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In the months leading up to Regionals after Pro Tour: Chicago, I ran five two-on-two drafts and two eight-man drafts. That was it. I've been taking a break from Magic, making sure my school responsibilities are well taken care of - along with my non-Magic associated friendships, which had taken quite a beating over the past year.

On the Friday before, I picked up my good friend Ryan Strand, master of Regionals. Every year, he knows what the best deck is and why. Kids, you want to have friends like these - especially when they come with the added bonus of being one of the few rational, reasonable people in the entire world.

We drove up to our friend Marcos Fontanez's store in Milwaukee - or, more specifically, Greenfield, affectionately called the"new VGC." The old VGC was once called"the tech center of the Midwest," with such hits as Ponza and B/G Big Head (Hi, Dan Flood! Your head is ginormous!) coming out of it; this was before Randy Buehler fell in love with Madison and that city became famous for Magic in Wisconsin. Milwaukee really needed this store for its Magic scene, which is possibly on an upswing again, and so it's a very exciting time. We traded off control of my CD player, so lots of different music was played, such as the Blood Brothers, Rainer Maria, The Cure, Rites of Spring, the Jayhawks, Muze, AFI, Bad Religion, Sleater-Kinney, The Smiths, Joseph Arthur, and At the Drive In. I was very pleased to find both the Alvarez brothers, Will Rau, Julio Fontanez, 1997 Wisconsin State Champion Rob Casto,"friendly ogre" Rich Pierce, and many others at the store.

At first I explored U/G, and - at least for me - it was the biggest luckshot deck ever. Yeah, 25% of the time I got the"no one can beat me draw," but more often I drew the"no madness outlet hand," even with ten madness creatures or the 3x forest draw. How miserable. Then I tried Psychatog, but the deck lost to R/G - and decks that were designed to beat U/G and R/G just happened to beat Psychatog, too. I then received a Beasts variant from Brian Kowal, one of the best"good men" in Magic, which splashed Black. The deck never mana-screwed anyone, but I got hit like the end of a pipe. Strand suggested that I play regular Beasts, since that deck is the exact style of deck I always do well with. I went to Kurtis Baumann, another regular Wisconsin PTQer, and asked him about the deck, since he's been playing it since we both Top 8'd the Wisconsin State Championships, albeit he did not have the Cliffs back then. He said it was a great call, but he loves his Counterspells and Tog gives him what he needs. So, I borrowed some of the cards I need for this $596,872,193 deck and sleeve it up. I played against R/G and destroyed it. I played against Tog and they have to kill every single creature, and eventually I just play a guy and win.

This deck seemed better than I thought. I just wanted to play it because it smashed with huge creatures and I am a moron with the mentality of a four-year old.

I played against MBC and lose badly. You can't have your creatures and attack with them, too.

A few of us left the store to eat at the Palace, another place I recommend hitting up when in Milwaukee, and when I left the table to wash my hands, Kowal, Mike Hron, Matt Severa, and Brian Brimmer discussed how I should play the Black Beasts variant, and how by playing regular Beasts I just made all my matchups worse. What fools! Strand defended my choice, saying the black cards in it weren't doing anything remarkable and they were just screwing up the mana base.

Once again, kids, always have your friends be smarter than you so they can argue for you; it's less work that way.

I came back to find the banned man himself, Kurt Hahn, along with some more good men from Minnesota, such as Gerry Thompson, at the store. They drafted until 4 a.m. and then it was off to sleep.

Let's count how many"good tournament play" rules I've broken!

1 - Get enough sleep.
2 - Know the format.
3 - Don't choose a deck the night before an event.
4 - Have all your cards before the tournament.

A rebel with such disregard for the rules is a hazard to the status quo, and I expect FBI agents at any moment to remove my bad self from society.

I was awoken at 7:45 and was told to get up. I responded that I will act accordingly, and by"act accordingly" I meany pull the covers over my head. I was again woken up at 8:15 and cursed the fact that registration exists. I'm just going to 2-2 with my fun deck, so why do I have to write everything down?

I drove there and immediately see former State Champion Rob Castro along with Matt Weinburg, and they lent me the cards I needed. Michael Krumb, who I'm sorry to say is probably the best player in Illinois, lent me $10 so I didn't have to pay an ATM fee to withdraw money... And I'm off!

Broken Rule #5 - Bring money to the event. I'm such a badass.

Round 1 - R/G
I figured this guy was playing some type of beatdown deck, since he was a skinhead with big muscles and that's typically what that type of person plays - just like how emo kids usually run counterspells. He starts off with Wooded Foothills/Grim Lavamancer and I pump the fist.

This matchup is a joke and involves me getting Ravenous Baloth and Contested Cliffs into play, along with Glory in the yard. Why he doesn't pick them up right there, other than this isn't going to take long anyway, confuses me because I would not want to be subject to this kind of face-smashery for long. I kill all his Call of the Herd tokens with the Baloth and he's forced to double-Violent Eruption my Baloth. I play another and that's game, boys!

Game two, I play an Anurid Brushhopper and Exalted Angel and easily win to a 2-0. He may or may not have sideboarded in Ensnaring Bridge, but I held Living Wish for Nantuko Vigilante the whole game anyway.

Round 2 - R/W Slide
My opponent is a nice guy from a card store in Mundelin, Illinois, so I know he's not completely awful, though I haven't played against him in the past.

Game 1, a Hopper dodges a Wrath of God and he can't draw another one after I discard Glory and turn my guys sideways. I side in some Rays of Revelation and Caller of the Claws and hope for the best.

Game 2, he cycles Slice and Dice and gets a Birds of Paradise and a Llanowar Elves, but only to watch three 2/2s hit the table. I Reprisal an Angel and kill off his Lightning Rifts with a Ray. I cast a Hopper and have five mana up with Beast Attack in hand and Glory in the yard. He gets his sixth land and says go. I decide to cast Attack at the end of his turn, since even if he has Starstorm he's not going to win. He doesn't do anything and I untap, draw, and attack. He Starstorms for four. I point to Glory and he packs 'em up.

Round 3 - G/U Cunningham Madness
Game 1, he draws extremely well, getting Wild Mongrel and two Arrogant Wurms, but no Wonder. I Wish for Intrepid Hero. There's a situation where I have to let Unsummon blow me out if he has it, but he doesn't, and two Wurms go to the yard via Hero and two Call tokens. I'm at one life, but luckily I drew many basic lands. From there I get a Baloth, and am able to Cliffs his Mongrel with him having only one card in hand. His game goes downhill from there.

Game 2, he draws double Quiet Speculation - and while I'm able to Reprisal the first token, the other two along with a Mongrel and Aquamoeba do me in.

Game 3, he draws a four-spell, three-forest hand and keeps. Yeah, he doesn't draw another forest or island. I don't know why he didn't mulligan, since if he had practiced with the deck he'd know you only draw out of that hand if you're lucky, but he lost when I Wish for Spellbane Centaur with Angel on the board. He even tries to Unsummon my Centaur, but it's in Japanese and he must have no clue what it does.

That said, I'm really glad I didn't lose to this guy. My draw was nuts enough that he would have lost no matter what his draw.

Round 4 - R/B Braids
My opponent was a few minutes late to this round. I call over a judge, who turns out to be Ingrid Jahn. Of course, being far too nice of a person and it not being her money and chance at Nationals she'd be cheating herself out of, she tells me I should wait a few more minutes. My opponent arrives, and I tell him he has a match loss. He argues, and I call over the Head Judge to issue him a game loss.

There's no point arguing with dumb people, folks, so just call over the judge in these instances. Many judges are bleeding hearts and will try to give the guy a break, so you may have to appeal.

Game 2, he plays Lavamancer, Smother, Chainer's Edict, Edict #2, and then Braids. I sacrifice my Call token with two Forests, a Mountain, and Contest Cliffs in play. I play the Baloth in my hand and hope.

He draws and stares at his hand. I know I've got him.

He passes the turn and I float a green in my upkeep, then sacrifice my forest. I draw my card and Cliff his Braids. I roll him after that, since he draws something like three land in a row.

After the match he becomes a baby-whiner and says how I cheated him out of a match. Apparently, he feels that he is not stupid and actually superior to everybody in the room; therefore, he does not have to play by the same rules. I tell him to shut up and start using slanderous words to inform him of his status and how being on time is a rule of tournament Magic, just like untapping lands and drawing cards.

Here's a nice little skill I've picked up from perennial 9^th placer Mike Hron: When your opponent starts talking after a match when you've beat them - most likely they're whining about some poor draw, your amazing draw, and getting mana-screwed or flooded - just ignore them. Personally, I understand that it's the greatest injustice in the entire world and now millions of orphan children will go hungry tonight because you lost. Just nod and smile politely, then sign the slip and wish them luck. When they realize you haven't listened to a word you said, they'll curse you like the villains in Scooby Doo.

Round 5 - Zombies
What is this deck doing up here? I shuffle up and have no clue how to play this.

Game 1 is playtesting and I lose to hordes of Rotlung Reanimators, Withered Wretches, 2/2 tokens, Smothers, and Edicts.

Game 2, I get out an Angel and it dies to Mutilate because I'm a buffoon and blocked a creature when I didn't have to. All I can say is that I was so mentally locked into him having four swamps and being unable to kill it that it clouded my judgment. So I hard-cast Glory, since zombies has no way of blocking a flyer and a creature to buffer it from Chainer's Edict. He has two Edicts in the in the yard and six lands in play. He looks at his Starlit Sanctum and then the top of his library. I cover the top of his library with my hand, because if my opponent is trying to decide whether or not the top card is land, that is the last place I want him looking. He correctly decides not to Sanctum and draws another Edict instead. I smash him down to three and play a Bird. He draws... And it's another Edict. Dat's game!!

Game 3, I Wish for an Angel after he double-Smothers my guys, and I have Glory in case he has the third. He does not draw any of his Mutilates or Bane of the Living (surprise!) to kill it after I turn it face up, and he dies quickly. Killing his Rotlung Reanimators with Cliffs was very key, since it stopped him from keeping zombie tokens in play while having zombie cards in the graveyard to recur with Oversold Cemetery.

Round 6 - R/G
I have to play Mike Krumb, a good friend, my teammate for last year's team PTQs, and the person who lent me $10 to play. I'm very sad that I have to smash his face and he has no chance of winning this.

When I have five mana I decline to play Baloth, bluffing Beast Attack when he has Phantom Centaur in play and I actually have Reprisal in hand. He does exactly what I hope and attempts to Elephant Guide it, only to have angry peasants rise against him and strike his Centaur down. I play Baloth, kill all his Call tokens with Cliffs while smashing for four. It's definetly safe to assume I got teh powerup and won teh gam3!!!11

I sideboard in three random cards and sideboard out those same three cards.

Game 2, I draw triple-Baloth and two Angels. I hold Living Wish all game, so not even Bridge could have saved him.

Round 7 - MBC
You could read about it here... But you shouldn't, because it's all wrong and is somebody using their selective memory to make up for their rough beats and losses. Victim statements are the greatest.

He Duresses me on turn 1 or 2 and gets a Living Wish. Two turns after that I draw Reprisal, and one turn after that he casts Visara. At this time, I have three cards in hand, proceed to draw my card, and then he packs it up. If I had only one card in hand, he would have had an answer to my Brushhopper.

I side in some Caller of the Claws for Wishes.

Game two, he drops a turn 3 Shade while I drop Mongrel and a Call token. He attacks and pumps his Shade with all four swamps he has, putting me at thirteen after painland damage. I leave four mana open and attack. He attacks into no blocks and pumps his Shade again, only to find it Reprisaled. He could not come back from the loss of tempo and took his quick 0-2 exit.

Round 8 UZI w/ Togs
I win this round and can draw twice in. Random stupid people may think it's a cheap way out, but when you've played well enough to be able to draw in, that's earning something.

I discover I am paired down and ask if my opponent would like to concede. He declines and we're off.

Game one sees a flurry of mana creatures and black creature kill from both sides. When the smoke has cleared, UZI is facing a Brushhopper. The Hopper takes him down in short order.

I side in Caller of the Claws for a combination of Wishes and a single Angel.

Game two sees me draw very slowly and him have all the right answers. The first loss in life is suffered through flashing back Deep Analysis. Bad times. All is not lost, though, because I begin to mount a comeback and get some guys on the board. He Upheaval/Zombie Infestations me but does not aggressively discard. He also counters a flashed-back Beast Attack. At this point, he's at nine life from a Beast Attack token and I'm at twenty. I cast a Mongrel with three mana up and he counters, allowing me to get a Brushhopper in play. I attack him down to six and get a Call token down. He untaps, draws, and casts either the card he drew or the card he drew the turn before, due to the placement of the spell in his card hand and his lack of shuffling around his hand. It's a Cunning Wish, fetching Hibernation, and he's able to attack for the win.

In game 3 we trade one-for-one, but I get a Baloth down and he starts to smash. He has all four Edicts, though, so it's going to be rough. I draw a Caller of the Claw and look for an opening. In two turns he's down to four and he kills off my Baloth, me going up four life in the process. Since I have only four mana open, he doesn't have to worry about Beast Attack... So I cast Caller and attack for the final four.

Round 9 - R/W/G Slide
Intentional Draw.

Round 10 - R/G played by Nathan Burger
I'm 8-0-1 and he's 8-1-1. I have some friends who want me to either smash this guy or help them try to make it into top 8... So we play.

Game 1, I make a mistake by casting a second mana creature after he has double-Volcanic Hammer in an attempt to make my mana as painless as possible, but he of course has Eruption. I'm almost blown out, but I draw a land so I can flashback both Calls in my graveyard - and it's not even close, as Contested Cliffs gets all his guys.

Game 2 is more of the same, with a turn 3 Brushhopper and sixth-turn Baloth erasing all hopes of him burning me out.

I play around a single Blistering Firecat he supposedly has all game, but he says he does not. When I look at his decklist, there is no Firecat, though reliable sources from Madison who played against him earlier say there was. Therefore, I am very sad I was unable to hate him out of a Nationals berth.

And so I win Regionals.

This is my second Top 8 finish in three years, the last one being in 2001. It was my first Regionals and I played mono-white Rebels with six enchantment-killing spells main and Wrath of Gods. Last year, I went 7-2 with a deck very similar to Yan Margolin's Replacement Killers, a deck that took him to T8 in the Northeast that same year. My overall record is now 24-3-2.

After my win, I find out that Brian Kowal, at 7-1-1, was paired down and lost to his opponent who had no chance of making top 8. I became enraged and blasted the guy for being a moron. Who would want to win nine packs instead of two boxes, since it is the unspoken (because it's illegal to work out a deal) rule that if somebody scoops to you in order to get you a slot, you give them at least 50% of your prize? I know that I'd rather have nine packs, especially if I was one of those morons who argued things on moral plateaus about hypothetical events! I believe that saying,"If I win, would you like to split my winnings 50/50?" is legal, though.

Some Guy's excuse was"I've never done well at an event before and I want to win this round." Whatever, guy. You're leaving with the same prize everybody else is leaving with, save for eight people. You get no slot to Nationals. I'm sure this is the only time you'll ever do well at an event, so I hope you can bask in your mediocre finish for a long time. Whoever you are,"some guy," definitely know that you are on my list and the lists of everybody who lives in Milwaukee or Madison.

I eat my championship Ponza and am one plaque and two boxes of draft sets heavier.

If I could digress for a bit, I'd like to respond to some things that have been said in my name as of late on the topic of Magic pros. While talent is talent and should be respected as any skill is appreciated, most people take it too far. The last reason a person should want to know another person is because they're good at a"fantasy collectible card game." Treat Magic pros as regular people; Grand Prixes and Pro Tours are not zoos. These people are not rare specimens to be gawked at and taken pictures of. I'd like to get it clear that while I respect the idea of a Magic celebrity, I think how people go about idolizing these people is disgusting.

• To Ryan Strand, for always knowing what to play and helping me learn tournament Magic.
• To Brian Kowal, for taking time to teach a random kid visiting the VGC back some years about draft and how to play the game and being a great friend and overall human being since we met.
• To Kurtis Baumann, for learning Magic together and playing this deck back in States. You'll get your Q soon.
• To Kurt Hahn, for putting me up at his place and being a good friend.
• To Marcos Fontanez, for giving us a new place to play and making me feel awful when I randomly beat you in the Planeshift Prerelease.
• To Dan Flood, because your head is massive and you have an AIM girlfriend from Alaska.
• Dustin"I lost six straight games of Tic Tac Toe to Adrian Sullivan" Stern - for still being my official"Magic hero."
• To all the rest of my Magic friends, because I'd need ten more pages to name you all. You and the good times that follow are the only reason I still play.

Obligatory Slops:

• Sleep and Practice - Not once have I ever needed these when I've Q'd
• Some Guy who beat Kowal
• Mike Dove - Why not?

Thanks for reading my epic of a report,
Will Brinkman
Blinkman987 on AIM
Brinkman on the IRC
Blinkman987 at Hotmail dot Com