Previously on lifestyles of the Vrax and famous: Vrax shot straight about testing, and whipped out his first Orzhov Deck. Then, while apparently campaigning for his second term as Theme Deck Treasurer, he promised a deck called Howling Pervert.

“And now, ladies and gentlemen... Madonna!”

Strike a pose
Strike your foes
Go, Rogue, Rogue
Go, Rogue, Rogue

Look around everywhere you turn is Jit-te
It's everywhere that you play [play around]
You try everything you can to escape
The loss of life that you know [damage that you know]

When all else fails and you long to be
A better player than you are today
I know a place where you can get away
It's called Star City, and here's what it's for, so

[Chorus:]

Come on, Go
[Rogue]
Build your deck to the meta [build to the meta]
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, Go
[Rogue]
Let your mana go with the flow [go with the flow]
You know you can do it

All you need is your own imagination
So use it, that's what it's for [that's what it's for]
Go inside, for your finest deck creation
Your combos open the door [open up the door]

It makes no difference if you're Black or White
If you play Beats or Control
When you draw Faith's Fetters it will give you new life
You're a pro-tour star, that's what you are, so

Chorus:

Come on, Go
[Rogue]
Build your deck with a curve [threats on a curve]
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, Go
[Rogue]
Let your tempo go with the flow [you gain tem-po]
You know you can do it

Victory's where you find it
Not just where you netdecked and mined it
Soul is in the tournament hall
That's where I feel so power-ful
Magic-al, life's a ball
So get up to the top table

Chorus:

Come on, Go
[Rogue]
Build your deck for the meta [tech for your meta]
Hey, hey, hey
Come on,
[Rogue]
Let your mana go with the flow [land drops you know]
You know you can do it

Rogue, [Rogue]
Victory's where you find it [lay the bad beats]
Rogue, [Rogue]
Victory's where you find it [lay the bad beats]

Alan Comer, and Oiso
Darwin and Barbero
Mike Flores, he looks keen
On his book or a magazine

Peppermint von Corduroy three,
Picture it, a dancing Zvi
Kai Budde, Jon Fin-kel
Bob Maher junior, plays real well

They had style, they had grace,
Jamie Wakefield smashed some face
Aten, Kuroda, Karsten too
Randy Buehler, we love you

Playas with some-thing to prove
The Ferrett with his attitude
Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Star City Games
there's nothing to it

Rogue, Rogue
(doo doo doo, dee dee, doo doo dee,)
[Go]

Rogue, Rogue

*Applause*

So, uh, sometimes I need to stop myself from becoming “that guy.”

You know the one, the guy who takes this game waaaay too seriously. The dude who pays for Sensei's Divining Top, checks the upper three cards and then, with a look that says “I missed my psych meds,” grinds his teeth down and vomits forth little enamel chunks onto the table.

[Napoleon Dynamite voice] “Gawd!”

It's like, y'know, there are those times when you see something that's kinda messed up, like you see two old people kissing, and one of ‘em winds up with extra dentures afterwards. You wish you could just open up your skull and erase it, but you can't.

That's what it was like for me the first time I saw one of those Howling Mine/Ebony Owl Netsuke/Kami of the Crescent Moon things. Suddenly, the idea is in there making scratching noises inside my head. I had to get rid of the itch.

I'm one of those poor tortured people, I'm a Spike~Vorthos. It's a bit different from being a Spike~Johnny. See, a Spike~Johnboy can be an innovator — like Ben Snyder (seriously check him out, he's a bad mutha - shut yo mouth - but I'm talkin' bout Sny), for instance. We poor losers, the Spiky-Vs, are condemned to having to win in style, according to flavor, as opposed wanting victory to come in the form of a winning science fair project.

Sometimes I can shake the need for victory to taste a certain way. After all, I am a Spike~vorthos, thankfully not the other way around. But then there are times, times such as this.

A long while back, when I was still young, a set called “Champions of Kamigawa” came out. Some of you may be old enough to remember that. One of the first rares I opened was a 6/5 Demon Spirit for only five mana! I knew that I would have to play him.

So, then I thought to myself “Self, you really shouldn't have stolen that Voodoo lady's glass eye, now you'd better hide both it and your desire to play that Demon. His drawback is total sucktitude.”

I can't just play some terrible guy, can I? I must win! I must grind my opponents into bone chips. (Which are a lot like potato chips, except that they only come in barbecue flavor. Mmmm, marrowy!)

Well the time has finally arrived. The ritual has been performed, the planetary alignment is proper, now all that remains is to open up your coat and show the cheerleaders whatcha got!

[Stevie Wonder voice] “aaaah just calllllled to say —”

Howling Pervert

Howling Pervert Featured by Vrax on 2006-03-19 (Standard) As written about in http://www.starcitygames.com/php/news/article/11505.html Print this deck!
Maindeck: Artifacts 4 Ebony Owl Netsuke 4 Howling Mine Instants 4 Boomerang 3 Clutch of the Undercity 3 Mana Leak 3 Muddle the Mixture 4 Remand Legendary Creatures 3 Kami of the Crescent Moon 2 Seizan, Perverter of Truth	Sorceries 3 Exhaustion 4 Sleight of Hand Basic Lands 10 Island Lands 2 Tendo Ice Bridge 4 Underground River 4 Watery Grave Legendary Lands 2 Mikokoro, Center of the Sea 1 Minamo, School at Water's Edge	Stats: Average mana: 1.42 Average creature mana cost: 3.20 Average creature power: 3.00 Average creature toughness: 3.80 Deck Composition: Basic Lands: 16.67% Instants: 28.33% Lands: 16.67% Sorceries: 11.67% Artifacts: 13.33% Legendary Lands: 5.00% Legendary Creatures: 8.33%
Download this deck in Apprentice format!		Download this deck in Magic Online Text format!

This deck is like playing Magic in Bizarro-World, or something. I mean, suddenly you like, want the other guy to draw as many cards as possible, which is a super weird thing to want. Still, you find yourself beginning to crave, to yearn to see the other guy draw cards. Tons of them. Normally you'd be miffed by all this drawing going on, but when you run this pile you want it from deep within your soul. That's how it is for me at least, anyways.

The idea here is that you want to bounce all threatening permanents that your dastardly foe puts into play. At some point you want to play the Ebony Owl Paperweight of Doom (don't forget you can tutor for it with Muddly Mixxy) and continue trying to keep your hated, sickening, rotting flesh-bag of an opponent from playing out a meaningful number of cards.(I mean screw him, how dare he put land cards on the table!) Howling Mine and the Butt-Cleavage Kami will keep everyone drawing cards like mad. Exhaustion, counters, and bounce will make sure that you're the only one playing any of those cards.

Then come the big finishers: Seizan and Clutch of the Undercity. Clutch is as close as non-red has ever (and probably will ever) come to having Flames of the Blood Hand. It's this odd sort of off-color burn, like when I stay out in the Culling Sun for too long. The fact that is has a built-in Boomerang effect is just gravy.

There is no way to communicate the shear joy that you'll feel when you kill someone with The Perverter of Truth! It doesn't sound like much, but I'm telling you, it's crazy amounts of fun. He perverts the truth, he's like fox news and magic mushrooms rolled into one. He's an LSDemon. He doesn't merely twist or manipulate the truth, the very fabric of a reality that we think of as stable — he perverts the truth.

This Oni overlord is just dripping with flavor. (And some kind of algae-like substance. But mostly flavor.) His perversion of the truth is so warped that it will kill you even as you are filled with his dark knowledge.

Oh yeah; Sleight of Hand and the counters, they seem to help allow you to setup. The best part is where it says “put it into its owner's hand” on Remand.

I suppose I should address the sideboard for a moment. As you may know from the last installment of my rambling word constructs, I do not generally pimp for a specified set of fifteen cards. This time I'm making a small exception. You absolutely must play three or four Shadow of Doubt. The reasons are two-fold, like simple Origami.

First of all, you need the Shadow of Doubt to prove your innocence. Erm, no, that's my felonious assault charge. That's why I need Shadow of Doubt. You need it because it prevents the worst thing that can happen to you as a Howling Pervert Playa.

You must stop the bad spell from hurting you. (Now show me on the card where the bad spell touched you.) Bad Thing ™ numero uno is Cranial Extraction, naming Ebony Owl Netsuke. That pretty much screws ya right there.

[newscaster voice] “This has been Captain Obvious Reporting.”

The other “Hired Guns” that you may want for your sideboard include:

Pithing Needle
It's cheap, and it shuts off Jitte and Meloku, what more could you ask for? Time to get Pithy wit' it.

Last Gasp
Weenies are definitely your nemesis with this deck. Pretty much whenever you see a weenie you should Gasp.

Threads of Disloyalty
I hear that this is okay.

Cranial Extraction
Oh yeah, the other nemesis — well, the Arch-Nemesis, really - combo decks. Unfortunately, you're gonna feed a combo deck exactly what it wants: more cards. So unfortunately, this is your only real hope. If you have four, run ‘em. That is, if there are any combo decks in your metagame.

Muddle the Mixture
The other copy can always come in for games two and three, in order to counteract some of the hate that people bring in for the Owl.

I'm sure that you can figure out some better tech. That is, unless, you ride the short bus with me. Hey! If you do ride the bus with me, be sure to say “hi” ok?

So, yeah, this deck has a terrible time against weenies and combo, but it can do surprisingly well in a control-laden room. I wouldn't recommend playing it unless you're in the tournament for pure enjoyment... Which I do recommend, incidentally.

“Do not press the shiny red button.”

“But, it's shiny and red.”

“Oh fine. Go ahead and press it.”

“Dude what the hell is this thing?”

“I think it's a glass eye.”

“It has a weird vibe to it; do you think it's cursed?”

And it was cursed. The Curse of the Ebony Owl* had fully consumed me. But owls regurgitate the bones of their food. Mmmm — marrowy! (Twice! Yes!)

That was it! I would use the bones of this deck to make something that could maybe win more than it lost against at least some of the field. I had to unleash a card I had thought looked cool from Saviors.

The more you wanted, the greedier you were, the more powerful he became feeding off of your very desires. I loved his flavor so much that I'd a'sworn that he was deep fried and beer battered. This was a job for... Super-maro, First to Desire.

Adamaro, First To Desire Featured by Vrax on 2006-03-19 (Standard) As written about in http://www.starcitygames.com/php/news/article/11505.html Print this deck!
Maindeck: Artifacts 4 Ebony Owl Netsuke 4 Howling Mine Instants 4 Boomerang 3 Cerebral Vortex 3 Mana Leak 3 Muddle the Mixture 4 Remand 1 Sudden Impact Legendary Creatures 4 Adamaro, First to Desire 4 Kami of the Crescent Moon	Sorceries 4 Pyroclasm Basic Lands 7 Island Lands 4 Shivan Reef 4 Steam Vents 4 Tendo Ice Bridge Legendary Lands 1 Minamo, School at Water's Edge 1 Oboro, Palace in the Clouds 1 Shinka, the Bloodsoaked Keep	Stats: Average mana: 1.42 Average creature mana cost: 2.50 Average creature power: 0.50 Average creature toughness: 1.50 Deck Composition: Instants: 30.00% Sorceries: 6.67% Artifacts: 13.33% Basic Lands: 11.67% Lands: 20.00% Legendary Lands: 5.00% Legendary Creatures: 13.33%
Download this deck in Apprentice format!		Download this deck in Magic Online Text format!

As far as the sidebiscuits go, many of the cards listed earlier still help. If you need more, you might want to try this.

Transformational Sideboard Alert!
4 Izzet Guildmage
4 Lava Spike
4 Desperate Ritual
3 Volcanic Hammer

You are now The Burninator!
-4 Ebony Owl Netsuke
-4 Howling Mine

-4 Kami of Crescent Moon (get it, he's mooning you, isn't that just so clever?)
-1 Sudden Impact
-2 Muddle the Mixture

After you become Mr. Hyde here, you can use Cerebral Vortex to find and set up your combo. Please use it during your opponents' turn to minimize the hazards. Honestly, though, Adamaro can get out of hand very fast.

It's not great, but it's a helluva lot of fun. Then again, this is my science fair; it's all thanks to my strange need to play with Adamaro and Seizan. You might be a better player than me (who am I kidding? you're totally, like, way better), or you might play a build with a three- or four-card difference that changes the match results.

Remember: nobody else's testing is ever as good as your own. Nobody else's build will ever fit your proclivities as a player better than the deck you forged for yourself. I mean, you wouldn't get on a plane with a pilot who did his entire flight school online, would you?

“Man, that was weird. It was like this cursed Voodoo eye was telling me something.”

“Do you think you could finally, like, put it away?”

“In a minute, man, in a minute.”

Enough about that, here's the tournament results I promised last time. As some of you may know I took my Orzhov Syndicate deck, Paid in Full, to a Standard tournament last Sunday. Things did not go well at the matches, but they turned out fine in the end.

Round One
So, this basically sucked because I got paired against the one friend that had gone with me to play. Bummer. It was of no consolation that he was playing Magni-Fire, my worst match. We decided to play it out and he rolled me, bad. Game one was Sleight of Hand, Eye of Nowhere, Stone Rain, Annex, into some Volcanic Hammers and Magnivore. Game two was Signet, Annex, Annex, double-Stone Rain.

By the end of that round, I had scouted that like half or more people there were playing some form of U/R Wildfire. Sigh.

Round Two
This time, at least I had a decent matchup... But this kid stank. I mean he wasn't a great player either, but oh the odor. He reeked. In fact I dread being paired against him whenever I go because I do believe that he does, in fact, actually poop in his pants. I cannot figure any other thing that could smell that bad. It's rough.

But anyway, I got my early Castigate and Morty in game one. Then he rebuilt with a Selesnya Tokenmage but I had the Wrath of big G. I got the Yosei - Debtor's Knell lock and was Paid in Full.

Game two, I was mana screwed, seeing only two land and no Signets. Strangely, two land could not fend off Jitte-wielding Saprolings.

Game three was a drawn-out affair with him playing homeboys and me transmuting for Wrath. Eventually I got the lock and won.

At this point, my friend informed me that he had also lost and we were both completely out of contention. I realized that I was probably paired with another U/R deck and we took off. We spent the rest of the day playing some relaxed games and having a few beers. Sometimes that's what it's all about.

Sweet. The itching finally stopped. I can put my glass eye away now.

Disgustedly yours (that's how I sign cards to my Grandma**),
Vrax/Josh/“hey you”

Vraxgrimm(at symbol thingy)gmail.com

Next on Kill Bell, Volume 2: I'll either go on a quest for Magic's Holy Grail, and hang out with Ralph the wonder llama, or I‘ll lunge towards some budget decks — and much much more!

* - I didn't really have a footnote but this asterisk seemed so lonely.

** - That skank.