I would like to bore you with all the details about how I switched decks approximately seven times, got no sleep at all the night before, and chose the hardest deck in the format to play (for the first time, no less) in the longest tournament all year. I really would. But if you'll excuse me, I'm quite lazy and typing out a 5,000-word Regionals report just doesn't seem like the greatest use of my time. (Heh - The Ferrett, counting 3,395)

After a bit of scouting in the JoseMagic.com $500 Type 2 on Friday, I decided that U/G wouldn't be optimal in a field full of Beasts and the like, given my lack of being able to ever draw Wonder. So I look around for a deck, and no one seems to have an extra deck; perhaps I should look into owning some non-digital cards of my own. Luckily for me, D Fish decides that playing the deck he's been testing for three months straight (Cunning Wake) just isn't gonna cut it, and he chooses to play Cuneo Tog instead. I make a few small changes to the list, mainly adding the fourth Wish and fixing the mana base, and I'm good to go.

Unfortunately, the $500 Type 2 doesn't end until 4:30 a.m. and that doesn't really leave much time for sleep. Matt A. was kind enough to let us crash at his apartment for the couple of hours that we had before having to leave for the tournament. I decide that watching Billy P play GTA3 (sooooo, hooks?) is more important than getting any rest - and before I know it, it's time to leave.

We arrive at the Radisson Hotel with some time to spare. We wonder around the site for a bit while trying to find the room that the tournament was in. There seemed to be some kind of cheerleading/band competition going on in the main lobby, so there were an above-average number of teenage girls walking around in short skirts. How lucky!

We eventually find the room and it's announced that there are about four hundred and fifty people playing, which means nine rounds of Swiss. At this point, the lack of sleep is catching up to me and I feel terrible. I contemplate killing myself for a bit, but then I decide that not losing matches will make me feel better.

Here's the list I played:

Cunning Wake
Main Deck
9 Island
3 Forest
3 Plains
2 Lonely Sandbar
4 Krosan Verge
3 Brushland
2 Skycloud Expanse
4 Cunning Wish
3 Counterspell
3 Memory Lapse
3 Compulsion
3 Deep Analysis
4 Wrath of God
4 Renewed Faith
3 Exalted Angel
3 Moment's Peace
2 Mirari's Wake
2 Mirari

Sideboard:
2 Circular Logic
1 Opportunity
1 Flash of Insight
2 Chastise
2 Teroh's Faithful
1 Ray of Revelation
1 Ray of Distortion
2 Seedtime
1 Moment's Peace
1 Krosan Reclamation
1 Elephant Ambush

Round 1: Chris playing Beasts
Game 1 - I win the roll and choose to play, he Parises to six, and we're off. I play a Verge, cycle Renewed Faiths, and generally fool around with Peace and such while trying to find a Wrath. His draw is pretty fast with turn 1 Birds of Paradise, turn 2 Anurid Brushhopper, turn 3 Brushhopper, but he overextends a bit probably trying to make up for lost damage from Peace (which is a mistake that lots of aggro players make). I eventually find the Wrath and cast it; he removes one of the 'Hoppers, discarding his last two cards (Gigapede and Anger). Whoa. Gigapede is quite the beating against control, especially when it has haste. I try to find an Angel or another Wrath + Wish for Reclaim, but I'm drawing a lot of lands with no compulsion on the board and Gigapede and a Mongrel do me in.

Game 2 - We both keep and he starts off with turn 1 Elf, turn 2 'Hopper, turn 3 Ravenous Baloth. My draw is kind of slow compared to that, considering I only have Verge and Compulsion. Wrath is nowhere in sight so I buy time with Peace, flashback, Wish for Peace, flashback, Wish for peace, flashback. Eventually, I have about fifteen lands in play and I find the Wrath, which is followed by a Mirari. I Compulsion into another Wish and go nuts; as soon as he realizes that he can't do anything about infinite fogs and my Angel starts hitting, he packs it up.

Game 3 - He starts off slow this game, with no one-drop. I counter a Living Wish, cycle some Faiths, and eventually Wrath the board and lay Angel. I play out a Mirari, copy some spells, and the game gets to the point where he flashes back two Roar of the Wurms with Anger in the yard and swings for twelve. This attack puts me to twenty-seven - go beasts!

1-0, 2-1

Round 2: Aaron playing Burning Wake
Game 1 - He plays turn 1 Island, Turn 2 Forest, Quiet Speculation. I suspect U/G (yeah, yeah; however did I come to such a brilliant conclusion?), but when he fetches three Moment's Peaces I'm a bit relieved. We go back and forth with lands; I Wish for Opportunity and draw some cards. He tries Mirari's Wake, but I have the Wish for Ray of Distortion; he also tries Crush of Wurms, but I have the Wrath. Eventually, I play out Wake and Mirari and he has no way to stop infinite Wishes.

A note about his Quiet Speculation: When he casts it, I let him know that it resolves and he puts it into his graveyard and starts to pick up his library. I tell him to hold on and I call a judge. Quiet Speculation says search for up to three spells with flashback; by putting a spell in the graveyard, you indicate its resolution. Thus, you have him resolving Quiet Speculation and fetching zero flashback spells. I know it's a baggish thing to do, and I don't feel good about it - but I call the judge over anyway. If you're going to play with spells, learn how they work.

Apparently, there have been lots of calls for this exact play and the Head Judge has ruled that they can proceed to search for their spells anyway; oh well. He seems pretty shaken up after this, though, and plays cautiously for the rest of the match.

Game 2 - More of the same. He plays no counters and has access to only the bad Wish, so I'm pretty much free to do whatever I please. I play out Wake and Mirari with a recently Wished-for Opportunity in my hand. Things threaten to get interesting when he Mana Shorts me in my upkeep, but I Mirari Opportunity in response and let it resolve. I play my Island for the turn and pass, Wake lets me counter whatever he was trying to push through with Short; his big spell was Breakthrough for six. The rest is academic, as I counter anything he plays that vaguely resembles a threat and eventually find Wish and get my elephant on.

2-0, 4-1

Round 3: Gabriel with G/W Madness
Game 1 - He plays creatures, he Living Wishes for more creatures, he plays those creatures. I don't really know what else a G/W deck is capable of.

Wrath clears his board and a mystery beater comes down on my side. He's pretty much out of gas, so I unmorph Angel and get in there. We trade life totals and he scoops when I counter his morphed Angel.

Game 2 - He gets some Tireless Tribe beats in and neither of us are doing much. He madnesses out an Arrogant Wurm and I Peace for a couple of turns. I play out an Angel and start the beats. The race is somewhat close until I Chastise his Roar token and counter his Reprisal on Angel.

3-0, 6-1

Round 4: Joshua with Tog
Game 1 - He resolves a turn 2 Compulsion; I cycle some Faiths and cast and flashback an Analysis to try and find my own Compulsion or a Wish to take care of his. Despite his Compulsion, he can't find many lands and ends up stuck on five. I resolve a Wake and render his Logics useless. He cycles all of his Chainer's Edicts with Compulsion, so he's pretty much helpless when I drop the Angel.

Game 2 - He starts off by cycling two Sandbars; I lay a Verge or two and pump the fist when he misses his sixth drop. I have serious mana advantage and he isn't able to counter my Wake. I get Mirari onto the table and just wait him out with a hand full of countermagic. He tries Upheaval, but I have five counters in my hand and Mirari on the table. Next turn, I cast Wish in my main phase, hoping to draw a counter. He bites - and I counter back, fetch Seedtime, and Mirari it. Taking extra turns when your opponent is tapped out and you have Mirari, Wish, and access to thirty-something mana is quite good, or so I hear.

After the game he complains about his mana screw, but that's what you get when you cycle lands early on in a matchup where you want to lay a land every turn of the game.

4-0, 8-1

At this point, I'm feeling better - but then I realize that I still have to play five more rounds. Sigh.

Round 5: Jesse with U/G Madness
Game 1 - He starts off with turn 1 Careful Study, discarding Basking Rootwalla and Wonder, turn 2 Wild Mongrel, turn 3 Quiet Speculation, Logic my counter. Not bad, I suppose.

I'm stuck on five land and he tries to press his advantage by Logicing my Moment's Peace (an awful play, as I just flash it back). I'm at a low enough life where he can attack for lethal damage, so Wrath needs to resolve. I have Lapse in hand, but I'm still stuck on five lands, and my draw step doesn't reveal the sixth. Wrath is my only out, so I run it and pray that he doesn't have Logic #3.

They always have the Logic.

Game 2 - He Studies into Rootwalla and Gigapede on turn 1, has the turn 2 Mongrel and Logics my Memory Lapse on a flashback of Roar, leaving him with one card. I Wish for Krosan Reclamation in his end-of-turn step with him tapped out and Wrath on my turn, Reclamation takes care of Gigapede... Or so I thought. It gets shuffled in and he draws his card, thinks for about thirty seconds, and lays Gigapede. Great.

I'm fairly low on life at this point, so I Wrath it on my turn and flash the Reclamation back. On his turn, he draws his card and plays Gigapede; whatever. I try to race with an Angel, but he draws into a Deep Analysis and finds enough creatures to overrun me.

4-1, 8-3

I'm slightly demoralized after losing here, as U/G is normally a pretty good matchup. However, I'm determined to qualify for Nationals and decide that losing any more matches just isn't an option.

Round 6: Michael with WW/U Opposition
Game 1 - He Parises and plays turn 1 Spurnmage Advocate, turn 2 Spurnmage Advocate. Not exactly the nut-high start against Wake. Opposition resolves, as it doesn't really do anything except keep him from attacking for the time being. He sneaks in a Battle Screech with the flashback and his army is up to about seven 1/1s. He spends his turns tapping my lands instead of attacking, so I have the time to wait for Wish and get out of the Oppo lock. Eventually I find it, Wrath the board, and lay Angel. Not much he could do after that.

Game 2 - He has early Patrol Hound beats, but not much else. I counter his Quiet Spec and drop a Wake. He madnesses a Frantic Purification and takes care of Wake; didn't see that one coming. Eventually, Angel finds its way onto the table and does her thang.

5-1, 10-3

Round 7: David with Cunning Wake
David is a friend, so we're upset about having to play. We briefly discuss the possibility of drawing, but his tiebreakers aren't exactly stellar and it's not quite clear if 7-1-1 will even be good enough. We play it out and I offer a prize split, which he agrees to.

Game 1 - We lay lands and whatnot until he tries for a Wake; I let it resolve and Wish for Ray to take care of it. I lay Mirari and it sticks. I don't really have anything to do, though, so I just wait until I find a Wish. He resolves an Angel and I match him with one of my own.

He's playing with Nantuko Monastery, which gives him a small advantage, as he's able to Wrath and keep attacking. I'm never really in danger, though, as my life total stays relatively high. I eventually find Wish, and once I start going off, he concedes.

Game 2 - There are about four minutes left in the round for this game, I could just leave in my Moment's Peaces and Renewed Faiths to stall for the 1-0 win, but I wouldn't even think about doing that to someone I knew.

He starts off with some lands, two of which are Monasteries, and a Deep Analysis. I have about five counters in my hand, so I'm just playing land, go. He reaches threshold surprisingly fast and starts the beats; when time is called I'm at thirteen. On the first extra turn, I lay a land and pass, my hand all counters. He attempts a Mirari, I counter, and he swings with both Monasteries, putting me to seven. I need to topdeck Wish (for Peace, Faith, Chastise, or Ambush), Angel, or Faith to get the 1-0 win. I close my eyes and put the top card of my library in front of me. I take a deep breath and hold it up to my face: Cunning Wish. I wish for Peace and cast it in his upkeep; his last card is a land and he extends the hand.

I feel bad for beating a friend like that, but there isn't much I can do about it.

6-1, 12-3

Round 8: Chris with MBC
Game 1 - He Parises into a one-lander and attempts to mise. He rips land #2 and casts Duress, I Lapse. He casts Duress next turn, missing a land drop, I Lapse. I Lapse it again on the next turn for value, and now he's so far behind that he can't really come back even if he draws land. I play out two Angels; he can only deal with 1.

Game 2 - He's on the play and leads with turn 2 Nantuko Shade. On turn 3, he attempts to Rancid Earth my Krosan Verge; luckily, I have the Lapse for it. He Earths my Island next turn - and in response, I sacrifice Verge. He attacks with Shade and passes. On his next turn, he attacks with Shade and pumps it to a 5/4, but Chastise ambushes him and he's visibly demoralized. On my turn, I lay Mirari. He Tutors on his turn and passes, I play another Verge and a Compulsion. He lays a Braids, which I let resolve, as I'm much further ahead on permanents. I Compulsion through my library until I find a Wake and drop it. I start Wishing and making elephants; he extends the hand.

7-1, 14-3

I'm quite happy now, as all I need to do is draw next round and I'm qualified for Nationals. Or so I thought...

A quick peek at the standings shows that I'm in 9th and that there are ten other 7-1s. Looks like I'm playing the full nine.

Round 9: Robert with G/B Reanimator
Game 1 - I lay a Verge, and he casts Cabal Therapy for Wake turn 1 and whiffs. He Entombs Akroma, Angel of Wrath at the end of my third turn and lays a Doomed Necromancer on his. I let it resolve and Wish for Reclamation. He can't reanimate anything now, so he just starts attacking for two. I have all the time in the world and eventually play out Wake, Mirari, and an Angel.

He doesn't concede - not a wise move - and he's left with only ten minutes to try and win game 2.

Game 2 - He Duresses a Counterspell turn 1 and Therapies a Wrath on turn 2. He doesn't have much going and I'm able to Wish for Reclamation again, stopping any possible reanimation. He tries for the Necromancer beats again, but that just isn't going to cut the proverbial mustard. He hard-casts Visara, making things a bit more interesting...

But Chastise puts an end to that. Angel drops in for a few visits and that is, as they say, game, boys.

8-1, 16-3

Not exactly the challenge that I expected when playing for Top 8, but I'll take it.

I finish in fourth place on tiebreakers (First place was also 8-1). I'm far too tired to actually appear happy at all, and about twenty people comment on this. I go collect my anemic prize support - a lousy one and a quarter boxes. C'mon now; $25 to enter, 450 people, and the best you can give people who had to go 8-1 is forty-five packs? Please.

I got the real prize, however - my invitation to Nationals - so I don't have much room to complain.

The other Top 8 decks consisted of Tog, MBC, U/G, and Wake. The absence of R/G was surprising, but otherwise it seems pretty standard.

Even though I was thoroughly exhausted, I somehow mustered up the strength to draft. My partner had six rares in his deck and D Fish put in his usual 0-2, leaving me $20 richer. After eating and another draft, I got in my four hours of sleep on the floor of the Miami crew's hotel room. Not exactly the best accommodations, but it was quite possibly the deepest sleep I've ever had. 10 a.m. came and it was time to drive home, a three-hour journey that I was less than thrilled about. I manage to make it home without falling asleep at the wheel, collapse in my bed and sleep for another thirteen hours.

And now, everyone's favorite part of the tournament report...

Props and Slops

Props

• Me: I'm gas!
• D Fish: For lending me the deck, fully pimped out with Euro lands and foils.
• Johnny G: For telling me Wake was good for the last 2 months and also Top 8ing with it.
• Matt A: For letting us crash at his apartment.
• Billy P: For also Top 8ing.
• Miami Crew: For letting me sleep in their hotel room, even though they already had 6 people.
• Arun Sharma, Bryan Paris, Derek McClasky: For helping me test Type 2 on MODO, and being good men in general. Arun also Top 8ed Regionals in California.
• My opponents all day: Generally good sports.

Slops

• D Fish: Win a match, ever.
• Adam Prosak: For trying to save his creatures from Tsabo's Decree with a kicked Rushing River on my team at GP Columbus.
• Alex El: For playing Cuneo Tog and 1-2ing.
• Derek McClasky: For not playing non-digital Magic.
• Adam Levy: For making me test against 4c Cemetery decks.
• Zach E: DS.
• Regionals: For being nine rounds and not letting me draw into Top 8.
• Unity Events prize support: Forty-five packs are NOT enough for Top 8. Also, Clermont is the worst city ever; hold events in South Florida, please.
• South Florida gaming: For not existing.
• Me: For doing the exact opposite of what I said I wasn't going to do in the opening paragraph.
• Hundroog: Why not? (Why not indeed? - The Ferrett)

I probably forgot infinite people; sorry.

Thanks, barn.

Rob Mongiello
Rob Monge on IRC and AIM
R0bM0nge on MODO
RabMange@yahoo.com

Please feel free to e-mail me information about home equity loans and penis enlargement pills.