Sup? I'm Kell, and I'll be your tour guide today. I'm fourteen, live in Southern Cali, and play Magic religiously. That's all you need and want to know... And maybe it's a little later than the other reports, but I 5-0'ed a pre-release, too. So here's a recount of what happened, along with a little commentary and opinions on Onslaught.

After the boredom of OBC, I - like lots of others - was looking forward to Onslaught. So I wanted to get into the new set ASAP. Not everything in here may be completely correct, I'm too stupid to bring a pen and paper with me to write down people's names and exact plays. Without further ado - my prerelease day...

The day started off beautifully, with me waking up at 5 a.m. to go help with my mother's company's garage sale.

Fun...

Not.

After I'd concluded that it was unconstitutional to be up that early, especially on a weekend (hell, most coffee shops weren't even open), and moved heavy furniture for an hour, I got to sit and contemplate Onslaught while listening to bad DJs on the radio (seriously - these are the guys who are too ghastly to be put on while people are awake). This contemplation, surprisingly, had to be the best thing I could've done for my magic game (though I didn't have to get up at 5 a.m. to do it properly).

I was able to think clearly about the set and review the spoiler. I came to one main conclusion: Fat was going to rule. There was almost no removal or control to keep the beef in check. Thus, the fatties reign free again. Wakefield would be happy, neh? The Pitfighter Legends just go to prove my point that Wizards must like seeing creature battles.

No one came to that damn garage sale until we left... Seriously. We we're just pulling out of the parking lot (leaving almost all the stuff with signs saying"Free" there) when three cars full of people pulled in.*

Oh well; I was actually not that mad, just excited about the tournament.

I get to the site thirty minutes before registration, and get in the short line. This is a good time to socialize, if you're sociable - or at least in a sociable mood. Not me, really. I was too nervous... Too bloodthirsty. Too tired. So I kinda listened to about three different conversations, offering random input, and watched a November Extended Stompy-on-Sligh matchup (Sligh won).

At about 8:55, a van pulled up and started unloading. Everybody's watching as the chairs and tables are painstakingly slowly taken in. About forty-five minutes later, they were done. After fifteen more minutes, the tournament organizers remembered we were outside. Finally at like 9:55 we got in, and got... The foil and a card with a number on it. Huh?

We get the usual spiel; five rounds Swiss, explanation of morph, and so on, minutes later they felt like giving us cards. Finally! Only an hour late, which is pretty bad, even for this notoriously slow place.

As I open my tourney pack, first card I see is a foil Stag Beetle. That's a decent little bomb, and it's shiny... Ooooooh, fun! Changes color in light! Fun! (I have a thing for shiny objects). It's always a good omen to see a decent playable rare first.

Then I opened the rest of the tourney pack, my other rares are okay; Polluted Delta and Dream Chisel. Playable in B/U and with lots of morph, respectively.

Wait, that's bull - they sucked. Hard. Oh well.

I open the boosters, and what do I see? Two (!) green bombs waiting for me! (Hey! I rhyme!) Actually, not bombs. Pitfighter Legends are bombs; another Stag Beetle and a Mythic Proportions are not. They're very playable, but not that great...

Or so I thought.

Here's my total card pool (with commentary):

Red:
Fever Charm
2 Lay Waste (reprint)
Solar Blast (hey! It's some direct damage!)
Lightning Rift (good with lots of cycling)
Flamestick Courier
Break Open (What was wizards smoking?)
Goblin Taskmaster
Skirk Prospector
Goblin Sky Raider

White:
Disciple of Grace (reprint)
Chain of Silence (interesting...)
Renewed Faith
Shieldmage Elder (way too expensive)
Aura Extraction
2 Glory Seeker
2 Gustcloak Sentinel (hmm...seems decent)
Pacifism (back with a vengeance)
Daunting Defender (a selective Lashknife Barrier?)
Unified Strike
2 Daru Lancer (very playable)

Blue:
Meddle (in a removal-light environment?)
Mistform Dreamer
Sage Aven
Mistform Wall
Crown of Ascension
Imagecrafter
Riptide Chronologist
2 Backslide (fun fun fun)
Ixidor's Will (hey, it's a bad Counterspell!)
Information Dealer
Slipstream Eel
Mistform Mask

Black:
2 Headhunter (early disruption?)
2 Severed Legion (Fear kicks ass, and it is now a mechanic too)
2 Cruel Revival (removal and recursion? Sweet!)
Smother (goodbye, little dorks)
Wretched Anurid (early beats)
Nantuko Husk
Gluttonous Zombie (more Fear goodness)
Spined Basher
Syphon Mind (I want to try this in multiplayer)
Anurid Murkdiver (Sideboard for Legions)
Crown of Suspicion (anti-Wizards/Goblin/Elves strategy?)

Green:
2 Stag Beetle (sweet with lots of creatures)
2 Krosan Tusker (smoothing the curve or bringing the beats)
2 Symbiotic Elf (card advantage, green style)
Mythic Proportions (Whoa!)
Wirewood Herald (card advantage, plus you can search for Symbiotic Elf for even more card advantage)
Treespring Lorian
Elven Riders (essentially unblockable, or as close as green usually gets)
"Wirewood Elf
Run Wild (interesting, proved itself in the games)
2 Leery Fogbeasts (wait, green is supposed to attack. Fog every turn? No)
Snarling Undorak (a little expensive Beast pumping)
Crown of Vigor
Elvish Pathcutter (if this said"Target creature" rather than"Target Elf," it would be so much better)

Artifact:
Dream Chisel (should I have many morph creatures)

Land:
The usual 5 of each basic
Polluted Delta (Should I play B/U?)
Forgotten Cave (should I play red?)
Starlit Sanctum (if I had enough clerics...)

Looking over my card pool, I see I have not much in Red, Blue, or White.

Then I looked at the black and green. Holy crap! Green is packing the beef, while black is packing the removal and fear creatures. And they were deep enough that I really had no problem getting to twenty-three playable cards in just two colors.

I know that twenty-three is the"magic number" for beginners, and regularly I'm a fan of running sixteen or even fifteen (with an elf) lands, but in a deck with Mythic Proportions and Krosan Tuskers that you'll be hard-casting most of the time, it was necessary.**

My final build was like this:
2 Stag Beetle
2 Krosan Tusker
2 Symbiotic Elf
Mythic Proportions
Wirewood Herald
Treespring Lorian
Elven Riders
Wirewood Elf
Run Wild
2 Headhunter
2 Severed Legion
2 Cruel Revival
Smother
Wretched Anurid
Nantuko Husk
Gluttonous Zombie
9 Forest
8 Swamp

Only notable sideboard: 2 Anurid Murkdivers, which come in for the Severed Legions against anything with swamps.

Basically, the idea is to muster either an early defense or offense, depending on the opposing deck, and quickly get up to five or more lands, where the fat comes out to play. Most of the time I was going for beatdown, with larger creatures used as reinforcements to finish the game. Some of the time, though, I was just trying to hold off a quick rush then dominate with superior creatures.

Also, note that most of the beasts either cycle or have morph, thus improving them in the early game. I got lots of good playable doubles, which is good and makes my deck very consistent. The land was run at nine forests, eight swamps because in the early game, it seemed I would need more black mana, and not many green cards had GG casting cost. Seemed to be the right choice, as I mulliganed once in the day and only had mana problems once.

Round 1 *I don't know who you are* playing W/g/u
It's kind of funny how I almost subconsciously hope I'm going to lose my first game of my first match. I always come back to win the match and usually do decently or better in the tournament.

I've done this at all the events I have been to, surprisingly.

I win the die roll, 17 to 16 - and, as per usual, I lose the first game... This time to a pesky little flier in the form of Aven Soulgazer.

Actually, a 3/3 isn't too small, but compared to my (Pacifismed) Krosan Tusker and (Sandskinned) Gluttonous Zombie, it looked small. But at least it could attack and kill me, as I could find neither of my Cruel Revivals nor get the beatdown going again, drawing land after land. No sideboarding action for either of us.

Game 2 is a new story, as my hand is like pure beatdown in a can. I had something like a Severed Legion, Gluttonous Zombie and some beast along with a mess of land. Second turn I draw into a Wirewood Herald, which speeds the beats even more. Throughout the previous game, I saw no blue whatsoever; I was thinking he was playing straight G/W. This game however, he seemed to find more blue than he ever could want. I did, however, play around the Pacifisms/Sandskins I knew he had, playing Severed Legion on turn 3 and morphing Treespring Lorian on turn 4 rather than Gluttonous Zombie (with elf help).

He drops the Pacifism on my Legions. Next turn the Zombie comes down, followed by an unmorphed Treespring Lorian a turn later. Through all this he's stuck on something like three Islands and two Plains, trying to play chumps for the Lorian, which really wasn't that effective as the zombie still got through and I eventually found a Cruel Revival to kill a more decent-sized adversary and swing through for the win (not that I needed to rush; I was easily in control).

Game 3 was really interesting, as his deck seemed to come together, and mine rose to the challenge. Things started off quickly, with me curving very nicely: Headhunter, Nantuko Husk, and then a Symbiotic Elf.

Look at those last two very closely: They combo nicely, neh? 8/8 Shade pretty easily, sweet! As it was, he was gaining the upper hand with some decent-sized white guys - no fliers, luckily - and a some random green beast (Barkhide Mauler, I think), with only the Nantuko holding them back. That's when I threw down one of my two (!) Stag Beetles as a massive 8/8. I swung with my beetle, killing off a small white chump guy and dealing six trample damage thanks to Run Wild. Next turn he alpha struck, trying to get rid of my team and/or hurt me a bit. After the dust settled, I had a Nantuko left, took a little damage, and killed off one of his guys. He played a chump for the Beetle and passed it back.

Not that it really mattered, as I then drew the land I needed to play Mythic Proportions. The card may seem to be overcosted and there is plenty of enchantment removal in the environment (not that it gets played), but it sure as hell gets the job done. My 16/16 trampling beetle easily killed him despite his little chum. Hell yes!

I even could've taken another hit from his team and lived. This was also the first of the many times where Mythic Proportions won and I get the opponent's comical reaction:

"Is that legal?"
"Broken!"
"@#$%!"
"Cheater"
*Gaping at me*"Dear God!"

Matches 1-0 Games: 2-1

Feeling pretty good, I went to bide my time till the next round. I've gotten used to waiting, as I play at a very rapid pace and usually also play speedy decks, Invasion/Odyssey Type II Sligh, anyone?*** Mono-Red OBC****? Seriously though, even in sealed I usually draft quick little beats. And even when I play control, I play it quickly and usually finish early.

Anyway, I went, got a Coke and some candy (breakfast!), and looked at the singles: The new search lands were going at 5 a piece, so I figure they'll go down to four or three and then certain popular ones will rise again. While looking at singles, I met up with my old friend Richard, whom I met at the Judgment prerelease. So while we caught up, I missed the end of the round and the pairings for the next round. When I finally come to my senses and see everyone in my bracket is playing, I run over to the pairings and see:

Round 2: *I don't know who you are either* playing R/G Beasty Beats
As I frantically run to my table, I see my opponent calling a judge. I quickly fly over an occupied table (sorry to those gamers I probably gave a heart attack) and sprint furiously. As I'm two seconds away, the Judge says,"Game loss; call again in ten minutes" and walks away.

Me: *Slow motion while in air*"Noooooooooooo..."
*Land in seat*
Me:"You really want to count that?"
Opponent:"You seem like a nice guy... Nah, we'll play it out"
Me:"Thanks!"

So we shuffle up and roll. He throws a 19, grins, and hands me the die.

I roll a 20; a good omen.

Game 1, he gets in some early beats. My Wretched Anurid trades in combat, and he kills my Wirewood Elf with a Shock, complimenting my missing my fifth land drop, despite cycling a Krosan Tucker. One turn later, I do find the fifth land - which is where my deck really starts throwing out fat like Barkhide Mauler. Barkhide Mauler isn't great, but followed by Elven Riders and another Krosan Tusker (played this time), they pack a punch. After overrunning his smaller beasts, the win comes easily. None of that sideboarding crap for either of us.

Game 2 sees me come out aggressively with Headhunter, which was Shocked, then a Nantuko Husk, followed by a Symbiotic Elf (combo-style!). The Husk hit a little before he got down a Snarling Undorak. I swing with the Nantuko and he doesn't block, so I sack the elf to deal four damage rather than two, and get two insects for chumping or Nantuko pumping.

Next turn, the tables were turned a bit: He cast Erratic Explosion, targeting my shade. He tells me (because we're getting along just fine) that I can't respond to Erratic Explosion after the damage is dealt.***** I sacked an insect token before it resolved to pump to a 4/4. He reveals: forest, mountain, mountain, forest (lucky him, he was totally getting mana-flooded) and then some random four casting-cost spell. Darn. Then he attacks with his little beast and I chump with my insect.

Second Main phase he plays a face down morph. Fun.

I draw... Land.

He swings with both and un-morphs a Treespring Lorian. I drop to 12. Ow. I draw some random chumper, not that it really matters as next turn he swings and I block the Lorian. He pumps the other beast twice and I drop to 7. I draw a Barkhide Mauler and hope I can hold on. He swings and I block the Lorian; he pumps the other beast twice. My Mauler and his Lorian die and I take five.

Then he drops a mountain and throws down another shock. Bummer.

Wait; Two Shocks? Fun, fun, fun.

Game 3 was just the adventures of beef and Mythic Proportions. He actually got the best hand he probably could've. He threw down the beats and backed it up by killing off my small black dudes with two Shocks and an Erratic Explosion... But now I'm at like twelve life and just hit my 5th land drop. Now the fun starts. I throw down a Barkhide Mauler, which stops his 2 creatures for a turn, though he plays a face down morph. Next turn I play a Symbiotic Elf and pass it back. He swings with everyone. Fearing Snapping Thragg (he had 4RR open), I put the Barkhide Mauler in front of the morph and the Elf in front of one of the little dorks. He flips the morph into a *insert red guy who can't block*.... But I'm prepared with a Run Wild and the Green to regenerate.

I take 2, kill his ******** and other little dude, and get two insects to chump. Not bad. Next turn I drop a Stag Beetle as a little 4/4; oh well. I swing with insects for two and pass it back. I don't even remember what he played - I think It may have been Snarling Undorak - but I don't even really care. The point is, he was at eighteen and was rather unconcerned about my creatures. I don't like that. I untapped, dropped a land and cast Mythic Proportions on an insect token, then swing. Meanwhile, his jaw is still hanging.

After he comes to his senses, and stops cussing under his breath ("Damn lucky newb mother @#$%er") he does the math and blocks the beetle and drops to two. He draws, and then scoops.

At this point, he could be understandably mad: I mean, he gave up that game loss, which would've given him the match. But cussing for almost two minutes straight is not cool. After his ranting, I couldn't help but flash him my hand of the other Stag Beetle and a Cruel Revival. Once his jaw came back up, I allowed him his parting shot -"Be on time to your next match" - and walked away smiling.

Matches 2-0 Games: 4-2

I turned in the stylishly pink result slip, grabbed a Coke and some chips (lunch!) and met up with Richard and co. After playing a few three-player multiplayer OBC games, I came to the conclusion straight green beats is pretty good. It was Anti-Flying-Wurms Red (yours truly) vs. U/G control (I don't remember your name) vs. Green beats (I don't remember your name either). The problem is I always had to pick one to try to kill, and usually did.... But then died to the other.

Oh well; it was fun and the Green beats guy lost only one game, in which he was ganged up on and mana-screwed. Pretty nice build.

After we got bored of that, Richard and I played with our sealed decks, and I beat him thoroughly since I had a much better card pool. Then we switched decks and he proceeded to smash my face in. Then they all left me to go draft or play their sealed (they were in a different wave). I bid my time until my next match listening to Eminem and was very careful to be prompt.

Round 3 *Whatever your name was* playing W/G
We sat down, and did the usual pre-game banter (Hi, I'm Kell, how are you? What do you think of morph?) as we shuffled. Then we rolled, 16 to 10 in my favor (I'm three-for-three on rolls now!), and I chose to draw first (for some reason, with this deck I usually wanted to draw first to ensure consistency, rather than a speedy start).

Things started off very nicely for me, curving up with Wretched Anurid, Severed Legion, cycle Tusker (had two in hand), then Gluttonous Zombie. My Anurid traded in combat with some white guy, and my Gluttonous Zombie was soon Pacifismed. By this time, he had an annoying flyer, Aven Soulgazer, and it and my Severed Legion were trading. Though I started off a few points ahead, he caught me at nine to ten life (his lead).

I don't really mind; I have loads of other threats and answers, and I know I'll draw at least one of them. Sure enough, next turn Cruel Revival kills the Aven and gets me back my Wretched Anurid, and I knock him down to eight before passing it back. Next turn he throws out the little Land Tax on wheels - Weathered Wayfarer - and some other random critter. Yet again, it doesn't matter, as my next card is the land necessary to play...

...drum roll...

Mythic Proportions ("What the?!")!! My Severed Legions becomes a massive 10/10 fear, trample. Hell yes. We're shuffling for game 2.

Yet again no sideboarding action by me, though he at least goes through the motions and pretends to side in six cards (he may have actually sided in a couple, but I saw him switch some of the same ones back out). He chooses to play and we're off.

This game was really a more developed repeat of the last. He curved up a Wirewood Elf, Symbiotic Elf, Ironfist Crusher, and a Spitting Gourna, while I put up an elf of my own, a morphed Headhunter, and a Barkhide Mauler. I play a Severed Legion, which is soon pacified. At this point, my creatures are bigger (Wirewood Elf, Treespring Lorian, and Barkhide Mauler; the headhunter traded in combat) but he has that damn Ironfist Crusher, which can block them all. Then he plays an Aven Soulgazer (Argh! Again?!?) and sends it back.

My deck won't let me down, though, and I draw Gluttonous Zombie! Next turn he draws and lays a land, swings (first blood), passes it back. I draw and lay a land, swing, pass it back. This goes on until I'm at eleven and he's at fourteen, as I draw a Stag Beetle. Soon a 12/12 piece of beef is on the board. I swing (11-11) and pass it back. He takes me down to eight and plays out two chumps.

I'm in a pretty tight spot here, as I have two draws before his Soulgazer kills me, and I can't swing with the team because of the Ironfist Crusher (no one has trample). I draw... Land. I swing with the Zombie and pass it back. He hits me with the Aven and passes it back. Next turn I'll die unless I draw removal, Mythic Proportions, or the card I thought was a waste of a spot...

Run Wild.

Heh. I start laughing like I lost the game and playfully swing with everybody into the Crusher, who blocks everybody. I act like I forgot about it ("Oh, it can do that? Crap"), then cast Run Wild on my Beetle for game and match. Matches: 3-0 Games: 6-2

I turn in the pink result slip and go find Richard and Co. again. We all play some sealed, a little more OBC (Mono-Red kills MBC), then they all go off to play again. I go relieve myself, and then head outside to make a phone call. After that, I sit down for a minute and start talking with a guy I saw in the registration line. We discuss how good beef is, compare decks (he was R/G), then go in to see the pairings.

Round 4 *I still don't know anyone's name* Mirror Match
I sit down and we both start shuffling, but then we hear that they will be repairing. Yay! More waiting! What fun! Eventually they get the right pairings up and I find my table. We sit down, shuffle, talk and roll. I win the roll (four for four on rolls now) and elect to go first.

The summary of this match is as follows... I had a better card pool.

He was kind of going with the tribal theme, with lots of elves and zombies. This proved slightly annoying, as it made Wellwisher a complete bitch and Soulless One was a bit large, but it still died chumping.

But as always, beef prevailed. A Wellwisher gaining four life and being untapped with a Wirewood Lodge to do it again still can't keep up with a Mythic Proportioned Stag Beetle; the 17/17 trample will always win. In the second game, in came the Anurid Murkdivers, and one saw play and nullified his Wellwisher while I waited for Mythic Proportions or Run Wild. The Proportions ended the match shortly.

Take it from me, people: Lifegain sucks. Even reusable lifegain.

Matches: 4-0 Games: 8-2

Feeling pumped I go grab a Coke and some candy (dinner!), and bide my time (not that much; damn you, Wellwisher!) listening to Eminem again, and soon the parings are up.

Round 5 *Not even now* playing U/G
I find my pairing and head over to my table, trying not to think about the ten-pack difference between 5-0 and 4-1. I sat down and as we were shuffling, I steered the conversation towards doing a prize split.

Me:"Hey, you wanna do a prize split?"
Him:"Huh? What do u mean?"
Me:"Like we agree to split the packs 14-12 and play it out to see who gets fourteen packs."
Him:"Um... Lemme think."

*1 minute later*

Him:"Ya know, that sounds pretty good."
Me:"Okay."

*1 minute later still*

Me:"Actually, let's just play it out, no split."
Him:"Yeah, that sounds good. More fun."

After that decision, with both of us second-guessing it, we start.

What was I smoking? Where was my faith in my deck of beef? I crushed him. Mwoo hah hah!

As we started, I curved up very nicely with Wirewood Elf, Symbiotic Elf, and Barkhide Mauler, while he played out just a Wirewood Elf. He was cycling a bunch of stuff, though (two Backslides), so I got a little worried. But alas, I simply overran him after using Smother and playing out a little more beef to quicken it (I was careful not to overextend too much, though).

1-0, 1 more game and I'm into eighteen-pack goodness!

He sides in a couple of cards, while I just shuffle 'em up. He plays, and still I get the quick start: Headhunter, Nantuko husk, Morphed Treespring Lorian, Elven Riders, Stag Beetle. He manages a Wellwisher, Wirewood Elf, and Barkhide Mauler. It was simple to just swing in with the team and unmorph the unblocked Lorian. He doesn't even have a creature left to alpha strike with.

Next turn, Mythic Proportions sealed his fate, and got the reaction:"Crap. I shoulda taken the prize split."

He was a good sport though, and we chatted a while. The result slip wasn't even there yet (it was that quick of a beating). Nice guy. I have to restrain myself from running to the result slip turn in place and slamming the result slip in the box.

5-0_ packs=Happy. Hell they even handed me nineteen and I gave one back******, cause I was feeling honest and charitable.

In retrospect, I had a totally bomb card pool. Not the best card pool; I saw better. No Pitfighter Legends. But still good. And consistent. Two colors are very stable and consistent, which is good... Very good.

Props:

• People who were very sociable to me
• My card pool
• My eighteen packs
• All my opponents were very nice
• Meeting up with Richard
• Hands-on testing with Onslaught, Wizards, it looks awesome
• All adults, who didn't talk down to me even though I am way younger (but better than most of them)

Slops:

• Costa Mesa Women's Club, for Being late and slow
• Costa Mesa Women's Club, for stopping the drafts in the 4th round
• My second round opponent, at the end (cussing is not cool)
• After-tournament caffeine crash

Hope you liked this report, though I'll be the first to say it is very long. If you read this far, you probably liked it though. And since you did like it, e-mail the Ferrett and tell him. If you didn't, write your own article.

Later
Kell

* - I later learned they pillaged all the stuff in the parking lot

** - And now, the common consensus is that 18 or 19 lands are the way to go

*** - Hah hah! I'm one of those crazy people who successfully played Mono-Red in OBC!

**** - Seriously, I think I actually played one total hour for seven rounds at 2002 Regionals

***** - I think he was lying and I can pump it in response to damage being dealt. This would've been nice, as I could've waited to see how much damage would be dealt and then decide whether or not to sack insects. Correct me if I'm wrong, or tell me if I'm right.

****** - It probably was a foil Voidmage Prodigy... Damn.