I have read article after article regarding the debate of MTGOnline and Apprentice. The arguing has been going back and forth for a few weeks now, and I have but one question to ask:

WHAT ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT?

I'll tell you what we are arguing about, using a loosely fitting metaphorical story, as that seems to be the norm the past few weeks.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there lived a tribe of people. We'll call them the Sreyalp tribe of the world of Cigam. This wasn't the only tribe that lived in the land of Cigam: There lived a Sredart tribe, a Srotcelloc tribe, and a few others, who are not important. Many people were even members of multiple tribes.

Now, the Sreyalp tribe was divided into sub tribes. There were the Sreyalp-Orp and the Sreyalp-Burcs sub-tribes, along with a few others in between. The Sreyalp-Orp and the Sreyalp-Burcs sub-tribes rarely came in contact with each other directly - although by moving from sub-tribe to sub-tribe, the very rare Sreyalp-Burcs tribesman might find them self in the Sreyalp-Orp tribe, although by this time, they were no longer a Sreyalp-Burcs. The Sreyalp people lived in this sub-tribe way for many, many a year. They were used to it and lived quite happily.

Then one day, something happened which changed everything.

The Gods that the Sreyalp people worshiped know collectively as the Sdraziw, created a new land for the Sreyalp people to live in. This new land to the North was better than their current one, which had many Volcanoes throughout. The only problem was that in order for the Gods to create this new, blissful land was that all inhabitants of it must give a certain amount of their food to the gods, so that they my regain the power they lost when they created the land. The method and amount of payment was not yet set, but it was known that it would cost a certain amount of food per acre you lived on and there might be a yearly charge despite how much of the land you used. The amount of food was still not known, but the fact that the Gods would make the Sreyalp people pay at all sent many of them into an outrage.

Some of the Sreyalp people refused to worship the Sdraziw and called for the other Sreyalp people to do the same. Other, less fanatical Sreyalp people said that the current, Southern land was fine. They said that the volcanoes are not a problem, as they do not erupt that often and if you don't live near them, and the chance of getting hit by lava was low. Many of them even dismissed the Southern land, which will now be known as Ecitnerppa, before they even saw the new land, which was now named Enilnogtm. A huge war broke out between the tribesmen the supported Ecitnerppa and the Enilnogtm supporters.

The battle waged for months, until one day, a member of the Sreyalp-Burcs who just happened to be neutral on the Ecitnerppa/Enilnogtm battle named Kciwnef Mot asked a very simple question. He asked"Tuoba gnithgif ew era tahw?" which translated into our language means,"What are we fighting about?"

No one on either said could come up with an answer, though they tried.

Some of the Ecitnerppa supporters tried to say that they were fighting against the high price of the Enilnogtm land, but then it was pointed out that the price was still unknown. For all they know, the price might be a equivalent to a berry a week, which is only a five percent increase in what they already give to the Sdraziw. Seeing how no one really knew what they were even fighting about, Kciwnef made a suggestion:

"thgif ton dna enola retho hcae evael tsuj ew dna, ereht evil, Enilnogtm ni evil to tnaw ohw elpoep eht dna, ereht evil, Enilnogtm ni evil to tnaw ohw elpoep eht t'nod yhW?"

For those not yet fluent in Cigamese, I will translate:"Why don't the people who want to live in Ecitnerppa live there, and the people who want to live in Enilnogtm, live there, and we just leave each other alone and not fight?"

Will the people of Cigam listen to the wise Kciwnef? Will the war end? Only time will tell.

Here is where I explain the loosely fitting metaphorical story for anyone who didn't understand all or some of it. If you are not one of these people, them you may skip this next paragraph.

The story is very non-metaphorical if you just read any of the Cigamese words backwards. The Sreyalp (Players) are divided as to be with Ecitnerppa (Apprentice) or the Enilnogtm (MTGOnline.) The wise Kciwnef made everyone realize that there is no point in arguing. Those who want to play Apprentice may continue to do so, and those who like the better MTGOnline, even though there is a cost will play it.

Come next year, when MTGOnline is released, people will make their choice. No number of articles will keep people from playing what they want to and make them use another game. Let us please all realize that we are debating over nothing. Let this nonsense stop. At the very least, please, if you haven't played MTGOnline, then don't say it isn't worth it. If you don't play in Apprentice tournaments, don't say they are full of cheaters.

Or, better yet, stop arguing. The price may only be about $0.20 per online booster. Maybe no one will play it, and the few who do will never be able to find a game. Maybe Wizards will explode in a huge ball of fire and kill everyone. We don't know.

So let us just be at peace, and live in the land that we choose - be it Apprentice of MTGOnline. Let us stop this petty bickering back and forth today.

And on a broader scale, if you don't like Magic, the way it is sold (in the real world or online), then don't complain to me. I don't want to hear about it and neither does anyone else. If you must complain, send your letter to custserv@wizards.com.* In short, we don't want to hear it, so stop complaining to us.

Tom Fenwick
BlackLotusODeath on AOL Instant Messenger
blod@mtglair.com

* - That's what the customer service email address was a while ago. It might have changed since then.