You may feel the same way as I do or you may not. Either way, I feel a few things need to be said. After you are finished reading this, you will either feel it is total and utter jargon, or that throughout this piece I have validated my points and perhaps you may even stand behind me. Just don't stand too close... or up wind.

This is my rant.

I am tired of Reviews. I understand that a new set has come out and as always, there is examination of said set. But the writers of said reviews are forgetting several things consistently.

The newer (read: non-Featured Writers) assume that none of us can either read or play Magic. Perhaps this is true, as I have been known to stumble upon weird websites and have no idea what they are about. Most likely though, I look at the offending website and then close it, utterly baffled. Back to the point at hand though, newer writers tend to get me vexed.

First and foremost, I can read. I do not know who told you otherwise, but I can. When a spoiler comes out, I tend to read that, as the typical player may. So, when you write a review, there is no need to write out what a card does. Also, there tend to be links to the actual card, so reiterating what the card does is useless and a waste of time and space.

Then, you continue to insult my intelligence by explaining how the card can be used and comparing it to other cards. While this might be useful for newer players, I think I can handle that a 2/2 vanilla creature is rather unplayable or that Ageless Entity may just be a diamond in the rough. What I am trying to get at is the age-old idea that everything has been said before. If you are going to write something, write something with substance. The tripe that you are trying to pass off is nauseating at best. I fully understand and expect a few bomb rares in each set, I also expect some rather useless ones. A writer telling me their opinion on which rares are terrible and which are awesome is seen by me as a vain attempt to win that $50. While free cards are an awesome motivation, I will laugh menacingly when someone other than you wins.

So, when you write your little review, please say something meaningful. A two-sentence explanation of how you would walk over your mother just to get bomb X is not enough. What format are you using it for? What kind of deck? Does it make a change to the environment in general, your local metagame, or have you seen a zany deck based around it?

One last thing, I too can draw the most mundane of conclusions. Darksteel Colossus is something to satisfy Timmy you say? I had totally forgotten about Scourge, the highest selling set to date. Totally forgot. That came out when, last summer? Totally slipped my mind. The point is, anyone can muse that. Either say something less obvious or say nothing at all.

To the more experienced writers. I have seen it once, I am sure I will see it again. Calm down on hitting the"needs to be restricted button." This isn't Mario Party, and hitting the"needs to be restricted" button thirty times isn't gonna win you first place in Boo Race. Seriously, every time a new set comes out, we see a slew of,"Is Wizards on Crack?" like articles. Yes, Chalice of the Void is good. As are the fetchlands of Onslaught. Yes, these cards do change the metagame in drastic manners.

You know what though? I am sure this was planned. They are a business of selling you carboard crack, and they want things to stay moving and not grow stagnant. They desire change, because change boosts sales. Hence, they make highly desirable cards that will see a lot of play. Something that is going to change the environment does not necessarily need to be banned/restricted. Or, if you feel quite strongly about it, take the time and articulate the point. Saying something is going to shake things up is not enough. Show me a decklist and some game matches and then we will talk. Do your research and show me the evidence, or do nothing.

For the sake of my eyes and everyone else's, please stop using that 1337 (it says Elite) speak. I don't know who told you that making up your own language was cool, but it's not. It makes you look dumb. I remember when I was five and I had a clubhouse and we made up a language. That was cool, when I was five. Now, it's dumb. You're taking English and computers too far. When you say n00b, and your intention to insult someone else, only you end up looking like a freak. Other unacceptable languages are Klingon and Russian (Why? Because the masses don't speak either). On a similar note, Turn Your Caps Lock Off! It's Annoying To Me And To Others.

Also, stop claiming that your deck is rogue. It's not. A single variation in a Affinity deck makes you no more rogue then wearing an off-white baseball cap from the Gap. Some people claim that Type Two, or any other format for that matter, is redundant because people simply copy and paste decks off the net. What those people fail to realize is that the original pilots of these now popularized decks spent allot of time welding them against different opponents and that a lot of time and playtesting went into said decks. They tend to be tried, tested, and true. While you will see almost exactly the same deck used by two totally different opponents, there's nothing wrong with that. It simply means that the deck is popular and powerful in said format. There is no need to remove that one Seat of the Synod and replace it with a Shock, and even if you do so, your deck is not rogue.

When you're writing a tournament review and you get land flooded, enough said. There is no need to go on and on and on about how you drew land after land after land. (See what I did there, I used a real time example to prove a point. The last sentence, this sentence, and the two sentences following this are examples. Examples of something you should not do in your writing.)

Lastly, it's hard enough to get good information. Whether you bash someone in a forum because you dislike their point of view, or you laugh at some kid when he tries to trade you his Tempting Wurm (no sexual pun intended), you're hurting the game in general. Yes I know this sounds lame, but a lot of people act like they have no common sense. I play at four different places, and an untold amount of times I have gotten a bad taste in my mouth. While playtesting a Cleric deck, I got owned by some little kid because I got land flooded. Immediately I was deemed the worst player in the store. It was funny for a moment or two, but after twenty minutes it gets old. The same thing is true on forums... when someone makes a comment, right or wrong, there is no need to bash the person immediately. You're turning a potential player (and first-round bye) away from the game, or forcing someone to keep their opinions to themselves.

Just try a little harder to be nice.

Thanks, hope you loved it or hated it. Either way I am done.