I love playing multiplayer. Ever since I've been put on hold from playing competitive Magic, I've found there is nothing I relish more than sitting around with friends I haven't seen in weeks or months and playing some casual games of Magic.
My preferred style of play is what has been come to be known as"Gentlemen's Format." You play with towers of cards that would make 5-Color players stand up and take notice, usually ranging from three hundred to near-infinite stacks of cards - and you play a highlander format, which makes no two games the same. Slinging spells that have long been forgotten are a trademark (as are"reset smoke breaks"), and everyone is guaranteed to have a great time.
There are cards that just aren't allowed in the format, though - and while a list will never be compiled, these are some of the most"ungentlemanly" cards in multiplayer. Even die-hards hate some of these cards - and when the goal is to have fun, spoiling it for everyone shouldn't be on your agenda. I have broken these spells down into categories, though there are probably others that you hate playing with or against. There is absolutely nothing more important than having fun when you play Magic, especially multiplayer, and avoiding the use of these cards will make your games that much more enjoyable.
I Can't Cast My Spells
If you don't draw your lands, you can't cast spells; that happens to everyone. But when someone plays cards that make it impossible for you to cast your cards, you just want to punch them in the throat.
These cards allow a limited ability to untap - and while someone will probably have a removal spell for them, putting these permanents on the table is just begging for an awful time. You know how bad it is when you can't play your favorite creature - so why inflict that pain on others?
Reset buttons fall into the same category. Wraths and board-sweepers are necessary when you are playing with many other opponents, but some of these spells are just ungentlemanly. Pernicious Deed, Akroma's Vengeance, and all means of"destroy all creatures" are popular, but there is another realm of reset buttons that get on everyone's nerves:
Removing all of the land means that players can't cast their cards. These cards, while symmetrical, heavily favor the player casting them - as is the case with all resets. However, in these cases, it's not a matter of building up creatures again, but lands, and as I already said, no one likes it when they can't play their Tsabo Tavoc.
Oh yeah - Arcane Laboratory, too...
I Can't Kill That Guy!
Everyone wants their guys to stay on the table as long as possible, doing whatever job they were intended to do. Some creatures just don't die that easily, which is why Wrath of God-style effects are necessary... But some creatures just refuse to die. These creatures present problems for everyone and are absolutely not fun:
Obviously, these two creatures are among the best ever printed. Psychatog will forever be a phenomenal creature, and Morphling followed in the footsteps of Mahamoti Djinn as permission decks' win condition because of its nigh-indestructibility. Both of these bodies prove overly troublesome to kill and can mean death for everyone at the table if a board-clearer isn't drawn with haste.
These aren't the only two creatures that fall into this category: Any black creature must be carefully considered, since black spells generally can't kill black creatures. Small guys are no problem, usually trading with other guys or being removed by red spells. One of the most effective ways to kill black creatures is with white cards: Chastise, Exile, Swords to Plowshares, Path of Peace, and Second Thoughts are among the most popular in our group. But what happens when these spells just won't do the trick?
The size of the creatures is a problem, with the Knight's power and toughness often reaching into the double-digits. They are tough to remove and awfully big, making them deemed"ungentlemanly" by our group.
Oh yeah - Blinking Spirit, too...
I'll Gain 634,789,340,956,734,697 Life!
Seriously? You can't actually think that these cards are fun, can you?
Oh yeah - Zuran Orb and Overgrown Estate, too...
Of Course! Another Counterspell!
Counters are part of the game, and you shouldn't get irate when someone counters the awesome spell that you've been waiting to play for ten turns. It gets frustrating, yes, but some spells just need to be neutralized before they become an issue. Defending an army from a Kirtar's Wrath or your Jayemdae Tome from an Uktabi Orangutan is something that players must do. What people don't want is to play against a guy who has five thousand islands untapped with a mitt full of counters.
The really unfun counters we simply refuse to use. Cards that only counter a specific type of spell are okay; Exclude, Confound, Spite / Malice, and Desertion are accepted. The real problem is when some moron sits there, thinking for thirty seconds every time a player casts a morph creature.
"If my opponent ever plays Forbid against me, I'll kick his teeth in and make a necklace out of them."
- Will Brinkman, who hates counters in fun games.
And finally...
Get That Card Off The Table, You $%!*Ing Jerk!
Honestly, are you even remotely human if you play...?
Go away, thanks for coming, but you can't play with me anymore. You are lucky I don't hit you with a bottle as you walk out the door.
Additionally, I would like to comment on Daniel Crane's article about the new"casual night" tournaments that were started at Pete Hoefling's brick and mortar StarCityGames store.
Does Crane actually think that his deck was fun? Thorn Elemental and Masticore?! Come on now, folks - if you are going to try and be casual, be casual. And Pete's practice of excluding people who have played in the Top 8 of tournaments? This is ridiculous. Anyone should be able to sit down and play - and if you think you are being a fun player by seeing if you can get your Thorn Elemental out on turn 2, take a look in the mirror.
"Yeah, Bob was playing with Undead Gladiator. Yeah, that's a pretty popular rare. No, Bob didn't own any. So, therefore, yeah, he did plop down a very nice-looking proxy during the middle of our game."What the heck is that?" I exclaim.
"Ah! I totally forgot those were in there!"
Well, I wanted him to put a basic land in place of them (store policy for low-level events), but he asked me to let him keep them in. He said he was going to buy two Gladiators immediately after the match to make it as if he really owned them. Now, I'm a pretty nice guy, and I was playing in a Casual Magic tournament, so I let him slide. I didn't even tell the judge."
Wow Crane, you are such a sweetheart. Will you please spit on my eyes if they are on fire, if it's not too much of a problem for you?
For the rest of you, I'm sorry your Deranged Hermit deck isn't tournament-viable... But if you think that Coat of Arms and Squirrel Nest you just played is casual, then you can go to hell. Perhaps my idea of casual is a little too strict for some of you... But everyone should be having a good time, not just you.
The name of the game is fun, so try and keep it that way!
Kurtis"Fat Man" Hahn
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