Yep, this is another anti-blue article. I felt it was about time. Regular readers of my erratic articles know that there is one card in the Type 2 environment that I truly hate and would like to not only remove from the environment but tear up all copies of and erase all memory of. Turn into an uncard. Deny the very existence of.

That card is properly known simply as The Hated Card or, among the less zealous, Upheaval.

What's wrong with Upheaval? Good card, isn't it? Yes, it is. Too good. Way too good. Look at it. Is there any other card anywhere in Type 2 that will remove all permanents, regardless of type or color, from the board? No. Not even Obliterate does that. Wrath of God kills creatures, Hibernation bounces green permanents, Obliterate kills everything except enchantments, Pernicious Deed leaves lands behind - and so on and so on. But Upheaval handles literally any permanent you care to place on the board. Untargetable? Doesn't matter. Regenerates? Doesn't matter. Protection? Doesn't matter.

But that's not the problem. There has always been global sweepers, although this may very well be the best in the history of the game. The problem is that Upheaval is so way off-color it's not even funny.

Every color has strengths and weaknesses - you all know that. The color wheel, the ability pie, and all that jazz. Red cannot destroy enchantments and can only destroy creatures via damage. Black cannot handle enchantments or artifacts. Green has virtually no creature removal. White has much the same problem as green, and the removal it has is very situational.

What's blue's weakness? That it has difficulties handling permanents. Read that again.

Difficulties handling permanents.

Possibly the best global sweeper in the game, the only card in Type 2 able to handle literally any permanent, and it belongs to the color whose weakness is that it has difficulties handling permanents. Am I the only one to see the logical flaw here? We're talking about a card that's arguably superior to Jokulhaups (I argue that it is), and it is blue. Yeah, blue's been struggling lately, it needed a boost, was hardly played at all, we really needed to beef it up - so we removed Jokulhaups from the environment and gave a better version of it to blue. That's all right, isn't it, guys?

Guys?

No. It's not all right.

I like to think that it's pure coincidence that Upheaval got its perfect partner in Psychatog, but Upheaval would have been broken anyway. Think about it: You're playing red-green beatdown, tuned to beat blue. You have a Spellbane Centaur and a couple of Yavimaya Barbarians on the board. Sure, he's countered some, but you got some creatures into play and started beating down. You're going to kill him next turn.

He draws a card. He taps his six lands, plays Upheaval, plays an island and says go. He has a Force Spike in hand. And suddenly, he's in control. You'd gathered the best anti-blue cards in the environment, got a fairly good start and was ready to finish him off. One flash of The Hated Card, and the game has turned. With Upheaval, you either counter or you lose. Not running counters? You just lost.

Sure, it's possible to recover after a defensive Upheaval. I've done it myself and pulled off wins. But how many times have I lost to Upheaval? Count for yourselves. Figure out the ratio of post-Upheaval wins to post-Upheaval losses. Warning: It's going to be lopsided.

So what, you might say. So Upheaval is a good card, it wins games, what's wrong with it? Aren't you just a whining little rogue tired of losing to netdecks?

Well, actually I am, but that's not why I hate Upheaval so much. It's just totally wrong. Blue shouldn't even have Repulse (remember, blue should have difficulties handling permanents). All decks should have an Achilles heel... And Upheaval means blue decks can largely ignore theirs. Decks running Upheaval do have bad matchups, but they're a lot better than they would be without this off-color global sweeper.

A recent example: I was watching a match at Friday Night Magic. One player plays Psychatog, the other player plays red/black. The red-black player has two Engineered Plague in play, and yet there is a Nightscape Familiar on the other side of the board. I ask what creature type was chosen for the Engineered Plagues, and the answer is Atog for both.

Yes, I know that the right choice against Psychatog is Zombie. Don't trouble me with details.

So, here we have a deck that cannot play its sole win condition due to two black enchantments on the table. The deck plays blue, which has difficulties handling permanents, and black, which cannot handle enchantments at all. In theory, this looks like the deck is up a certain creek without a certain instrument. And yet, the player if that deck didn't even break a sweat. Upheaval, float mana, drop Psychatog, where are those Engineered Plagues now? Back in your hand, from whence they shall never return.

That's not right.

And that's why I think it's time for the first Type 2 banning in three years.

But don't take my word for it. Let's take a look at Worlds, the biggest Type 2 event of the Magic year, and do some number crunching. Let the pros speak. Here is the top 8 of Worlds:

Diego Ostrovich, playing UB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).
Sim Han How, playing Squirrel Opposition. Upheaval count zero.
John Larkin, playing UB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).
Tuomas Kotiranta, playing RUB Psychatog. Upheaval count one (sideboard).
Carlos Romao, playing UB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).
Dave Humpherys, playing UB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).
Mark Ziegner, playing RUB Psychatog. Upheaval count one (sideboard).
Ken Krouner, playing Squirrel Opposition. Upheaval count zero.

So apart from the usual lopsided color distribution (zero white decks, two green decks, four red decks, six black decks and eight blue decks), the top 8 is also skewed because it basically consists of two decks. Sure, two of the Psychatog decks play red... But it's still the same deck. Six of eight Worlds top 8 decks play Upheaval, and all can play them game one (R/U/B Psychatog reaches its Upheaval via Burning Wish).

So Upheaval covers 75% of the top 8 decks. Sounds dominating, doesn't it? Yes, it does.

Also note that both non-Upheaval decks lost in the quarterfinals, making sure that the rest of the top 8 consisted of mirror matches. Great.

But some of you may protest that Worlds isn't entirely a Type 2 event and that the top 8 players didn't get to the top 8 solely on the backs of their Type 2 decks... Ond you'd be right. In fact, several of the top 8 players had unspectacular Type 2 records. For a more fair assessment of Upheaval, let's view the Type 2 part of Worlds. Here are the players that won five or more matches in the Type 2 part of Worlds:

1. Victor van den Broek, playing RUB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).
2. Sim Han How, playing Squirrel Opposition. Upheaval count zero.
3. Carlos Romao, playing UB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).
4. Edward Ross, playing UG Madness. Upheaval count zero.
5. Rafael Le Saux, playing UB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).
6. Cheuk Yin Li, playing BRG Braids. Upheaval count zero.
7. Jin Okamoto, playing RUB Psychatog. Upheaval count one (sideboard).
8. Raphael Levy, playing UG Threshold. Upheaval count zero.
9. Andres Ortego Montero, playing UG Madness. Upheaval count two (sideboard).
10. Diego Ostrovich, playing UB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).
11. Anton Jonsson, playing RUB Psychatog. Upheaval count one (sideboard).
12. Sylvain Lauriol, playing Hunting Grounds. Upheaval count zero.
13. Gary Campbell, playing RU Madness. Upheaval count zero.
14. Chen-Yu Weng, playing RG Beatdown. Upheaval count zero.
15. Alex Shvartsman, playing UG Madness. Upheaval count zero.
16. Billy Jensen, playing 4 color jumble. Upheaval count one (maindeck).
17. Matt Rubin, playing UG Madness. Upheaval count zero.
18. Dan Clegg, playing UG Madness. Upheaval count zero.
19. Cole "The Kid" Swannack, playing UG Madness. Upheaval count zero.
20. Dave Kearney, playing UB Psychatog. Upheaval count two (maindeck).

Let me just get the color distribution thing off my chest. Two white decks, eight red decks, eight black decks, twelve green decks, eighteen freaking blue decks. So there.

So of the top twenty decks in the Type 2 portion of Worlds, nine decks are running Upheaval. Eight of those can play it game one (Andres Ortego Montero didn't run red and so did not sport a Burning Wish). Upheaval covers 40% of the top 20 decks - 45% after sideboarding. Not quite as dominating, but dominating nonetheless.

So, to sum up, we have a card here that a) gives its color an ability it shouldn't have, b) allows that color to win without difficulty in a seemingly unwinnable situation, and c) is played in 45% of the top 20 decks at Worlds. It's not Tolarian Academy numbers... But this isn't 1998 either. Upheaval screws with the environment, and I say ban it. Ban it right out of Type 2, and when it's gone, let's throw a party.

Randy Buehler is, at the time of writing, running a poll on magicthegathering.com about whether or not a card should be banned in Type 2. He doesn't name any specific card, just checking our feelings on the concept of Type 2 bannings - but I think there can be little doubt which card prompted the question. It might be Psychatog, but it should be Upheaval. There's no other deck in Type 2 even remotely successful enough to warrant a banning, and Psychatog, although an R&D mistake, should be allowed to stay.

Think about it. What other card could it be? Fact or Fiction? Yeah, right; they're gonna ban it now, right before it exits Type 2 through the natural order of things. Flametongue Kavu? See Fact or Fiction. Opposition? Hardly. The only deck that needs a royal kick in the backside is Psychatog, and Upheaval is the biggest R&D mistake in several years. If the poll is still up, vote Yes and pray that Randy knows what card you mean. I think he does, but then I seem to have a rather higher opinion of him than most players.

So that's Upheaval out of the way. On to the next issue, namely what cards to reprint in Eighth Edition, and specifically what Invasion block cards to reprint. Rich Ary wrote an article listing the top ten cards he would like to see reprinted. I most definitely and fervently do not agree with him. Here's Rich's list:

10. Lord of the Undead
Well, okay. Can't hurt. Zombie Master has left Type 2 (oh weep!). The Zombies can have a Lord if they wish. Sure, reprint Lord of the Undead.

9. Benalish Trapper
Rich Ary wants this card to be reprinted (as a "token white card") because it is good in Limited. Magic Online freaks aside, who cares about the value of base set cards in Limited? I can't see Benalish Trapper ever played in Type 2, so there's little point in reprinting it. It's not even a very interesting card.

Rich asks, "Why shouldn't basic set cards be looked at in terms of their playability in Limited formats?" Well, because nobody plays Limited with the basic set. Pretty simple, really. Basic, you might say.

And besides, you don't tap the Psychatog or Wurm during his upkeep. You do it during the beginning of combat step.

8. Mogg Sentry
Right on! No arguing here.

7. Phyrexian Arena
Yep, I agree with Goldilocks. Phyrexian Arena is black card drawing done right. Let's keep it in Type 2.

6. Repulse
For the love of God, no. Blue should have difficulties handling permanents. That's the whole point. If it should have bounce at all (and I'm not convinced), it should definitely not have cantrip bounce. Think about it: How come the color that shouldn't be able to handle permanents is the only one that can kill 6/6 Wurms? And it even does it without card disadvantage! Repulse - just say no.

5. Wash Out
Not as bad as Repulse, but this shouldn't be reprinted either. Once again: blue shouldn't have permanent removal. Definitely not untargeted mass permanent removal. Wash Out should go the way of the dodo, Repulse, and Upheaval (I wish).

4. Obliterate
Yep. I voted for it in the magicthegathering.com poll, and I stand by that. If nothing else, it'll keep control decks honest. Rich Ary makes the point about Obliterate about as well as it can be made.

3. Blurred Mongoose
Damn, that's two I agree with in a row. Blurred Mongoose is a nice, balanced creature, good for fast decks. Let the war cry be heard: Blurred Mongoose in Eighth!

2. Ravenous Rats
And this is number three. Ravenous Rats is quite alright. It's playable in casual formats and Type 2 alike. I like it.

1. Enemy Color Painlands
No, and this is where I lose all the readers that stuck with me up until now. I do not think the Apocalypse painlands should be reprinted (and this is from a guy owning a full set of them), whereas most of the Magic community seems to take it for granted that they should and will. I'm going to try to explain why they shouldn't and probably won't.

Magic is a work of art. It really is, a work of art. That work of art is very difficult to live up to, which is part of the reason for the sick 0-2-4-6-8 and 2-8-8-12-18 distributions described above. But its concept is truly beautiful. We have the color wheel, with friendly colors and enemy colors creating a balance. Colors have strengths and weaknesses, completing and sometimes overlapping each other. That's why a red-black draft deck is so different from a blue-white one. There are problems with this balance, which is why green-white is a color combination generally shunned, even though green and white are friendly colors... But in a perfect world, there would be complete balance.

When you choose not to play a mono-colored deck you know you're going to sacrifice some consistency for power and versatility. That's the trade-off you make. When you choose to play a tri-colored deck, you sacrifice even more of than consistency and have to make sure that the trade-off is worth it, because you will get mana-screwed more than someone playing one or two colors. And so on. Is the added punch worth getting more auto-losses? Choose.

So far, so good. I expect everyone to agree with the preceding. By allying with a friendly color, a color gets access to abilities it usually doesn't have - but it gets them in limited quantities, and it gets nothing too far away from its own concept. By allying with an enemy color, however, there's no limit to what it can get. That's why it should be more difficult to play enemy colors than to play friendly colors. That's also why the Apocalypse enemy-color multicolor cards are so powerful: It is (or should be) difficult to play them. You can squeak more power into a multi-colored card than you can into a single-colored card with the same converted mana cost, and you can squeak even more into an enemy-colored one.

For example, blue shouldn't have efficient fatties or burn. Red shouldn't have good defensive cards or hard counters. Green shouldn't have hard creature removal or hard counters. Black shouldn't have efficient creatures, neither fatties or weenies, unless they come with some drawback you have to play around. And white shouldn't be offing creatures left and right. That's why it should be difficult to play enemy colors, and that's why the Apocalypse painlands shouldn't be reprinted. I used to think R&D agreed with this, but then I saw Tainted Wood and Tainted Field, and now I'm not that sure. Only time will tell.

So, that's four slots I yanked out of Rich's list. Let's try and fill them. In no particular order:

9. Kavu Chameleon
Nothing wrong with this card. In fact, it's a quite natural big brother to Blurred Mongoose. Sure, it's slow, but it comes down reliably and doesn't show its tail to Hibernation. Green needs anti-blue measures. This is it.

6. Disrupt
This little card is a favorite of mine. Sure, it's just a cantrip Force Spike for use in the control mirror, but it's just nice. It's fun, fair and versatile. At worst it's a one mana cantrip when you need to dig for that hard counter. Maybe this slot should belong to Gainsay, but Disrupt is just more fun.

5. Addle
For a black discard deck to work, it must have a decent mana curve. Gerrard's Verdict isn't going to be reprinted, and I'd probably prefer seeing Addle in Eighth anyway. If nothing else, Addle requires some skill. Swamp - Duress, Swamp - Addle, Swamp - Phyrexian Arena is an opening I'd like to see on my side of the board, and I wouldn't even cry if it was on the other side.

1. Juntu Stakes
I was tempted to put Bind here, but Pernicious Deed is rotating out, so it won't be as useful. Anyway, Juntu Stakes is a powerful and oft-overlooked card. If nothing else, it'll keep Opposition decks in check somewhat. Every deck needs a foil. Plague Spitter might be good here, too. As well as Simoon...

I'm getting sidetracked. It's just that the original print of Simoon, from Visions, is too damn cool.

The black-and-white sacred monkey holds her children to her, and waits.

While we're on the subject of Invasion block leaving, here's the top ten cards I won't miss when they rotate out:

1. Pernicious Deed
2. Fact or Fiction
3. Flametongue Kavu
4. Absorb
5. Undermine
6. Repulse
7. Yawgmoth's Agenda
8. Nightscape Familiar
9. Mystic Snake
10. Spiritmonger

Well, I tell a lie; I probably will miss the Familiars. It's a pity only two of them were playable.

Moving on, but sticking to the Eighth Edition reprint theme, I'm really disappointed with you guys. Well, not all of you, but 5,447 of you. Those 5,447 who voted for Blood Moon. Blood Moon is boring, stupid and mindless. Dwarven Miner is fun, fair and skill-testing. What's wrong with you people? Yeah, let's all play mono-red. That'll just be a barrel of laughs.

As for the Rabid Wombat vs.Yavimaya Enchantress vote, I'm not even going to bother. I voted for Yavimaya Enchantress. So there.

However, the next and final vote is a lot more interesting. Glorious Anthem vs.Crusade. There's no question that both of these cards are tailor-made for white weenie decks, but there are a few key differences.

For starters, Glorious Anthem costs more. Obvious point, yeah, but someone would be bound to write and tell me if I forgot to mention it. Due to the larger cost, Glorious Anthem slows you down a bit compared to Crusade.

Secondly, Glorious Anthem is asymmetrical. As long as you're playing pure white weenie, this is only important in the mirror match (which is rare in the current environment, but may not be in the future), in which Crusade is next to useless and Glorious Anthem still rocks. Also, Glorious Anthem allows you to put more colors than white into your weenie deck, and the nonwhite creatures also get the bonus.

Thirdly, the Urza's Saga Glorious Anthem artwork is a honey. And that's all I have to say about that.

But finally, and most importantly, Crusade allows white weenie to self-regulate. Let's say Crusade is printed and white weenie becomes big. Because Crusade is symmetrical, white weenie won't be quite so good anymore, so there'll be fewer players playing it. Which makes it good, and allows it to grow in popularity, at which point the cycle begins anew. I kind of like this quality of Crusade. It keeps white weenie decks honest.

I'm going to vote Crusade. If nothing else, it's a classic, and it's always fun to play with classics. White weenie has always been there, and it has always been playing with Crusade.

I think that's all the issues I feel compelled to write about for now. So; ban Upheaval, do not reprint Repulse or the enemy-color painlands, be ashamed if you voted Blood Moon, and vote Crusade. Took me some time to say these simple things, didn't it?

E-mail address provided below, please flame liberally.

Patrik Linell
pls@claymore.nu