The trick to three good multiplayer enchantments is to make sure they don’t hand you a Wile E. Coyote-style umbrella as the opponents' rocks are about to come falling down upon you. You know them: they're enchantments that scream, “I don’t want to play in this game anymore, so send all of your ‘I hate you’ cards my way!” Enchantments like the banned-from-consideration Pernicious Deed (which only stinks because that means the most Scandalous of Mongers is on his way shortly). Therefore you need enchantments that fall into one of three categories: "Everyone Benefits," "Dork Hosers," "I Win."
Everyone Benefits, A.K.A. But I’ll Still Win
The most famous of "Everyone Benefits" enchantments is Mana Flare. However, no one trusts all those mountains, as basic math indicates this is bad.
Mana Flare + Mountains = X Spell
Mana Flare + X Spell = I was stupid and I let you kill me
However, Champions of Kamigawa was kind enough to continue with its repair of the color wheel by providing us with Heartbeat of Spring. Without sources of red, people do not fear the Mana Flare as much, especially as they will benefit from it first. In a multiplayer game, a turn 3 Heartbeat of Spring should not cost you the game – barring that one dork playing any variant of the Tolarian Academy/Mind over Matter deck who now fires off a Time Spiral (but hey, you wanted a reason to kick him back to the Pokemon tables anyway).
The inherent trick is utilizing the Heartbeat of Spring to win you the game. Keeping in mind the nature of Kamigawa, and in homage to the Pro Tour: Philadelphia, here’s a deck that won’t be showing up at a table one near you anytime soon.
The premise is simple: accelerate, play big fatty, dominate. When playing multiplayer, people tend not to have a problem losing to fatties — plus, Green and White don’t scream "threat." Usually, in my multiplayer group, the targeted colors are Blue, Black, and then Red. White and Green have a very soothing effect, plus having seven indestructible creatures doesn’t hurt. These creatures can also be fed to the shoals until you can set up, and the Hana Kami helps facilitate reach acceleration and feeds Oyobi.
Dork Hoser: A.K.A. "We’re Not Losing To That Crap Again"
Every group has one: The guy who plays the annoying combo we all hate. And if I'm that guy, I'll win some games because you’ll scoop. You’ll scoop because you won’t want to finish the game, and I have thus asserted my Alpha Dorkness for a moment of joy in my poor pathetic lonely unhygienic life.
Now I’m going home to cry myself to sleep.
I am going to focus on one of these janky play styles: Lifegain.
The most hated card in our playgroup (before being dumped for Stasis/Kismet/Chronatog/Glacial Chasm or any combination thereof) was Wellwisher.
Wellwisher was not bad by itself. However, when Onslaught came out, everyone played with those damned things. Everyone had elf decks. These games were endless, as life totals reached into the thousands. Timberwatch Elves didn’t matter, as they were on both sides, so blockers would cancel out attackers. We didn’t get a solution until Scourge.
Praise be to Allah for Sulfuric Vortex.
I dominated several tables at last year's Regionals with a main deck Vortex, as it shut out Sun Droplets and Pulse of the Fields, and any other janky life gain deemed to be able to handle Skullclamp/Arcbound Ravager decks. Needless to say, it saw insta-action versus all these cursed elves. The trick is to turn that two damage a turn into an advantage – because a ten-turn clock is too slow. I would recommend this.
The premise is obvious: Sulfuric Vortex will be kosher to everyone, right up until the War Elemental hits the table. The Kyren Sniper will get snickers, but it enables the War Elemental. Zappy will keep weenies off your butt or plow the road, and Warmonger builds a big elemental.
Fling finishes the player who tries to Terror/Swords to Plowshares/Fireball the War Elemental. The Barbarian Rings either plow road or enable Elementals. The Shinka feeds the faint echo of “it kills Horobi” still bubbling in my blood (does Ponza need a Shinka? What will Kumano, Master Yamabushi attack into that has a toughness of four? I’ve judged games lost because a player drew Shinka over a mountain, and instead of winning right there, lost because of the Legendary Rule).
Granted, red usually is a "kill me first" color, especially mono-red; however, stopping life gain will net you some allies for a couple of turns, and that’s all it needs.
I Win, A.K.A. "I Should Have Won $20 For The Last Contest"
Everyone loves toying with the “I win” condition. The inherent problem is the “I win” condition is virtually (from a practical standpoint) eem-poss-eee-bley. Take The Cheese Stands Alone (hereafter referred to as The Cheese). The Cheese has an easy to understand win condition. If the Cheese is in play, and I have neither cards in hand nor permanents in play besides the Cheese, then I win (and if done at Regionals, become an urban legend – allegedly). Therefore we need to deal with the three components of the win:
The Cheese in play
No cards in hand
No other permanents in play
The inherent problem is sacrificing is usually Black or Red, and pitching requires the Spellshapers from Mercadian block or some other such fiddle faddle – except R&D didn’t fix the color wheel en masse until 8th Edition. We can do the whole thing mono white (mono silver if people want to whine about artifacts).
Thankfully, the honkey-esque nature of the early color wheel lets us build this monstrosity. The first time I played this, no one knew what hit them. You hide behind walls of Ghostly Prisons, Meekstones, and Scepter/Swords or Scepter/Honky Fog. Scepter/Swords is very effective, as people are generally not opposed to gaining massive amounts of life. The Reito Lanterns fix the situation if The Cheese somehow ends up in your graveyard. The Thawing Glaciers thin out the deck.
The Renounce clears your side of the board. The Academy Rector gives you an alternate method to get The Cheese into play. The Phyrexian Tower gives you a way to kill your Academy Rector if you desire to toy with your opponents.
Me: You might as well give up Magic. I’m putting my Cheese on the table, openly stating I do not fear your ability – or lack thereof – to stop me. Since you’re going to quit in shame, can I have your cards?
Them: go yourself you mother . (edited by that durned MTGO filter).
Me: So is that a no on the cards?
Edd
(hopefully $20.00 richer this time)
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