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Feature Article – Grand Prix: Mustache (13th Place)

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Friday, June 19th – My plan was to find an archetype I was resonating with a week or two before the event, then spend the remaining time tuning it. I discovered pretty quickly that the archetype had to involve Putrid Leech who, it turned out, was one of the more insane creatures to be printed in a long time. Char with buyback much?

Law School is a corrosive place. The subject is generally interesting, but the hours and the pressure erode the soul. Panic can mask the effects for a while, but by my second year I was just irritated. Not with school per se, but the effort of doing school correctly was making me an irritable person to everything else. Not that I had much time for it, but Magic was obviously one of these things. On the odd days where I could sneak off to a draft, I found myself not only not enjoying it, but having negative thoughts about the game, my opponents, etc. Of course, not enjoying the game also meant I was playing terribly, thus losing, and thus enjoying the game even less. Perhaps this was the natural intrusion of real life, but in any event I simply wasn’t excited about the incipient GP: Seattle. I made grumpy rumblings of skipping the event, burning Tacoma to the ground, etc.

Instead of the arson route, I stopped thinking about the tournament for months. I concentrated on school, with perhaps the occasional game of Agricola to break up the extraordinary tedium of Articles 2, 5, and 9 of the UCC. Finals came and went and suddenly I was done with the second year of school. And while I had (have) a summer job at a local firm, I had three glorious weeks of being required to do absolutely nothing! Well, well how does that GP look now? On our local boards I made a post that acknowledged how utterly terrible I had become, and how I was going to dedicate a sizeable chunk of time of testing and improving for the GP. I joined a mailing list, fired up Magic Online, and did in fact get testing in. I also spent a lot of time downloading music, getting reacquainted with Mega Man 9, Okami, Agricola, Metropolis, Y’s, and whatever else people were playing. It was a nice couple of weeks, all in all.

But what really reset my spirit was being able to spend a week with my fiancée in Washington D.C., then visit friends and family in Minnesota for the weekend. Spending time with loved ones purged any lingering negativity and invigorated me for the upcoming tournament. I didn’t test a whit out there, I simply stopped caring about future performance and started enjoying things for their own sake. I’ve said it before, but the worst thing you can do for yourself is play when you’re not having fun. Any success I had at the GP was strictly luck, but having a good time helped too.

My plan was to find an archetype I was resonating with a week or two before the event, then spend the remaining time tuning it. I discovered pretty quickly that the archetype had to involve Putrid Leech who, it turned out, was one of the more insane creatures to be printed in a long time. Char with buyback much? He was constantly my MVP, and I remain convinced that any deck that can cast it should make room for him.

The other two cards that were testing incredibly well were Bloodbraid Elf (of course) and Anathemancer. Bloodbraid was getting a lot of attention, but surprisingly Anathemancer seemed to be under some radars. I couldn’t understand why; the card would regularly outright steal a game. So pretty early on I knew I was going to play G/R/B action with those three cards having a prominent place. I put together a bunch of lists, and started noticing a couple problems.

The manabase was an issue, which I’ll get to in a bit, but the absolutely biggest annoyance was the lack of good two-drops. Putrid Leech was insane , but it dropped off precipitously. I tried out a bunch of stuff, each with their own issues. Elves gave Wren’s Run Vanquisher, who was a good man but a hideous flip off Bloodbraid Elf. I also couldn’t get the elf count high enough to keep the spells and guys I wanted in there. During that phase I also ran Chameleon Colossus for more elves, and was impressed on how dangerous he seemed to be, especially for the mirror.

I tried some awful Manamorphose/Talara’s Battalion thing. It was real pretty when it worked, but early on it was obvious it didn’t have a GP’s worth of consistency in it. There were Jund Ramp decks with Fertile Ground running around, but Fertile was another terrible hit off Bloodbraid, and I questioned their consistency as well. Jund Hackblade was far too techy and inconsistent, and not particularly good even when it worked. Anti-token strategies brought a lot of hate to cards like that. And let’s not get into the really crappy stuff like Safehold Elite or Elvish Warrior

I kept running the two-drop question to the mailing lists and random players, and no one really had a good answer. However, someone pointed to the Regionals top 8 decklists page where our very own Seattle Regionals had Chris Kelly who had apparently solved the issue with the addition of Sygg, River Cutthroat. Sygg was an interesting one, but playing around with Chris’ deck I was a little disappointed. Blightning was a scary card to play in a field of Wilt-Leaf Lieges, and Incinerates seemed pretty weak. I was also concerned with 4x legendary bit, and the mana base. Chapin and company obviously examined Sygg too and did make it work, to which I offer my kudos. Which isn’t say the 5-color Bloodbraid decks are superior to the 3-color ones (I’m honestly not sure, which probably means it’s a metagame call), but their decklist was very well put together.

Here’s what I ran at the GP:


Let’s start with the bad stuff. The manabase on this deck is a real problem. As I mentioned I did a lot of testing on Magic Online. While I acquired most of the actual maindeck cards, I didn’t have the cash to shell out for the mana base. Instead I was using awful Vivids, lots of basics, etc. As such when I did have access to (almost) everything, the mana base was the least tuned aspect, and it’s reflected here. The problem isn’t the CIPT lands, nor is it the filter lands. But together there was an annoying problem of drawing too many filter lands and when I’d draw a non-filter it would CIPT. That would, on occasion, set me back too far. I ran more basics or less pain lands than I should have because I had outthought myself on Anathemancer; he seemed so good to me I couldn’t imagine not running into 3-4 each round. There might come a time where that’s true, but it wasn’t at the GP. In addition, I only had access to a single Reflecting Pool. Chalk it up to costs or being in school during Shadowmoor draft season, but in any event the deck should have at least 3 Pools. Thanks much to Eric Reasoner and Jon Loucks, who loaned me everything else.

The best part of this deck is the sideboard. I don’t think I’d change a thing about it, and over the weekend I sided in every card at one point or another. Feel free to make yours whatever you’d like, but I’d heavily suggest you keep the four Thought Hemorrhage and the land. I beat four Swans decks (out of four) on the weekend, entirely due to luck but if there was anything left it was because of the four T.H. As far as the land is concerned, I always have a land in my sideboard in constructed. It’s just my thing, and it’s effective in a surprising amount of circumstances(someone always had an land destruction deck built, for example). In this case I’d bring in the four T.H. plus the land whenever I was on the play against Swans to maximize the chances of having four mana on that critical fourth turn. The Wastes were also great when there were more cards to take out than put in, or when I wanted to eat some pain for more consistency (which was often, sadly).

The sole Banefire was the concession to the Howling Mine matchup, but why not? Sure it sucks to cascade into but otherwise it’s fairly flexible and powerful. The two Guttural Response was exactly the right number, as I generally only needed one to push through a Cryptic for whatever gigantic spell or attack. They were a late addition but I was very happy with how they performed. The rest of the cards are obvious and were used to strengthen whatever theme needed focusing in the maindeck.

As for the maindeck, mixed feelings. I know it looks random. My schtick on the weekend was either I made the deck by shaking out my trade binder and adding lands, or it’s a really good draft deck, or I am deathly afraid of Meddling Mage, etc. In truth a lot of the numbers are about adding components to already-present themes.

At the two stage you have the omni-powerful Putrid Leech and point removal for (what seemed to me) the popular g/w decks and the likely popular faerie decks. At the three were Maelstrom Pulses (more on them below), but mostly just incredibly efficient high damage-dealing creatures. 4 Finks, 2 Ram-Gang, 3 Anathemancers = 9 creatures that are resilient and deal good damage, simple as that. The Resounding Thunder was basically Ram-Gang #3 in the sense of a Bloodbraid flip for three damage, and another concession to higher counterspell/fog decks.

At the four you’ve got difficult-to-stop damage, be it Garruk or Bloodbraid or Colossus. Originally Garruk and Colossus were two and two, but over and over in testing people seemed so forlorn to a single Colossus that at the last second I changed to the ratio you see. They were a holdover from when I was messing around with Lorwyn tribal stuff, but again, they’re just a tough card to contain.

The plan for the deck was simply to hit on those three fronts and for the most part it worked. If an aspect wasn’t working, the sideboard would adjust things accordingly. Maelstrom Pulse is the wrinkle in the plan, a three-spell that couldn’t deal damage. In an ideal world I’d mess around with Terminate and Ram-Gang more, maybe drop down to 2-3 Pulse, but that’s not the metagame we have. We have to deal with Font of Mythos decks, and even worse, Swans. Testing online I didn’t/couldn’t get any Pulses so I had built the (preferable) aggressive version. The 5-color decks couldn’t touch it, which, as will become apparent, was a distinction lost in the current version.

As for the rest, 2 Jund Charm and 2 Fallout was simply me throwing up my hands on which was better. I was really torn, so I decided to wuss out and split the difference. At the tournament Jund Charm was slightly better, but if faeries makes a resurgence, who knows? The one Warhammer was just for mising power. I equipped it exactly zero times, but it’s presence on the board made my opponents sideboard worse once in a while. You could just as easily keep it or lose it.

At its core, Bloodbraid Jund is an extremely viable archetype. It’s got game and resiliency against the field, and if built right might be a favorite against everything but Swans. I’d urge you to put a copy (not this one) into your gauntlet.

The other aspect of this tournament was of course Grand Prix: Mustache. The brainchild of Eric Reasoner and Joe Timidaiski, the premise that in a show of Northwest solidarity all attendees would be growing mustaches for the event. Like public transportation, it’s a great idea for other people to do. However, when one is a member of a community, one has responsibilities. The idea took off like wildfire, even spawning a “Mustache Invitational” tournament. Who was I to put on airs?

Eric really outshone himself in rallying the community, growing a beautiful mustache (he used mustache wax!) and acquiring a trophy for the invitational. Courtesy of Bill Stark, gaze on excellence:

Mustache!

And the biggest prize of the Grand Prix:

Award!

As for me, $^#^ it. If there’s something you have to do, you may as well own it. Each opponent was more impressed than the last:

Lemmy's had a makeover

Round 1

Bye

Round 2

Bye

Did I spend this free time scouting, trying to get a feel for the tenor of the event? Nope, I caught up with Brady Dommermuth and asked him to tell me the how the Alara story ended.

Me: “C’mon, what happens with the Maelstrom and Nicol Bolas?”
Brady: “Buy the book.”
Me: “C’mon, look at my shirt!”
Brady: “Fine. Nicol Bolas acquires infinite mana from the convergence of the shards and uses it to open a chain of dry cleaners. Eventually he gets on the Alara Chamber of Commerce. The End.”
Me: “AWESOME!!!”

While I was running the byes I also caught up with Matt Tabak, one of the major faces of Magic Online. As I’ve written about before, I have extremely mixed feelings on MTGO. Any success I had at the GP was due to pure luck of course, but anything left over was because of the testing on MTGO. I appreciate that aspect of the program, as well as running a draft 24/7. But at the same time it’s so buggy and poorly managed that it gets incredibly frustrating to pierce through to actually get to the good stuff. I was hoping Matt would try to defend MTGO’s perfection to the core, but he seemed genuinely apologetic about the flaws in the program and humbly hoped to do better in the future.

Speaking with Matt (speaking at really, the man is like ninety feet tall) I was impressed with his optimism and humility. It was really irritating. I got my revenge though. On Sunday WoTC folk teamed up with muggles (their word) to play a two-headed giant. I went to Matt’s table and scrambled the cards on his side: “Oh no, a crash! Looks like the whole event is cancelled!” Matt looked pretty hurt.

Round 3: Josh Jacobson – B/W Tokens.

Josh was an extremely amiable fellow, from New York I believe. He was with tokens, a deck I had tested against and clearly considered in deck construction. Both of our games were mostly according to plan, Putrid Leech was aggro and he tokened up whenever possible. I was actually a little behind when the mid-game started, except I had somehow drawn or cascaded into all three Anathemancers. They + Bitterblossom + early hits were enough for the first. Lucky me.

Game 2 continued the theme of raw luck. I was for whatever reason a step or two behind him. I again had dudes, including Anathemancers, but I wasn’t able to easily break through his Cloudgoating team. At one point I attacked with Colossus plus something else, with plans to cast a Fallout after combat and wipe the board. Josh made a beautiful play with his blocks, forcing me to either cast the Wrath or save the Colossus. I was forced to lose one of my better creatures, and him his board, and we went back to a more or less even field. We continued to trade beats and acquire peoples, which, thanks to Windbrisk Heights, was looking to not end in my favor. Specifically, I had gotten him low enough that I was going to Anathemancer him out soon, except that if he had anything that dealt damage under Heights, I was a turn too late. I mean, Anthem, Cloudgoat, Redcap, Finks, Squire; literally anything. Josh made his attack, I waited for the reveal, and he sighed and passed. I did my stay alive dance, then cast the Anathemancer and brought him to 1. Maybe he had the end-step Disenchant for his Bitterblossom? Nope, ggs. I asked him afterwards, and he said his Hideaway was Land, Land, Path to Exile, and Wrath of God. How lucky.

3-0

Round 4: Robert van Medevoort – Swans

Across the table was Robert from Amsterdam, next to him was Olivier Ruel, and next to him was Antoine. On my side was brother-in-arms Alex West, and next to him was some dude that didn’t have a mustache.

Watching these matches was Grand Prix judge Eelco Van Ruth. Eelco currently lives in Seattle, but previously Eelco was a resident of Amsterdam, and of course knew my opponent. I was a little concerned about a conflict of interest in this “U.S.A. vs. Other People” match, but Eelco seemed to be pretty neutral, judge-like. A couple times he stood behind Alex and I and jabbered something in European to our opponents, but he told me later he was just talking about beer and British Imperialism, or something.

Olivier chimed in at one point and asked about the mustaches. We explained it as best we could, but they seemed confused about the end-game. Eelco graciously went to retrieve the Mustache Invitational Trophy, after which the opponents seemed suitably impressed. I like to think the trophy’s glow allowed Alex and I to win our respective rounds.

Robert was with Cascade Swans, nominally a difficult matchup. Not impossible however. One advantage Swans gives to its opponents is the cascade-tutor effect. While obviously it’s what makes the deck function, any reasonable cascade will give the opposition a lot of information on what’s in the hand. A big cascade from Robert gave me the info I needed on when I could use my Terrors and Pulses to maximum effect. Anathemancer did heavy damage too, of course. My draw was excellent, but Robert did have a single turn to draw the last piece of the puzzle. He luckily didn’t, and we moved onto game 2.

Three out of four Swans players I ran against over the weekend went with exactly the same sideboard plan, which was taking out a bunch of land and throwing in Countryside Crushers. On the one hand this mitigates Thought Hemorrhage, but in my opinion you give up more than you gain. Each sideboarded game felt vastly more beatable than the first game. If you look at the list you can see there’s enough to take out that the Terrors can and should stay in. As such, all the opponent has done is make their deck far less consistent, and given me more “live” cards to exploit it. Each opponent is always shocked when I cast Terror against their random transformational creature, but c’mon.

Game 2 was basically this, except I also played terribly and got lucky as anything. Clearly you hate being on the draw against the deck, because the #1 card to excise is Seismic Assault and they get to cast it or cascade into it before you get T.H. mana up. In this case Robert did get his Seismic down first, but I was able to Pulse it. His next play was Crusher, which gave me the time to T.H. the remaining enchantments.

Actually that’s not quite true. I cast Thought Hemorrhage and named Seismic Assault. He nodded and handed me the deck.

::RFG the one in the grave, find and remove two more in the library::
Me: “Just three?”
Robert: ::Shrug::
Me: “Okay, I’ll keep looking. (Robert had mixed-edition, mixed-border Seismics so I was sure I had missed the last.”)
Me: “I think you have four. I’m going to keep looking through your deck until I find it.”
Robert: ::Shrug::
Me: “Seriously, you should call a judge for stalling because I’m not giving this back until I find the last one.”
::Look through his deck for another three minutes::
Robert: “IT’S UNDER THE SPINEROCK KNOLL!”
Me: “Hmmm… Here’s your deck back.”

I saw from the T.H. that he had Swans and Bituminous Blast in his hand, along with some lands. It was a fine position for me but I couldn’t quite hit him fast enough, what with the need to kill his random Giants and Elves. For obvious reasons, I also tried hard to not take 7.

Finally I drew the hand I wanted and hatched a plan. Between judicious removal and attacks, I was certain I could get him to exactly three. Then I’d simply R. Thunder him out and that would be that. A fine plan, except I played it hideously.

Getting him to three was no problem. He had kept playing lands, and at nine mana, ran out Swans. The correct play, the non-retarded play, is literally to do anything but what I did. Once again, Robert has Swans in play and Bit Blast in his hand. The ideal play is to attack, let him tap his mana, then kill him. Just slightly beneath that is to say go, let him tap his mana, then kill him. But no. No, no. For some ungodly reason I was so pleased that my plan of getting him to three had been executed that I simply cast Thunder at his face, as if there was nothing he could do.

Robert gave me a look that said “Is it your American education system, or are you just incredibly stupid?” (similar look to the Spinerock incident actually) and responded by tapping his five and cast Bituminous Blast at his Swans. I certainly didn’t care about the card draw, but if he cascaded into Captured Sunlight (a card I had seen multiple times from the voyage through his deck) than I was ready to set myself on fire. Luckily he hit Maelstrom Pulse and died. I apologized profusely for his loss to the worst player in the room.

4-0

Round 5: George Blankenship – Swans

George was from Arkansas and kicked things off with some crap about “excessive mustaches.” Excuse me sir, but there ain’t no such animal. I was righteously fired up until he played Spinerock Knoll. Then I looked at all the Jund Charm and Garruk in my hand and got sad.

Yet somehow, game 1 was extraordinarily close. It involved some Pulses of course, but at the end George had 1 card in his hand, Seismic Assault on the table, and was dead next turn. George drew, played Swans, discarded his last card to draw two, and promptly killed me. Actually it wasn’t prompt. I felt like a voyeur watching these Swans player “go off.” Now I know what they mean by “splash damage.” I gave him a minute to collect himself and we moved to the next session.

Game two was more of the same, except his draw was much better and mine was much worse. We reached a point where he was again going to die the next turn, he had out Seismic Assault, and had just cast Swans. Except this time he had four cards in hand. He discarded a land towards Swans.

Me: ::Sigh:: “In response, Terror your Swans.”
George: “Oh. Well that’s game.”

Neat. Game 3 T.H. came out quick enough and George was never really in it. Too lucky!

5-0

Round 6: John Hawkins – Four-color Esper Lark

John seemed like good people, happily playing a deck of his own creation to a respectable record. His deck was unusual: a blend of 5cc, Reveillark action, and I guess Boat Brew. I kicked off with a double mull this game, yet was in it surprisingly long. His initial Paladin En-Vec was a decent defender against the deck, but it didn’t stop Anathemancers or Colossus. Unfortunately those were nowhere to be seen. Treetop was good too, and it in came against the lone Paladin. John blocked, put damage on, cast Fallout, I cast the Jund Charm for +2/+2, and he had the random Negate. Fair enough, but despite Esper Charming and Mull Drifting, John was having trouble actually sealing the deal. Figures of Destiny and Forge Tenders were easily taken out, so we just kept hanging out drawing semi-useless cards. John probably could have been more aggressive at this point, but he clearly felt the long game was his. As long as I never drew an Anathemancer he was probably right. Sure enough, no Mancer was found and Reveillark crashed in for final damage.

The loss was no fun, but if it was that tough to win after an opponent’s double mull, the matchup couldn’t be that bad. In the second game John was the one on five, and although Figure made a valiant effort, my deck caught up quickly enough. Boy is Meddling Mage bad against this deck.

The third game was fun. We were trading hits for quite some time. Bloodbraid was working its magic, although for the first and only time in the tournament, it flipped up Guttural Response. Oh well, the second Response drawn was completely clutch, setting up a massive attack and forcing John to chump. He was still in it, albeit at 6 when I tap it all and

“Banefire for 7?”

6-0

Round 7: Josh Layne—5 color control

I start with a double mull to Josh’s single, and because I have the Terminate in hand, I lead with Graven Cairns. Josh goes Island, Pithing Needle naming Seismic Assault. How lucky can you get? I made him write it down.

5cc is the dream matchup, their slow selves versus lots of aggro and Anathemancer. It was basically what happened, Putrid Leech into Finks into Chameleon Colossus. Josh tried to hold on, and then he died, perhaps to a zombie wizard.

Game 2 was more of the same luck. My draw was solid, albeit land light. At four mana I had out just Chameleon Colossus and Boggart Ram-Gang. Josh was at 4 life with seven mana up. I’m just praying for no Cruel Ultimatum, and breathe a big sigh when he passes it back to me. Even luckier he doesn’t Cryptic me on the upkeep, allowing me to draw Guttural Response that turn, counter his Command, and swing for the kill. He told me afterwards, with chagrin, that he did in fact have the Cruel, but miscounted how much life he would gain against how much Colossus would pump to. MBN.

7-0

I was happy the deck was doing well, but still felt I was living on borrowed time. But, earning 6 more rounds to run out the clock was a pleasant feeling.

Round 8: Adam Robinson – 5 color control?

I don’t have my notes for this match unfortunately, but I believe he was with 5cc. What I do remember is us sitting down, shaking hands, and his offering the ID.

Me: “You’re 7-0 and locked up for Day 2. Why would you want to draw?”
Adam: “I’m hungry and I want to eat dinner.”
Me: “Hmmmm”

I thought about this. I literally hadn’t eat a thing during the day except half an awful scone from Starbucks, and a homebaked cookie one of the carpoolers had brought for the group (lucky!). Aside from the cup of water I drank before each round, there had been nothing at all in the last 10 hours. Now that Adam had brought it up, I was feeling a little ready to eat. But it was really just a tickle. What if Adam was dying over there?

Me: “Nah, let’s play.”

8-0

Round 9: Steve Stadnicki – Jund Control

Steve’s a local, who I had played before over the years. An incredibly nice guy, he was 7-1 going into the round and simply seemed happy to be there. We were at table 3 or something, and drew a sizeable crowd as we shuffled up. I don’t know if this intimidated Steve, but here’s hoping.

Unfortunately for the audience, both games were anti-climactic. My draws were great in game 1, leading to some Putrid Leech action into Chameleon Colossus. Steve ran out Liliana Vess and used her Vampiric Tutor effect (-2… Get it?) to find, who knows what. It didn’t really matter, Steve was taking too much of a pounding. Garruk came down in case Decree of Annihilation or whatever was waiting, and that was the first.

Game 2 my hand is again elegant, while Steve’s is a step behind. On turn four, with five cards in hand, Steve Thought Hemorrhages me for Chameleon Colossus. I tell him I take 15, which seems to give him a bit of hope, but really it’s just a hand full of excellent creatures and removal. Steve looks at the hand and the deck, plucks out the three Colossi, lays down his hand of all lands, and promptly concedes. Well, I’ll take it.

9-0

People seemed pretty damn beat after the ninth round. It was 10:00 pm at this point, and we were told to be back for the next day at 9:00 am sharp. However, there were a couple things that needed doing before the 45 minute trek back to Seattle. Obviously some folk needed rides back to the city, so that took time to sort through. As mentioned above, the day was fought on a water diet, so probably something involving food would be good too. And a few people wanted to chat about the deck and the PTQ tomorrow.

Devin Low, who had faltered with his Swans deck in a sea full of hate, said he would play a card-for-card copy of my deck at the PTQ tomorrow. I said that was fine, but maybe he should look at all the numbers first. Specifically how many “1s” there were.

Devin: “I saw the deck, it looks good. I’m going to play it tomorrow.”
Me: “Let’s just sort it out first.”

Devin: “Hmm… Cool deck! But I wonder what I’m going to play tomorrow…”

For the food option, myself, Jon Loucks, and BDM hit up the local Spaghetti Factory. It sucked.

I didn’t tell my passenger, but a few times I almost fell asleep on the road. Oh well, I got back at 12:30, checked the coverage to see if the likely opponents’ decks were online, fired off a quick Facebook update, and crashed hard for a sweet five hours.

Day 2:

If there was a circle to fill in, or a box to check, or a fee to pay, I’d do what was necessary for the event to be 18 rounds straight instead of breaking it into days. Seriously, I can ride adrenaline pretty far but I’m terrible in the mornings. I have never won the first round of a Day 2, and if that’s not true, it’s close enough.

I woke up feeling beat and awful, and nothing could shake the film from my brain. Walking around the neighborhood, a long shower, calling my girl, nada. I didn’t need more sleep, I just needed more time to get awake. I offered to drive people to the PTQ the next day just to have someone to chat with on the ride up, but since it started two hours after the main event, people rightly declined. Got there, drank some terrible coffee, and tried not to yawn as pairings went up for round 10. Were other people excited and alert with nervous energy? I dunno, you’d have to ask them.

Round 10: Josh Wludyka – 5 color Bloodbraid aggro

Although the decklists weren’t up when I checked, I knew Josh was with the 5c Bloodbraid deck that had been floating around the top tables. I felt very neutral on the matchup; he had a lot of good cards, but far worse mana and probably less Anathemancer. I figured an aggressive start could make him start Crypticing defensively, enough for Mancer to finish the job.

Good plan, but the cards did not cooperate. There was one, maybe two mulls in the first game, ending in a hand with semi-rough mana and all removal. This game (and the entire match) Josh had his mana perfect, curving into Sygg and Putrid Leech and Ram Gang. On the fourth turn he had out Sygg and Putrid Leech, to my Ram Gang. I had out two non-basics, with a third in hand but decided to play a Swamp instead so that his Anathemancer couldn’t Sygg me. His Putrid would trade with Ram Gang, but I had the Fallout to pop it in response to the pump, and maybe get me back in the game. Josh played a Ram Gang of his own and swung, and I blocked his Gang with mine. He pumped the Leech and I went

“In response cast Fallout OH MY GOD I DON’T HAVE DOUBLE RED”

I was pretty steamed because obviously I could have had the second red off a filter land if I wanted, and I just showed him Fallout for no reason. Oh, and I had a Terror in my hand which I could have cast on his Gang, but was so mad about the Fallout I didn’t even do that. Hahaha, nice job spending 15 minutes reading an article from a guy who forgets to cast Terror!

There were a few people behind us watching all this go down. They weren’t as silent as I would have wished after the Fallout fiasco.

“Oh no!”
“He’s terrible”
“He should definitely kill himself.”

Etc. Still despite all this idiocy, I was somehow staying alive. We were both flooding like mad, and as hoped, his Cryptics were defensive cards. I finally drew an Anathemancer and unearthed it, and suddenly Josh was at three. I was completely out of gas by this point, but despite all the Sygg draws, Josh didn’t seem to have much going on either. Finally Josh shrugged an unearthed one of his Anathemancers, leaving one more in the trash and me at four. Josh passed and dared me to kill him. With him at three life, there were a great many outs: Ram-Gang, Bloodbraid, Resounding Thunder, another Anathemancer…maybe a Jund Charm to at least RFG his grave?

Sadly no, a useless Warhammer off the top. I considered showing it to him before conceding and siding it out, but decided it was going to stick around. On to game 2.

This one worked out better. Because I played perhaps three cards in our last game, Josh may have thought I was some idiotic ramp deck. Well he was disabused of that quickly enough with bam-bam Leech, Ram-Gang, Bloodbraid, 2x Colossus hits. He was totally reeling and the double C took him out. Josh quickly went back to his board.

The third game was another mull, into a fairly sketchy hand of three lands, Warhammer, Colossus, Anathemancer-and the lands couldn’t cast Mancer. I wasn’t happy with it at all, but it seemed like no 5 card could be better, so reluctantly I kept. Josh came out blisteringly fast, but the worst was not drawing the fourth land in the next three steps. I desperately needed an equipped Colossus to get out of the mess I was in. Praying to whomever, I peeled my next draw, hoping for a LAND to cast the Colossus and get back in the game. Yay, a land! Boo, a Treetop. Far too far behind, when the Colossus was cast it was Pathed or Crypticed or some such and I was dust. Frustrating, but one’s luck has to run out sometime. I was fairly despondent after that loss, but at least I was awake. I drank some more awful coffee, looked at Ranier for a bit, and kept the head held high when the next round’s pairings were called.

9-1

Mountain!

Round 11: Joel Calafell – Swans

This turned out to be one of the most interesting matches of the tournament. Joel seemed like a nice sort and quickly revealed it was yet another Swans matchup. My draw was solid, but Joel’s was really excellent. His first Seismic got Pulsed, but he had the cascade for the second. Based on the reveal, I was almost certain he had at least one Swans in hand, along with at least two land. I stared at the Terror in the hand for a while, but did not feel comfortable trying to get him to fizzle like my round 5 opponent. What was left? Cast Bloodbraid Elf and hope!

Top card: Maelstrom Pulse. LUCKY!

Joel looked utterly defeated at this pull, and with good reason. He sighed, fidgeted, and started throwing his lands at my team in response to the Pulse. He killed some, took some, blah blah. With two Seismics gone Joel needed a third pronto, and he didn’t get it in time. Clearly annoyed, Joel went to his board.

I was siding my suite when I noticed something odd about Joel’s cards. Specifically, his sideboard sleeves seemed much lighter than the rest of his deck. When he passed his deck over I started pile shuffling it and sure enough there were some that had a much higher sheen than the rest. How to handle…

I decided to go to a hovering judge, pull him aside, and told him some of my opponent’s sleeves looked shiny, and that I thought they were his sideboard cards, and that I was going to give him my opponent’s deck with six cards on top, and if they were just random cards no problem and if they were sideboard cards to do as he would. The judge seemed a little wide-eyed, but he nodded. I took the deck and re-piled it, pulling aside cards that were obvious (to me) different than the rest. I handed him to the judge and we sat down to wait. I don’t know what Joel was thinking. We didn’t say a word.

At least 15 minutes later a judge came back and pulled him aside, and a few minutes after that Joel was assessed a game loss. I would have been surprised with any other outcome, and frankly this felt like “low-hanging fruit” to me. I remain surprised no one said anything until Round 11 about the sideboard sleeves. I truly don’t believe Joel was trying to pull a fast one; sideboard sleeves naturally get less wear than the maindeck. At the same time, I don’t trust any player (myself included probably) to call a judge over on themselves if, in game, they noticed a sideboard card sleeve was shinier than normal. Better to not put yourself in that situation.

Joel seemed a little mad (at himself), a little resigned, and asked if we could play a couple for fun. I obliged, he won them all. I don’t think it made him feel better.

I was telling this story to someone a little later, when I was informed that Joel had won GP Barcelona the week before. Hopefully remembering that win raised his spirits.

10-1

Round 12: Hunter Burton – G/W Tokens

Speaking of spirit raising…

My fiancée asked me a while back if I liked to talk with my opponents. I told her I did, but I wasn’t always interested in what they had to say. Random-ass talking is a part of my game; If I can get a laugh or two out of them, I’m usually gold. It doesn’t always work, but it’s fun to try.

I kick this off with Hunter, who in a few short minutes, tells me he hates Washington, really hates Hawaii, and wishes he was back in Texas yesterday. Those are fiery words, but Hunter’s delivery was, at best, tepid. Hunter seemed to genuinely hate being there, which made me think he was playing Swans, but in fact was with G/W tokens.

A good matchup, but I kept a rough hand in the first and got completely bowled over. The 2/2 Vigi-Elf kicked into Lieges, Escorts, etc. The one time Hunter inflected a little emotion into his voice was on the last turn’s “Attack for…15.” Ya got me!

But the matchup is pretty excellent, all in all. There’s no card I can’t deal with, and Charms and Bit Blasts mean I can play the defensive role easily. This was exactly what happened, a pair of Bloodbraids sought out high-end removal or creatures, and a pair of Bituminous Blast mopped up anything that was left. About a big a thrashing as the first game, really.

The third saw Hunter mull and keep a semi-land light draw. He did run out Noble Hierarch and the 2/2 Elf again, only to see me Fallout away his board. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I drew it that turn (lucky!). He played out some Ethersworn Canonist, to stop cascade I suppose. Little did Hunter know, the 4 points from Blast was the only part I really cared about, and he could play 2/2 white creatures all day long. Sure enough the Canonists got caught in some removal net and the deck Leeched and Finked its way to a fairly easy win.

11-1

Round 13: Yann Massicard – G/B/W Treefolk

Unreported FEATURE MATCH!!

Yann, an achingly slow French player, had been casting spells next door for the last few rounds. I was fully aware of his Treefolk inclinations, and similar to the round above, felt good about the fight.

Yes this was a feature match and even though I’m excellent at shuffling cards, and a talker, I’m not really a great feature match choice. Our table was next to the other FM, where I believe Saito and Nakamura were duking it out. They attracted quite a crowd. We had a few stragglers who couldn’t see to the actual interesting match, but were politely observing us anyway. When

Me: “Oops.”
Me: “Judge, these two cards stuck together and I saw the bottom one.”
Judge: “Did you draw it? See anything else?”
Me: “No, no, these are the two cards, in this order. The room is kind of humid, so the sleeves were sticky.”
Judge: “Ok, I’ll be right back.”
Yann: “Bon-
10 minutes later
Yann: -Jour.”
Judge: “Okay, not a big deal. We’ll shuffle that bottom card into your deck. And, I have to give you a warning. Is this your first warning of the day?”
Me: “It’s my first warning ever, and I’m going to appeal.”
Judge: “Okay, let me bring the head judge over.”

Appealing a warning from sticky cards? The remaining watchers could not disappear fast enough.

Head Judge: “Okay, you do not feel the warning that has been given to you is the correct warning that you should have received for this situation?”
Me: “Nope.”
Head Judge: “Why is it that you feel the warning that has been applied to you and your situation at this time is not a correct application of the Magic: The Gathering Rules of the Floor?”
Me: “Well, the cards were sticky, right? It’s humid in this room. To make an analogy, it’s like getting dinged because it’s raining out. Kinda outside my control.”
Head Judge: “Ah, I see. Well, to you it is like being blamed for the rain, yes? But to me it is like applying a penalty that is because of the rain, and then you forgot to bring an umbrella, and because you forgot to bring an umbrella you were penalized and then you appealed a meaningless warning and wasted the time of the Judge that is Head, and do you see the analogy I am making?”
Me: “Well you kinda lost me there, but that’s okay.”
Yann: “No blocks.”

After that little sidetrack, Yann and I happened to play the most enjoyable game of the GP. Yann came out extremely well with multiple Doran, Liege, Dauntless Escort, etc. Each turn was just to minimize as much damage as possible. But he also had unstellar hits like Treefolk Harbinger and Gaddock Teeg. Teeg obviously did nothing, and while the Harbingers usually got to bash for three or four, once, the Dorans kept dying, leaving 0/3 blanks in their wake. But Yann was applying damage fairly steadily, and while I was getting lots of card advantage, I was also getting tiny in life. The key turn was Doran and Escort and Teeg attacking, and my block of Doran with Ram-Gang, going down to two. On my turn I Pulsed the Escort and in response to the sac, Jund Charmed his board. Yann was still at 17, but ideally out of gas. Finks off the top felt very good.

Most of my early cards were spent staying alive, until finally I was able to start hitting back with damage. Finks here, a Bloodbraid there, oops yet another Doran. I played Warhammer and was about to make a crazy attack with it when I remembered that Warhammer actually sucks Ortolan when Doran is out. Instead Garruk started his relentless climb to beasts and overrun. Yann really was out of steam at this point. He had drawn no more than five lands our entire game, where he finally began to pull some. Garruk did get to four and with enough other dudes to enjoy the fruits, the comeback happened and Yann picked it up for game one.

If anything the matchup get better after sideboarding, but being on the draw kind of sucked. Sure enough, Yann came out (meticulously) blazing. The draw faltered or I did, but in any event this was a quick one.

Game three was where everything clicked. The draw had a tight curve, lots of removal, maybe a little too many lands, Chameleon Colossus, ok there’s enough lands already, Terminate, HOW MANY LANDS ARE IN THIS DECK?

Colossus is the MVP of the matchup, blocking Doran like crazy and bashing through anything else. Yann, with literally no cards in hand, was in Abyss mode as he furtively chumped the 4/4. At this point I had severally flooded but at least was able to pump Colossus effectively. I attacked again and Yann double blocked with some random green creatures.

Damn it. Pump? Path to Exile (prescient name!).

Despite ripping the basic out of the deck, still more lands were coming. Yann, smelling blood, followed up his Path with Escort, Liege, Doran, Escort. That was too much and I had to fold. Very frustrating!

Smack!

11-2

Round 14: Stan Bessey – 5 color control

As mentioned above, I enjoy the talking game. But it only works if I’m chatting and my opponent is listening. I couldn’t pull it off with Yann because of the language barrier. Stan, on the other hand, was just a master. We did some verbal feints in the beginning of the round, and it was immediately apparent I was in over my head, that Stan was far too comfortable with any repartee. Clearly we had to change the dynamic.

Instead, I suggested his talking was some route to stalling, and that he should quiet down and focus on the match. The irony of the comment was not lost to me, but I kept a straight face. And to be fair, Stan was actually slowing things down more than necessary, announcing every phase and waiting for a response. He gave me the opening when he played Reflecting Pool and asked if I had a response.

“Judge, I think my opponent is stalling. Lands can’t be responded too, right?” Derf derf.

Stan looked a little hurt, but it worked and he gave up the talking bit. Nothing personal baby, just trying to get some edge.

Perhaps (but who knows?) with less time to chatter, Stan had more to focus on in the game. The first game certainly did not go my way. I got Stan all the way to 16 before a lot of his Finks start coming down, and then 16 again before Cruel Ultimatum penetration. The second game lots of dead weight got taken out, and Chameleon Colossus did their happy dance. He may have mulled but in any case the draw was strong.

The third game was the sour one. I double mulled into basically all removal, the exact opposite draw one needs to beat up 5cc. I took a lot out of course, but there was only so much to cut. Ram-Gang and Finks both made an appearance, and when my Finks got killed somehow, I had the Jund Charm to restore it. Not bad, except Stan looked far too comfortable with my board.

“Hallowed Burial?”

Quit saying good stuff! The Burial was a backbreaker and it basically gave Stan free reign to do anything he wanted. Randomly I picked up some Anathemancer action, actually putting me in the race. I had of course been Crueled by this point and was playing off the top, but Anathemancer had surprisingly gotten Stan to three life. I knew he had Cryptic Commands in the hand, but hopefully he didn’t know I had a Banefire lurking in the deck. Could I pluck it in time?

Stan made a beautiful play and instead tapped to cast Primal Command to gain 7 and put a land on top of my deck. After the match his friends came up and asked him why he did that when he had 3 Cryptics in hand, to which Stan replied “What if he has Banefire?” I was genuinely impressed, and at that point, completely locked out of the game. The next few cards were blanks anyway, and magically I was out of top 8 contention.

11-3

Round 15: Raul Porojan – Swans

Final round. Raul was a big fellow from Germany, making his pit stop in Seattle before the voyage to Hawaii. We were both fighting for top 16, and Raul was making it clear his sole purpose in the universe was to bash the face of whoever his opponent was. Fair enough, I had a similar a goal.

To the left of us was a sea of Faeries, and to the right, bizarre G/W decks. But Raul, he led with a Spinerock Knoll. Not exactly the matchup I wanted to see in the final round.

But the draw was good, Leech curve into Pulse and goodness. I had effectively not drawn any Terrors, and although I had pained myself down to 13, I had Anathemancered Raul to 6. He did have Seismic in play, but luckily no Swans to go with it. There were a couple of lands in his hand, plus whatever was under Knoll, but Raul correctly deduced he only had one option to win:

Raul: “Ad Nauseam?”
Me: “Hell yeah!”

I mean, the ideal state is that he concedes, but as far as a fun way to wrap this game up, I couldn’t complain. And at least it would be faster than whatever fantasy the Swans/Assault combo performed.

First card: BLOODBRAID ELF! BLAMMO!
Second card: Treetop Village.
Third card: CAPTURED SUNLIGHT! SUCK ON THAT IRONY!

That was fun. Raul grimaced and picked up his cards. One game left. Who says this is a bad matchup?!

Game two was… a beating. On the draw, on the mull, I was forced to keep a non T.H. hand. It didn’t really matter as I was actually murdered on what may have been the fourth turn. I told Raul to just show me 10 lands when he drew them, but he was having none of it. Somehow, the tenth land was the very last card in his deck. Get a room.

Third game all the pieces came together. Raul of course had the third turn Seismic and I of course had the Pulse for it. I would have liked to have played Hemorrhage, but those damn CIP lands. Raul played another Seismic, which was the perfect window. Tap four, T.H.

Me: “Swans of…, umm I don’t know actually know the name of them. Swans of Brian Argyle?”
Raul: “Eh, close enough.”

Raul got popped for three, and happily had not sided in the Crusher package. He did have some random Wickerbough Elder, but hey, those Terrors always find a target. I was never really in danger, but I was trying to be careful. I had at one point Pulse and Terror and was debating whether to Pulse the Seismic, then Terror the inevitable 4/4 and bash in. The stronger play, I determined, was to Terror the Elder and just slap him with Treetop + other members of the army. I had clearly overthought it, when I cast the Terror Raul was ready to pack it in. Soon enough he did just that.

Raul: “I had you if you did not have Thought Hemorrhage.”
Me: “Yeah you were in good shape if I didn’t have lands either, but that’s why I’m playing them.”
Raul, smiling and extending the hand: “Good luck in Austin.”

12-3

And I ended on 13th place. When I told this to Gerry T., he apologized for my bad luck, since one place higher was worth another $100 and PT point. Oh that G$. I was, and am, perfectly pleased with my finish at the tournament, especially considering the massive luck I enjoyed on the weekend. I went in there with the hope of having fun and Q-ing for Austin. I hit both my goals, certainly all I need. Actually my rating took a nice jump from the event, so I’m also Q-ed for Nats (and Worlds technically, but I don’t think that one’s gonna last). Perhaps I will see some of you in K.C. and/or Austin in the near future.

Utterly exhausted, I jump into the sealed Mustache Invitational. I 0-2 quickly, leaving the trophy in a better man’s hands. That tournament was a beautiful sight though. Charles “Aceman” Dupont did us one better and actually put a mustache in the top 8. He had a great showing the entire weekend, ending on a well-deserved fourth.

Finally, would I recommend this deck for future PTQs? With some modification, yes. The deck has enough good cards to make you feel like you’re playing with a lot of power. Based on where the metagame is shifting, I’d reduce the ‘Clasm effects, probably lose the Warhammer and Thunder, and maybe a Colossus too. Not that I tested with it all, but Thoughtseize could be a player. Sygg is worth taking a look at too, of course. Sorry I don’t have an “updated” list, but you’ll forgive me if I just look forward to sitting on my hands for the next couple months. Good luck to everyone this season, and thanks for reading.

Noah