[Editor's Note: Tim's going to explain why you should vote for him right here at this swell page, but it's the editor's job to provide the simple link at the top here before mentioning that not voting for Mr. Aten can result in broken legs and smashed faces courtesy of the Italian guys we hired to track down the thieves that broke into our warehouse, and who have been on retainer ever since.]

Ahh, the Magic Invitational. The All-Star Game. The most fun tournament of the year. When I was a young lad of 20 years, I remember gazing longingly at the beautiful art on my Avalanche Riders and hoping that one day my equally charming visage could also grace a card. I knew that it would never happen, though; it was just a distant longing, a pipe dream, like getting a pony or finally meeting dreamy heartthrob Colin Farrell. Never in my wildest fantasies did I ever actually believe I would get to experience the ethereal bliss of coming very close to winning one of the sixteen spots but then having my dreams crushed by a panel of conspirators fronted by the elusive Peppermint von Corduroy. In case some of you were wondering, this is part of why I am the way I am. Every time I allow myself a glimmer of hope, I end up disappointed; hence, I've decided to simply not let myself get my hopes up anymore. Nothing is going to go right for me, so I might as well just sit here in front of my computer eating Friendly's Hunka Chunka PB Fudge ice cream and transferring tickets between my 38 MODO accounts as life passes me by. Thanks, Osyp. No, it's cool, Jeroen wanted it more than I did anyway. Yeah, I'm just not funny IRL, I get it. He acts American and says "buyins" a lot, I understand.

Being serious for a moment, Jeroen is a great guy, and he's always "good times," as the kids are saying. He was an excellent choice for the Invitational... but did he really need to take the only slot I had a shot at? Jeroen could have easily won one of the other votes, such as the current Fan Favorite ballot.

As it is, though, I find myself in the unfavorable position of having to make one final, pathetic plea for people to vote for me. For some reason, I find myself incapable of abandoning my glimmer of hope. What conceivable reasons could you have, though, to vote for me for the Invitational when there are big names like Tsuyoshi Ikeda and Nick West alongside mine on the ballot? To answer that, I've prepared this incredibly handy list of...

5. I play a lot of Magic Online. For various reasons, the Magic Invitational now takes place on Modo. Therefore, in order to fairly represent all the niches of "pros" - "road warrior," "resident genius," etc etc - it only makes sense to vote for an undisputed master of digital objects like myself. Whether I'm keeping hands with two Swamps as their only lands because one of them sorta looked like a Plains, timing out Jordan Berkowitz with a lethal Lava Spike on the stack, or going on tilt and drafting the six Eye of Nowhere deck, I am a force to be reckoned with in the world of Magic Online. Besides, it's about time I got a new account. How about INV_TimAten to along with 10 24, Carbon Monoxide, Esturk, Stockholm Syndrome, chester6561, Static Pallor, Best Sunday Dress, and all the rest?

4. You won't have to hear me whine for years to come. Believe it or not, I can be something of a crybaby when things don't go my way. No, no, it's true. Simply put, you can't possibly imagine the magnitude of the repercussions that would follow in the wake of my loss. The first paragraph of this "article" wasn't even a molecule on the tip of the iceberg. Every single word I write will make you regret the decision not to vote for me until your dying day. And if you think the easy cure for this is to stop reading my articles altogether, you have another thing coming. If it comes to it, I'll submit articles under the guise of all your favorite authors so you won't have a moment's peace. Your only prayer for sanity will be to stop reading Magic articles altogether. [On the flip side, getting voted into the Invitational invokes a two-year grace period of not being able to bitch about it later, so vote now and we'll not have to listen to Tim's silliness for a good three years. Sounds like a win-win to me. - Knut]

3. Nick Eisel isn't on the ballot. That should make your decision a lot easier. I suppose that even if he were on the ballot, you could just vote for both of us. I'd find a way to vote for Nick twice, if at all possible.

2. I'm the top name on the list. All you Americans know that it's your civic duty to stand up and make your voice heard whenever there's something to vote on. Also, as Americans, you're looking to make the process as quick and painless as possible, even if that means making an arbitrary rather than an informed decision. That being the case, you might as well just click on the first two names on the ballot. Jose Barbero will appreciate this as well.

1. MY face would be on a Magic card. Some people might view this as a negative, but it isn't really, if you think about it the right way. Imagine opening a booster, flipping to the rare, and then seeing my face staring back at you. Then go look in the mirror. Look back at the card, then back at the mirror. Repeat as necessary. By the time you're done, I can guarantee you'll be feeling pretty damn good about yourselves.

A special bonus "Reason #0" would probably relate back to the Writer's Vote. All told, I would be lying if I said that vote didn't leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I lost by one point. One single solitary position higher on anyone's list, and it would have been a tie. It's not actually possible to come that close to winning something and then walk away empty-handed. Jeff Cunningham and I agree that it was a travesty and a farce, what with the "writers" stuffing the ballot boxes with votes for themselves and their friends. The fix was certainly in, but it was in my favor too. I mean, is there any way Knutson wasn't going to put me on the top of his list? The system was flawed, and I can't imagine they'll be doing a Writer's Vote again next year, which destroys that particular opportunity for a sympathy vote. All I can really complain about, I guess, is that the fix didn't favor me enough. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.

Please vote for me. Let me get my revenge on Osyp.

LOVE
TIM

Post Sign-off bonus: Possible Card Ideas
I actually sketched up potential invitational card ideas on the flight to Atlanta because I thought I had a chance at winning the Writer's Vote. The first one is the most likely candidate.

Obsessive Mourner 1BB
Creature - Zombie Wizard

B, Remove Obsessive Mourner from the game: An opponent removes three cards in your graveyard from the game.

Until end of turn, you may play those cards as though they were in your hand.

2/1

This is a fixed Yawgmoth's Will that seems like it's still powerful enough to find its way into tournament viable decks. I didn't initially set out to create a toned-down version of a more powerful card; I just started with the premise that whatever card I made would have to sacrifice itself, for obvious reasons.

Master Reclaimer 1G
Creature - Wizard

Discard a nonland card: Search your library for a basic land card and put it into play tapped. Then shuffle your library. Use this ability only if an opponent controls more lands than you.

Discard two lands: Put a 4/4 green Elemental token into play. Use this ability only if you control more lands than an opponent.

2/2

The numbers and abilities would probably need to be tinkered with to make them fair, but that's what R&D is for. I got this idea when I read that Gomersall's card idea would help you whether you were mana screwed or flooded, and tried to figure out what such a card might look like.

Giant Bear G
Creature - Bear

When Giant Bear comes into play, reveal your hand. If there are any lands in your hand, sacrifice Giant Bear.

3/3

I just thought of that one, and it's not a Wizard so I probably wouldn't submit it as my card, but I still like the concept.