Hi again. It's me, that mad deckbuilder that pops up here every now and then. I play rogue all the time, and I played rogue at States last year. But this year there's Affinity and then there's everything else - how rogue can someone really be this year?

How about a deck based upon Confusion in the Ranks?

Deck: "I'm Confused"
Creatures:
4 Myr Servitor
4 Viashino Sandstalker
4 Sakura-Tribe Elder
3 Vine Trellis
3 Viridian Shaman

Spells:
4 Confusion in the Ranks
4 Plow Under
3 Electrostatic Bolt
3 Kodama's Reach
3 Beacon of Creation
2 Rude Awakening

Lands:
11 Forest
8 Mountain
4 Darksteel Citadel

Sideboard:
3 Guerrilla Tactics
3 Blood Moon
3 Creeping Mold
3 Granulate
3 Leonin Bladetrap

I had a Red/White version of this deck that got into the finals at FNM, which is encouraging for one of my crazy designs. The basic concept is simple - get a Confusion in play, then steal opponents' creatures with 1/1s and the Viashino Sandstalker, who returns to my hand to steal another creature the next turn.

The Green/Red version is slower, but has more disruption and more late-game power. It also has a slightly better game against Affinity, but that's not saying much - any deck whose most important spells cost five mana will struggle against Affinity. I decided to consider Affinity more or less of an auto-loss, with only three Viridian Shamans maindeck and three Granulates in the sideboard for it. The rest of the sideboard is targetted at various decks - Blood Moon for Tooth and Nail, Guerrilla Tactics for Black or for additional spot removal, and Creeping Mold for general utility. The Leonin Bladetraps were a last-minute addition designed to wreck an opponent using Rude Awakening, after my testing revealed what a house the Awakening was.

This was also the first tournament in which I've used sleeves. Ever. I hate sleeves, I hate shuffling with them, I hate that they don't fit into the satchel I carry my other decks in. But my Plow Unders are from Urza's Destiny, and two of my Sandstalkers are from Visions and looking a little worn. So at States, I decided to make the leap into sleeves. Bleah. I could make a comment about the first time using a condom, but this is a family website.

Anyhow, with accepting Affinity as an auto-loss, I really went to the tournament wanting to have fun and to play a deck I liked. And with luck, to wreck someone's day. A goal all rogue deckbuilders strive for.

Match 1 - Jason (Mono-Red Ponza)
Jason was playing what looked like a fairly typical selection of land destruction cards, with a non-typical creature base, with standards like Arc-Slogger, but with other cards that slanted heavily toward hasted creatures. He also had the exact same color sleeves as I. Not good when my plan is to steal whatever he puts down.

Game one I came out quickly, with a Plow Under when he had only three Mountains in play and a Confusion on the fifth turn. He played Oxxida Golems and a Lightning Elemental, but I was generating mad amounts of mana and hit him with a Rude Awakening for the win.

At this point, I had no idea what to sideboard. I didn't see anything worrisome over there, and mono red has nothing to threaten my Confusion plan.

Second game, he cast Molten Rain on my Red mana, and hit my early creatures with Magma Jets, then started dropping Solemn Simulacrums. I surprised him with a few hits with a Sandstalker when he was tapped out, and eventually had Servitors holding the line against his Solemns. He chose to clear the board with a Flamebreak. Big mistake - in the next three turns he couldn't put down another creature to stop the Sandstalker from beating his face in.

At this point, the strangest play I've seen all day happened in the game next to me. Someone used his Oblivion Stone to put a fate counter on his Sensei's Divining Top. I didn't say a thing, just walked away mouthing to myself "Why?"

Match 2 - Jacob (B/G/u Rogue)
Jacob had an interesting deck. It had a recognizable B/G base, with a splash of Blue that allowed him to abuse Eternal Witness as much as possible. Eternal Witness was abused a lot in this tournament. I just know that there's a shelter for bruised and used shamans in Mirrodin somewhere.

First game turn 3 he hit me with a Coercion, and seeing both Rude Awakening and the Confusion in my hand, he took the Awakening. That was okay with me - next turn I was able to put the Confusion in play. I showed him how the Viashino Sandstalker worked just once, stealing a Witness, and he reacted by using his first Cranial Extraction to remove all my Sandstalkers. Note I said his "first" Extraction...during this game he cast CE on me four times, removing the Sandstalkers, the Viridian Shamans, the Beacons, and the one remaining Rude Awakening. I stayed ahead on life though, thanks to Servitors and his Night's Whisper addiction - "It's the Black Crack, the Self-Beating that Refreshes!" But then he showed me one thing he could do with his Blue splash, and put Meloku the Clouded Mirror into play. Meloku is bad for me. He stole the board with spirit tokens and I crumpled.

Fortunately, I know how to sideboard against Cranial Extraction - don't have any four-ofs in your deck. -1 each of Confusion, Beacon, Sandstalker, Shaman, Plow Under and E-bolt, and +3 each of Creeping Mold and Guerrilla Tactics. With this configuration, he would have to hit me with Extraction six or more times to completely detooth me.

Second game we were both stuck on one land for a couple turns, but I got a Sakura-Tribe Elder - the suicide snake - out first. I started hitting him with little creatures and Beacon tokens, and I was ahead 20-5 by the time he got a Troll Ascetic in play and started recurring his removal with the Witness. I slowed him down with Plow Unders, and finished him off with an Awakening.

Third game he mulliganed, and his first two spells were Night's Whispers. That and Servitors brought his life total down to where a sixth-turn Rude Awakening took him down.

So I was 2-0. That made me very nervous. I went to the tournament to have fun, I didn't expect to do well! I told the judge that I hoped I'd lose my next match.

I didn't have anything to worry about.

Match 3 - Kip (Vial Affinity)
My deck doesn't do well against Affinity. I knew that. I expected to put up a fight, but I knew that I'd probably be bending over the table when an affinity deck appeared.

I kind of put up a fight the first game. I Shamaned a second turn Cranial Plating, and E-bolted a Disciple of the Vault. But Thoughtcasts kept him in the game, and although I could tie up the ground game with Beacon tokens, eventually a Blinkmoth Nexus and another Cranial Plating spelled my doom.

Time to sideboard. Out went the Plow Unders, 1 Sandstalker and 1 Confusion, and in came the Creeping Molds and Granulate. It's not much, but it's what I had.

Second game he came out with Arcbound Workers and an early Plating. I drew some kill but not enough, and no creatures - mostly land. He killed me on the fourth turn.

The problem with Creeping Mold and Granulate? They cost four... and if the game only lasts until the fourth turn, they'll never be cast. I wanted the board-sweeping power of Granulate, but of course I should have used Oxidize. It may not have helped, but it's the right hate card.

Then it was time for a lunch break. Over lunch, my friend Tom explained about his deck and his losing record. "My deck is a control deck that doesn't control very well."

I nodded knowingly, and said, "Oh, so it's like a dominatrix wearing pink bunny slippers."

Am I the only person who sees Magic as an essentially sexual game, and a rather perverted one at that? Maybe we should explore this - it might get more women into the game. Then again, it might drive the last of them away.

Okay, so I was sitting at a 2-1 record. Could I sit back and have fun again? Hmmn...maybe I needed another good beating to keep me humble.

Match 4 - Ben (Mox Affinity)
Ben is 3-0, so he was paired down to me. That didn't bother me until I saw him put artifact lands in play. First game, I took out a Plating with a Viridian Shaman, but he overran me with Enforcers and Ravagers and...oh, you know the story.

Second game, I happily kept a hand with two mountains and a Granulate. I drew a third land my second turn. He killed me fourth turn, with Cranial Plating and too many Frogmites to count. What good is a hate card you never live long enough to use? On a related note, I'm trading Granulates away - anyone want them?

Okay, so my record was 2-2. I know I could beat anything but Affinity. Fortunately, by this point all of those seemed to be at the winner's table.

Match 5 - Jalil (G/W Rogue)
Jalil had an interesting little deck. He set up defense with Ghostly Prisons and White removal, and killed with a Skyhunter Skirmisher pumped up with Might of Oaks or the Swords from Darksteel.

First game we both ramped up our land base quickly. He hit a Viashino Sandstalker with a Reciprocate, and then hit me back for sixteen damage with the Skirmisher/Might of Oaks combo. I had the Rude Awakening, though, with enough lands to both pay for a Ghostly Prison and to mount an attack that won the game.

I decided then that my goal would be to make all Skyhunter Skirmishers die. -3 Plow Unders, +3 Guerrilla Tactics.

In the second game, I made a play mistake. He got out an early Skirmisher, and after he attacked with it I tried to hit it with an E-bolt. He of course responded with the Might of Oaks. Crap. All of a sudden the life totals were 2 (me) to 20, and although I squirmed a bit, he managed to squeak in two more points of damage. All right, lesson learned.

Third game, I waited until after he cast Might of Oaks on an early Viridian Shaman before E-bolting it. Then I put Confusion of the Ranks into play. I hit him with a non-fatal Rude Awakening when he had no blockers, and I used Viridian Shaman to kill a Sword of Light and Shadow that could have posed a problem. Then it was just a matter of sliding in a few more points of damage to take him out.

And so the match record ticks to 3-2. I considered that respectable... certainly for a deck that only heavily medicated people would play.

Match 6 - Travis (Mono-Green Beatdown)
I don't know whether Travis's deck could be considered rogue or not. I think I've seen it before - Troll Ascetics, Plow Unders, all the good Green stuff. But he did have a few surprises.

First game he got a second turn Troll, and I was forced to chump block with Beacon tokens. Then he upped the ante with a Molder Slug. I put a Confusion in play, and was ready to steal things the turn after, but he had a maindecked Creeping Mold in his hand for the enchantment, and a few turns later he beat me down. The lesson I learned about Travis's deck - it was fast. Early beaters and the hated Troll Ascetic... it didn't look good for me.

It looked even worse when I mulliganed twice in the second game, and he got out a second turn Troll and a third turn Fangren Firstborn. He beat on me pretty effectively with those and two Birds of Paradise (which were collecting tokens from the Firstborn) for a couple turns before I put out a Confusion in the Ranks. Then, with the life totals at 7 (me) to 20, I stole everything but the Troll with a Beacon. We traded control of the Firstborn a couple times, while I beat on him with his 2/2 and 3/3 Birds. This was the first serious mistake on his part - he should have tried taking the Birds from me. His second serious mistake was in playing Creeping Mold on my Confusion while I still had control of the Birds and Firstborn. It didn't take long to crush him with his own creatures.

The third game was interesting. I sideboarded out 3 Plow Unders and brought in the 3 Guerrilla Tactics, intending to kill Birds and Firstborns before they got large. That strategy didn't quite work, as he got a third turn Troll and started recruiting Eternal Witnesses with recurring Commune with Natures. Nice combo. He put out an Oblivion Stone, but never had the mana to activate it, so I hit him twice with a Sandstalker when he tapped out to attack.

Then it was a counting game. I was taking hits from his Troll while building my land base with a Rude Awakening in my hand. A turn before he would have killed me with the Troll, I cast the Awakening and attacked with ten lands and a sandstalker - overkill. Hey, I wanted to be sure. After the game, he cursed himself for not keeping mana free for the Oblivion Stone, but a bystander pointed out that it wouldn't have killed the Awakened lands anyway.

And so I ended the tournament with a match record of 4-2. I'm in 12th place, just one point away from getting into the finals. I'm really happy with that record. I beat everything that didn't have "Affinity" in its name. I only wish I could have had the chance to eat a Tooth and Nail deck.

Then again, the most frequently said thing I heard during the day was, "Oh, my deck beats Tooth and Nail too." Seems like everyone's given up trying to fight Affinity, and they're rationalizing that they can't lose to the second tier decks. Which, frankly, is what I was doing... except I proved it.

• Granulate is crap, as are any artifact hosers that cost more than three mana. In this metagame it is necessary that artifact kill be cheap.
• Rude Awakening can steal games that you have no business winning.
• The rumors I have heard that Troll Ascetic is no longer being used are wrong. It's still aggro-Green's best creature.
• Confusion in the Ranks is a good card, if not as good as Rude Awakening. If Confusion were Blue, in a color with counters to protect it and more creature bounce effects, it'd be played all the time. But I learned this lesson a long time ago, and I don't expect anyone to listen to me about it now.

You're not going to listen to me when I tell you that Reweave is the next Tooth and Nail, either. Oh well, I'll just have fun ruining people's days until they respect the power of the rogue.