take four of those Knights instead of the Foothill guides, and not take any Eternal Dragons. So, currently, our pile looks something like this:

Smother
Wing Shards
Exalted Angel
Withered Wretch
Whipgrass Entangler
Edgewalker
Cabal Archon
Rotlung Reanimator
Weathered Wayfarer
Dark Supplicant

Sideboard:
Planar Guide
Silver Knight
Daru Sanctifier
Akroma's Vengeance

Looking at the cards, I realized that way too many of my spells cost three mana. Three mana is a problem mana cost, because you can only effectively cast four three casting-cost spells in six turns, and that's if you don't miss any land drops. You can cast four two-mana spells in four turns, though, which is why so many decks are very heavy on the two-drop department. Anyway, considering I had six out of ten three-mana cards (counting Exalted Angel's morph cost), I had to cut something.

Now, I am as big a fan of bondage in a healthy relationship as the next man (or woman), but Whipgrass Entangler violated the mana-to-power ratio very severely. It had an ability that was both situational and mana-intensive. It had to go. The next cleric in line to leave was Edgewalker - but, since I needed clerics for the deck, and Edge Walker actually allowed you to cast three clerics by turn 4, cheating the mana curve, he made it in.

I now had to find a way to even the mana curve some more, by adding more two-drops. I wanted to be able to more reliably cast a powerful spell every turn. So I looked at the deck, and noticed that it was a tribal deck. How about that! So, I thought, let's add some Shared Triumphs. So I did. I also realized that I would be doing a lot of sacrificing, so I included Oversold Cemetery. Finally, I added a Scion of Darkness so my Dark Supplicants would have something to fetch. At this point I wanted to use twenty-three lands, because I figured the Wayfarers could count as twenty-fourth lands. So I had 37 slots:

4x Smother
4x Wing Shards
4x Shared Triumph
2x Oversold Cemetery
4x Exalted Angel
4x Withered Wretch
3x Edgewalker
4x Cabal Archon
4x Rotlung Reanimator
4x Weathered Wayfarer
4x Dark Supplicant
1x Scion of Darkness

Sideboard:
Planar Guide
Silver Knight
Daru Sanctifier
Akroma's Vengeance

Hmmm. That's forty-two cards, or five too many. Looking at it all, I could tell that it was very color-intensive. In an effort to avoid that, I cut out the Withered Wretches, and one Wing Shards, then added the mana base, and voila, I have the deck shown in the beginning.

Now comes playtesting. I playtested as much as possible against as the decks I thought were problematic. From the playtesting, pre-sideboarding, I found out where my weaknesses were.

First, I learned that the fourth Wing Shards was useful in many matches, so I decided to run it on the sideboard. I also learned that I had a strong weakness to big creatures that my Exalted Angel could not deal with, so I added some Cruel Revivals to deal with those creatures. This seemed to work well in my Zombies deck, and I figured it would work well here. Akroma's Vengeance was also good at what it did, I decided that it warranted inclusion, especially in a deck that has Rotlung Reanimator in it.

At the same time, I realized that I had no need for Planar Guide or Daru Sanctifier. Planar Guide is simply another not-so-powerful Rotlung, and unnecessary. Daru Sanctifier was removed because the enchantment he most usually killed was a Lightning Rift... And Lightning Rift loves eating up morphs. Thus, I replaced them with Wipe Cleans.

Now, after the last article I wrote, I received many questions that had already been answered in the article. This got to me, because I thought that this was a failing of mine. So, in this article, I have gone the extra mile to provide you, my faithful reader, the answers to as many questions I could think of. If you have suggestions, comments, or improvements on my deck, I would gladly accept them. If you need a situation cleared up, I will do my best to explain. If, however, I receive such responses as"Why is Silver Knight in you sideboard? He isn't a cleric..." or"Smother suckxors!!!!!111", I will get very angry. Please; try not to post question if you have not read the entire article. You won't like me when I'm angry.

In fact, If I get a single response in the forums asking me a question I have already answered in the above section, I will personally see to it that the poster will get a very blunt post in a very private location, by yours truly, using my industrial, hydraulic, heat-seeking keyboard of massive pain and suffering. I will be your own personal cataclysm, a burn, an itch, a cut you have never experienced before. I shall hold your soul on the cusp of death, pulling your shattered mind between heaven and earth, fire and water, between pain, and more pain.

You do not know the meaning of pain.

You will watch Discovery Channel specials on the affect of sulfuric acid on cockroaches, and you shall wish you were the cockroach. You will beg me to desist, to abstain from causing you the concentrated suffering of millions, to release you from the bloody, blinding, inescapable prison of Darkness. You shall wish you were dead, you shall wish you were never conceived, you shall wish you could not wish, could not think, could not feel. But at each turn, you shall meet me, and you shall know that there is no escape. I will never fail to find you.

I will stop, and release you, and just when you feel safe, when you are ready to believe it was all a nightmare, I shall make that nightmare real.

Again.

You will live in constant fear of my wrath. You will have no mercy, no compassion, no empathy, from anyone. For know, that for you, I am the Bringer of Death, the Bringer of Pain, the beginning of your end.

Remember this, and remember this well. With every one of my"customers," I have a very special relationship. I enjoy every twist, every scream, every face you will make. I will love you as you have never been loved before, the love of a mother, a sister, a wife. When I am done, you will know that every break, every moment I am not hurting you, is a way I show you my love. You will thank me, you will do anything for me, knowing that I love you, because at that moment, you will not be in pain, you will simply feel the ache of the not so old pain, and the knowledge of the pain that is to come.

I will be everything to you.

And one day, when I tire of you, when your tolerance for pain is too high, I will have no more need of you. On that day, you will die, begging me to give you more pain, not wanting your complete and total reliance on me as a source of stimulation to end.

So, before you post, think very carefully about the importance of your time, and more importantly, the importance of my time. Think very carefully about the comfortable life you have lead so far, and if that little post is worth loosing it all. For I am waiting. And I will revel in every second of what I will do to you.

*clears throat*

Err, hehe... Um, yea.

It's a fun deck. Play Clerics in OnBC. Cheers.

A note from Dave: Just thanking myself for my editing/spellchecking efforts. By the way, in case anyone was wondering, the computer says Shlomi here writes like a 7^th grader... All hail the mighty MS Word!