Okay, this week promises to be long and strung out. Why? Because there's a lot that I've been meaning to write about, and I believe it's all just going to come out right now. First of all, we got the Ferrett doing our editing. Great. Don't be surprised to see "Prove Jeff sucks and join the club!" at the top of my next five articles.

Oh of course we all know he's biased. He's going to favor Mr. Alongi, just because he's a multiplayer man himself. Sure, no more spotlight to us good-for-nothing teenage writers. I wouldn't be surprised if Anthony got a pay raise. That's right, a raise... He might get a whole chicken and a pack of matches.

Speaking of which, what's with this?!

Ferrett writes:

"Q: How do I become a Featured Writer?
A: Write a lot. Send it to us. If you're published often enough, we'll make the decision to promote you, at which point you will receive a small plaque and a card that's good for 10% off a Sunday breakfast meal at any participating "Denny's"."

I want my Denny's card! Do you realize that after these long tournament qualifiers (on Saturdays), I usually get home around 1:00 on Sunday? I could use some breakfast after getting beat around!

Yes. This has been a joke.

Onto more important matters, a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of stepping into the Browser Game Center (in Houston) for the first time in... well, a week... so I could compete in the Team Qualifier. When I got there, Tim (the Head Judge) was kicking the door to the place because they had locked him out. With that in mind, I dropped by a McDonalds to get some breakfast to eat (since the card I was supposed to get only serves the Sunday breakfast meals) and returned to register.

Needless to say, they wouldn't allow me to register my alternate personalities as a team. I had to find two more people, so I ran into Josh and Dale of team Regulators and they decided that I could join their team and help them qualify with my ability to pull off unbelievable wins... Against them. Only them.

So we register as Team Regulators (despite my protest) because I was joining THEIR TEAM. Had I had my choice, I would have called us Terrible Mise (Named after a Nine Inch Nails song, Terrible Lies).

They decide that I should be in the A-Spot, seeing how I have the longest legs and I could stretch them on the corner of the table. While walking around, I notice Mason and Fletcher Peatross joking around with another teammate (whose name eludes me) and have a fit. Seriously, a fit. I didn't want them here because they ought to be leaving the qualifying to us scrubs.

We grabbed a seat across from people we knew (local players at the Mall) and opened our packs. Here's a few of the cards we got, really mediocre.

Invigorate x2
Snuff Out
Tremor

With that list of bombs, how could we lose?

Okay... We couldn't. Here's the other side of the packs we got.

Jhovall Queen
Nightwind Glider
Thermal Glider
Lawbringer
Lightbringer
Defiant Falcon
Ramosian Lieutenant
Lin-Sivvi, Defiant Hero
Two-Headed Dragon

With lots and lots of good commons. I suddenly became religious in the hope that a sudden change in faith would allow a Divine Intervention to let us keep our packs (as well as get me a nifty side affect of clearing me of all sins).

We didn't get them back.

The cards we did get back weren't bad.

Dale got stuck with some really fast G/R deck that had a really good early game, but that was about it. Josh got stuck with an excellent U/B deck that had lots of flyers, Soothsaying, Rootwater Thief, Highway Robber, Haunted Crossroads, and Thrashing Wumpus.

Here's what I used

Artifacts (1)
1x Crenellated Wall

White (17)
1x Steadfast Guard
1x Ramosian Sergeant
1x Defiant Falcon
1x Thermal Glider
1x Lawbringer
1x Lightbringer
1x Chieftain en-Dal
1x Charm Peddler
1x Netter en-Dal
2x Defender en-Vec
1x Crossbow Infantry
1x Angelic Favor
1x Topple
1x Last Breath
1x Muzzle
1x Cho-Manno's Blessing

Red (6)
1x Shock Troops
1x Kyren Glider
2x Seal of Fire
1x Lunge
1x Thunderclap

Land (17)
11x Plains
6x Mountain

Notable sideboard cards:
Noble Purpose
Ramosian Rally
Inviolability
Orim's Cure
Disenchant
Panacea

I figured that this deck was pretty aggressive with moderate removal, so it didn't need the Rally or the Purpose in the main deck. However, if I needed to play the mid-late game I could side in the Panacea and Purpose in order to swing the life totals in my favor. However, this strategy only worked out once. The other few times I was forced into stalling out the third game of the match because my opponent was also playing an aggressive deck and I couldn't risk the life.

I will spare you the details, but we finished 5-3-0 and in 7th place. Which is respectable, considering it was our first time working as a team. Josh's deck really bombed others that we faced, but a lot of people put their bombs in the B seat with him.

Oh, and of course Mason and Fletcher's team (sorry to the other guy :-) ) go undefeated with a few decks that consisted of Blastoderm, Lin-Sivvi, Jhovall Queen, and Two-Headed Dragon.

Sadly for them, they had some troubles communicating in the draft and the brothers fought each other for decent white cards while the other team picked up massive red spells and multiple copies of Invigorate and Blastoderm, and one Overtaker (which sat on the board, undrafted, for way too long).

I didn't stay to watch the match because I already knew how it was going to end... Well, no, I didn't. I went back to my house to meet a friend of mine so we can go bowling with a bunch of his friends. There was a cute girl there and I managed to get her number before heading to Dennys to get something to eat and hang out.

Mise.

Well... no, I didn't. She was too busy talking to the guy she went there with. Ah well.

I spent the rest of that night wondering how Mason and Fletcher stole the Regulator's deck and came in second with it. It was absurd. Lists of people started flooding my mind with people who had done well in a tournament using other people's decks.

I'll let you know next week how well Josh did at last week's $1000 T2 tournament. He played Rector Gadget. =) Just kidding; actually, he played Sexy Rector and managed to T8. Meanwhile, Fletcher Peatross (DECK STEALER) gets an article published about his new Bargain deck that he played at the same tournament.

Sure, he gets an article published about how Tangle Wire makes Bargain better, and every deck I post is put on the bottom of the page? Perhaps if I changed the name of my Enchantress deck to Baragain (no spelling error, small pun) I could get top billing.

I eventually went to sleep while listening to my CDs... After a few CDs went through, I woke up as Terrible Lies (by Nine Inch Nails) started playing... Suddenly, I started singing the Magic parody of it.

Why are you doing this to me?
Did I not build you like you wanted to be?
I feel my land count is a bit too extreme
Can my deck really be as sad as it seems?
Terrible MISE!
Terrible MISE!

Oh... Sorry...

To console myself, I decided to play at the weekly tournament at the mall. Quickly, I designed a Wheaties deck and took it to the mall. When I got there, I found out that they wouldn't allow black-bordered Mountains with the word "Taiga" written all over it to be used. So I talked to Josh and he let me borrow the real things. This repeated with Plains with the word "Savannah" and Swamps with the word "Bayou".

I'll spare you a few more details and just tell you that I made third. I was able to pull out two matches in which I was 'unable to win'.

All it took was for me to listen to Papa Roach's Last Resort while playing. I managed to fend off a green Stompy deck by using High Market/Shield Sphere/Oath of Ghouls tech in order to keep myself from dying long enough to draw into the combination on the last
possible turn (while stuck at two land the entire time)

Then I played a Draw-Go deck, which pitched a Tidal Kraken to Force of Will an early spell. I was forced to start casting my Squee in order to block an Ophidian turn after turn. After a while he grew tired of this recursion, and actually started countering the Squee so he could draw more cards.

Then he started building up his mana and using Capsize to whittle away my permanents... Things were not looking good. Suddenly, I put on my headphones and started singing (much to the discomfort of Mark, my opponent, the spectators, and pretty much everybody in the mall) and top-decked my Demonic Tutor, with which I fetched a Living Death. This stayed in my hand while I had him counter such threats as Goblin Bombardment, Academy Rector, Deranged Hermit, and Rootwater Thief. Then I cast a Wall of Roots, to which he said "That's fine," just a bit too early. Knowing him, I tapped my mana and cast the Death. No counter.

A few turns later, I drew into my Recurring Nightmare and sacrificed my Rector (fetching Opposition) to bring back my Hermit. With only a Capsize left for defense, he conceded.

Ok, I'll give you the decklist of what I used. (this article has to be good for SOMETHING)

4x Survival of the Fittest
2x Recurring Nightmare
1x Worship
1x Opposition
1x Oath of Ghouls
1x Goblin Bombardment
1x Enduring Renewal

1x Demonic Tutor
1x Firestorm
1x Living Death

4x Academy Rector
4x Birds of Paradise
4x Wall of Roots
1x Shield Sphere
1x Rootwater Thief
1x Uktabi Orangutan
1x Avalanche Riders
1x Nekrataal
1x Monk Realist
1x Monk Idealist
1x Thrull Surgeon
1x Squee, Goblin Nabob
1x Wood Elves
1x Deranged Hermit
1x Spike Feeder

2x City of Brass
2x Grasslands
4x Bayou
4x Savannah
4x Taiga
1x Tropical Island
1x Volrath's Stronghold
1x Phyrexian Tower
1x High Market
3x Wasteland

Sideboard:
1x Sacred Ground
1x Spike Feeder
2x Emerald Charm
3x Pyroblast
1x Lobotomy
2x Shield Sphere
1x Light of Day
1x Peacekeeper
1x Triskelion
1x Sliver Queen
1x City of Solitude

Yes this is T1 legal, but with a few small changes it could be ready for Extended in no time.

Next week, I'll write about whatever I can find, but it'll probably be another MBC article. These are as slow and drawn out as the format itself.

Just another thing to notice, people build decks the way they write. If it was High Tide, they'd blab about the cards in their hand or just say "I won." Sligh is very blunt and more like, "He played creatures with only 2 toughness, they were burned." And of course, Suicide Black had the trademark, "He got me low on life, but I pulled it out with Cursed Scroll." Apparently some people never fully understood that black usually DOES win like this.

If a deck is that boring, then why not give details about what your opponent did? Unless, of course, they were playing the same boring deck.

I'm glad Extended has more variety than ever - we can avoid these silly conflicts.

Until next time,

Jeff Wrobleski
ReGa on Newnet ('Re'ctor 'Ga'dget)