First of all (assuming this makes it to print), I would like to thank the people who read and responded to my last article. Of course, since I received nothing but positive comments, I am afraid I am going to have to keep writing until I start offending people. I intend to do that, oh, right about now.

Taaaab (Figured I might as well offend the editor first. Wait, that's probably a bad idea.)

I will cut right to the chase: to paraphrase Biggie, I am going to give a big up to the One Point Five. In regular English, what I'm trying to say is that Type 1.5 is the best format that you're not playing. That's right. And it gets worse. Not only are you not playing Type 1.5, you give it less thought than you give Dregs of Sorrow (it's ok, look it up.) You give it less thought than my roommate gives to cleaning out his shower, which is really saying something, considering you could lube the space station with what is on the walls. [That seems like a dirty euphemism, but is probably not. - Knut, confused] But honestly, and you know I wouldn't lie to you, it is the best Constructed format out there, excluding Type 1, which I am dismissing out of hand because I know nothing about it and have never played it. The bottom line on 1.5 is that it is the only Constructed format that I have never grown disillusioned with. To show you why you should be playing 1.5, let us look at current environments, in no particular order:

Type 2
Type 2 was the Fox News of formats, fair and balanced. [Al Franken just called and said he has that phrase copyrighted, and you have to use"Lying Liars" when referencing Fox. - Knut, hot with the 4-1-1] There were ten to twelve decks that you could play and be competitive with, and as long as you didn't harbor any particular grudge against White (and who harbors a grudge against White? It's like harboring a grudge against quadriplegics), you were set. Then Wizards laughed in our faces and printed Arcbound Your-girlfriend-is-cheating-on-you. Arcbound Block-out-the-Sun. Arcbound laugh-in-the-face-of-mass-removal-because-of-stoopid-Welding-Jar-and-swing-for-around-thirty, not to mention that you lose fifty life because of that innocuous little Disciple of the Vault. Yeah, it's that good, in case you are one of the three people who hasn't had his face smashed in by it.

Of course, I'm suspicious that fully two-thirds of the Arcbound Ravagers for sale on eBay are being sold by an eBayer with the handle MaroWizRnD, but I digress. And then there is Skullclamp. I've already talked about this card a bit, but this card didn't help matters either. People say that it pushed Goblins back into Tier 1 status, but until I see Goblins drop three 4/4's on turn 2, I'm not going to believe that there's any more than one Tier 1 deck in Type 2. Type 2 right now is like Pope John Paul II (here's another Papal analogy for you, Ted.) He's got a tremendous following, but he's really unhealthy, and he doesn't make a whole lot of sense these days.

Type 1.X (Really, who calls it that?)
Extended was, until recently, almost as ridiculous as Type 2 is right now. Pro Tour Tinker was a joke, but a bad one, like anything that comes out of Margaret Cho's mouth. This format has already passed, so I won't dwell on it; suffice it to say that anyone who is unfortunate enough to know me in person knows that I love The Rock (the deck, not the man), which was deliciously unplayable in that Extended. Yes, Wizards did fix Extended, and that's a good thing, but they fixed it in time for everyone to stifle a huge yawn, because no one gave a crap anymore. And then they printed Oxidize. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Type Block Constructed
BC is actually extremely balanced right now. You can play Affinity, or you can play, uh, a deck that beats Affinity. Word. Aside from that, pretty much everything I said about Type 2 applies here, except that I think that Goblins is at least a Tier 1 deck in Mirrodin Block Constructed.

Now that I have laid down me gripes, allow me to expound on the virtues of Type 1.5. However, first I will give a little insight into my local 1.5 environment. In Tucson, they play 1.5 at Hardcastle every Friday night. There are usually anywhere from fifteen to thirty people there, ranging from the little kids to the middle aged men to the three or four guys who dominate the store. This allows for a lot of variation between decks, ranging from decks that have Mana Drains and black-bordered Dual Lands, to the two precons combined, plus five or six rares, in an unsleeved monstrosity. This is the environment I am used to, and if you are used to a different one, I'm sorry, but you are wrong and most likely steal from Salvation Army jars. Without further ado, ten reasons why 1.5 rules over all:

10: Anyone who tries to play Gay Fish gets beaten by Gay Troy and his ridiculously silly amount of burn.

9: Watching a little kid's face crumble like coffee cake when you Swords to Plowshares the Darksteel Colossus he has been working hard all game to get into play.

8: Oath of Druids is? Anyone? Viable.

7: The guy who hasn't played Magic since 1996 and thinks that his Bazaar of Baghdad is worth $15.

6: If you are lucky enough to fall into the 0-2 bracket, you just might encounter... dragons!

5: Gobvantage to the Xtreme.

4: You can play The Rock with Survival of the Fittest. Oh yes.

4b: If some random scrubini (rhymes with Houdini) calls his Braids, Cabal Minion / Ravenous Baloth / Llanowar Dead creation The Rock, that's okay too.

3: Type 1.5 is like Type 1 with a permanent Sphere of Resistance in play, and that ain't bad.

2: Little kids don't play Type 1; therefore, only in Type 1.5 can you watch the closest thing to a 1980 Miracle on Ice variety of upset that Magic will allow.

1: Three words: No Power Nine.

For years, Type 1 players, Type 2 players, and Limited players have all bitched at each other that their respective format is the best. Type 1.5 brings something to the table for everyone. Want to play your Type 1 deck? Just take out the Restricted - I hear Mishra's Workshop is still good. And still worth $15. Want to play your Type 2 deck? Throwing Tangle Wires and Cursed Scrolls into Affinity can't be a bad thing, right? Want to play Limited? Draft the hell out of your crap rare box. Sure, you'll probably get pounded, but who cares? It's not like you're going to lose rating points. A sanctioned 1.5 tournament is like the Easter Bunny or nude pictures of Britney Spears: such things don't exist, so don't spend hours on the . . . I mean . . . anyway.

Remember how I said earlier that I have never grown disillusioned with Type 1.5? Well, that's not entirely true. When they banned Gush in Type 1, I quit Type 1.5 for a while, and have never really gone back all the way. I ended up selling my Dual Lands, and now have to beg, borrow, or steal if I want to play anything with more than one color in 1.5. This segues nicely into my last point: Wizards needs to separate the Banned and Restricted lists that span Type 1 and Type 1.5. If they aren't going to pay enough attention to a format to note the collateral damage that is done on it by the changes made to another format, they should, God forbid, relinquish control of it to some people who do. Sorry, I got all preachy like Frasier on you there. I'll try not to let it happen again.

Anyway, until next time, remember that that random scrub with an Elvish Piper on the board in Type 1.5 is like a guy on the toilet after a night of Mexican food: they're both about to drop something huge and nasty.

Matt Walker,
Iceman2265 AT aol DOT com,
Random_Scrub on StarCity