High Point, North Carolina. A bustling town. Lots of the state's"old money" resides there. Home of a yearly furniture fair. Home of DJ's Cards and Stuff. Home of NC States 2003. Me and the rest of Team Tim and Co. went in with high hopes of at least one of us placing, sadly it was not to be...

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Way back in September, I decided what I was running - yessirree, I was running Type Two Parfait. Without further ado, my decklist:

2 Ancient Den
4 City of Brass
4 Forgotten Cave
6 Mountain
8 Plains
4 Secluded Steppe
4 Exalted Angel
4 Rukh Egg
2 Akroma's Vengeance
4 Lightning Rift
2 Obliterate
4 Renewed Faith
4 Spark Spray
2 Starstorm
2 Wing Shards
4 Wrath of God

Sideboard:
3 Boil
3 Karma
2 Obliterate
3 Shatter
2 Wing Shards
2 Wipe Clean

For those of you unfamiliar with Parfait, the basic idea is to cast Obliterate with a Rukh Egg out, and then extend the hand (this will be referred to from now on as"The Omelet"). I first thought about using this in Standard when, playing 8th Edition Sealed, I opened a Wrath of God, an Obliterate, and a Rukh Egg. I instantly designed a deck around it for fun, which spiraled out of control into the deck above. The deck plays a lot like Slideless Slide (Maher Control), but there are some differences that I will go over.

Ancient Den
These are included to lessen the pain of Flashfires, which contrasts with their destruction when your opponent uses Akroma's Vengeance. After much testing against many different decks, I arrived at two as the correct number to use.**

City of Brass
The deck really needs to move against aggro, especially with no Astral Slides, and cannot afford to stumble over awkward mana. The pain hurts (and it hurts a lot against Goblins***).

Rukh Egg
My big"breakthrough tech." In this deck, which has ten Wrath effects, it totally rules the field, first as a fearsome wall, then a big attacker. Essential for the Rukh Egg/ Obliterate combo (duh), and helps to stem the bleeding. Very good against less skilled opponents, as many will simply not attack into it.

Akroma's Vengeance
I'm not sure if this is exactly different, but I'll explain anyway.

It hoses Affinity and solves the annoying problem of Circle of Protection: Red. As a bonus it cycles, and when you play it, kills Rukh Egg.

Lightning Rift
Not different, but it's included because it's creature control and a finisher (duh).

Wing Shards
Kills, Angels, Pit Fighters, Dragons, Goblins... 'Nuff said.

Temple of the False God
Very bad against Land Destruction, and so I replaced them with the Cities.

Eternal Dragon
Going into the tournament, I didn't like it and I didn't respect it at all. Other reasons included the facts that (a) I had zero and (b) no one would trade them.

Decree of Justice
They would have been in the deck instead of the Shards, but the person whom I was getting them from traded them.

Astral Slide****
Not as good against Goblins, which I expected would be big, and I have adopted a vigorous campaign to burn Astral Slides ever since the deck totally screwed me at a local tournament.*****

Altar's Light
Too expensive even as a sideboard option, I had Wipe Clean and Shatter, not to mention Akroma's Vengeance in the main deck.

On to the tournament!

I met up with the rest of Tim and Company at a casual tournament on the 24th, after which we all went to my friend Bryan's house for more testing and tweaking. We managed to finally get to sleep at 1:30 a.m. Bright and early we arose, rubbing eyes and mentally preparing ourselves for an hour-and-a-half drive with Bryan's little sister. We reached the site a half hour before registration was supposed to end, only to find out that it had not started due to the fact that they were trying to figure out how to put a hundred and sixty-four people in a hundred and forty-eight chairs. The sheer number of people meant that a first round loss put you out of contention for top eight, unless you went undefeated after that and the person you lost to ended up as the number one seed.

I went to grab some lunch. I registered without fanfare, and waited for the hundred and forty other people to due likewise. As I looked around casually, I noticed some Broodstars. Then some more. They were everywhere! The word"Affinity" was in everyone's mind. Silent questions filled the room. Who had the best build? Who had the best anti-build?****** Could it take Isochron Scepter-Go? Do you have any Broodstars?

Finally, after an eternity of waiting and saying politely to passers-by"No, I will not trade my Chrome Mox or Oblivion Stones," the pairings were posted.

Round 1: Jonathan Smith with Goblin Bidding
This was a great match, and a trial-by-fire for my deck against Goblins. Not the way I would have started the tournament, but that's Magic. At least Jonathan was probably the nicest person I played all day.

Game one went great for about eight turns, until he cast Patriarch's Bidding after my second Wrath. He got a horde of Goblins (but no Siege-Gang Commander), while I got an Angel back. He attacked and I cast Wing Shards, which was stormed twice. I blocked a Warchief with my Angel and ended up only taking four damage, even with a Sharpshooter on his side. On my turn, I killed some Gobbos with my Rift, laid an Egg, and attacked with an Angel. The Angel ended up going all the way, as he couldn't find another Bidding.

It was after this game, when I checked my sideboard, that I found out I had neither graveyard removal or anything for Goblins besides Shards. Both revelations would come back to haunt me.

Game two saw the tables turn as a turn 5 Bidding after my turn 4 Wrath was game.

Game three was a drawn-out affair, but he never really had a chance. He cast a Bidding with a Goblin Warchief in play on turn 6, but I killed the 'Chief in response with Rift. I Wrathed like four times, always playing like he had a Bidding by holding double-Shards. He whittled me down to ten. At last I drew an Obliterate (with two Rukh Eggs out) and started counting lands (he had been attacking my land-base with Flashfires and Blood Moons) - six, seven, cycle Spark Spray... Eight!

I had played my seventh land that turn, so he had one turn. I knew that if he had a Bidding or drew one, not even the Shards would save me. He drew, and said go. I drew, played my land, and calmly cast Obliterate. He nodded calmly and said:"I float four."

I said,"Okay, Obliterate resolves, declare a combat step, your mana pool empties and you take four." He looked puzzled, so I showed him Rukh Egg. It says that the token comes into play at the end of turn! He went down to sixteen, changing my tokens from three-turn clocks to a two-turn clock.

He took his turn and said go. I drew a Plains, played it, attacked for eight, and said go. He drew and conceded. After the game he showed me the two Terrors he was going to use.

Round 2: Justin with Goblins
The first game went just as I wanted it to, with a turn 4 double-Goblin Piledriver met with Wing Shards. A Rukh token eventually went all the way. I looked to my board, half-hoping that a Pyroclasm would have come down from Heaven but I had no such luck. I boarded in my Wing Shards and hoped his deck died.

The second game saw a first-turn Slith Firewalker (off a Chrome Mox), which went all the way as I saw neither Wrath of God or Wing Shards.

The third game was close, as I had a couple of Wraths and a Rift to his horde of Goblins... But, in the end, only sheer numbers mattered. He had more.

Round 3: Brett with B/W Control
The first game was almost mine, but I ended up falling just short. Things were cool at first, but then he cast Persecute naming white while I was holding six white cards (including Angel, Wrath, and Shards) and an Obliterate. We traded Wraths, he killed a couple Rifts with Culling Scales, and he started recurring Dragons.

This was where I started to notice my lack of graveyard disruption.

Finally, when he had about fourteen lands in play and two dragons out, I drew my eighth land and played Obliterate. We passed the turns back and forth for a while, as his Phyrexian Arena nearly went all the way... But he drew the lands just in time to cast a couple Renewed Faiths and recur Dragons for the win before he simultaneously decked himself and died.

I boarded in my Karmas, knowing that nothing could save me without graveyard removal. Ah, Judgement Day has come!

The next game wasn't close as he destroyed my hand and recurred Dragons for the win. Having no graveyard removal is the first thing I've discovered that both sucks and blows.

Round 4: Steve Watkins with Red Burn
This match wasn't really close, as in the first game I saw what a turn 6 Angel does to burn, while in the second I got The Omelet.

Round 5: Ryan with R/G LD
I really feel bad about not knowing this guy's last name, as he was really nice and this was probably the best match I played all day. If you're reading this Ryan, I apologize.

His deck was an excellent metagame choice, as Affinity and Scepter-Go made up at least half the field, and both cannot do anything to win against land destruction (excepting the unlikely first-turn Scepter with Boomerang or second-turn Broodstar). The first game was close, as my Lightning Rift was racing his Hammer of Bogardan, but his land destruction meant that I died with him at two while holding two cycling cards in hand. Damn Stone Rain!

I boarded in two Wing Shards and prayed.

The second saw a turn 4 Rukh Egg go all the way, after two Rorix Bladewings got hit by my boarded-in Shards. After the game, he showed me the two Hammers in his hand, with only three red mana in play.

The third game was absurd, as a turn 3 face-down Angel brought him down to four; he was able to cast two Plow Unders in a row, and then destroy every land I played, but couldn't draw burn. He was forced to hold a Rorix on defense, afraid that I might counter-attack and cast two Spark Sprays to kill him. Eventually, he got me down to twelve (a combination of my earlier tappings of City of Brass and his Molten Rains) and two swings from Rorix ended the game.

Round 5: Chris with MBC
The first game was pretty even for almost fifteen minutes; he killed two Rifts with two separate Stones. An Angel got Terrored. Then, he drew the land he needed and cast Promise of Power with the entwine (I had two Rukh Eggs out). I silently pumped the fist as he went down to nine, and during my next turn I cast the Obliterate I had been holding. Do I hear the sound of eggs cooking?

I boarded in my Karmas and got ready to rumble... And the game was a slaughter. I got my God draw of turn 2 Rift, turn 3 cycle Renewed Faith, turn 4 Rukh Egg, turn 5 Rukh Egg, turn 6 Angel... He was forced to blow his stone at ten life with two Eggs in play. On my turn, I attacked for eight then cast Lightning Rift and cycled a Faith for game.

Round 7: Robert with Astral Slide
Ah, an interesting test for my deck. Would it be able to take its tuned, mainstream form? Would Astral Slide prove to be the mirror match victory card that I had predicted (I have never played against Slide, except once with U/G/B Madness)? I would soon find out that the answer boded ill for me...

In game one, a Rift race ensued, in which I pulled ahead by dropping a second one - only to see Akroma's Vengeance, followed by his second Rift, take the game. A recurring Dragon dealt the final blow.

I boarded in my Wipe Cleans and Wing Shards, actually feeling pretty confident that I could still take the match.

The second game was a massacre for me. My turn 2 Rift was met with a turn 2 Circle of Protection: Red, followed by his Rift. He started recurring dragons, keeping my Angels back with an Astral Slide, and just buried me under a mountain of card advantage.

Matches: 3-4-0; Games: 6-7-0

Round 8: Matt with G/W Control
As this was the last round, and we were both easily out of the prizes, the atmosphere was pretty relaxed and jokes went around. We told each other what decks we were using before we started, and I privately thought that he had a definite advantage over me.

Game one validated my hypothesis, as recurring Dragons and Decree of Justice easily took down my Angels and scrambled my Eggs.

I boarded in my Wipe Cleans, anticipating Circle of Protection: Red. I do not think there was any way I could have won this. He drew three Eternal Dragons and three Troll Ascetics. Three Wrath of Gods only delayed the inevitable.

After the game, when I looked at my board, I found my Wipe Cleans. Somehow, I had gotten the cards I was siding in mixed up with the cards I was siding out. This is what playing Magic for twelve hours straight does to you

Overall Place: 75th out of 164

After looking over my notes for all the matches I played, it boiled down to the these facts:

a) I had no graveyard removal

b) My sideboard was inefficiently prepared for the environment.

I still couldn't believe it. This was the worst I have ever done in a Magic tournament in my life, and I was playing the second-best Standard deck I have ever built.*******

Given the chance to go back and do things differently, I would have run B/G Cemetery, as it has no games it cannot win, and I am infinitely familiar with it, after playing it ever since I saw Oversold Cemetery. I would run the following list:

4 City of Brass
10 Forest
7 Swamp

2 Bane of the Living
4 Birds of Paradise
2 Caller of the Claw
4 Carrion Feeder
1 Elvish Lyrist
1 Glissa Sunseeker
2 Graveborn Muse
2 Nekrataal
4 Ravenous Baloth
3 Troll Ascetic/Nantuko Husk
4 Vine Trellis
2 Viridian Shaman
4 Wirewood Herald

4 Oversold Cemetery

Sideboard:
2 Caller of the Claw
3 Coercion
4 Dark Banishing
1 Glissa Sunseeker
3 Naturalize
2 Silklash Spider

I really should have run this, as it is capable of more astounding and dramatic turnarounds than any other deck in the format, sometimes managing to remove all of an opponent's creatures from the field and double its creature count at the same time. In the current format, Viridian Shaman is a house. There is only one matchup where she is not a house (Slide), and in that case she is easily sideboarded out for Caller of the Claw. I'm not sure where Glissa comes in, but for now I like having access to her. I'm thinking she could destroy Scepter-Go.

As far as the sideboard goes, I cannot put enough stress on the Spiders; they come down on turn 5 against Slide and park their overly large posteriors in front of everything from Silver Knight to the Angel of Holy Ass-Kicking herself. The Dark Banishings are awe-inspiring against Affinity, handily destroying Broodstars and Myr Enforcers, while at the same time stopping shenanigans from hasted Warchief assaults.

- The Cheeze Squeezar

* - I don't expect anyone, except perhaps our illustrious editor to get this, but in the short story"The Story of an Hour" a woman with a weak heart learns of her husband's death (the train he always takes home from work crashed), is tremendously grieved, then realizes with high hopes that she can now live for her own glory, and so forth... Then dies of a heart attack when her husband (who took a different train home from work) walks in the front door.

** - This is curiously enough, also equal to ten minus the number of foil 8th Edition lands I own. Hmmmmmmmm.

*** - I hate Goblins. No Onslaught Block deck should be capable of third-turn kills. I hate the whole idea of Goblins; I put a little red silhouette on my deck box whenever I kill one. I regularly experiment with them and matches, trying different ways of bringing the two together.

**** - I know that Slideless Slide does not use Slide, but now everyone is using them so I included them in the"Notable Absentees" section.

***** - I was playing R/W/G Slide at a local tournament where I rarely end up below 6th place, and it took me to an abysmal 1-2-1 20th place finish.

****** - The best Affinity hoser is R/G L-D with main deck Shamans, as Affinity is very land-light and needs their precious toys to win. After boarding, you also get Naturalize and Choke. My deck is also pretty hot against Affinity (65% match wins in testing).

******* - The best Standard deck I ever built was a B/G Cemetery deck, in 7th, Odyssey, Onslaught Standard - which, in all my time of playing it, I only lost a single game (I won that match).