You may remember me from an article I wrote about a year ago on UR Obliterate, and Knutson demolishing me with editor comments. I probably deserved them, but I got printed and that's the important part to me. But I'm not here to discuss that. I'm here to explain what I seriously believe to probably be the best deck in Standard. That deck is UG Critical Mass.
Here's what I played at Regionals.
In case you're wondering... yes, that is the worst sideboard in the history of Magic. And yes, the decklist is identical to Sean's list from the week of May 15th. However, the lands are different because
a) I don't like running the legendary lands in this format because everyone else is, and
b) I couldn't find my legendary lands anyway.
The reason for “a” is because I don't like getting Strip Mined for no reason. However, the Oboro, Palace in the Clouds is a worthy inclusion as it pumps the Kudzu by itself without Meloku if you need it. But choice “b” is probably a more accurate reason of why I didn't run them.
Basically, the deck is fish, but your fish are big. Make sense? On with the story.
I didn't know I was going to be playing in Regionals at all until the Thursday beforehand. The reasoning was that I didn't think I could get time off work. Then I realized I could call in sick if all else failed, so I actually decided to play the deck I was testing for a very short time.
Once I realized that Five-Color Control was a bad deck, and I didn't want to spending 25 bucks plus gas (plus the roughly 500 dollars probably needed for the mana base), I changed my deck to Critical Mass. The first version of the deck I tested was Knutson's version. No slams against Knutson, but his version just lacked something (the UG version, not the UGr version... I never tested that one, as I wanted to avoid splash colors). In the end, I did what every player in Fort Wayne, IN should do: Listen to Robert Hardy.
Robert Hardy has a knack for knowing which versions of decks are better upon first look, so I asked him. He said I should play the version on the free side of StarCityGames, by Sean McKeown. I looked at it, didn't quite know why it was better, but just played it because I assumed Bob probably knows what he is talking about.
Apparently, he was right.
All it did was change a few cards from my original list, but it made the deck infinitely better. I never had the same problems that Knutson's version gave me, which was basically feeling underpowered at all times. Knutson's version is probably better when finely tuned, but Sean's had the raw power that I was looking for.
The game plan was simple. I would go to work Friday night, get picked up by my team, sleep the hour and a half there, play games and sleep more at lunch, play more games, go home, sleep, and go back to work.
This is how it actually turned out.
I overslept during the day on Friday, and ended up waking up around 7:30 at night. Not being able to get enough testing at all done, or being able to win a Goblin Warchief. I tested for three hours, then got dropped off at work and theorized an ideal sideboard. I got picked up, had trouble sleeping in the back of a Neon, realized that my teammate left his deck in Fort Wayne, and scrambled to get fifteen cards that might be useful in the fifteen minutes I had in deck registration before the start of the tournament.
Round 1: BGW Control Aggro Thingy
I forgot to write down the names of my opponents in my notes. But I wrote their decks.
Game 1, I developed my board position until his Wrath of God blew my stuff away. That was disheartening, until I started dropping more dudes to try and kill him. He dropped Loxodon Hierarchs and Watchwolves. I didn't quite understand what his deck was designed to do, as I just slammed Cytoplast Root-Kins into his face.
Sideboard: Shuffle whole sideboard into deck and take it all back out.
That's right, I didn't sideboard at all. My sideboard was crap, but I didn't want my opponent to know that.
Game 2, he developed his board with things like triple Loxodon Hierarch and Watchwolf, while I played Vinelasher Kudzus and Plaxcaster Froglings. After I dropped more Root-Kins and made them huge with grafting, he tried to Wrath a few times. I counter. Eventually, this stalemate got boring to my deck, so it shipped me a Meloku and I won from there.
Matchups: 2-0, Rounds: 1-0
After this round I start looking around the field and make predictions for the Top 8. As I'm awful with people's actual names, I started calling them by what they were playing, or used previously-designated nicknames. “Amazing Heartbeat Player” and “Boy” were going to be in the Top 8, I felt.
Round 2: Gruul
Game 1 he stalled on his early drops, but I did to. On turn 3 he dropped a Burning-Tree Shaman, and I start to cry slowly on the inside. Knowing he's packed to the gills with Chars and other burn, I had to drop grafters before I could drop Meloku, but I probably should have had counter back up as well to pose a proper defense. He gets an Umezawa's Jitte out, and I can't counter it. He then starts developing, as I get enough mana to start doing things. After we both sit around and do things for a while... then I drop a Jitte of my own to nuke his, so he can gain three life off it (three counters, with Shaman in play). Eventually my creatures are just bigger, and I start swinging... until I realized I probably couldn't win the race. My deck, once again, gets bored and throws me a Meloku. I drop Meloku as a 3/5, and win from there.
Sideboard: Shuffle whole sideboard into deck and take it all back out.
This strategy worked before, why not do it again?
Game 2 was just a beating. He didn't hit Green mana at all, while I was drawing gas. I rolled him when he had two Rage Pits in play and double Mountain. He gets a little frustrated at the end of the game, and shows me his hand full of Green stuff. I showed him my fistful of counters while he was scooping.
Matchups: 4-0, Rounds: 2-0
After this match I went outside to watch people play Frisbee and introduce Sam to Nick. Sam Younis is probably the cockiest player in Fort Wayne, and I wanted him to meet probably the cockiest player in Bloomington. I'm friends with both of them because they are both good at being cocky. I'm only friends with people that are good at things.
I got too involved in the conversation to realize that I probably should have slept during the half hour lunch break we were given. Around this time, Sam buys Joshua Claytor's deckbox for four dollars. Sam gets happy to see Infiltrators and Morphlings on things, I guess.
Round 3: Bad Orzhov Deck
I really don't know what to call his deck. It actually wasn't Orzhov; I've never seen anything like it, but it seemed to have good matchups against Heartbeat. I don't mean that as an insult, calling it “Bad Orzhov”, I just don't know what else to call it.
Game 1, I drop a lot of stuff, and he Wraths. Thinking he doesn't have any other answers I do it again... and he Wraths. Of course, this is when I get my first of twelve counters the whole game and, I counter his Ghost Council. After that he just started hitting me then dropped a Kokoshu. My deck didn't like this, so it gave me a Meloku again. His deck didn't like that, so it gave him a Faith's Fetters and a second Kokoshu to seal the game.
Sideboard: Shuffle whole sideboard into deck and take it all back out.
This keeps working, so why not try it again?
Game 2 he stumbles on lands, while I just drop huge dudes and start swinging. He tries to Seek me, but I counter it. Eventually he wraths When I don't have counters. My deck got angry and shipped me a Meloku to end this quickly. I drop Meloku and he follows with a Cranial Extraction to hit the others. I untap with Meloku, and win shortly after.
As we are shuffling up for game 3, a judge comes by and asks my opponent if he knows if the card in his hands looks familiar. Apparently, he forgot a Faith's Fetters in his last opponent's deck and was playing The judge told him since he was playing an illegal deck he was issuing him a game loss, giving me the round. He appealed to the head judge, not before asking me if I would rather play out the third game. I said I don't care, but I'm not the one that's going to decide that. The head judge comes over and explains that he has a game loss, and my opponent got really angry and started cussing and such. I immediately count my deck again to make sure my opponents didn't gank a Voidslime off me, for some strange reason.
Matchups: 6-1, Rounds: 3-0
I go outside to smoke a cigarette when that opponent comes to me and apologized to me. I felt a little awkward around him at this time, as I just got a win by him getting screwed. So I migrated over to my team trying to avoid this man. However, I did learn that his deck is apparently based around the “combo” of Cranial Extraction and Hide / Seek.
Round 4: Gruul
The lack of sleep is starting to get to me, but I know what he's playing because he kept talking about it outside. I was a little nervous going into this match, but I felt I had a good matchup.
Game 1, since my deck knew I probably needed to take a nap it decided to take one as well. Problem is, I'm awake while it decided to mull me down to six with two lands and a Sakura-Tribe Elder. That's all the land I see this game, as my opponent gets a strong start and kept on it. If I had a land, I may have been able to put up enough of a defense, but he probably had Chars for all my blockers anyway.
Sideboard: +3 Caryatids for -1 Frogling, -1, Root-Kin, -1 Voidslime
I don't really know why I sideboarded this game, but I figured what the heck. I reasoned that Voidslime may be too expensive when I could be dropping walls that stop Giant Solifuges.
Game 2, and my deck is still taking a nap as I mull to six again. I only get lands, as he yet again gets another really strong start and rode it to victory. I really hate using the excuse I lost because of manascrew, but sometimes that happens.
Matchups: 6-3, Rounds: 3-1
That didn't make me happy. However, when I went outside he was out there and thought I had good percentages against him, but my deck decided to go on the pure mana-sucks. It happens, no need to get mad.
Round 5: WWg
I didn't see this guy all day. This must have been because I was at the top tables and he wasn't. His deck did interest me, however.
Game 1, he gets an aggro start of Isamaru and Watchwolves while I drop Kudzus and Froglings. As I counter most of his big stuff, my creatures just got bigger and bigger until I dropped Meloku to break the stalemate and win.
Sideboard: Shuffle whole sideboard into deck and take it all back out.
I determined in the aggro matchups I don't need to sideboard at all by this point. My creatures are just better than theirs, and I have counters.
Game 2 went exactly like game 1, except he resolves a Hierarch to slow me down.
Matchups: 8-3, Rounds: 4-1
I went outside and watched people play Frisbee, when Sam - for the first time in his life - actually started congratulating me on proper deck choice. I nearly cried from happiness.
Round 6: WWr
Game 1, he slaughtered me. He drew a bunch of dudes and burn, and just completely outran me. This had me nervous, because if I dropped another round I was just going to drop from the tournament. I didn't really want to drop, but I would have been really pissed and dropped anyway.
Sideboard: Shuffle whole sideboard into deck and take it all back out.
He's aggro. I must go with this plan.
Game 2, and my deck shows what being fatter means. I dropped big dudes compared to his little dudes, and smashed face. I countered all the burn that mattered, and dropped Meloku for the lynchpin win.
Sideboard: Shuffle whole sideboard into deck and take it all back out.
Before game 3, I'm a little stressed out. Sam walks by with a cheery comment, and I fire off an angry response. My opponent tells me I should cool down.
Game 3, I got an active Jitte and he didn't. It's longer than that description, but anyone who's played aggro on aggro within the last year knows that's how it works out.
Matchups: 10-4, Rounds: 5-1
Round 7: MWC w/Tron
This is the problem with losing a game... you don't know who anyone is, or what they're playing, unless you dropped your game early. However, once I saw his deck I jumped for joy, because someone was playing the deck I loved when I first saw it on StarCityGames.com.
Game one was a long one. He Wrathed the board a lot, while I constantly tried to gain an edge. Eventually he resolved a Genju of the Fields with Tron in play, and I couldn't really recover.
Sideboard: -4 cards that should have been Spell Snare, +2 Pithing Needle, +2 Azorius Guildmage
I didn't realize until after the match that Spell Snare is really bad against him. I don't think he had a two-casting cost card in his deck. Either way, it would have been +4 Needles if I had found them, but Guildmage will have to do.
Game 2, I get a second turn Guildmage and counter a Top activation once before it's destroyed. I managed to draw every Voidslime in my deck to counter both Genjus and two Wraths that mattered.
Same sideboard strategy
Game 3, I get a turn one Pithing Needle on Sensei's Divining Top, and I countered every Genju that hit play. Eventually I get a Cytoplast Root-Kin, and he Fettered it. I got another Root-Kin and started slurping counters off the Fettered one, while countering his Devouring Lights and Wrath of Gods for the win.
Matchups: 12-5, Rounds: 6-1
I completely congratulate his deck choice, as I really like that deck. He wishes me good luck.
Round 8: GWU Control
This is the final round, and my opponent and I tried to figure out if we could draw in. After a long discussion I decided to play it out, thinking this was my only route to the Top 8. Later, I discovered two people that were ranked lower than me drew, so if we drew I could have made it. Oh well, hindsight is 20-20.
I took bad notes at this stage, because I was up for 24 hours at this point.
Game 2, my lack of sleep does me in. It boiled down to the fact that he had lethal in play, and I didn't. I had a Meloku, lands, a token, and a Plaxcaster Frogling. He had a Loxodon Hierarch. He plays a Meloku, and I return all my lands to my hand creating a total of 12 tokens. Play error one: I should have only made a total of 11 tokens, so next turn I could drop a land and have two lands open for my Frogling. Then, I swing with everything that isn't a Frogling. Play error two. Since I did the wrong play the first time, I should have saved back a token or two with the Frogling, in case he had an answer to my blocker. When he Fettered my Frogling I looked at my cards, and offered my hand.
Of course, I find out later I could've drawn in, but I can't be too upset with that. Granted, I walked out feeling like a newb anyway, but I got a couple of pats on the back.
I slept most of the way home. We stopped at a Pizza Hut and started cracking jokes about what happened during the day. Then I slept all the way back to Top Shelf Games, where we gathered and licked our wounds.
When I woke up the next day, I did some testing with the deck and found out the following info.
The deck should run Llanowar Elves instead of Sakura-Tribe Elder. Elder is only better than Elves in this deck for two reasons.
1) It makes Kudzu bigger.
2) It doesn't get hit by Electrolyze.
However, the Elves are faster, and do better things. Oh well, if I try to grind into Nationals, I'll be finding out if my testing means anything.
Also, the ideal sideboard probably looks something more like this:
4 Pithing Needle
4 Cytoplast Manipulator
4 Naturalize
3 Something else that beats control
The Manipulator is really good against the mirror and aggro decks that beat you. (Read: Good Orzhov builds). You get to do cool things like graft counters with your Root-Kin on their creatures, steal them, then slurp them back onto the Root-Kin.
Props:
Team As Seen On TV: My team that helped me test my deck.
Bob Hardy: For showing me the better version of the deck.
The guy who lost against me because of “cheating”: He apologized, that makes him cool in my book.
Nick: He kept the day very entertaining.
Ed: For loaning me cards and such. You always will be a great friend and barn, Ed.
Chris: He went 4-4 in his first ever non-FNM event. At least he had 50% wins.
Slops:
Sam: Even though he's on my team, he tried to convince me to play IzzeTron.
Chris: Even though he's on my team, He did go 4-4... And he left his deck back in Fort Wayne, forcing him to play Boros (which he built in the fifteen minutes before the end of deck registration).
In the end, I finished 15th, and learnt one important fact: Sideboards are for wimps.
Thanks for reading.
Steven Dickinson
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