Lessee, you're musing over what deck to take to some high-falutin' tourney and you've wandered in here lookin' for some secret tech. Well I hate to disappoint you so;

Play Ravager Affinity.

Not insightful enough? How about this;

Play Goblin Bidding.

You want more, eh?

Play Astral Slide.

Thus covers the pro level advice for this article.

The Fundamentals of Youthful Ignorance
There's nothing like playing a"newbie" to make me feel important in the Magic universe. Not long ago I was playing at a FNM tourney in Tulsa when I faced a young codger named Eric in the second round. His pile of unsleeved White cards was my first clue that he might be rather new at this game.

Not that I was in much better shape. I was playing Nate Heiss's"ObliterEgg" with a slight variation or two. Basically, it's a Green/Red cycle deck that's designed to get a Rukh Egg out and then blow up the board with Obliterate. Problem is, it's a little too slow for the current environment, as my record in the other two matches that evening would attest to.

Eric told me that this was his first tourney. Considering that most of the best Magic players in the state reside here, it was akin to walking into the lion's den armed with a balsa wood stick.

Game one was decided fairly quickly when my lone Goblin Clearcutter went all the way. In the second game, Eric was stuck at three Plains. He kept mumbling,"C'mon land...c'mon land." over and over again. Before his prayers could be answered I cast Flashfires. Erich slowly picked up the card and took a good five seconds to figure out just what it did.

"No!"

Two of my Clearcutters managed to finish him off in short order. Eric rather sheepishly handed me his deck and asked for some advice.

One look at this pile confirmed his status as"newbie." It was a hodgepodge of overpriced critters and under-effective spells with no more than two copies of each. The topper though was Darksteel Reactor.

I'd asked him just why the Reactor was in his deck, especially since he had no way of adding any counters to it. His response,"But it's so cool."

The bottom of your pillow is usually cool. But Darksteel Reactor is definitely not cool, if the best it can do is put your opponent on a twenty-turn clock. By the time I was ready to share my wisdom, Eric's mind had wondered over to a match his friend was playing. Perhaps my constant blathering of"Just what the hell is this in your deck for?" bored Eric silly, I don't know.

It seems that Eric just suffers from"Newbie Disease." Bring your pile to FNM only to get totally crushed. Many learn by copying the best decks around, but they usually lack the trading skills and funds to get all the necessary cards. So they wind up with a substandard version that gets rolled. And since they only get one or two copies of the expensive rare cards needed to fuel the deck, they've also wasted some money.

So it got me to thinkin'; how can a poor boy build a decent deck without spending an arm and a leg?

Zen and the Art of Defining a Budget Deck
Everyone seems to have their own standards as to what a"budget" deck is. After all, many rare cards are cheaper than some uncommons (Skullclamp, anyone?). So setting a limit on the number of rare cards that can be used seems rather arbitrary to me. Why not just embrace the obvious and build a deck using a preset monetary limit.

So for this experiment I set a tight budget goal of $50, which does not include the cost of basic lands. Coming up with a decent standard legal deck at that price is quite a conundrum. So I tried my hand at that most basic and lovable of Magic decks, White Weenie.

Here are the fruits of my labor.

Cheap White Weenie
4 Suntail Hawk
4 Deftblade Elite
4 Auriok Glaivemaster
4 Leonin Skyhunter
4 Silver Knight
3 White Knight
4 Bonesplitter
3 Mask of Memory
4 Raise the Alarm
3 Arrest
3 Glorious Anthem
16 Plains
4 Secluded Steppe

Sideboard
3 Scrabbling Claws
3 Circle of Protection: Red
3 Altar's Light
3 Sacred Ground
3 Purge

Total Cost: $50.00

It's somewhat similar to Chris Romeo's White Weenie deck he published last fall. I've included a few upgrades from Darksteel along with Glorious Anthem; an enchantment he seemed to wish was in his deck at that time.

The Cheap White Weenie Instructional Guide to Victory and the Betterment of Your Life
Your mindset should be attack early and often until you're opponent's life total is zero.

Of course, this is usually the advice given to most people creating an aggressive, critter filled deck.

The Hawks and Skyhunters add some much-needed evasion, while the Knights offer protection against either Red or Black spells. The Glaivemaster is equipment friendly and goes from a 1/1 wimp to a 4/2 first strike bad ass with a Bonesplitter in his mitts. And Deftblade Elite is the perfect switch hitter. He doubles as a wall against large, non-trampling foes while picking off that annoying Goblin Sharpshooter or Disciple of the Vault with his provoke ability.

Raise the Alarm creates emergency blockers as well as casting soldiers at the end of an opponent's turn so they can attack right away. Arrest is the weak sissy boy of the deck, but it can help mightily when applied to creatures like Arcbound Ravager and (as I found out the hard way) Wellwisher.

White Weenie is not as fast as Goblins, nor as hearty as Elves. Its secret lies in consistently churning out critters for a steady bashing. The ratio of lands to spells is quite good as I've rarely had to mulligan. Plus, the four Secluded Steppes and Mask of Memory help speed you along through the deck to find the proper spell or critter.

Sure, there are much better spells and critters out there. Just remember that I'm operating on a fifty-buck limit. This does not include chips and beer however.

Ultra-Cheap White Weenie
Let's say that you're so broke that you can't afford all of these cards. Well mister, you need to find a better paying job. But in the meantime;

- 3 Glorious Anthem, + 3 Roar of the Kha

The"Kha" (which sounds like something out of Star Trek: DS9) is cheaper than the Anthem and somewhat more versatile, since you can attack, pump, and then untap your critters. Unfortunately, this effect will only last one turn. This is usually not long enough to save your creatures from nasty spells like Infest, Pyroclasm, or a cycled Slice and Dice. So in order for Roar of the Kha to be more effective, you'll need to add some backside to your critters, and to do that;

- 3 Sacred Ground, + 3 Gilded Light

Let's face it there is no good replacement for Sacred Ground. So if you can't muster the funds for it, you'll also need to make this change;

- 4 Plains, + 4 Ancient Den

You are now less vulnerable to Flashfires. Although if a Dwarven Blastminer hits the table, I pity you.

If you make the above changes the price of the deck drops to a fire sale low price. It is still somewhat competitive, but clearly at a big disadvantage against the current metagame.

Speaking of the metagame, how does this deck stack up?
Let's remember that if this was a tier one deck, Wizard's might go broke. This was not designed to beat the best in the field; it's at least $250 short of that mark. But it's hardly a total loss situation.

Goblin Bidding
You are at a definite disadvantage in the first game. If the Red tide of nasty goblins doesn't overwhelm you in the first four turns, it will after Patriarch's Bidding is cast I cannot stress how important it is to get Silver Knight into play ASAP. You may want to mulligan until you have one in your opening hand.

Sideboard

- 3 Arrest, - 3 White Knight

+ 3 Scrabbling Claws, + 3 CoP: Red

If you really fear Flashfires, you could replace the Scrabbling Claws with Sacred Ground. The Claws reduces the goblin comeback considerably, but it's CoP: Red that really shines here. Just play defense with it until you can get Glorious Anthem and Silver Knight in and then plink away.

Ravager Affinity
Here's another deck that can explode in your face. However it usually doesn't pack much in the way of removal. If you can get a really good early draw you just might overwhelm it. Just don't bet your college fund on that possibility.

- 3 Arrest, - 3 Raise the Alarm

+ 3 Purge, + 3 Altar's Light

Because of there first strike capabilities, I'd rather keep the White Knights in for this battle. Purge can work wonders here as well. It's as shame that Altar's Light is just so dang expensive.

Astral Slide
This is probably the worst matchup, although I have stolen a game or two against it.

- 3 White Knight, - 3 Raise the Alarm

+ 3 Altar's Light, + 3 CoP: Red

Damping Matrix should be target numero uno for the Altar's Light, followed closely by Astral Slide. The Arrests stay in for the Angels and Dragons. Once CoP: Red hits the table, it's a matter of getting your Silver Knights out and bashing away.

It wouldn't be a Star City article from me unless I included the obligatory FNM tourney report. Given the colorful nature of the Magic scene in Muskogee, Oklahoma, USA, how could I resist?

Son of the Return to Rougher Country
The universe that is the Muskogee Magic Community had changed considerably since the rambunctious days of last fall. What was once thirty Magic playin' fools crammed into a 15' x 20' space in the back of a computer store has now evolved into two separate play groups. The"talented" ones have moved to the Game Matrix, a small game store with a large storage room (complete with pool table and garage door) in the back.

The"not so talented" ones splintered off to a small game shop on the east side. In my one appearance there, I managed to get into the top 4 with an R/B Sliver deck, only to lose to an R/G LD deck packing around twenty land destruction spells. Ever since then I've stuck to the"tougher" route and so far have yet to crack into the finals.

Perhaps tonight will be different.

I arrive fifteen minutes before the scheduled start of play. This means absolutely nothing of course, since in Muskogee play doesn't start until everyone has arrived. So I sit there for over an hour giving advice to a younger-than-he-looks Mark on the finer points of playing in the upcoming Regional tournament. You see, young Mark is taking his Goblin Bidding deck with him. But he has never played in the big time world that is US Regionals. So I filled in him on the basics, namely;

• Always keep a written track of the score, including the exact cause of every change in the life totals.
• Always shuffle your opponent's deck.
• The proper method of calling for the judge. The second you see something fishy, bring your hand up to your shoulder (so you won't smack your fellow Magic player who is sitting two inches from you) then shoot it to the sky and yell,"Judge!" in a really annoying voice over and over again until a guy or girl in a striped shirt arrives.

That maneuver was made famous over the past two years when Braids was Standard legal (as in,"Judge! He didn't sac to Braids at the beginning of his upkeep!"). But it still comes in handy. Sure your, opponent will think you are a whiny idiot, but if the judge sides with you, then you become a whiny, winning idiot and therein lies the difference.

Anyhoo, after the pre-designated hour and ten-minute delay, we start with ten players. Even then a couple of late arrivals show up mid-way through the first game looking a bit disappointed. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any sympathy within me for their plight so I focused back to the task at hand.

Match One
Opponent: Renee
Deck: Mono-Red Goblins
Outlook: Renee is 7 1/2 months pregnant, which is less than half as long as she has been playing Goblins it seems.

Game One
Renee opens the festivities with an 8^th Edition Raging Goblin. After a couple of pings, it is joined by a Goblin King and a not so happy Clickslither. I manage to get out not one, but two Leonin Skyhunters out and proceed to pound away. I just manage to win in the nick of time as I produce enough blockers in the form of Raise the Alarm and Auriok Glaivemaster to stave off the Goblin/Clickslither assault. It was very fortunate that Renee didn't draw any Shocks or Hammers to ruin my day.

Well, fortunate for me anyway.

Sideboard
- 3 Arrest, - 3 White Knight
+ 3 CoP: Red, + 3 Sacred Ground

Game Two
Renee opens the festivities with an 8^th Edition Raging Goblin. No, that was not a MXC Impact Replay. Pretty soon another Raging Goblin hits the table joined by a Skirk Prospector. After taking about six hits of damage, Renee adds Sulfuric Vortex to the mix. I finally manage to get a Skyhunter out and arm him up with a Bonesplitter. With the Vortex taking chunks out of both our life totals, it's just a race to the finish when Renee uncorks a Blistering Firecat, bringing my life total down to three. I take two from the Vortex and then add another Bonesplitter to my lone Skyhunter, which is enough for the win.

That was too freakin' close.

Matches 1 - 0

The relatively quick victory allows me to venture outside to see the results of four days of heavy rain and thunderstorms, complete with two tornado warnings the day before.

Ah, just another April in Oklahoma.

Match Two
Opponent: Pat
Deck: R/G Land Destruction
Outlook: Pat is Renee's husband. If he's mad it doesn't show.

Pat has geared his deck to take out Affinity. This bodes well for me since I do not have any artifact lands.

Game One
I win the roll and start off with the puny Deftblade Elite. Pat just sits there and looks rather puzzled. I add a Silver Knight and Suntail Hawk to the mix and start taking Pat down four points a turn. Pat just keeps drawing LD spells, but it's too late. None of Pat's critters manage to hit the board, as I just keep two Plains on the table. Then I cast Raise the Alarm and add enough troops to finish Pat off.

Sideboard
- 3 White Knight
+ 3 Sacred Ground

Game Two
Pat starts off with a forest. I replay the first game by getting out a Deftblade Elite and Silver Knight. A Skyhunter joins the fun armed with a Bonesplitter before Pat Oxidizes that and clears the board with Pyroclasm. Fortunately for me the Silver Knight stays and is joined by two soldiers (courtesy of Raise the Alarm) which is enough for the victory.

Matches 2 - 0

Not bad, two quick wins against quality opponents is nice change from the previous few weeks as I was fine tuning this deck.

Translation: I was getting my head handed to me repeatedly.

Match Three
Opponent: Bret
Deck: R/G Beasts
Outlook: I'm told that Bret built this deck to beat Affinity. Since I'm not playing Affinity I feel encouraged.

Game One
My karma (no, not the enchantment kind) dictates that I must mulligan my first two hands. Bret gets out a Krosan Warchief and proceeds to beat me about the head with it. A Deftblade Elite stops the bleeding for a turn so Bret plays the now-quaint Tephraderm. This oldie-but-goodie is joined by a Contested Cliffs and suddenly my Deftblade is pushing up daisies. There's little I can do as each draw puts another Plains into my hand.

With only sixteen Plains in my deck, what are the odds that I would draw them all consecutively?

I never find out, as Bret's Warchief and Tephraderm beat my life total to zero in a hurry.

Sideboard
- 3 White Knight
+ 3 CoP: Red

You might think at this point that the White Knight and I don't get along. Well it's not true. While I wouldn't say we are dating, the White Knight and I are good friends. It's just that he doesn't fit in well against Red-based decks. Now if my opponent starts off the game with a Swamp...

Game Two
As a change of pace, I only mulligan to six this time.

Going first means another visit from my new best buddy, Deftblade Elite. I decide that a Bonesplitter would look good on him and he manages to get in one whack before he's taken out by an Electrostatic Bolt. Meanwhile Bret plays not one, but two Troll Ascetics, who are joined by a Krosan Warchief. My CoP: Red is sitting there looking might pretty, but has nothing to do as three Green critters pound my life total down. It's at this juncture that I recreate the famous scene from the movie,"The Blues Brothers" where John Belushi tries to sweet talk his way out of certain death from an enraged; M-16 armed Carrie Fisher.

"Oh please don't kill me! I'm writing an article for Star City over how good this cheap White Weenie deck is! It'll look really bad if you kill me in two games. Ya gotta hear me; I'm on a mission from God!"

Well that didn't work as Bret just gave me a quizzical look and then his critters ran over me for the win.

Final Match Record: 2 - 1

I was feeling pretty confident about finishing high enough to get into the top 4. However, the low turnout meant that only the top 2 would duke it out in the finals.

I finished in third.

I thought about throwing a temper tantrum. But I figured that I needed to save it up for something really big such as a PTQ or the like.

Epilogue
It's pretty clear that Cheap White Weenie is not the tier one monster destined to crush any and all opponents. It is economical, versatile, and solid enough to compete without getting rolled like an overweight MXC contestant on Log Drop.

Hey, two MXC references in one article, what are the odds?

Once you get comfortable with the deck you can start adding more expensive cards to the mix. Here are a few from 8^th Edition, Mirrodin, and Darksteel (I left out the Onslaught Block because it will rotate out in October.);

Auriok Steelshaper
Empyrial Plate
Ivory Mask
Leonin Shikari
Pulse of the Fields
Savannah Lions
Second Sunrise
Skullclamp (duh!)
Worship
Wrath of God

Use your imagination as Cheap White Weenie can be your starting point to a better future.

Or at least a future that doesn't include Darksteel Reactor without any support spells... Jeez!