I’ve really got to try this “talking about Standard” thing more often. It’s a welcome relief, for example, when people actually read my articles. Now, personally I have no idea why anyone would rather look at a deck they can point at, build, and play when they could be discussing the minutiae of polar gradient theory over tea and crumpets, but that’s why there are red bicycles and blue bicycles.

Continuing the theme, then, this week’s Chatter will be clear and straightforward. I want to talk first about some of the changes that I’ve made to the U/B Teachings-less control deck since you last heard from me, and then I’ll delve into the new Mono-Red list I’ve been testing.

Someone on the forums offered up a much more streamlined U/B sideboard, and that combined with reports I’ve received from people who chose to run the deck at States (congratulations to the two of you I’ve heard from so far who won!) leaves us with the following list:

U/B Non-Teachings Control Featured by Zac Hill on 2007-11-04 (Standard) As written about in http://www.starcitygames.com/php/news/article/14945.html Print this deck!
Maindeck: Artifacts 3 Mind Stone Creatures 4 Mulldrifter 4 Shriekmaw Instants 4 Careful Consideration 4 Cryptic Command 3 Makeshift Mannequin Legendary Creatures 2 Venser, Shaper Savant Snow Artifacts 3 Coldsteel Heart Snow Artifact Creatures 4 Phyrexian Ironfoot	Sorceries 4 Damnation Basic Snow Lands 6 Snow-Covered Island 1 Snow-Covered Swamp Lands 4 River of Tears 1 Tolaria West 4 Underground River 1 Urza's Factory Legendary Lands 1 Academy Ruins Snow Lands 4 Frost Marsh 2 Mouth of Ronom 1 Scrying Sheets	Sideboard: 2 Tombstalker 2 Extirpate 4 Rune Snag 3 Jace Beleren 1 Faerie Trickery 3 Nameless Inversion
Download this deck in Apprentice format!		Download this deck in Magic Online Text format!

I found that while seven Signets wasn’t excessive, necessarily, the deck could get by just fine with six, and the Tolaria West gave the deck a host of midgame options to try and gain an edge in a stalemate. I understand that Ruinsing back an Ironfoot isn’t quite the same as getting back several million Triskelava, but undying threats are undying threats. Snags out of the board give us generic aggro and midrange game on the draw, and conditionally can take care of Gaddock Teeg who is one of the deck’s biggest problems (obviously). Tombstalker helps to end games quickly and can oftentimes let you play the tempo game by using Vensers and Commands strictly as bounce spells while you beat for five in the skies. An absence of Ravnica duals means that people are less inclined to start the game at sixteen life, but your Elementals can chip away here and there to allow Stalky Stalks to take care of business.

So, this other deck.

I’ve scribbled down a lot of lists in my day, but I don’t tend to gravitate toward beatdown strategies. Part of it is I don’t like to play beatdown decks and so I rarely feel compelled to design them, but on a more fundamental level my particular skill set doesn’t lend itself to figuring out how turn men sideways in the most effective manner possible. I like options and I like inevitability, the knowledge that the longer the game drags on the more of an advantage I’m getting. This list, though, feels like the real thing. It kills very quickly, possesses some powerful synergies, has an almost perfect mana curve, and plays my favorite beatdown creature since, um, Tarmogoyf.

Awkward.

Okay, favorite beatdown creature with a converted mana cost that’s not two.

Mono-Red Aggro Featured by Zac Hill on 2007-11-04 (Standard) As written about in http://www.starcitygames.com/php/news/article/14945.html Print this deck!
Maindeck: Creatures 4 Flamekin Bladewhirl 3 Greater Gargadon 4 Inner-Flame Acolyte 4 Keldon Marauders 4 Mogg Fanatic 4 Mogg War Marshal 4 Sulfur Elemental Instants 4 Incinerate Sorceries 4 Rift Bolt	Tribal Instants 4 Blades of Velis Vel Basic Snow Lands 15 Snow-Covered Mountain Lands 4 Ghitu Encampment 1 Keldon Megaliths Legendary Lands 1 Pendelhaven	Sideboard: 1 Greater Gargadon 4 Siege-Gang Commander 3 Manabarbs 1 Dead / Gone 4 Threaten 2 Desert
Download this deck in Apprentice format!		Download this deck in Magic Online Text format!

The girl behind me just ordered someone to “Be Pacific.” No S. I called her out and threatened to put it in this article and she told me that I would never. Heh heh snicker snicker. Ahem. The deck. Right.

The first thing you’ll probably notice about this list, especially given the preceding couple of paragraphs, is what it doesn’t contain, namely Tarmogoyf. The reasoning behind the omission deserves discussion, since the deck is so close to mono-colored that the Green wouldn’t seem to be much of a problem, and Tarmogoyf is Tarmogoyf. What I found, though, is that the mana actually does prove to be insanely awkward. I find myself saying again and again that this isn’t Ravnica, and the new mindset is something that all of us must acclimate to sooner rather than later.

There are two options: awkward colors, or Grove of the Burnwillows and slightly-less-but-still-moderately-awkward colors. The first is McLovin awkward, the second merely finding your dad’s porn collection awkward, but both situations need to be avoided at all costs. In a deck like this one, holding uncastable spells in your hand is going to lose you the game, period. You are all about velocity. There’s some midgame in Encampment and Gargadon and the ripping of burn spells, but if you give anyone a minute to breathe they’re going to steal the game from you. Yet Tarmogoyf seems like it’s going to make you hold spells in your hand one way or another. If you run Karplusan Forests, basics, and Pendelhavens only, then there will obviously be many occasions when you don’t have the Green for Goyf. Alternatively, you might draw exclusively Green lands and be forced to mulligan otherwise perfectly acceptable hands, or you might draw two Pendelhavens. You can add Grove of the Burnwillows, but remember that every two to three times you activate it you’re putting them up a card, and similarly if you use Gemstone Mine three times you’re down a card. This may seem overly theoretical, but many of my games with Red Decks involve narrowly eking out a win using every last card to force through every last point of damage. Finally, even if you ran 4 Mine 4 Burnwillows 4 Karplusan Forest 1 Pendelhaven - a configuration that seems extremely sub-optimal - thirteen green sources by no means guarantees that you’ll see one.

Obviously you have to balance this risk against the games that you will get the proper mana draw and Tarmogoyf will win you the game because he is Tarmogoyf. The thing is, I’m not convinced that he’s much better than your other options anyway. It’s not like people aren’t prepared to deal with him, and both the Marshall Plan and Big Daddy Keld do a whole lot more when they are killed. Having access to the full four Ghitu Encampment is just gravy, too; rarely do you get flooded or screwed with this deck. When I’m playing beatdown, topdeck potential is of prime importance to me, and this deck maximizes that possibility as much as it can.

Clearly, Jackal Pup McWhirlywhirls is insane, but is it worth the cost of playing *gulp* Blades of Val Venis (or whomever)? In my experience - yes! The Blades have proven to be decent enough cards, surprisingly. I’ve killed Tarmogoyfs with Keldon Marauders while dealing two extra damage, I’ve traded Marshal tokens with relevant creatures, I’ve dealt four to the dome for two measly mana, and one time I actually even counterspelled an Eyeblight’s Ending. The card isn’t LeBron, sure, but you could have worse players on your team.

As for the other elementals, we’ve got a long and storied history with Captain Stanky (Sulfur Boy) and I don’t think I need to convince you why he’s good - particularly with Militia’s Pride-fueled Kithkin as a viable archetype. The Inner-Flame Acolyte, though, might take some more argument. In case it isn’t clear, he’s the one I referred to earlier as “the best beatdown creature ever blah blah” with some sort of tongue-in-cheek qualifier thrown in there should he turn out to be garbage. But the cat is Giant Solifuge, plain and simple. He’s going into every one of my Red decks. Four out of the gates is insane, and he sticks around to play some more ball. Don’t underestimate the evoke cost, either; Red Decks require you to sneak damage through when you can, and every once in awhile you’ll deal two plus for the low low low low low low price of R.

The rest of the deck should be fairly standard except for the odd number of Greater Gargadon copies. The thing is, you can afford to play twenty-one lands with this many diverse options (man-lands, Haven, Megaliths) - indeed, you want twenty-one lands when you “go big” after sideboarding. Because of Gaddock Teeg, most of the Teachings decks aren’t as loaded up on Tendrils as they used to be, so this puts Gargadon at a premium mostly in the aggro mirrors and not against the field as a whole. He’s never bad, per se, and that’s why there are three of him in the deck still, but he’s not good enough anymore for you to be fine drawing him in multiples. Thus, three. It makes your sideboard Threatens worse, I’ll concede that, but you shouldn’t be terribly concerned with making Threaten better.

The sideboard, I know, is ugly... but bear with me. You always want to assume the control role in Red mirror matches, right? What better way to do that than with lands that kill at least half of their guys backed by the best one-man wrecking ball ever printed? He’s the Crips and the Bloods and a huge bloody Siege all at once! What more could you ask for? Sure, other Red decks have Martyr of Ashes to try and beat you at that game, but you’re going to sideboard out most of your irrelevant duders anyway. They’re going to have to sandbag the Martyr and a relevant number of cards for it to actually kill anything, and I don’t think they’ll have the luxury of being able to do that while under pressure. Once you hit five mana, you’ve got the stone trump.

Threatens are for any midrange deck or anything that wants to Purity (LOL LOL ahem) their way into a win after tapping out. If Teachings decks in your area run Razormane, Threaten gets the job done there as well. Barbs is obvious, as is the fourth Gargadon, and the miser’s Dead/Gone is there purely because of numbers (Bladewhirl and Blades come out in aggro mirrors but you only had seven cards otherwise - and you need a way to deal with something random like a Griffin Guide or a Warhammer).

I think next week we’ll return to boring theory land, but hit me up in the forums if you’ve got any questions or comments. Take care!

Chats.